Protection Collars?

[Ta****]

So, after having spent some time with a newly introduced individual and having questions of my own now. I look to others who are more knowledgeable than I for this idea:

There has been talk of utilizing a Protection collar during kinky-social events (munches/classes, etc). Has anyone utilized this idea? Have you utilized locks on the collar? If so, do you lock it? If you have utilized this idea, what are the pros and cons? What was your individual experience and would you do it again?

Thoughts, ideas and concerns are greatly appreciated. This is a little bit outside my realm of expertise. I appreciate any and all support.

[De****]

If someone is collared at a kink event another Dom, by convention, should never speak to them without the express permission of their Dom. Now how often that plays out in real life is another thing. The collar doesn’t need any specific lock, to my knowledge. If a collar is recognizable as a collar at a kink event that sub should be viewed as “off limits”.

[no****]

Disagree completely. I can respect a sub and not her dom. Most of these dudes are fedora wearing dorks with man boobs.

[do****]

31 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

If someone is collared at a kink event another Dom, by convention, should never speak to them without the express permission of their Dom. Now how often that plays out in real life is another thing. The collar doesn’t need any specific lock, to my knowledge. If a collar is recognizable as a collar at a kink event that sub should be viewed as “off limits”.

Facts

[Ce****]

I have actually been to an event and had collars in a bag just for people to wear if they were approached and uncomfortable. It's not the most ideal of situations and can lead to some discomfort? But most people truly in the community know if there's a collar, don't approach in anything but a respectful manner. It can help, but isn't always perfect.

[no****]

Cuck behavior for sure.

[Deleted Member]

A "protection collar" is a statement of a deeper, permanent or near permanent relationship between Dom and Sub. By giving this collar to be worn the Dom is committing to overseeing every aspect of care and protection to and for the sub and by accepting this collar the sub is committing to releasing care and protection to the Dom solely in bonded trust. Locks strike me as ridiculous unless even I am misunderstanding the purpose of one. I would take it as a means of restricting the sub from removing it and if a Dom has chosen to have a committed long term relationship with a sub whom they feel the need to lock up in *** they might remove the commitment and act unfaithfully then there is a problem there that is much bigger than the lock. As a Dom, if I see a female in a collar -event or no event, doesn't matter if I'm at the grocery store, I assume she is spoken for and I will not initiate contact or conversation. Call me old skool but I actually respect the commitments of others and have never been one to want to waste my time defiling or attempting to defile somebody else's sacred trust. I'm also not the jealous type so I would never demand or even ask a committed sub to dawn a collar to ward off other Dons who may take interest. If a sub is committed to me, I like strong willed women so, collar or no collar I expect and trust her completely to reject any advances made by anyone other than me or anyone else I have given her permission to indulge with. The lock seems unnecessary to me, but perhaps there is more to it than what I am perceiving. Somebody please enlighten me if that is the case.

Side tangent: How did two completely different profiles come up with the same exact words for word response to this question above?^^ Just curious

[jw****]

Learning

[De****]

4 hours ago, nomad115 said:

Disagree completely. I can respect a sub and not her dom. Most of these dudes are fedora wearing dorks with man boobs.

If someone doesn’t respect my Dom they don’t respect me. If someone disrespects me they disrespect my Dom. Trying to untwine a Dom and a sub with reference to their dynamic, is like trying to separate the sodium from chloride and still calling it salt. A sub has chosen a Dom and a Dom has chosen a sub. To disrespect the dynamic is to disrespect both. It’s not anyone else’s place to say that a sub’s Dom is not good enough. It was not your choice.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, CelticJedi said:

I have actually been to an event and had collars in a bag just for people to wear if they were approached and uncomfortable. It's not the most ideal of situations and can lead to some discomfort? But most people truly in the community know if there's a collar, don't approach in anything but a respectful manner. It can help, but isn't always perfect.

That’s very interesting and honestly a good idea if you don’t wanna be approached by random people out of nowhere. Also it en***s a level of respect that some people simply don’t have

[Qu****]

As someone who helps run a dungeon, my thoughts are if someone is truly creeping/acting predatory, you need to inform the staff. Say no once if they're asking to play, etc. If they come up again, then the staff needs to know. The people running the dungeon don't want that element in our spaces and should either correct the creep or boot them. Fortunately, we don't usually have that issue in our dungeon because we screen all members and have a very liberal self-defense policy.

[sn****]

7 hours ago, DenverBunny said:

If someone is collared at a kink event another Dom, by convention, should never speak to them without the express permission of their Dom. Now how often that plays out in real life is another thing. The collar doesn’t need any specific lock, to my knowledge. If a collar is recognizable as a collar at a kink event that sub should be viewed as “off limits”.

Is that just how things are in your area or something? Because anywhere I've been, that is definitely not a rule or thing. Closest thing to that is when a s type is under high protocol that includes s***ch restrictions, how it has been anywhere I've been is, approach respectfully and some may ask, is it okay to speak to you? But if you already know each other, or see someone talking to someone with a collar on, usually people will say hi or introduce themselves.

[sn****]

My partner was under protection of their friend, while we were exploring a dynamic until I collared them. How it worked was, he provided them a safety net, would step in for things as needed, keep them safe and close to him when he was present. For a protection collar I probably wouldn't suggest using one that locks.

Talk about how it would work and function if you're under their protection if you haven't already. Be sure to watch for predatory or unsafe behavior, because some will use being in that role to take advantage of someone, so don't just jump into anything, and vet them, get to know if you want to give them that authority first.

[ey****]

A thing about collars is that what it means between you as a couple doesn't necessarily extend outwards in the area - unless this is a protocol event or setting

Things like munches are social - the protocol there is to be social - a collar may signify you are in a relationship and have a collar (or, are submissive and like wearing collars, or have a collar you like - all are valid) but wouldn't prevent anyone talking to you

Because of this, sure have a collar - but most kinda collar guides are again just guides - so pick something you both like and will be comfortable wearing and is suitable for the environment 

If you are going to protocol events, then check what the collar protocol is for that event.

 

[Da****]

Collars are very special to a dynamic. It should be taken as serious as an engagement ring or wedding ring. Basically it is a signal to other Doms and submissives that a different protocol is in place. Usually when someone is collared their Dom is not usually very far. There are 3 different types of collars. Training, play and day. I encourage everyone to do research into the different types of collars and their meanings behind them.

Usually if I see someone collared I will not approach them out of respect to their Dom. It is an unspoken rule that another Dom is not supposed to approach someone with a collar on. It is much more of a respect thing.

[Tw****]

I see people mentioning unspoken rules and hidden meanings... It's a collar. Whatever it means to you could mean something completely different to another group of people. Being verbal before/during any event about what it means is the only way to ensure boundaries are adhered to. (Unless you get a collar with "don't touch" written on it...) Some events might en*** dress code standards and meanings but they can vary massively, so always check with an event host prior to going. I've known people to use colour codes to signify certain kinks/wants/requirements and there is always one person who never got the right information.

[Tw****]

As a Dom it is your duty to your sub/subs to get the correct information for the scenario. So you took the right step by asking. Unfortunately it isn't a cut and paste approach, you will have to assess every event/meeting on a case by case basis and be ready to inform those who do not know or understand.

[De****]

9 hours ago, snake102 said:

Is that just how things are in your area or something? Because anywhere I've been, that is definitely not a rule or thing. Closest thing to that is when a s type is under high protocol that includes s***ch restrictions, how it has been anywhere I've been is, approach respectfully and some may ask, is it okay to speak to you? But if you already know each other, or see someone talking to someone with a collar on, usually people will say hi or introduce themselves.

I should have clarified, I meant approaching a sub that you don’t know. My understanding has always been that to approach a sub that is collared at a kink event if you don’t know them is inappropriate and against decorum. Yes, I mean high protocol.

[do****]

15 hours ago, DannyGalaxies said:

A "protection collar" is a statement of a deeper, permanent or near permanent relationship between Dom and Sub. By giving this collar to be worn the Dom is committing to overseeing every aspect of care and protection to and for the sub and by accepting this collar the sub is committing to releasing care and protection to the Dom solely in bonded trust. Locks strike me as ridiculous unless even I am misunderstanding the purpose of one. I would take it as a means of restricting the sub from removing it and if a Dom has chosen to have a committed long term relationship with a sub whom they feel the need to lock up in *** they might remove the commitment and act unfaithfully then there is a problem there that is much bigger than the lock. As a Dom, if I see a female in a collar -event or no event, doesn't matter if I'm at the grocery store, I assume she is spoken for and I will not initiate contact or conversation. Call me old skool but I actually respect the commitments of others and have never been one to want to waste my time defiling or attempting to defile somebody else's sacred trust. I'm also not the jealous type so I would never demand or even ask a committed sub to dawn a collar to ward off other Dons who may take interest. If a sub is committed to me, I like strong willed women so, collar or no collar I expect and trust her completely to reject any advances made by anyone other than me or anyone else I have given her permission to indulge with. The lock seems unnecessary to me, but perhaps there is more to it than what I am perceiving. Somebody please enlighten me if that is the case.

Side tangent: How did two completely different profiles come up with the same exact words for word response to this question above?^^ Just curious

Even at the grocery store. That part. True lifestylers respect collars everywhere

[Timcornbread]

We have the 3 collars/styles in place. With her having some options. Day. Kitten my choose from any of the necklaces I have given her for day wear. Only we know the significance of the necklaces. At home on play nights, she wears a play collar. A custom-made leather collar. it does lock but can be worn without. For formal occasions Kitten has 3 jeweled neck collars that blend well. They look more like low hanging solid necklaces with rear clasps. When Kitten has earned my ire, she has a working pink dog collar. It will be worn at home until the wrong is righted and discipline is done.

Our use of collars to me is a reminder of my duty to her happiness and care. For her it is a daily reminder that she has submitted this to me and is trusting me with all her worldly concerns. In my pledge to her I had her place a shackle on me at her collaring ceremony. It has a special tool to remove the shackle and is her favorite day necklace. The tool is disguised as a pendant. It has never been removed.

[ey****]

7 hours ago, DenverBunny said:

I should have clarified, I meant approaching a sub that you don’t know. My understanding has always been that to approach a sub that is collared at a kink event if you don’t know them is inappropriate and against decorum. Yes, I mean high protocol.

A lot comes down to context

Like, what is meant by "approach" for example.  Like, someone wearing a collar can mean one of multiple things (1) They are signifying they are submissive, but are not in a relationship (2) they are 'owned' as someone's sub (3) they are someone's sub but are free to play with others (4) they just happen to like wearing a collar 

But on the flip.  What if someone is NOT wearing a collar?  If there's, say, a lady at an event and she doesn't have a collar on does that mean she's a Domme? Does it mean she's an unowned sub who is fair game?

Like anything it's easy to make assumptions and these assumptions cannot be met unless you ask.  

There are high protocol events which have a collar protocol.  When a collar protocol exists at an event, then individual protocol is meaningless, you respect the events version of the collar protocol.  

 

In general it's courteous not to proposition someone who is in a monogamous relationship regardless of if they're wearing a collar, or not.  

[Tw****]

2 hours ago, Timcornbread said:

We have the 3 collars/styles in place. With her having some options. Day. Kitten my choose from any of the necklaces I have given her for day wear. Only we know the significance of the necklaces. At home on play nights, she wears a play collar. A custom-made leather collar. it does lock but can be worn without. For formal occasions Kitten has 3 jeweled neck collars that blend well. They look more like low hanging solid necklaces with rear clasps. When Kitten has earned my ire, she has a working pink dog collar. It will be worn at home until the wrong is righted and discipline is done.

Our use of collars to me is a reminder of my duty to her happiness and care. For her it is a daily reminder that she has submitted this to me and is trusting me with all her worldly concerns. In my pledge to her I had her place a shackle on me at her collaring ceremony. It has a special tool to remove the shackle and is her favorite day necklace. The tool is disguised as a pendant. It has never been removed.

That's something deep shit. It's honorable, though.

[Sh****]

@Quixote_69 I absolutely agree with your comment. Unless you wish to try out a collar or you've established a dynamic if you feel uncomfortable you should speak to staff. Most dungeons I have been to have dungeon monitors and people are vetted but that doesn't mean creeps dont exist.

Also a collar has different meanings for each individual. Some use it for play, others it is a much more significant meaning. So I wouldn't assume that because you wear a collar every person isn't going to talk to you. To me collars hold a very big meaning but I have also worn them and it was completely okay for people to talk to me the dynamic I was in it was permitted. You will see people who just like wearing collars even at events.

I dont hold anything past people because there are many who may be new or many who are not graceful for respecting dungeon decorum. I've had people interrupt a scene I was in which is heavily frowned upon, and for some places you can get booted if you continue to do so.

[Ke****]

You can ask the collared person whether they speak for themselves or who they need to get permission from to speak to the collared person. Only at a high protocol event would talking to a collared person be frowned upon without permission, even if its just asking for the protocol for getting permission to talk to the collared person. Otherwise, the collared person will usually tell you the required protocol for getting permission to talk.

[ey****]

Slight thing on vetting 

So, it is important and I'm not discrediting it at all - but vetting is part of an ongoing process : you might do the most perfect vet on someone and it simply means they haven't done anything *yet* 

Then, of course, consider - most vetting isn't perfect anyway.   Far from it. 

There has been issues in the past, of course, where people have used "we vet everyone" as a cover (deliberate or otherwise) so that when someone has a complaint or isn't happy with something they feel they wouldn't be listened to - or - if they raise it, get a "they were vetted, are you questioning our system?" type response back.

You have to go in with an approach that vetting is a tool, but not the whole kit - and - make sure people are aware what the rules are and have a culture where people can feel comfortable raising any concerns.   

People shouldn't be being creepy regardless of if someone is or isn't wearing a collar.   I think a question on issues that arise is how they are or would be dealt with.