I adore my lifestyle (but I abhor your community).

[Cade]

It has taken literally ALL MY LIFE, but I am proud to say that I like *me*. I have grown into an individual in which even I often find myself impressed. I have never been so focused on my positive progress, and my lifestyle is one I thought I would only dream and fantasize. Indeed, my lifestyle doesn't just increase my happiness, it secures it.

It is important to note, a lot of my self-acceptance and evolution was inspired by the lifestyle community; so much so, I do not think there is enough words to express my appreciation. There have been so many amazing individuals, groups, classes, and events where I've actually felt genuinely *welcomed*...and although you may not know my background, I assure you, being accepted was the last thing I ever expected, let alone recognition and respect. There have been so many ways I've been able to learn and teach others, to my amazement. I have had the most incredible experiences in my entire life; in the form of play and in conversations.

So, although it may seem trite, **THANK YOU** to every member of the lifestyle community. Even if you do not realize it, by being open and accepting of others, you are doing a great service for us all. 

HOWEVER, the lifestyle community is **NOT** my lifestyle, nor is it yours. The lifestyle community is a collection of individuals from various lifestyles and evolutionary patterns that come together as a support group of open-minded and accepting peers. Sure, we all have our own principles, beliefs, and reason we do the things we do, but we see above and beyond this - because we know we are all different. We are the same still because we don't feel like we fit traditional society norms.

This would suggest that we actually belong to an alternative lifestyle group. Have you felt welcomed? Have you felt accepted? Have you been called names and had stones thrown at you? Surely, I cannot speak for your community experience, but I know in *my community*, people are accepted despite their relationship dynamic or way they identify and all that is requested of them is to be honest and consistent to their integrity.

Now, having said all of this, I must say that if you are the type that cannot stand to see different ways of living this amazing lifestyle, if you are the type that doesn't see the incredible capacity for learning by the collection of such diverse dynamics, if witnessing people not living the way you do makes you upset, well, that's okay. You are allowed all of this. However, you won't be part of *my community*, just the lifestyle community. If the direction you want the community to take is closed-minded and hate mongering, that's *your community* (most definitely not *my community*), and sadly still part of the lifestyle community.

As for me, I will keep trying to spread awareness and education on accepting everyone, to serve as a support system for anyone else that is trying to live a life that doesn't fit societal norms, and to be an example of my modality to bring honor to my House and a positive light on the lifestyle community as a whole.

[Ky****]

well said, although I did think this was a Star Trek post honour to your House sounds very Klingon lol, now they do seem to have a great deal of alternate lifestyle to them 

[ey****]

I think one of the most important things someone said to me before I got kinda involved is that - you're placed together with other people and *sometimes* the only thing you have in common is kink.

And that... it's not terrible... but it can be very difficult.   There's an old joke of if you don't know what to talk about at a munch to talk about Dr Who (but other than not everyone *likes* Dr Who it's dividing a lot of opinions itself) 

Personally. I think it's good to be around people with different lifestyles, opinions, backgrounds, etc. but it's also important to be careful to push yours onto others as if it's the only right way (most of us have probably been guilty of this at some point if we didn't entirely mean it.  Soz!) 

I found the community to be welcoming. But I know others find it daunting especially if they can't find a common ground.

[Cade]

1 hour ago, Kymi said:

well said, although I did think this was a Star Trek post honour to your House sounds very Klingon lol, now they do seem to have a great deal of alternate lifestyle to them 

I have met so many people that crossover Klingon into their kink! Literally, the very first kinky individual I met did the whole Klingon thing in his lifestyle, AND IT WORKED! Haha, he wouldn't do the full makeup and outfit in every day life, but at special events, he and his girl(s) could be seen in complete garb, and eventually married in a traditional Klingon ceremony. Although I greatly enjoy the egalitarian utopia of the Star Trek universe, I didn't take that path. The idealization behind my House is more what a describe as modern feudalism.

I did find it comical the coincidence, though! Haha. Now, I wish I wrote this in Klingon, you petaQ! Joking! Haha.

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think one of the most important things someone said to me before I got kinda involved is that - you're placed together with other people and *sometimes* the only thing you have in common is kink.

And that... it's not terrible... but it can be very difficult.   There's an old joke of if you don't know what to talk about at a munch to talk about Dr Who (but other than not everyone *likes* Dr Who it's dividing a lot of opinions itself) 

Personally. I think it's good to be around people with different lifestyles, opinions, backgrounds, etc. but it's also important to be careful to push yours onto others as if it's the only right way (most of us have probably been guilty of this at some point if we didn't entirely mean it.  Soz!) 

I found the community to be welcoming. But I know others find it daunting especially if they can't find a common ground.

I do believe there could be a list of common "successful" topics to break the ice at munches: Dr. Who, GoT, TWD, etc. Haha. When you DON'T think about, a lot of current pop culture references ends up reflecting some portion of the lifestyle, strangely. 

Edited June 15, 2020 by Cade

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Cade said:

I do believe there could be a list of common "successful" topics to break the ice at munches: Dr. Who, GoT, TWD, etc. Haha. When you DON'T think about, a lot of current pop culture references ends up reflecting some portion of the lifestyle, strangely. 

And, well - in recent years I've watched all of the surviving classic DW - there's quite a lot of damsel-in-distress scenes

And GoT - well, it's not a massive secret that one actress is very active in the kink scene.

[Deleted Member]

Well said, Cade. I think it an interesting point that those who are new ( I am still but a babe in this world) can fall victim of trying to fit in with the main flow that is met when joining this community. I feel that there needs to be a stronger push towards individualism and self reflection when joining the lifestyle. we are after all not cookie cutter kinksters and one size definitely does not fit all. 

[Cade]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

And, well - in recent years I've watched all of the surviving classic DW - there's quite a lot of damsel-in-distress scenes

And GoT - well, it's not a massive secret that one actress is very active in the kink scene.

I think this brings up an interesting question: Is this art imitating life or life imitating art? Haha, terribly off topic, I know, but inquiring minds want to know! 

[ey****]

On 6/15/2020 at 7:10 PM, Cade said:

I think this brings up an interesting question: Is this art imitating life or life imitating art? Haha, terribly off topic, I know, but inquiring minds want to know! 

I half joke some of the stuff I watched as a kid influenced my lifestyle - but, honestly, I've been to Dr Who conventions and, yeah, I don't feel so many feel the same way (although there is a Dr Who audio story which the BBC won't broadcast which contains some suggestive adult kink scenes ('Minuet in Hell' - the companion finds herself Hostess at the Hell Fire Club) 

GoT - well, Sahara was known in the adult world before her casting.

[Cade]

1 hour ago, little_red_92 said:

Well said, Cade. I think it an interesting point that those who are new ( I am still but a babe in this world) can fall victim of trying to fit in with the main flow that is met when joining this community. I feel that there needs to be a stronger push towards individualism and self reflection when joining the lifestyle. we are after all not cookie cutter kinksters and one size definitely does not fit all. 

Couple this with many new people coming in with fictional novels as their entire background, thinking this is the way things are done (meanwhile, many of this depict a very poor example of BDSM - if at all). Yes, we are teaching safety, but we also have to be careful we aren't also teaching intolerance. One of the reasons SSC became antiquated was because two of the three considerations are entirely subjective, and ended being used to cause separation rather than unity too often. We are all different! This community celebrates the uniqueness found in those differences. Being part of this community, we should too.

[Bo****]

I am truly inspired by the questions you pose upon us all, thank you....my Friend( if i may be so Boldly Bald?😉)
Challenged perspectives open the mind to exist in one 's own dynamic......one of freedom beyond the boxes into which we are directed ! There is an evolution, this is what you have brought forward for consideration.........those of us that are lucky enough to feel your intent,in such skillfully crafted writing...well ; an essay in itself,Dude!
Got collaborative projects in progress, we thank you🙏
Life,love 'n' Unity.....

[TemptressM]

Fantastic as always Cade,  I have to say out of all the people I have come across I can count on one hand how many f them talk to me as there equal,  You have always been welcoming and more than willing to help and hand out any info that you have. It's refreshing to see.  Keep up the good work. 

[Ky****]

if we're looking at tv shows, don't forget Venus van Damme in Sons of Anarchy-initially appearing as a tg dominatrix

[Th****]

That was a brilliantly thought out post Cade, I will not quote the original one because I think it echoes my views. 

It did a wonderful job of separating the Lifestyle Community from ones own Lifestyle.

You and I live our lifestyles differently for instance, but I totally respect the way you live yours and more than accept it. You have always come across as authentic, knowledgeable and you certainly write with a voice that is not afraid to tackle the contentious subjects.

So for all our differences our commonalities appear to me to be so much greater.

On 6/15/2020 at 8:13 PM, Cade said:

One of the reasons SSC became antiquated was because two of the three considerations are entirely subjective, and ended being used to cause separation rather than unity

Again, dead on the nail. In reality though I just do this my way, it is not that I know better than the acronyms it is just no acronym can suit all situations.

On 6/15/2020 at 8:13 PM, Cade said:

Couple this with many new people coming in with fictional novels as their entire background, thinking this is the way things are done (meanwhile, many of this depict a very poor example of BDSM - if at all)

I so laughed at this, in other places online I have heard far too many people (No refection here on any actual players of course,) bolster there reputation with the phrase "I have read all 26 books of Gor." the even more disturbing part is according to Wikipedia there are 35 books.

Thanks for the read my friend 

[Leisa]

Very well said my friend. Through multiple conversations we both know that our chosen paths are quite different and that is ok. I have so much respect and admiration for how you decided to pull yourself up off the floor of childhood disgust and become the man you are today. You’re firm in your convictions and don’t allow anyone else to deter you from your path. That’s something not often seen in the lifestyle community to which we both belong. That being said I’ve both seen and I’m ashamed to say that I have on occasion been a part of the looking at someone’s kink or fetish sideways. It is in recognition of such faults that I will always strive to be better. I love our community of acceptance and support for each other and our chosen paths. What I didn’t like was realizing that I too have fallen into the other perimeter on occasion. It’s through education and guidance from individuals such as yourself that manage to bring the ignorance of others to the forefront that effectively create change. There’s a place for everyone in this community and if someone feels that a and b belong but c is too different then they don’t belong in a community I chose to be part of. Again, very well written and thought out.

[pocketcamera]

this will be the second time around. 

 

Thing is, their is no actual community involved with kink anymore. No sense of anything but several small regional groups. The California scene has nothing to do with the new York scene for instance, and standards and feelings are completely night and day.

However the sense of community has gone down crappily in the last 20 years. 20 years ago, it actually was a diverse group where you could all have your own thoughts and opinions. And simply being there was enough.

Nowadays, if you say your in the life style, EVERYONE expects you to be 100% in support of whatever agenda has been bouncing around in the California/Chicago/new York liberal political circles. But now with the sheer amount of "just out of highschool" kids in the scene, its become a mass of lemmings following the political leader.

If you don't understand, 20 years ago it was normal to find a diverse cultural and political differences among the members, NOW particular on the internet, its become nothing more then a Democratic Political actions group with leather underwear and nipple clamps.

[ey****]

Politics in general is a difficult one - and one to tread a little carefully on as it's a topic not really permitted on this site (which, hey, has helped avoid a lot of potential squabbles) - but in some of the wider community of course a lot of politics has become polarised 

But, kink isn't apolitical.  There's been legislation in both the UK and US (and some European nations) that's been proposed or passed which directly attacks and limits kink.  And whilst some legislation has cross-party support it's  beyond basic party politics.

And that's important.  It's less so about Labour/Tory, Democrat/Republican - but if we've got a diverse group and a ruling party is imposing a law which negatively affects transfolk, or people of colour, or sex workers, or so on - then that attacks the diversity of our communities.

Sure, of course; diverse thoughts and opinions make us great - but if your thought is "this group of people in the community shouldn't have rights" then it's you shutting them down, not vice/versa.