Dangerous Little Girl - a cautionary tale

[cautiousswitch]

My first experience was while on vacation.  I had always been curious, I had the extra *** set aside, I thought I'd finally give in to my curiosity.  Did a one-hour session with a phenomenal dominatrix.  Since then I have decided to look into the local scene when I travel.  I made sure to do my research before scheduling anything, except for one time when I made a big assumption that was a big mistake.

Dublin.  Web searches for dommes in Dublin kept taking me to Escort Ireland.  Not a bad site for getting an idea of what is available, but it is a bad site for making assumptions off of.  It's basically a directory site and they do not screen the people who advertise there.  The year before I had visited Cork and a search for dommes in Cork found the web page of a great domme (unfortunately retired now); I saw that she was on Escort Ireland so made assumptions that most people advertising there would be as good.  I was wrong.  Just to emphasize, I am not tearing down the site.  Good dommes do use it, but it should be used as the starting point of a search and not the end point.

Anyhow, I scheduled an appointment with a young lady.  English was not her first language, I didn't ask where she was from but believe she was Italian.  Questions like, "What do you mean by bondage?" came up.  Initially, I was willing to accept that bondage is a very generic term and she wanted to know more specifically what I was interested in.  Eventually, I cam to believe that she really didn't understand what the word meant.  The site had a check list of interests, a later review of her list convinced me that she had just checked everything without knowing what some of them meant.

She asked about face slapping.  I told her I had never done it before, but would be willing to try some light slapping and possibly build from there.  She handcuffed me, gagged me and started to degrade and slap me some.  It wasn't bad until she accidentally boxed my ear.  Now I was half deaf with a ringing in my ear and couldn't talk.  I shook my head some and made a very loud muffled sound which she understood meant that I wanted the gag removed.  "I'm not ready to take that out," was her reaction.

When she did remove the gag I explained what had happened and made the mistake of assuming that this was just a one-off miscommunication and continued.  The accidental boxing of the ear was caused by her not knowing what she was doing.  When she flogged me later she was just randomly hitting me.  When she tried trampling she didn't pay attention that her heel was pressing into a joint.  When she tried to start crossing limits - which we had discussed at the start - and I told her no her response was, "But my other clients like this."  By this time I had been tied down.

I wrote her a bad review.  She responded as if she was another client saying I was wrong (the response came up soon enough after my review and the language used was close enough to how she wrote in her profile that I'm fairly sure it was her).  Even if it wasn't her, the response knew enough about our session that for it to be someone else she would have had to violate client discretion.  I contacted the site about this and they dismissed it, which is what convinced me that the people who run it don't care if the people advertising on their site know what they are doing or not.  Still a good place to start a search, but do not contact anyone based solely on information from the site.

Lessons learned:

No gags with strangers.  Keep communication open until you've gotten to know the other person better.

Don't trust a pro who doesn't have their own web site.  Escort Ireland allows people to link their business sites to their page so it is a good place to start a search, but it also has the tools to be used as a site of and by itself.  Unfortunately, the tools allow someone to advertise on the site without putting any thought into it and it looks professional.  It's harder to evaluate someone who is using a cut and paste site to advertise.

E-mail a few times before you schedule.  As long as you are respectful, asking intelligent relevant questions, and not obviously trying to get free cyber-domination a good professional will not be against exchanging a few e-mails.  How much attention they put into a response can give you an idea of how seriously they take their profession.  In the case above I left a message in her voice mail and we scheduled when she responded - big mistake since we were still strangers.  I had relied to heavily on the information she gave on the web site, which later on I wasn't convinced she fully understood.

Read web sites several times.  I had done this, but the nature of the site's profile builder caught me off guard.  Still, reviewing her profile after the session I noticed it was full of certain boiler-plate phrases that a lot of dommes use and I came to realize that she hadn't really put as much thought into it as I had first believed.

[ne****]

I'm sorry about your experience.  I believe that I have been fortunate to have managed to avoid such unpleasantness!  BDSM activities have become more requested, and I think that you are right: many advertisers are putting that on their ads as essential click-bait.

One thing that I do look for is that the provider asks for references.  It does seem like a bit weird... "Hi, Mistress X, will you give me a reference to Mistress Y?"... why X might ask, aren't you just coming to see me?   That is a concern, but I think that it's okay.

I like your fantasies on your profile about someone who reads your entire profile :-)

I used to see a pro-domme near me (she left the profession, I think for a LTR), and one scenario that we actually shared was that she would dominate other dommes... specifically by sending me there with sealed instructions.  It got to the state of not-sealed instructions, "Task 1" but then time ran out.

 

[Deleted Member]

God this is horrible !
I'm claustrophobic so it sounded even worse..
How's your ear ? :(

[cautiousswitch]

The ear ringing only lasted about 10 minutes and there have been no problems since.  At the time though it was a huge deal.