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The old saying


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It goes if you love someone let them go if they don't come back it wasn't meant to be.... What do you do if they do come back? A little back story my fiancee left me and moved in with another man about 3 months ago. I have not completely let her go i have offered to share her amongst other efforts to keep her. The wedding date came and went and i quit talking to her completely except anything to do with our daughter. My x ended up in the hospital (woman shit ) . I offered anything i could do to help out. When i went to pick up my daughter her new man ( which used to be a friend of mine ) was over at a friend's place chilling by a fire drinking a beer and smoking a joint so i said to her this is how he makes you feel more loved and left. Since then she has told me she is feeling like she made a mistake. Mistakes can be forgiven but how are they forgotten how do i give my world back to her how do i trust again.... Or should I


Before forgiving and forgetting, you should make sure she has her mind together and knows what she wants. Because if not, this will repeat again in the future.


Do not do it! I would try to get more time with your daughter as it does not seem that your ex is raising her in a safe environment ie *** etc


going back with her is a likely mistake

while she has decided she also rejects him, her going back to you more likely through convenience than rekindle.  Any reasons why you didn't work likely still exist and she'll flit or you'll break down again if nothing has otherwise changed.


Not sure this is a bdsm forum tbh? 
but women are a complex entities. It takes years to understand them and even if you think you do they will surprise you again with their actions. 
she moves to him for a reason at the time she thought it was right for her. And now you arrived at the right time for her to be hold in strong arms. If you love her don’t expect anything else but helping her. She might go back to him or not! But don’t *** anything, don’t overthinking. Focus on what’s more previous for you 


It can work but it has to be a fresh start. You need to discuss everything, honestly. There were reasons why your relationship didn't work out, you need to discuss them and resolve them.


You've "offered to share her" to "keep her" .... bad idea. Sharing can work, but only if it's something you both actually want. If not, it'll come between you at some point.


If you get back together, imo, you need to build a whole new relationship. Be honest about what you want and how you feel. 


I've been where you are, and took my wife back ... Lasted another unhappy year, mainly for the kids, before limping to separation. Kids barely blinked an eyelid between them, and we're now both much happier with new partners, hers vanilla, mine not. Do you love her? Does she love you? Do you trust her? Do you make each other happy? Do you only want to be with her for your daughter? No one can tell you what to do, but deep down, you might already know ...


Taking a wrong turn on a motorway is a mistake, sitting on someone else's member isn't,, that takes choice.
Personally I'd kick her to the curb.
Your choice though.

On another note you need to think about the example all this sets for your daughter, is fidelity and consequence of infidelity the message you wish her to learn or is forgiveness greater? Tough choices that take both parties to work at.

Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

And now you arrived at the right time for her to be hold in strong arms.

I read your earlier post on this problem. Your ex has been ill and in emotional and practical need of a man who'll stand to and do his share towards her recuperation and who'll make sure she has nothing to worry about except getting well. That's what she needs today. The bad boy next door doesn't look so good any more. She knows you're waiting hopefully and you'll do whatever's needed to get her back. She's feeling like she might have made a mistake.  But what will she want next week when she feels better and not so emotionally needy?  Or next month? She wasn't thinking of your daughter when she took up with him and she must have known then that he had little or no sense of adult responsibility.  She certainly knows that now but what is she going to do with this knowledge?  Turn her back on him and come back to you? Or 'forget' his irresponsibility when she's feeling better?   On the practical/legal side, your daughter is being raised in an unsafe environment. You may need to seek legal advice on having a larger share or full custody of your daughter.

If you want to have a relationship with your ex, I agree with Bounty: a fresh honest start, beginning with why it didn't work before. You both need to be clear about what you want and expect from each other.  And move to another town. Last but not least, make it clear that this is her first and last chance. 

Going by your posts, she's deceptive, dishonest, careless of her daughter's safety, she's trampled on your love and respect for her, she didn't care about you while she was having a fun time and everything was going well - and now she's using you because right now,  she needs a responsible adult man and you're convenient. Why do you want this relationship?   She needs to be honest and so do you - first of all, with yourself.  By all means, forgive - but remember what you've learnt from this experience. Good luck.

Edited by Vandalslut
4 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

while she has decided she also rejects him, her going back to you more likely through convenience than rekindle.  Any reasons why you didn't work likely still exist and she'll flit or you'll break down again if nothing has otherwise changed.

Convenience was my first thought too.  When you were together before was it all about what she got from the relationship?  Did she leave you because there were more perks to dating your friend?  Does she now want to come back because you're the better deal?  Is there a pattern of her doing what is most convenient for herself and not considering how it affects other people?

She may be entirely sincere and deserve to be taken back.  We don't have enough information to make that judgment, but if you do you're going to have to have a big talk about everything that's happened.

For now focus on your daughter's well being.



A tricky one and I admit once in my life many years ago I faced a simillar situation. I forgave her and let her back in, a mistake that was as whenever she was out the paranoia kicked in, the need to check her phone became unbearable, is she at work like she says she is? I'm sure you get the picture. Eventually we split, my paranoia drove us apart but my paranoia was brought on by her actions. The moral? Once trust has been broken for me it can't be repaired. For some it is possible but not for me.


I guess a little bit.  Think of it like a job.  Most people leave jobs because they're not longer satisfied.  Which can come under my umbrellas.  Even if it's a job you liked that you left in order for a big pay boost or to get into a new industry, or closer to home.

Something happens and this new job isn't the big thing it promised to be - but your old boss is happy to have you back.  Whatever reason it was you left will still exist.  And it'll always ever be temporary until something new comes up.

(I've seen this happen so many times with people who've returned to jobs)

And of course, a job is something we maybe go into optimistically, but know there's no expectancy on long-term commitment.  Relationships we tend to hope will last.


This is not an easy question. I would say that if she left you before starting a new relationship then maybe take it slow, getting to know one another first. People change and she may no longer be the person you so clearly love. If, however, she was unfaithful... Well, there are 7+ billion people in the world. Take the opportunity to explore, figure out who you are now, what you want. *** often keeps people in unhappy places, that's no way to live. 


Be there for the kid, but leave her be and don't talk to her. Best advice I can give you.

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