Sharing fantasies

[Subprincess82]

1 hour ago, Expert_DaddyDom said:

Without knowing the full background, it is difficult to fault either party. Throwing a tantrum isn't what a do does, because he has self control, but equally many just waste men's time or act bitchy, bratty so the man has to respect his boundaries and put them in their place. Many women just don't have a clue, despite disasters and not being a ***ager or in 20s. Of course hungry losers will bend over backwards but real men don't put up with silliness, they call it out, and then leave.

I exchanged a handful of messages with the guy, he asked what my fantasies were and I said (nicely) that I don't share them with people I haven't got a connection with. He then proceeded to tell me that I'm not a true sub because I would tell a Dom my fantasies and that "everyone else" tells him their fantasies because he asks, like true subs.
I am secure enough in my role to know the difference between me being bratty and a guy trying to manipulate me to get what he wants. This is a stranger, online.. thinking he has some power to get what he wanted by using the cloak of being a "dom"

[Ci****]

I dont tell my fantasies right away unless there's a connection. Or if the guy shows me his information and we click. Most guys they just want information from a lady and rub away without meeting any lady.

[Bl****]

8 hours ago, Subprincess82 said:

My boundaries are secure thanks

You're welcome but if that's so what's this topic really about then? Another forever sub complaining about fake doms?

[Du****]

2 hours ago, Expert_DaddyDom said:

Without knowing the full background, it is difficult to fault either party. Throwing a tantrum isn't what a do does, because he has self control, but equally many just waste men's time or act bitchy, bratty so the man has to respect his boundaries and put them in their place. Many women just don't have a clue, despite disasters and not being a ***ager or in 20s. Of course hungry losers will bend over backwards but real men don't put up with silliness, they call it out, and then leave.

It has nothing to do with sub or dom. Sub men behave like this too. It’s about manners and consent - adults should simply not be throwing tantrums. (And yes, I’m sure gender isn’t important either, but OP is describing her own experience and the same applies regardless: consent is everything)

[Expert_DaddyDom]

I can see both sides of the argument. As a sub, you are right to wait till you feel connection and comfort, to open up more. A Dom should understand this. If it's not his thing, he shouldn't throw a tantrum nor degrade you. Equally some Doms have a way of doing things and they assume that everyone is same. While a Dom is in his right to go about things in his way, lead, but he should also understand the subs mind. In my experience usually there is fault on both sides. Many go about finding a Dom in vanilla way, and they end up with.. A fake or Vanilla Dom. Because real ones have a structure that eliminates vanilla issues of lies, manipulation, women leading then saying they don't feel it!

[Sy****]

Ask him what you're into is one thing but I think asking about the fantasies is a little personal. I might just be naive cuz I'm new to all this but that's how I think. You shouldn't have to share stuff with somebody that you don't want to. I would have handed them a Snickers (to help with the tantrum) and told them to have a good day 😂

[Sy****]

Sorry that should say "asking what..."

[Subprincess82]

1 hour ago, BlackGrassland said:

You're welcome but if that's so what's this topic really about then? Another forever sub complaining about fake doms?

It's about discussing when people like to share things. If I was moaning about fake doms then I'd never get much else done. There are new subs that may get pressured into doing something they aren't comfortable with because of pressure, I don't feel there's any issue with me putting something out there that has happened. But you're free to not comment on it and just enjoy your day

[or****]

That is horrible only share what you want to share. Only when the par are ready should it be done not until then.

[Bl****]

35 minutes ago, Subprincess82 said:

It's about discussing when people like to share things. If I was moaning about fake doms then I'd never get much else done. There are new subs that may get pressured into doing something they aren't comfortable with because of pressure, I don't feel there's any issue with me putting something out there that has happened. But you're free to not comment on it and just enjoy your day

I'm enjoying my day, commenting on a public topic. You're free not to engage with me if you don't appreciate my thoughts. Please don't adopt a savior guise in protecting new subs with your personal experience. It's not getting anything done. Seeking collectivism that revolves around your attitude and experience to protect those who are new and *** is misguided at best. Is there any direct, less murky action you're taking to achieve that end?

[wu****]

Honestly your asking the wrong question here. Doesn't matter if other people share that openly. You said no thats not something you share right away. Thats a boundary. Hes not respecting your boundaries or limits and hes getting ***ed you even set one. He is also trying to get you to feel bad for doing so. Block asap. Run! Doesn't matter if you are weird. Weird is welcome on this app. Its a kink app. Thats the one thing 99% of people on here will agree with is consent and respecting limits and boundaries. Even cnc has consent and boundaries and limits set first so there's some trust.

[Ta****]

In this space I actually share fantasies fairly quickly compared to normal life. I'm usually pretty easy to talk about kinks and such anyways. But especially here because for me the whole point is to find other who share my desires. If we both share fantasies we can learn if we match in that arena

[Deleted Member]

Fantasies are not important at the start, weirdly. And useless to share if there is not some sort of emotional connection. Even when women go all in with fantasies and kinks out of the gate, it indicates to me that they have difficulty connecting emotionally. Or that they have no intention of meeting and will vanish fairly soon, once they got the cyber hit. Probably the same with men.

[va****]

You should only share what you feel comfortable on your timeline. Someone getting upset with a boundary without knowing you well tells me they do not honour limits after you express them, and would be unsafe to play with. You dodged a bullet.

[Au****]

The problem is that he was projecting his kink on someone without their consent… He clearly doesn’t understand that being a Dom doesn’t make anyone subordinate to him, and he has no right to expect submission from anyone who hasn’t consented to playing with him. The idea that there’s fault on both sides is ridiculous. Getting angry because someone doesn’t want to play your game is toxic.

[Pe****]

Both sides make sense to a degree.
Why should you trust him with what you hold close?
How much should he invest to know if this interaction is worth his time?
He should have just walked away instead of getting frustrated.
You should have just walked away instead of publicly insulting him in an emotional outburst.
I don't know what these previous messages you shared with him entailed or how long it took, but clearly, it wasn't a good match, and you're both better off not interacting with each other.
You say you're doing this to warn other subs they don't need to share before they're comfortable.
Which is okay.
Do you think he should he be posting to warn other doms about subs who want to receive attention with no intention of a relationship?
Because that happens too.
A one-sided post where we have to just trust you to accurately and honestly share events? Where you insult his response to you, sarcastically boost your position, call for support, then finish off with a self depreciating query. You could have made an uplifting post telling subs to know their value and do what they feel is right for them. Instead, you berate somebody you have a personal issue with and fish for support for your actions. You come off as seeking validation after not getting what you wanted from the dom you were messaging. I get that you're upset, but even if they did behave poorly, you should really try to promote positive messages instead of anger and hate.
It's a dating app. Lots of people are frustrated. We all, doms and subs, need to know our value to stay true to what's right for us and be patient enough to not lash out when we don't get what we want.
Good luck. ❤️

[al****]

If you aren't fully comfortable and excited with your partner, then get a new one until you do find one

[Mr****]

I wouldn’t have told him either, especially not during early interactions.

[Au****]

3 hours ago, Pet_Mimic said:

Both sides make sense to a degree.
Why should you trust him with what you hold close?
How much should he invest to know if this interaction is worth his time?
He should have just walked away instead of getting frustrated.
You should have just walked away instead of publicly insulting him in an emotional outburst.
I don't know what these previous messages you shared with him entailed or how long it took, but clearly, it wasn't a good match, and you're both better off not interacting with each other.
You say you're doing this to warn other subs they don't need to share before they're comfortable.
Which is okay.
Do you think he should he be posting to warn other doms about subs who want to receive attention with no intention of a relationship?
Because that happens too.
A one-sided post where we have to just trust you to accurately and honestly share events? Where you insult his response to you, sarcastically boost your position, call for support, then finish off with a self depreciating query. You could have made an uplifting post telling subs to know their value and do what they feel is right for them. Instead, you berate somebody you have a personal issue with and fish for support for your actions. You come off as seeking validation after not getting what you wanted from the dom you were messaging. I get that you're upset, but even if they did behave poorly, you should really try to promote positive messages instead of anger and hate.
It's a dating app. Lots of people are frustrated. We all, doms and subs, need to know our value to stay true to what's right for us and be patient enough to not lash out when we don't get what we want.
Good luck. ❤️

This is a social network, not just a dating app. People are here for a variety of reasons… Community, networking, friendship, etc. Nobody needs to have an “intention of a relationship” to have a conversation.

[tomuchforyou]

This is why it's hard to connect sometimes with ppl. They expect you to start off with telling them you darkest deepest desires. No thank you. Earn my trust before I open fully up

[Ul****]

You don’t owe anyone anything. I’m demisexual so I know exactly what you mean. I say you dodged a serious bullet. Lol

[pr****]

Run.

[la****]

People like that ruin the experience. I don’t get it

[Ke****]

Set your own course. Ignore people that tell you to dodge a "bullet". Maybe, making that fantasy come true is exactly what you need to set yourself free of all the expectations of people you don't really care about anyway ... Be happy without worries about what others may think.

[Pe****]

Friday at 04:00 AM, Aura999 said:

This is a social network, not just a dating app. People are here for a variety of reasons… Community, networking, friendship, etc. Nobody needs to have an “intention of a relationship” to have a conversation.

So you're saying you spent multiple messages clearly just wanting to be friends, not flirting or leading him on at all, then he randomly wanted to know your fantasies? That does make him rather weird.