Improving confidence in the bedroom as a woman

[St****]

Communication yes yes. But you need to find. Someone that you can make you feel safe. To express yourself then you have to communicate es the key. Is comm

[qu****]

I honestly believe that what I have witnessed time and again as a Dom and the discussions I have had with my submissive is the most important thing we do provide to help them is a safe space to experiment
You can talk all you want, and it will never achieve what doing does in 1 second . The confidence I have seen grows with every situation she thought she couldn't handle. , couldn't endure, and you knew that she could, so you pressed a little harder and got to see that spark if archiving something when so much doubt in her head.
I think the triggers are different persons to person, just as the blockages are all different. Communication is at the root of our everyday lives it has to be by the nature of what a lot of us get up to.
So I guess I think the answer is simply "Yes" to pretty much anything because you never know what It’s going to be.

[Th****]

I’m not the POV asked for - but rather observations of one. My sub was brand new to everything, and had no confidence in herself in any way. I held a huge responsibility and undertaking when we ventured down this path so I was as hawklike as I knew how.

The biggest thing we both learned was allowing for failure without actual punishment was key. She punished herself in ways I didn’t want her to already because of self-esteem issues. Most of our aftercare was addressing the things undermining her confidence in the first place and building self-esteem step by step - including in the every day life.

Sometimes rules were implemented- for instance, every time she denigrated herself, she had to stop, and verbally say the opposite affirmation. It didn’t matter if she believed it at the time; she still had to say it aloud. She hated it at first, but over time it sincerely helped. It became easier to just say it, and with each layer of bucking against it dissipating, it made it easier and easier for her to start believing it.

But the allowing for failure truly was the biggest lesson we both learned. Failure is so often the biggest threat subs face, and that which can tear them down the hardest. I learned that I wasn’t the one setting the bar - in fact, I had to especially careful in any bars I set even unintentionally. I had to learn where she was setting the bars for herself - and why - and compassionately negotiate them with her, so she could learn to forgive herself, and that I would always be there to help her, even if it was because she failed at something I set for her.

And that I wasn’t going to abandon her because she failed at something. That was huge and took time and a willingness from both of us to continue trying something knowing it could result in “failure”. That was also a challenge for me to teach her- just because she “failed” (e.g. had to pull out of a scene she asked for; often in the case where I use quotes - she felt like she failed if she had to stop something but I don’t consider that failure myself) it didn’t mean I wouldn’t try it again or I would just give up on her.

Uncovering the reasons for the lack of confidence- often tied with self-esteem- is the biggest part imo. Only then can you both truly begin moving in the “right” direction. It’s also usually the hardest and not necessarily the most obvious answer being the correct one. I ended up uncovering multiple connected layers over time. Sometimes you don’t know (and can’t know) something else is even there until the cover is pulled away first.

Confidence, ***, and knowledge can’t be separated from each other.

[Deleted Member]

I like feedback during the scene. That's what gives me confidence. I suggest taking it step by step. Your confidence will grow. Especially when you have more scenes under your belt. You understand your kink & how to play safely. Once you know what you're doing, it'll make you even more confident.

[Re****]

I think the biggest thing is having a partner that you fully trust. Talking about kinks and fantasys before exploring them definitely helps but once you start exploring the kinks keep talking about them. Talk about the things you do and don't like about what you did! Also be completely honest about the kinks you are into or want to try. Me and my ex wernt and missed out alot. Like she wanted to breastfeed me when she was lactating and I wanted to try and we never told the other till it was to late and missed out! Now we are fwb and have been fully honest about are kinks and fantasys and have more fun as fwb then we did when we where together (8yrs) we missed out on somethings but have been exploring many others.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you so much for all you lovely people who took the time to answer!

[Te****]

Simply put you really can't go wrong with what you feel. But the kink is your learning what you think like and feel and communicating it. To be free enough to say what you like or would like to try. That's the fun of the experiences. Your Dom or sub should have enough experience to get you started then you'll find what you love or discover along the way. But be honest!

[ki****]

I’m confident only to my fetish kinky into submissive side love to be under all time warships a** and bit more I can relax

[An****]

1. Find someone who really likes you, who is having the best sex of their life with you. I don't think anything builds sexual confidence more than that.

2. Unless you are a dominatrix and the men who go for you are into that; if you're looking to build confidence, that should be for your benefit, not for your partner's. Most men aren't turned on by confidence the way women are. Confidence is dominant. For example I have usually far preferred the kind of girl who begs to suck me, with desperation in her eyes, than one who just casually does it.

[Deleted Member]

I’m shy to admit my kinks. I guess I need a gentle dom to open me up to try things.