foreducatio Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Would most Doms be ok with their daughters being a sub or a slave? Subs may answer as well.
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Honestly? I have thought about this so much, I have a daughter and the idea of her liking being a sub or slave fills me with dread, I know that what I do with a sub is 100% consensual but the idea of her feeling *** or being humiliated makes me want to already punch people , I always only want her to be safe.
ey**** Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 I guess a question is what is known. There are people I know who keep their lifestyle away from their kids and people I know who keep it away from their parents (I also know a couple who brought their daughter to a munch - but that's very much an exception) So.... in theory... you could have parents and children both practising kink without the others knowledge anyway.
Cade Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 I can't speak for most dominants, but if it made my daughter happy and content with her life, and she practiced it safely (which I could be sure of through healthy communication that we could have knowing I didn't judge her), then I would be fine with her following her desires as anyone might. Honestly, I'd trust her safety in the BDSM culture far more than at a vanilla frat party, or vanilla dating at all where the idea is to hide your faults so someone will find you attractive.
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 i think ( as a sub and a daughter) that i am safest from harm in this lifestyle than outside of it. the beauty of connection, communication and honesty within dynamics are (i feel) good roles to use as examples for healthy relationships being sexual or not. My parents know of my lifestyle choice and supported it when i told them, their main concern was my safety in participating in potentially dangerous activities. one thing i would ensure that i instilled in this hypothetical deviant child of mine would be to know herself. which, conveniently is a pretty big part of the culture here. if you have a daughter that is interested in BDSM and kink, please be open minded towards it. With or without my parents approval i would have ventured here, having the approval means i am not closed off from my relationship with my parents
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 (edited) So my mum knows about my BDSM life style (she isn't really into it herself but has tried a few things ). I have been really open about it with her. Before i met my partner, she asked if i was meeting someone online to let her know and where i was meeting them, just incase i needed her to collect me. She asks questions and i answer them. My mum is a 'young' mum and she is one of my best friends. She is very opened minded and she just wants me to be happy. I know this wasn't what you asked but thought but thought it was relevant ☺️ Also I'm very sassy and fiesty.. So she knows i can look after myself 😂😜or knows i know when to ask for help Edited June 25, 2020 by Deleted Member
foreducatio Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 Thanks for the response guys. I'm a Dom and I feel like I'm a good guy but I would never want my daughter to be a sub or a slave. It would literally go against everything I would invest years of teaching her. That you are valuable regardless of what others think about you. You should be an individual etc. I mean really, as a Man, what else do you teach your daughter? It's a weird spot to be in.
foreducatio Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 12 minutes ago, little_red_92 said: i think ( as a sub and a daughter) that i am safest from harm in this lifestyle than outside of it. the beauty of connection, communication and honesty within dynamics are (i feel) good roles to use as examples for healthy relationships being sexual or not. My parents know of my lifestyle choice and supported it when i told them, their main concern was my safety in participating in potentially dangerous activities. one thing i would ensure that i instilled in this hypothetical deviant child of mine would be to know herself. which, conveniently is a pretty big part of the culture here. if you have a daughter that is interested in BDSM and kink, please be open minded towards it. With or without my parents approval i would have ventured here, having the approval means i am not closed off from my relationship with my parents But in truth little_red_92 I feel like the expectations are always different when you are a child as opposed to being a parent. As a child you expect and want your parent to agree and support all your decisions even the silly ones but as a parent, we would never allow certain things. So many people have tried *** but would kill their kid if they knew they were doing it. Not really hypocrisy either. Parents were right in the first place.
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 i think, respectfully that you do not wish for a sub missives point of view then. unfortunately if you are willing to take a female sub yet cant handle the idea of your daughter being one then the hypocrisy is strong. perhaps further self reflection is needed.
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Just now, foreducatio said: It would literally go against everything I would invest years of teaching her. That you are valuable regardless of what others think about you. You should be an individual etc. this worries me, are your submissive not valuable? do you not want the best for them ? do you not listen to their view as an individual?
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 I have a daughter. I will be honest I find this topic of conversation incredibly uncomfortable. I don’t want my two worlds to meet.
BeardedSi Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 I think that to be someone in the lifestyle and to have the opinion that it wouldn't be okay for your daughter is very narrow minded and hypocritical. Yes there are pitfalls and experiences that im sure you wouldn't want her to experience but who better to provide her with the knowledge and understanding that so many lack when entering the lifestyle. I for one would be happy for my daughter (if I had one) to be part of it. just maybe organise what events we were both going to.... lol
Cade Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, little_red_92 said: this worries me, are your submissive not valuable? do you not want the best for them ? do you not listen to their view as an individual? I had the same knee jerk reaction. If you are teaching your daughter to be valued as an individual, then negating her from following her heart, than you are undoing the years of teaching. The only individuals that don't find submissives to be valued tend to be abusive or misinformed about the true nature of this wonderful lifestyle. Basically, what I think you are teaching, with all due respect @foreducatio, is something extremely damaging: be yourself, unless you are different. Edited June 25, 2020 by Cade
Wo**** Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 34 minutes ago, foreducatio said: I'm a good guy but I would never want my daughter to be a sub or a slave. It would literally go against everything I would invest years of teaching her. That you are valuable regardless of what others think about you. You should be an individual etc. Unless youre a sub or slave? All I want for my daughter is for her to be happy with her sexuality and desires.
Cade Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Maybe, a slight change to the equation can help highlight the issue. What if your son wanted to be a sub or slave? Additionally, what if your son wanted a sub or slave? If you would be alright with either of these, but not your daughter, then I would definitely suggest exploring why you feel this way further before trying to en*** anything on anyone else - lest of all, your own child.
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 As a sub who's parents are both aware of the what I do to an extent and that I am a sub and both support me, to quote their words your life is your own, your mistakes are your to make, your good times are yours to enjoy and we will be here to help you and keep you safe as and when you need us. I will say I am extremely lucky my parents are so accepting and yes the is certain things they put their foot down on such as substantial age differences. At the end of the day wether your child is a sub/slave/Dom/domme/vanilla/tree hugger whatever you just want them to be happy and safe so is it not better to be open minded and support them than to make them feel that they can't do something or its wrong (99% of the time they will do it anyway but just keep it from you as your not accepting it)
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Not sure the purpose of your question but so many flaws hurdled answers. One not all subs are women. Does it mean it’s a negative situation that a daughter might be a sub. Why is it a parent to be concerned about their children private sexual life. Why do you involved your daughter into your kinky lifestyle
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 If you’re a parent, I think it will affect how you answer this. It’s a very different perspective to being a daughter. It’s not necessarily a reasonable perspective either. I haven’t been involved with d/s for long and as I said above - I struggle with this. And I’m a submissive, daughter and a mother. It’s going in my too-hard basket.
Wo**** Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 5 minutes ago, Curvykate said: If you’re a parent, I think it will affect how you answer this. It’s a very different perspective to being a daughter. It’s not necessarily a reasonable perspective either. I haven’t been involved with d/s for long and as I said above - I struggle with this. And I’m a submissive, daughter and a mother. It’s going in my too-hard basket. Why do you struggle with it? Am happy to chat in PM if you'd rather not discuss it on here. I'm just curious what your thoughts are x
Deleted Member Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 14 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: Why do you struggle with it? Am happy to chat in PM if you'd rather not discuss it on here. I'm just curious what your thoughts are x There are all sorts of reasons for me right now and too personal to discuss with anyone if I’m honest (sorry!). But generally I’d ascribe it to protectiveness. For me and perhaps a few others too who have posted.
foreducatio Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Cade said: I can't speak for most dominants, but if it made my daughter happy and content with her life, and she practiced it safely (which I could be sure of through healthy communication that we could have knowing I didn't judge her), then I would be fine with her following her desires as anyone might. Honestly, I'd trust her safety in the BDSM culture far more than at a vanilla frat party, or vanilla dating at all where the idea is to hide your faults so someone will find you attractive. I have differing views Cade. I trust neither BDSM culture nor vanilla society as safe for my kids. In fact, I think the world is a dangerous place and parents need to protect their kids regardless. Selfishness, narcissism, manipulation and *** are not isolated to vanilla society. I think it is rampant wherever you go because beyond vanilla and BDSM, human nature trumps all. Granted that we want the best for our kids we don't always agree or submit to their desires. Your daughter or son may be dating someone abusive or selfish with no love for them but are convinced that they are in a good relationship. This can be both BDSM or vanilla. That should be a concern for any good parent. Also, we all love BDSM hence why we are here. However, it is wrong to assume that all vanilla relationships are based on some shallow pretention of hiding faults. This happens in BDSM as well where subs feel like they need to prove that they are submissive to their Doms against their true character or a Dom trying to be more Dominant to prove to his sub against his character. The problems plague both worlds.
Mo**** Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Well, I am a father of a boy and a girl. If either of my kids wanted to or were involved in this lifestyle, that is THEIR business. I don't think my daughter knows that I'm kinky but my son does, although not to what extent. If either of them ask, or if anyone else asks, I will not deny it (my involvement), but I don't advertise. Sure I show my face on here, and I have nothing to hide, that is why I won't deny. Now, what makes you think you have the right to deny or direct your daughter in what she can do with her life if she is an adult? Do you not want her to be able to come to you and talk about problems she may have in life? The other thing is this, ALL subs/slaves are valuable, so please don't denigrate them with a narrow perspective. Think about this life logically and without emotion with regard to your daughter. First up, a lot of subs/slaves here, on other posts about Doms, have admitted that they have, or had, low self esteem, that their use in different dynamics was not what they really needed, and to a degree was more *** than consensual use and ***. So we have been critical of those dominants with our comments. Wouldn't it be better, if your daughter was to be a sub who enjoyed ***, to be able to enlighten her on these problems, and to show/teach/inform her, that if things went beyond what she wanted, that it is domestic *** rather than just play. You would be able to rest easy knowing why she had bruises and marks, rather than thinking she was the subject of ***. As parents, we should be teaching our kids about life and what is right and wrong. They have to know that they can come to us for support and guidance IF they want it. In this lifestyle, because of the myriad of kinks/fetishes, we should NOT be judgmental towards others.
Cade Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, foreducatio said: I have differing views Cade. I trust neither BDSM culture nor vanilla society as safe for my kids. In fact, I think the world is a dangerous place and parents need to protect their kids regardless. Selfishness, narcissism, manipulation and *** are not isolated to vanilla society. I think it is rampant wherever you go because beyond vanilla and BDSM, human nature trumps all. Granted that we want the best for our kids we don't always agree or submit to their desires. Your daughter or son may be dating someone abusive or selfish with no love for them but are convinced that they are in a good relationship. This can be both BDSM or vanilla. That should be a concern for any good parent. Also, we all love BDSM hence why we are here. However, it is wrong to assume that all vanilla relationships are based on some shallow pretention of hiding faults. This happens in BDSM as well where subs feel like they need to prove that they are submissive to their Doms against their true character or a Dom trying to be more Dominant to prove to his sub against his character. The problems plague both worlds. No, you're right. Both worlds have people that have malicious and criminal intent, and if you truly feel both worlds are equally dangerous, are you going to prevent your daughter from seeing ANYONE, because as you just pointed out, the lifestyle doesn't matter? More over what I mean, though, is that vanilla dating is very different from BDSM dating (in concept). Vanilla dating focuses on highlighting the positives and downplaying the negatives, while BDSM dating is more about open, honest communication through various means. Now, certainly, a vanilla individual can be honest and communicate openly, although if you've seen any "dating" (or, "how to pick up women") information, I think you'd agree the focus is on "putting the best foot forward", "peacocking" or looking extravagant, the keys points of attraction seem based on superficial aspects: how good we can look, how much many *** or materialism we have, and what we have to offer a significant other. Meanwhile, in the BDSM culture, we have a tendency to put information that might well deter attraction up front and unmistakable. Edited June 26, 2020 by Cade
Th**** Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 I have brought up 7 children, 4 boys and 3 girls and I love them dearly and want only the best for them. I would be more than happy if any of them decided that they wanted to enter a BDSM relationship as either a sub or a Dom. As Cade had stated I feel it is far more important that they are able to be their authentic selves. To find happiness in what ever way they wish. To be able to make their own empowered informed decisions and not hide away scared of what the world may bring.
Phoenyx Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 Having never had kids, I can't honestly answer that question. I tend to think that I would be supportive. But, who knows how I would truly react in that situation. However, I do have an interesting personal story, somewhat along that line. In my later adult years, I was made aware of a certain family rumor---a hearsay, that my own mom had once worked as a dominatrix, during the 1940's. Interesting, as my relatives knew absolutely nothing about my involvement in The Scene. Still, the rumor seemed to fit. From what I recall of my mom, she definitely had the personality---very dominant. Plus, I had come across some of her "dirty books" (femdom) during the sad duty of sorting through my parents' things. Now, to the question. Back when I began to hit puberty (at a definite early age) I immediately took an interest in fetish and BDSM. Mostly, it surfaced as a taste for leather and rubber. At that age, I really had no idea what was driving me. I seemed to be totally alone in that respect. I never even told my parents. I felt too ashamed. My father was completely oblivious. However, my mother could sense exactly what was happening. And, she did everything that she could, to discourage my "interests". But, it was somehow in my ***---it would not be going away. It wasn't until my early ***s, that my mom finally began to soften her position. Still, this may not answer the current question. You see, by that age, I was also showing very dominant traits---mostly, as "a problem with authority". (actually, from my perspective, "Authority" seemed to have a problem with me---but, that is a different story) Back then, my mom finally, reluctantly agreed to get me a leather jacket, for my four*** birthday. Still, "the subject" remained unspoken. In retrospect, however, I have to wonder, if we had been on the verge of having "The Talk". But, neither the Talk nor the jacket ever happened. My mom passed-away from cancer, just a short time later. So began many long years of confusion, shame, and self-doubt. Upon turning 21, I discovered my first BDSM books, in the dusty back corners of adult book stores. Still, I felt that I had to hide my face. Twelve years passed, between the time that I lost my mom, and the moment that I finally discovered the truth. A classmate at the Community College, noticed that I wore "more than my share" of leather. She invited me to my first play party---one that she and her husband were hosting. And the rest, as they say, is history. Anyway, I hope that this tale might provide some insight, to those pondering the current question.
Recommended Posts