Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) Extortion is obtaining benefit through ***. Misrepresentation is a false statement of a material fact made by one party which affects the other party's decision in agreeing to a relationship and/or contract. Both extortion and misrepresentation come in different forms and effect everybody on different levels. Not only in the community but also in our day to day lives however for the duration of this post I’ll be referring to the fore mentioned within the BDSM world. Types of extortion are material and emotional and are not unique to any particular role, sex or orientation. In fact anyone can find themselves subjected to it at any time. Some would say or at least believe that with age comes experience and they can see the red flags but this is not always the case. If you fall victim to extortion you can begin to feel self doubt and wrongly place the blame at your own feet. This is not the case, the people that part take in such activities are highly skilled masters of their own trade. They are often very smart even articulated and they use these attributes to capture and fool their audience. Another adroitness of this category is the process in which they gather information, they’ll feed on your insecurities which they’ll find out from forming a relationship built on fake trust and the belief there’s a future. They’ve an in-depth understanding of psychology with the ability to read between the lines. You’ll often hear phases like ‘I’d never do that’... ‘you’ve been mistreated, they weren’t a real Dom/sub’... ‘I’ll give you what you really need.’ Although these phases can be legitimate they can also be dangerous if accompanied by other red flag behaviour. As previously mentioned, extortion comes in two forms... material and emotional. Neither hold more weight than the other because in each case the person has been taken advantage off and used, leaving them feeling hurt, stupid or worthless. I’ll start with material as it’s pretty self explanatory. In this case both D-type (non professional) and S-type can be the predator or the prey, *** and gifts may be asked for with no real intention of embarking on a dynamic but purely for greed and self gratification. This could be a Dom/Domme directly requesting tribute without providing anything substantial in return or sending a wish list to an unsuspecting victim to treat them from. This is solicitation! On the other hand this could be a baby boy/girl directly requesting an allowance or gifts with no intent to provide a return to the sender. In these circumstance there could be more than one victim at a time so talking and transparency if you’re unsure is a must. Share your concerns with a trusted confidant. Secondly there’s emotional, this can be more complex as we are human beings at the end of the day. We each have feelings and reactions that are unique to ourselves. Emotional extortion is harder to understand because it raises the question of WHY? In the case of material we can see what the other person gains making it easier to understand but with emotions we can’t physically see ‘the prize’ as such so it becomes a struggle to decipher the reason behind the act. Giving away a piece of yourself, wether it’s personal information, pictures, videos or even your heart takes it toll when you find out it was undeserved. Now I was once naive enough to believe that it was only S-types that fell victim to the latter and for that assumption I apologise. I’ve come to realise that the Doms in the community can be forgotten, when we discuss aftercare, limits, needs and even new comers it’s generally focused around S-types. This is a culture that must change, it’s not us against them and no one is more or less worthy. We are a community and one that has been exiled from the mainstream world because of the lifestyle we enjoy therefore we should protect each other and out these beasts of prey. Be safe, don’t ignore the red flags, follow your gut and talk to each other if the chat feels generally ‘off.’ Nobody pushes for a dynamic faster than a narcissist that needs validation. 💗 Edited June 14, 2020 by Deleted Member
gibo94 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 I am glad that you also mentioned that Dom/mes can also fall for such behaviour aswell as it often forgotten. I agree with everything you said and it’s usually the newer people in the community who are eager for experience and ignore red flags
Kenny913 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 I had so many forms ask for a tribute with out meeting and some wanted 2 thousand for kits
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 28 minutes ago, gibo94 said: I am glad that you also mentioned that Dom/mes can also fall for such behaviour aswell as it often forgotten. I agree with everything you said and it’s usually the newer people in the community who are eager for experience and ignore red flags Sadly we do generally forget D-types are people too that can be subject to I’ll treatment
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 22 minutes ago, Kenny913 said: I had so many forms ask for a tribute with out meeting and some wanted 2 thousand for kits I sure hope you didn’t proceed with the request and got out of there!
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 Thank you for this post. Every sentiment is exactly what I have bern feeling.
Kenny913 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 No I didn't go for it it's so hard to find someone who just meet with nothing in return
gibo94 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Kenny913 said: I had so many forms ask for a tribute with out meeting and some wanted 2 thousand for kits I’ve had similar, its the smaller amounts that are usually most dangerous though
Ma**** Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 I has a Dom have fallen for it to and paid for it dearly . I agree with what you have stated
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 If I had a pound for everyone who's asked me for a tribute I'd be rich
Deleted Member Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Kenny913 said: dangerous @Kenny913 I’d assume he means because the lesser amounts aren’t ambiguous and could go undetected as manipulation
ey**** Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Smaller versus bigger If someone off the bat comes at you and asks for a large sum of *** then you pretty much know it's a scam If someone comes with lower amounts of *** you might not necessarily twig. I guess; imagine talking with someone who - we'll not say they're a total fake. You've done a little diligence and maybe had a chat on the phone or on cam. But, within this they start apologising for erratic contact - maybe problems with their broadband or phone bill - they might not ask you to cover it - but they might say they're struggling for credit (PAYG deals still common) or have been cut off. So, you might think, £20 or something for someone to top up - or £40 or something to clear a bill so they can be reconnected sounds OK - we'll say the £20 top up. You can even do it by buying the credit. So, of course, in exchange they are now available to chat. But, perhaps they won't call you cos they need the credit for something else. Or they might have been on a long call for a family emergency and so need *another* top up and before you know it you actually find you're paying someone's phone credit. Which wouldn't be so bad if they actually called you - ha! But to spin the above scenario - some Pro Dommes do "adopt a bill" either as part of something you can volunteer to do - or something that is a requirement for ownership - but you at least can enter that consensual or not enter. It could be other examples. This person might be someone who you are due to meet who suddenly has car trouble, or breaks their laptop, or... there's always some constantly small expense that you're kinda hooklined into.
ey**** Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 So. I'm going to tell a story of something which happened to me. Years ago - there was a girl I knew. I can't quite remember where we met - but - I quite liked her. Both, fancied her, but also liked her as a friend. Anyway. We liked a lot of the same music and went to a lot of the same gigs and clubs. And, I can't remember how it happened but I think one night - the bands were done by 10.30pm and then it was like a club night til 1am (ahhh the old late licenses) and sometimes I'd go for the last bus and sometimes I'd stay out and I don't know if she made the suggestion or if I did that - we could get a taxi together, it was only a slight diversion to hers first (about £3 extra on the meter) so it could save us both *** to taxi share. Great. So, like the very first time I think she gave me a fiver - total fare like £12 so it meant she got home cheaper and so did I. The next time she gave me just a pile of change which was literally £2 but said she'd get me a drink next time. She did. But didn't put in for the taxi. Slowly over time it kinda ended up that she was getting in the taxi for free and I was starting to get her a drink or two on a night out. But, like. I liked her, she was my friend. A few other people didn't really like her and somewhat, I felt, for unfair reasons - and some was quite simply that she wasn't working - and while she lived at home her Job Seekers Allowance didn't go very far and so effectively a couple of quid for drinks and a jump into a taxi was fair for helping out a friend. After a while there were bits I did feel a little grated on. And yeah. One of the big things in the undoing is her parents had gone away and she'd been given permission for certain people to be over to keep her company including me. And I think I'd been in the shower and I came down stairs and overheard her on the phone to somebody - she'd mentioned that she was out of work but that she wasn't looking too desperately because there were people who would see her right for drinks and such - and - on one hand... faiiir.... but on another, part of me helping her was for the company a little bit but also because it was someone just finding her feet. If she wasn't attempting to find a job, then she would never have any intention of supporting. So after that - I did massively cut back on the help I was giving. I didn't throw her under the bus, but certainly I made it clear I was spending too much financing her nights out and that, I'd started to notice whenever I got friendly/chatty with other ladies - she would flirt with or kiss me - which put an end to that (some in there my fault, for sure) Anyway. We were still friends - and I was actually on my way to meet her when something happened and I was found in a back alley in a pool of ***. (We think I feinted. Not eating properly and a warm day) so I woke up in hospital with staples in my head and a lumberpuncture. They had to run all sorts of tests on me (to establish if it was epilepsy or not) anyway - 3 weeks I was in hospital - and there were some people who visited me more than others. Some people who didn't visit me at all cos they knew I was in hospital but that's all they knew. But, she knew. And. Well. Pretty much once. And, yeah - coming out I couldn't get straight out to nights out (I had both a head *** and back *** I was healing from) and it just wasn't the same... and, ha, she'd effectively found a new sucker. Ironically. I didn't see her for quite a while but the last time I did see her was at a house party which had some key moments to getting me back involved in the kink scene. She didn't stay long that night.
Mo**** Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Unfortunately, I have been in the distant past, a person who was subject to that small amount situation. I was willing, because I could afford it at the time, to give. But then, the requested amounts got bigger and more often, so I stopped. I suppose over a period of 3 months it cost me about $150. Well when I said no, the contact was abruptly stopped. The contact that I had with that person had gone on for nearly 10 months.
allshookup Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 Thank You for this post little_dark_princess. This is much needed for new and old alike! I've been searching for a Female Domme for over 3 years. Its's been one hell of an up hill road. I've seen so many scammers with so many diferent scams it makes my head spin. Out of over 200 + so called Fem Dommes I have chatted with, there has only been one that was/is bonefied. I can't wait for the munches to start coming back. I finnaly got up the nerve and courage to go to my first when the corona hit. The internet has gone down the tubes in my opinion. 20 years ago i dont remember having any problems with low life scammers!
Phoenyx Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 This is an excellent topic---one that everyone needs to read. However, I have seen this issue from a slightly different perspective. When I first joined this list, I was just concluding my battle with cancer. My funds were depleted, and I was living hand-to-mouth. A couple good folks here, offered some financial assistance. But, being new, I did not want to risk being seen as a potential scammer or manipulator. So, I declined their offers. I bit the bullet, and eventually dug myself out of that hole.
Deleted Member Posted June 15, 2020 Author Posted June 15, 2020 9 hours ago, Kenny913 said: I had so many forms ask for a tribute with out meeting and some wanted 2 thousand for kits 2k??? Stunned.
Deleted Member Posted June 15, 2020 Author Posted June 15, 2020 36 minutes ago, Kenny913 said: @Donnykinkster what are you stunned about 2k, I know about tributes etc but thats a lot of ***
ey**** Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 maybe the 2k was going the other way in the sense of "if I ask something ridiculously high then it wouldn't look like a scam"
Deleted Member Posted June 15, 2020 Author Posted June 15, 2020 @eyemblacksheep sorry that happened to you but glad it’s the past 💗
ey**** Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 1 hour ago, little_dark_princess said: @eyemblacksheep sorry that happened to you but glad it’s the past 💗 I was young and impressionable But, yeah, I'm going back to 2002 here - so - stuff like this has always been around.
Leisa Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 Thank you for posting LDP. What a great post and the responses are amazing. It sounds like many of you were (or maybe are) going through frenzy and should reach out to those who know what frenzy entails. The topic of the munch for Thursday is frenzy and so much of what I’m reading can help those, both old and new, recognize the signs and know useful ways of dealing with this issue. I think whether we’ve been in this community for years or are pretty new to this lifestyle that we have all been through frenzy at one point or another, are in the midst of a frenzy amplified by lack of your local clubs and being locked in. Regardless of the reason for the frenzy, both Doms and subs can experience a frenzy without realizing what it is. For more information on frenzy please stop by the munch Thursday to get a former grasp on the reality of a frenzy, what can cause it, and how to counterbalance it once the frenzy begins before you find yourself being scammed emotionally, physically, financially, or in combination.
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