Advice on cuckolding

[ey****]

there was something interesting I read the other day, that was a little simple - but in some ways a little over simple

but basically it stated that one of the big issues guys have in cuckold scenarios is that they make it about them.  When for it to work it has to be about their wife/partner's enjoyment and what the man has to fulfil to support/enable that.   Which may well be in financing, taking on more housework, watching kids so she can go out

The more things lean into the cucks wants/boundaries the more it becomes his fantasy and not theirs, and certainly not hers - that she is effectively dating and fucking other people as a performance to his kink 

And, actually, if his kink involves not having sex with her himself, and she is sexually active - then it is more likely to head down a route not so happy with

[ChastitySub4Use]

35 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there was something interesting I read the other day, that was a little simple - but in some ways a little over simple

but basically it stated that one of the big issues guys have in cuckold scenarios is that they make it about them.  When for it to work it has to be about their wife/partner's enjoyment and what the man has to fulfil to support/enable that.   Which may well be in financing, taking on more housework, watching kids so she can go out

The more things lean into the cucks wants/boundaries the more it becomes his fantasy and not theirs, and certainly not hers - that she is effectively dating and fucking other people as a performance to his kink 

And, actually, if his kink involves not having sex with her himself, and she is sexually active - then it is more likely to head down a route not so happy with

this is very true and in my case you could probably apply that HOWEVER I still think it surely must be a compromise. A bit of give and take. Surely not 100% geared to wife?

why provide financial support etc to your wife/girlfriend/sugar baby if you get nothing in return

it may work for a while, even a few years but it eventually self destructs

forget the kink aspect, in any relationship, if it is purely one sided it will eventually impode?

All I know is it the straw that broke camels back was when she came back one day and said she'd dented the car while out with her 'boyfriend' and I had to pay the £800 repair bill or could have been the fact she went to germany with him on holiday that I paid for! can't remember which but you get the idea?

 

Edited Monday at 06:50 PM by ChastitySub4Use

[li****]

1 hour ago, ChastitySub4Use said:

thank you.

and I don't believe anybody has mentioned the kids issue? two of my three daughters are my wifes ex-husbands, and the third is the school gardeners, though I have raised thm as my own and love them dearly, even if they aren't speaking to me at moment because they do not approve of my lifestyle/relationships! my wife has not told them about her lifestyle.....

My new/current Mistress is not really experienced at all in being Domme, she was actually my ex-Masters girlfriend and recently had a baby which I'm helping her to raise at the moment as he dumped her the minute she got pregnant. Doing baby feeds at 3am is not easy at best of times let alone when it is not your own child so that is additional pause for thought.... if you get into this, is that would you would like?

If you enter in a cockold relationship over the long term you must, certainly as a man, expect at some point for your wife/girlfriend to become pregnant, especially in my case where my wife told me she had stopped contraception before our wedding night. At first I thought she was simply saying that to turn me on (to play to one of my kinks) but it turned out to be true as she gave birth a year after we were married and I can assure you I had no involvement in that conception!

This sounds crazy. Obviously you can't possibly mix *** and kink...

[li****]

1 hour ago, ChastitySub4Use said:

this is very true and in my case you could probably apply that HOWEVER I still think it surely must be a compromise. A bit of give and take. Surely not 100% geared to wife?

why provide financial support etc to your wife/girlfriend/sugar baby if you get nothing in return

it may work for a while, even a few years but it eventually self destructs

forget the kink aspect, in any relationship, if it is purely one sided it will eventually impode?

All I know is it the straw that broke camels back was when she came back one day and said she'd dented the car while out with her 'boyfriend' and I had to pay the £800 repair bill or could have been the fact she went to germany with him on holiday that I paid for! can't remember which but you get the idea?

 

I wonder if cuckolding is just impracticable.
From the woman's point of view, she feels ***d to perform as a personal porn star for somebody's enjoyment, which doesn't feel dominant at all. From the man's point of view, he feels used if she doesn't give him the feeling he's doing it for him somehow.
Maybe successful cuckolding couples exist only in fiction.

[ChastitySub4Use]

11 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

I wonder if cuckolding is just impracticable.
From the woman's point of view, she feels ***d to perform as a personal porn star for somebody's enjoyment, which doesn't feel dominant at all. From the man's point of view, he feels used if she doesn't give him the feeling he's doing it for him somehow.
Maybe successful cuckolding couples exist only in fiction.

my current 'mistress', used in loosest sense as she has no prior experience, pretty much refused to do the cuckolding. She knows about my kinks but equally just wants a normal relationship.

She has no desire to engage another guy. She is up for a certain amount of stuff such as locking me in chastity and wearing key, mild bondage stuff etc but she point blank says not interested in having sex with another guy whether in front of me or not as she ***s it will undermine our relationship.

We have been friends for a few years and only recently moved into a more intimate relationship. Even now though, it is more about cuddling up watching hallmark xmas romances together in bed than doing anything as crazy as cuckold stuff.

[li****]

21 minutes ago, ChastitySub4Use said:

my current 'mistress', used in loosest sense as she has no prior experience, pretty much refused to do the cuckolding. She knows about my kinks but equally just wants a normal relationship.

She has no desire to engage another guy. She is up for a certain amount of stuff such as locking me in chastity and wearing key, mild bondage stuff etc but she point blank says not interested in having sex with another guy whether in front of me or not as she ***s it will undermine our relationship.

We have been friends for a few years and only recently moved into a more intimate relationship. Even now though, it is more about cuddling up watching hallmark xmas romances together in bed than doing anything as crazy as cuckold stuff.

Good for you both!

[ChastitySub4Use]

1 hour ago, liliththedivine said:

Good for you both!

thank you!

[ey****]

4 hours ago, ChastitySub4Use said:

this is very true and in my case you could probably apply that HOWEVER I still think it surely must be a compromise. A bit of give and take. Surely not 100% geared to wife?

why provide financial support etc to your wife/girlfriend/sugar baby if you get nothing in return

it may work for a while, even a few years but it eventually self destructs

forget the kink aspect, in any relationship, if it is purely one sided it will eventually impode?

in itself these are some of the big challenges and stumbling blocks

like - if you have a specific fetish there is always someone you can pay to fulfil that and you get what you want, they get paid - but it is primarily financial, though that's not a dirty word.

I think there's things where of course, any dynamic has to be discussed - which any form of ongoing cuckold relationship would be.   And yep, while you'd have your wants from the arrangement, it is looking on how fair it is on the other person on an ongoing basis.   

 

Like the OP has since deleted her account, but she had concerns on how this would work.  

 

[ChastitySub4Use]

On 12/8/2025 at 11:00 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

in itself these are some of the big challenges and stumbling blocks

like - if you have a specific fetish there is always someone you can pay to fulfil that and you get what you want, they get paid - but it is primarily financial, though that's not a dirty word.

I think there's things where of course, any dynamic has to be discussed - which any form of ongoing cuckold relationship would be.   And yep, while you'd have your wants from the arrangement, it is looking on how fair it is on the other person on an ongoing basis.   

 

Like the OP has since deleted her account, but she had concerns on how this would work.  

 

I actually contacted several ex girlfriends and dommes about paying them to watch them with their partner. I did finally find somebody willing to do it a few months ago. However it didn't satisfy me any any real way. I realised my 'enjoyment' of my wife doing it was more psycholgical than physical. I couldn't achieve that same basic feeling from paying for one night to watch a coupling. It just didn't do it for me. I needed to love, and be in a relationship with, the woman I was being cuckold to and know it was for the long term.

In the end, after a few dalliances after we divorced, I finally found a very strict Master who imposed insane levels of control over me. It was amazing and I realised that the kink side of me that needed the satisfaction was actually of being 'used' and 'controlled' by a dominant partner and having little to no say in any decision of my life. I sort of had that with my wife for many years as her cuckold but my Master took it to new levels.  

[ey****]

39 minutes ago, ChastitySub4Use said:

I realised my 'enjoyment' of my wife doing it was more psycholgical than physical

I think this is a little why... I have seen people say that they take their partners ***, go out somewhere with a friend or friends, then come back and just make up stories about hot sex with men - and as long as he believes it, everyone is happy

it satisfies his psychological interest - whilst for her it's a nice night out, but, without her having to go through the dance of finding someone she's happy to hook up with

Sometimes I also feel - there's folk who sell cuckold sessions online and I'm sure there's some happy to lap it up, but for others you'd kinda have to at least fancy the person, or have a huge crush, in the first place 

[ChastitySub4Use]

My most successful 'cuckold' experiences were not really  cuckold relationships in the normal sense.

Before I was married I had had two relationships involving my girlfriends enjoying company of other men. 

The first was a 7 year long relationship with a girl who I bought a house with and I was madly in love with and still love to this day. During that relationship she would regularly see a work colleague of mine. It was not an affair as I knew all about it but he was not aware I knew. They would meet at our house while I was at work but she always told me when he had been around.

The second and by far the most successful and amazing experience was the following relationship. I got into a poly with a girl and 4 other guys. We all got on very well, became great friends and would regularly go out together to resturants or sit and watch rugby six nation matches together etc. Lisa was a bit of a nympho and enjoyed sex and each guy would be regularly having sex with her. However only twice in the 5 years I was part of that poly did I ever see her have sex in front of me with one of the other guys. Normally we adhered to a schedule/calendar where each guy got to spend certain evenings or days with her. She had a planner on her bedroom wall with little coloured stars representing each partner she'd had sex with on a particular day so that all 5 guys got euqal time and sex with her. She is still in that same poly now decades later so it worked well. Sadly one of the guys passed away a few years ago and I only left the poly because I relocated for my job and ewas hundreds of miles away. While not a true cuckold relationship it still provided a certain level of the psychological kinky satisfaction of knowing your girlfriend was with another guy that night. There wasn't any jealousy as such, just a mild thrill at imaging them together while not being there.

PS. All five of us guys were kept in chastity while not with her. She kept the keys on a little rack on her dressing table with our coloured stars on them. So on the week of her period when the calendar was empty for a few days there were 5 guys feeling a tad frustrated LOL

Edited 1 hour ago by ChastitySub4Use

[ChastitySub4Use]

That was an example of how everybody in the relationship/poly got a fair share of what they needed. She got to have multiple partners albeit within a safe group of people, she benefited from our individual skills too such as my IT experience to help her setup her website, a city banker who advised her on investments, a doctor, a mechanic etc We all got to spend time with her and she was both an amazing bubbly girtl but also an incredilble lover AND we all got on well as friends so had the joy of a close/intimate circle of friends/companions. The sex was to be honest quite minor part of relationship really, I think the best part was having such a close bond between a group of people where our friendship was the best bit. Sharing the same girl just added to that close bond. I really regret ever moving for my job. 

I am still in regular contact with Lisa and the other guys in that poly. We meet up once a year down in London. 30yrs as close friends shows that some kink relationships can work very well. However in my experience that is exception to rule. It worked because everybody in that got something out of it in equal proportions. It was not one sided in any way.

Edited 32 minutes ago by ChastitySub4Use