Popular Post Sw**** Posted May 10 Popular Post I think this might become a therapy see session.. But I just need to know I'm not alone. My husband and I have over time become mismatch/incompatible sexually. In my 30s I have become more sexually adventurous and I want to try a variety of things but my husband is unwilling to try. Which is fine, there's nothing wrong with just wanting sex as it is. But it's demoralising to think that I can't do these sexual things with my husband we have sexually out grown each other. Its actually driving me to despair. I'm 36 years old. I don't want the rest of my sexual life to be like this. And yes! I have talked to him about it and he's very dismissive. He's not even open to using toys. Does anyone else have similar issues in their lives or even struggle to find someone who shares their sexual tastes. Xxx
tw**** Posted May 10 So there are sexual people and then there are people that are sexual and if this is a problem then it’s not worth living in your current lifestyle you need to change something or someone living unhappy/sexually frustrated un pleased is the worst iway to live because there is allways that feeling of being incomplete
yo**** Posted May 10 This was the Ex Wife eventually it killed our marriage. It turned into sexless before that it was 100% vanilla. The first person out of the gate was a baby girl open my eyes. I’m in heaven now.
To**** Posted May 10 Sadly, I just went through this myself. People try to dismiss sex compatibility when they are dating someone they really like but the fact that I matter is overtime it will eventually crack the marriage apart. The only two options that one can look at frankly is either approach your partner with the potential of opening the marriage to something like enm or it would be better to part ways now. The big issue is the stigma people always assume breaking up a marriage for something as Petty as sex incompatibility is embarrassing but it's not it says more about just the sex but the partners unwillingness to entertain their other partners needs. My simple advice is don't wait because of some perceived stigma the resentment and the unhappiness will continue to grow daily you deserve to be happy and they deserve to find someone who enjoys lackluster sex like them
Ju**** Posted May 10 Honestly, if you do live your husband, I’d recommend talking to him about seeing a marriage counselor (one who has experience with sexual incompatibility) then go from there. He may be dismissive when you talk to him about it, but a counselor or therapist may be able to get him to open up about why he’s so dismissive.
Ha**** Posted May 10 I completely get where you’re coming from. My coparent and I faced the same issue before ending our 12-year relationship. Our sexual connection just wasn’t there anymore, and it left us both feeling unfulfilled. We tried so many things—therapy, talking openly about our needs, even experimenting to see if we could find a new dynamic that worked for both of us. At one point, we seriously considered opening the relationship to explore polygamy, hoping that might help. But the more we dug into it, the clearer it became that the sexual disconnect was just part of a bigger issue. We weren’t truly happy as a couple anymore. We cared about each other and wanted to make it work, but we couldn’t ignore that we’d outgrown the relationship in more ways than one. Eventually, we had to be honest with ourselves and each other about needing something different to be happy. It wasn’t an easy choice, but it was the right one for both of us. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
Lo**** Posted May 10 Not at all, it happens. I am in the same situation even I spoke about it with my partner and offered to go together to a therapist but nothing changed because she is still in denial
An**** Posted May 10 Yes, and I divorced him and now here I am. 😊. I outgrew him in many ways. After being together for 29 years most would hope that our partners would evolve with us…. Nope.
Ti**** Posted May 11 Similar issue, but i’m poly now. I also came into poly at a safer point in this. I was curious about things, but not quite feeling like I was missing out. Being poly as these urges to try new things as they coming up has been pretty fun though. One thing that I find fundamentally flawed in monogamy is that you expect one person to fit every need. That they have to be “enough.” But we never expect that from our friendships. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one person. I’m very happy to be able to explore my kinks with people that would be equally interested in exploring those kinks.
Deleted Member Posted May 11 This is why I have left a majority of my relationships. If we aren't on the same page, I'm gone. Life is too short to spends decades being unhappy
vamacara Posted May 11 Single since 10 years. I decided it's not worth commiting to a relationship if sexual core points don't match. If the partner does not agree with my basic kinks, It' 's a constant struggle to keep those unfulfilled desires at bay, no matter how possibly fulfilling. Everything may be finalized the first weeks. Finally it'll be resulting in self denial or cheating
ma**** Posted May 11 👋 Same! It’s definitely a reason I’ve ended relationships in the past. It’s why I’m on this app too. Hoping to find someone who I am compatible with both in and out the bedroom
Deleted Member Posted May 11 This is a huge reason I am not in a LTR. Finding a simpatico soul that is at least open to exploring is crucial! Sexual frustration is internally demoralizing! And with that comes a wedge of impenetrable communication! The physical portion of a relationship balances with the harmony of togetherness and without that balance everything is and will be affected! Common ground roots a relationship in and out of the Bedroom! I do wish you a ***less solution!!
Mo**** Posted May 11 Yep. It's one of the major factors of why I chose to end my marriage. She absolutely refused to talk about it, wouldn't respond to any attempts to initiate, even at the times when all I wanted was to pleasure her. I asked her if she wouldn't talk to me about it, would she talk to her doctor?She agreed, but then never did. She just seemed to want to bury her head in the sand about it, all the while completely destroying any physical connection we had, and making me feel as desirable as gout in the process. Having different compatibilities can be managed with half decent communication, but shutting out the one person who has sworn themselves to you is cruel at the end of the day.
Deleted Member Posted May 11 3 minutes ago, Motorpsyclist said: Yep. It's one of the major factors of why I chose to end my marriage. She absolutely refused to talk about it, wouldn't respond to any attempts to initiate, even at the times when all I wanted was to pleasure her. I asked her if she wouldn't talk to me about it, would she talk to her doctor?She agreed, but then never did. She just seemed to want to bury her head in the sand about it, all the while completely destroying any physical connection we had, and making me feel as desirable as gout in the process. Having different compatibilities can be managed with half decent communication, but shutting out the one person who has sworn themselves to you is cruel at the end of the day. Exactly! Demoralizing isn’t it?? You have my respect for facing that challenge and coming out stronger!! Salute! 🫡
Kr**** Posted May 11 I can definitely feel you. Years ago I had a long relationship with similar problems although I’m not into ordinary sex, so sexuality wasn’t fulfilling for both of us. With my today’s knowledge I would have tried to open the relationship because we were really close in the rest of the partnership. Now I don’t live monogamous relationships anymore, which works much better for me. I have less pressure to give my partner “normal” sexuality when I don’t feel comfortable with it and my partner is not doomed to relinquish her needs.
ar**** Posted May 11 He's your husband, you're married. Part of the vows, would be to have his support for things that you struggle with or are dear to you. . The way I see it, you should be direct and open to him about you being desperate to explore your sexuality. And that you only see 2 options left: either he goes along with your wishes himself, or he should be supportive in you finding someone else to experience sexual things with. Because if he can't choose either, then I'm afraid this may be cause for you to divorce him. . Maybe he never realized that he WILL lose you. Assuming he hasn't lost you already. Because him being dismissive towards you seems to tell me he isn't much of a loving/empathic man?
Sw**** Posted May 11 Author Thank you so much everyone for your responses. ❤️🙏 I really appreciate how thoughtful and sympathetic you all are. Many of you have asked/suggested that I have a real open discussion with my husband. I have on a couple of occasions but about 6 months ago we had a talk that kinda broke me. Again I was suggesting that we try different things or even try having sex more regularly. He said something along the lines of " I'm too tired for all that, I work full time, you're at home with our child, of course you've got energy" and " I just like sex as it is and it shouldn't have to be extra work" that extra work statement broke me... Something inside me closed off. Now here's the thing.... I know my husband and I love him. I think there are multiple factors that are preventing him from being more sexually open. 1. His weight has gone up a lot since the pandemic. (For the record ,I don't care!)But it's made it physically impossible for him to be on top and I think that's effected his self esteem. 2. Health problems. He has type 1 diabetes, an interactive thyroid and high *** pressure. All of which he needs to take meds for. Which effects his ability not just to have sex but just physical activity in general. 3. Our dynamic has changed. I've become more of his carer than wife. I pick up his meds, help his meal prep and do 100% of the housework and childcare. It's hard to be sexually attracted to someone you physically have to care for. Sorry for the long post... I know this is a fetish website not a therapy one. But god! It sucks. I feel like a shit wife for being on a sex website... But at the same time I'm a woman and I have needs. It's just hard..😔 Xxxx
st**** Posted May 11 10 minutes ago, Sweetheart2025 said: Thank you so much everyone for your responses. ❤️🙏 I really appreciate how thoughtful and sympathetic you all are. Many of you have asked/suggested that I have a real open discussion with my husband. I have on a couple of occasions but about 6 months ago we had a talk that kinda broke me. Again I was suggesting that we try different things or even try having sex more regularly. He said something along the lines of " I'm too tired for all that, I work full time, you're at home with our child, of course you've got energy" and " I just like sex as it is and it shouldn't have to be extra work" that extra work statement broke me... Something inside me closed off. Now here's the thing.... I know my husband and I love him. I think there are multiple factors that are preventing him from being more sexually open. 1. His weight has gone up a lot since the pandemic. (For the record ,I don't care!)But it's made it physically impossible for him to be on top and I think that's effected his self esteem. 2. Health problems. He has type 1 diabetes, an interactive thyroid and high *** pressure. All of which he needs to take meds for. Which effects his ability not just to have sex but just physical activity in general. 3. Our dynamic has changed. I've become more of his carer than wife. I pick up his meds, help his meal prep and do 100% of the housework and childcare. It's hard to be sexually attracted to someone you physically have to care for. Sorry for the long post... I know this is a fetish website not a therapy one. But god! It sucks. I feel like a shit wife for being on a sex website... But at the same time I'm a woman and I have needs. It's just hard..😔 Xxxx I totally understand that and I'm pretty much in the same situation feel free to give me a message and maybe we can help eachother out xx
Kr**** Posted May 11 @Sweetheart2025 I‘m really sorry for how your open discussion evolved ☹️ There is nothing wrong with talking about your feelings, situation and problems here. Talking about feelings is part of sexuality. 3. seems to be a profound conflict in my eyes. If you are not on a par with your partner, it’s pretty difficult to respect and see each other. Yes job work can be hard and exhausting. But house and care work, too. And both is necessary for each other. So when he doesn’t see your work, it’s more likely not to see your needs and your feelings either. 1. and 2. are understandable and tragic. But it is more a reason than an apology. You are (as far as I can see) not responsible for his situation. The pandemic was/is difficult for most of us. I really wish you the best for your future 🫂
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