"Soulmates,kink or vanilla. Do they even exist?

[Deleted Member]

I seek something "special" a perfect fit, the "one" if you like. Some would call that perfect fit a soul mate but I'm sure you get the picture. Its been pointed out to me a couple of times the last year or so that i am  being unreasonable, expect too much,  funnily enough both times by ladies. One a sub and one a domme who  said that "soulmates" don't exist or at the very least are extremely rare. I want a great sex life but with a deep emotional connection, my priority being more on the connection as for me if you connect on a really deep level the sexual aspects would look after themselves. It's been said you can't have both sides, deep meaningful love and kink, it's one or the other but I have to disagree. It's just something I feel that "she's" out there somewhere waiting as I am. As most of us I would imagine are getting maybe somewhat bored please feel free to say what you think, a debate is a great way to pass the time so what is it people??

 

Are "Soulmates" real or is it naive for a 51 year old man to even consider that possibility?

[ey****]

"you and I are here by chance.  It isn't fate, it's circumstance" 

[ey****]

sometimes we can be fortunate that one persons brand of weird so perfectly compliments anothers - but, among anything else - there are many relationship combinations that work without needing the specifics of soulmates. 

[Deleted Member]

Agree @eyemblacksheep, soulmates is just a word I would use to describe that meeting of minds. No relationship is ever perfect and that's not what I seek as that is unreasonable but I just feel she's out there somewhere, Patience is key.

[Deleted Member]

@eyemblacksheep i have to disagree here. I think it can be true that somehow our "path" in life has a meaning. And not only for ourselves, also for others we meet on this path. I mean with "we meet here" thing i agree. Sooner or later people will meet in places like this, and that would not be fate, it would be more likely one more try for the right place to look after someone "special" or "matching" for us. 

But in life happen things i can't really explain. Often i had strange situations out of nothing. I myself searched for something out in the web, in books or just thinking harder about this particular thing. And then i meet someone that out of nowhere comes up with the exact same questions or considerations in mind. Not that that will be then again fate, but it feels often like "my path" if you know what i mean. 

With persons i was close it's the same. Sometimes it even felt like i had a dream about it and as ridiculous as it sounds, i could say what would happen next sometimes. It was more than i can count and it happened repeatedly. But not just that, i even made experiences in life that feel sometimes when i meet someone like i had to make those ones, to get close to this new person in my life. For things like that people tell you things like "people attracting others in similar circumstances or with similar experiences the most". I would not disagree in general when people tell me that, but it happens far to often for me that i could say: "this is just A circumstance". 

@Donnykinkster I totally get you! I'm one of those two, but i also know for sure it has nothing to do with physical attraction or something like purely external attractiveness for me. Maybe both of them - and others - said that to you because they think you are searching that and that alone?! I would think so, but i don't know how close both of them are. I mean if they know your desires and intentions, i guess they maybe just don't understand what it is about? But since people are very individual and - sorry - also often liars, maybe both of them want something with you since a longer period of time and that's then again a hint for: Buddy, you are so nice, am i not enough?!  
I mean that in sense of "i'm fine...." like lies! There are a lot of cases where good friends never become lovers, because one person is not able to speak up or hides it because he/she could get hurt when someone would say that he/she could not imagine it.

Whatever... I would rather search a year or more for the one special thing instead of having trouble to be like everyone should deserve. Because you cannot "play" an admirer if you don't really are fuckt up like crazy for someone in your mind. I mean, try to create a rainbow in it's most beautiful and brightest colors without water... 

Stay save everybody... and have a nice stay! 

Edited April 24, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Ni****]

I'm a 50 year old, who found my perfect submissive, after 2 years of looking, chatting and playing online, only a 10 minute walk from my house, and whose kinks match mine. It is possible, but not easy to find someone you really connect with, so keep looking, chatting and hopefully you will too.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, MyMaster said:

I'm a 50 year old, who found my perfect submissive, after 2 years of looking, chatting and playing online, only a 10 minute walk from my house, and whose kinks match mine. It is possible, but not easy to find someone you really connect with, so keep looking, chatting and hopefully you will too.

Thanks for that @MyMaster.There is still hope.

[PaganDawn]

I woke into this world a few years ago. I opened my eyes one morning and decided I was going to stop being what everyone else wanted and embrace the inner demon that I had locked away for so long. 
I consciously decided I was going to stop looking for my 'soul mate' and start living my life.
I stopped worrying about what I could not find and started concentrating on what I wanted.

No more negativity...no more would I constantly question why I was not receiving, finding, getting. I filled my life with thoughts of what I wanted, and only what I wanted.
I found my freedom

I found my soul

I found my true self
I am happier than I have ever been
I glow each day
I smile from dawn till dusk and sleep like a baby
Now, and only now I am ready to embrace what another has to offer, because I have now embraced me.

If you only look for your soul mate, you will miss the journey.
If you miss the journey you will not discover all that you are.

And you cannot know your soul mate until you know yourself

How would you recognize them, they are an extension of you, if you are searching, so are they, if you are discovering yourself, so are they. 

If you find yourself, 

So will they.

Relax, enjoy, explore, discover, and somewhere on that wonderful path, you will find each other. 
 

[Deleted Member]

What a lovely post @Pepper88888.  Poetic and with genuine feeling 😊.  It seems I may not be the only one who wants it all and believes it exists.

[TheAlphaSub]

I wonder that myself. Its shitty to hear 'your standards are too high' but I'd rather be alone than settle for less than what I want so maybe that's the real choice?
Idk. It also seems to me the universe enjoys putting the right people together at the wrong time.
All you can do is keep giving your 100 and wait for the person who gives you their 100 and hopefully it will be enough. But idk anything and I'm just as lost as everyone else when it comes to soulmates

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, TheAlphaSub said:

I wonder that myself. Its shitty to hear 'your standards are too high' but I'd rather be alone than settle for less than what I want so maybe that's the real choice?
Idk. It also seems to me the universe enjoys putting the right people together at the wrong time.
All you can do is keep giving your 100 and wait for the person who gives you their 100 and hopefully it will be enough. But idk anything and I'm just as lost as everyone else when it comes to soulmates

Ahh but to know I'm not the only "fool" who Thinks this is possible helps so much.  I'm the same as you I would rather stay on my own than involve myself in something that just doesn't fit.  Its strange you mention the universe and timing as I believe I met her last year but the timing was completely wrong. 

[Wo****]

54 minutes ago, Pepper88888 said:

I woke into this world a few years ago. I opened my eyes one morning and decided I was going to stop being what everyone else wanted and embrace the inner demon that I had locked away for so long. 
I consciously decided I was going to stop looking for my 'soul mate' and start living my life.
I stopped worrying about what I could not find and started concentrating on what I wanted.

No more negativity...no more would I constantly question why I was not receiving, finding, getting. I filled my life with thoughts of what I wanted, and only what I wanted.
I found my freedom

I found my soul

I found my true self
I am happier than I have ever been
I glow each day
I smile from dawn till dusk and sleep like a baby
Now, and only now I am ready to embrace what another has to offer, because I have now embraced me.

If you only look for your soul mate, you will miss the journey.
If you miss the journey you will not discover all that you are.

And you cannot know your soul mate until you know yourself

How would you recognize them, they are an extension of you, if you are searching, so are they, if you are discovering yourself, so are they. 

If you find yourself, 

So will they.

Relax, enjoy, explore, discover, and somewhere on that wonderful path, you will find each other. 
 

Beautiful post, absolutely beautiful x

 

And true.

@Donnykinkster I have been lucky enough to meet a few soulmates. They do exist.

Sometimes you know instantly, it's like the atoms in your very soul connect with theirs. 

Sometimes it develops over time.

When, if, you find it, it's magical.

 

You're a rare breed Donny.... strong and emotional, honest, thoughtful, engaging, spiritual. How can you not attract the right kind of people that could include your soulmate(s)?

[Deleted Member]

Thank you @LazyPiratesBounty.You've made me blush 😊😊

[Wo****]

16 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

Thank you @LazyPiratesBounty.You've made me blush 😊😊

Oh, I'd like to do so much more 😋

 

 

 

 

 

(Couldn't help it, sorry!)

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Oh, I'd like to do so much more 😋

 

 

 

 

 

(Couldn't help it, sorry!)

😊😊the apology is not needed, made me grin reading that.You sure you're not a switch? I had a vision of you stood in front of me with a whip as I kneel 😂

[Deleted Member]

The "mate" we seek is our own soul. We have to mate with that first, just as Pepper88888 has said. 

The sense of longing we feel is a sign that we have rejected an essential part of our Self, or that part of our Self is not receiving enough love and acceptance. We have to provide that to ourselves first, in order to become whole. 

Once whole, I believe you meet many "soulmates" in life and they are not always romantic or sexual connections. We also meet "mates" for a time who come to help us evolve and progress. So even my controlling, abusive ex-partner was a kind of "soulmate" to me because the experience he brought into my life helped me grow and become who I really believe I was meant to be. 

But to believe that there is ONE person, intended for me from birth? Too much like superstition and hocus pocus for me.  

 

[Ky****]

@MsWhiteRose too much like hocus pocus you mean those potions I'm brewing aren't going to get carried off into the desert by a Rudolf Valentino lookalike, back to drawing board then

[Wo****]

7 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

😊😊the apology is not needed, made me grin reading that.You sure you're not a switch? I had a vision of you stood in front of me with a whip as I kneel 😂

Interesting you should say that......

😋

 

I have actually thought about it. Maybe we should find out 😘

[cautiousswitch]

If soulmate means that one person who is so compatible that you don't have to put any effort into the relationship then most people probably don't have one.

If it's someone for whom you have to put a little effort into the relationship then most people have more then one and they use the soulmate argument because they don't want to make a choice.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, MsWhiteRose said:

The "mate" we seek is our own soul. We have to mate with that first, just as Pepper88888 has said. 

The sense of longing we feel is a sign that we have rejected an essential part of our Self, or that part of our Self is not receiving enough love and acceptance. We have to provide that to ourselves first, in order to become whole. 

Once whole, I believe you meet many "soulmates" in life and they are not always romantic or sexual connections. We also meet "mates" for a time who come to help us evolve and progress. So even my controlling, abusive ex-partner was a kind of "soulmate" to me because the experience he brought into my life helped me grow and become who I really believe I was meant to be. 

But to believe that there is ONE person, intended for me from birth? Too much like superstition and hocus pocus for me.  

 

And as always @MsWhiteRose I have the utmost respect for your opinion. It seems our definitions amd perception of what a "soulmate" is differ by some distance.  It is a romantic notion i admit but one i just "feel".  Superstition and hocus pocus eh? Well it seems I'm going to have to work some magic to get what I want 😊Upon meeting  I think within minutes if not seconds you just know, tmore suited to Mills and Boon I think than a Kink site 😂

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said:

If soulmate means that one person who is so compatible that you don't have to put any effort into the relationship then most people probably don't have one.

If it's someone for whom you have to put a little effort into the relationship then most people have more then one and they use the soulmate argument because they don't want to make a choice.

Even with a soul mate there will be compromise,fights,pettiness etc as there is no such thing as perfect where relationships are concerned. The main difference is the rock solid unshakable bond you have, the one that makes you work at it, not give up an take the easy option when times get tough. Work through together as a team you two versus the world.

 

 

[Dreamaway]

I've had at least 2 long term soul mates where the friendship was amazing, total understanding, no sexual activity except maybe innuendo between male and female. But the hard part is if you find they become attracted to someone else, that's the true test of the friendship. Especially if you consider that person is no good and you're the one who has to pick up the pieces and try not to say I told you so! I admit it can become frustrating to the degree where you need to take a step back and look closely at what you both want. However, experience that comes with age has taught me that it's better to remain platonic as sex can actually ruin a beautiful friendship. Inversely it can ratchet the friendship up to a deeply loving relationship. It's very difficult. Each relationship has to be evaluated separately as we're all individuals. As a summary I've been able to help my oldest and best friend through a difficult bout of cancer.

[Deleted Member]

I've had one relationship that was a terrible match , I wont make that mistake again, being single is better than someone who isn't a good fit

[PaganDawn]

The road is bumpy, and some paths you may not want to tread, feeling like you are in a maze and tired of dead ends.
But you are there for a reason, you put yourself there, you wanted to look and seek and find that perfect someone at the heart of the maze.

If you climb out, and look from the top, the view you will see is your own soul, staggering blindly looking for something, knowing not what it is, where it is, what it looks like or , even if it exists. How can you therefore be sure the search is worth it, or that it exists?

Leave the maze behind. Be brave. Take the open road. Stop on the way and chill, make mistakes, break your heart and heal it again...for its not from our successes that we learn, but from our failures. And each cruel, false, hurtful mistake leads us ever closer to knowing what we desire and need at our side on this journey.

 

[Wo****]

@Pepper88888 You write absolutely beautifully x