MK**** Posted May 28 . The internet loves to talk about safe spaces. And yes -- safe spaces are important. They're where we go to escape racism, fatphobia, queerphobia, and other forms of harm. They offer solace. They let us breathe. But healing alone is not enough. Growth happens in brave spaces. . Brave spaces are where discomfort is not the enemy, but the terrain. They're where hard conversations happen after healing has begun. Where we confront bias, power, and inequity without flinching or redirecting. And we need more of them in kink. . Because here’s the truth: kink is already multicultural. It includes a spectrum of genders, body types, abilities, sexualities, and cultural identities. Good kink recognizes this. Good kink embraces it. But many spaces still fail to broach the racial dynamics at play; leaving BIPOC folks exposed to microaggressions, fetishization, and tokenism. We get treated like diversity checkboxes, not full participants. We’re expected to play roles that confirm others’ fantasies but never our own truths. . And when we try to talk about it? We’re told, “This isn’t the place.” But it has to be. You cannot celebrate queer liberation and still dodge conversations about race. You cannot celebrate curvy or BBWs and ignore anti-BIPOC rhetoric. Kink is not immune to systemic oppression, it’s part of the same world that built those systems. . So what do we do? We start by recognizing that kink isn’t inherently a safe space for everyone. We build brave spaces within it. We embrace the idea that every person in kink brings a unique cultural background and none of us should be expected to represent an entire group. . Brave spaces don’t just make kink safer -- they make it better. They make it more honest, more human, and ultimately, more liberating. . How do we move beyond performative inclusivity to actual structural change in kink culture? . Do you believe kink can be a space for healing and growth across cultural lines—or is that asking too much of a subculture? .
al**** Posted May 28 We've come so far. Yet, we still tend to allow others to influence our own views. While I see the problem, I still suffer. I find passion extremely sexy. Personality and desire arouse me. But you can't see that in a profile or photo. So, like all of us, I resort to physical attraction. Size, skin color, face shape, ect. I don't want to stand out and be stigmatized because I find darker skinned people exotic or heavier women attractive. So I don't say this in my profile. I don't say I'm attracted to the energy of youth and labeled a predator. Stigma hurts. I respect and value the Courage everyone here has to step into this world. To say "this is me."
Shilo66 Posted May 28 'How do we move beyond performative inclusivity to actual structural change in kink culture?' ... By doing what you're doing now, first raise awareness and then.... NOT being afraid to raise your head above the pa***t! I'm one of the very few Black guys on here who will speak up, and more importantly, speak out!... especially when there is an injustice, irrespective of race, gender, etc, etc. If you look through my profile and at my conversations with various peoples on here, you'll notice that they'll often end up in shall we say "enthusiastic debate." This isn't because I'm argumentative, but because when I'm right, I'll stand my ground, and many don't like that... and I'm pretty sure that for some, it's simply because of the racial element. If you take a look at some of the topics I've had to argue about, you can't help but ask yourself, "there's nothing to disagree with here, why are they arguing about it?"... I'll give a couple of examples. When I previously told people about using the messaging facility to reduce dick pics, which was literally a Public Service Announcement to help those afflicted with receiving lots of these unsolicited photos - there was an argument with some from the very group who would benefit most. When I told people about 'Clare's Law' here in the UK that helped people, particularly women to find out if their partner or ex partner had a conviction for domestic V- and there was an argument about that, and again it was with some from the very group who would benefit most. There was only one logical conclusion, because nothing else made sense of why they'd argue about stuff that was / would help others.
Shilo66 Posted May 28 The word I was trying to say was 'p ara pett' - deliberately misspelled because the original got asterisked.
ju**** Posted May 28 “Do you believe kink can be a space for healing and growth across cultural lines-or is that asking too much of a subculture?” I believe it can be, but only for those of us who are actively healing and growing outside of kink spaces.
al**** Posted May 30 As a founding member of a gaming group, one of my guiding principles was "Be you 24/7" Too many people use the internet to become a personality. A keyboard warlord. It's one thing to step out of the 'vanilla wrapping' and explore your repressed desires. But, the mask always slips or cracks. Truth finds the light and betrayal can't be fixed.
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