Problem finally solved

[Deleted Member]

I posted here few times about my strange separation of deep emotion and sexuality. After a proper self-reflection, and a little experiment, I've finally realized what's the cause of the problem. It all stems from my self-hate and disfigured body.

For a long time, I thought I can get sexual only with imaginary characters, sex workers, and friends with benefits. But after I tried to realistically imagine myself with a prostitute, I found out that I still woudn't get physical with her. So, I'm only able to feel sexual with made-up characters through roleplay. Reason? Not only I use an imaginary partner, I also create an avatar for myself to pair with her. I always need to hide my true self behind a better appearance and physical condition. Because that fake version of me is beyond my self-view, so it's free to enjoy stuff. That's why I portray a false image of myself, and make avatars for roleplays. And why any real life case wouldn't work for me.

I have mixed feelings from this. On one side, I finally know what's wrong, but I also know it's even worse than I thought.

[Deleted Member]

I'm happy to see you have made progress. I myself have had serious self hate problems before due to my past.
I know it seems worse than you thought however you have made a massive first step. Not only realising the problem but being brave enough to acknowledge it and even talk about it on here.
Hopefully with support you can continue to make improvements and then one day you could very well be talking to someone about how you once felt and how much things have changed.

[Deleted Member]

Sidorax, though I would not consider myself disfigured in any way, I have spent many years believing myself to be unattractive to women. My only advice is that, starting from now, you tell yourself you are attractive. Every day. Positively affirm in your mind that you could meet a woman who likes you for you, and over time it will reconfigure your subconscious to believe it. It will take time, a lot of it, but it will work. By being confident in yourself, others see that confidence and admire it. Good luck.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, DanteReign said:

Sidorax, though I would not consider myself disfigured in any way, I have spent many years believing myself to be unattractive to women. My only advice is that, starting from now, you tell yourself you are attractive. Every day. Positively affirm in your mind that you could meet a woman who likes you for you, and over time it will reconfigure your subconscious to believe it. It will take time, a lot of it, but it will work. By being confident in yourself, others see that confidence and admire it. Good luck.

Well, I've already met two ladies who found my body attractive. Though one admited there are parts that are too much for her, and the other had a fetish for such body types. Still, that didn't change my negative self-view.

Over time, I've come to accept that my face isn't that bad, which enabled me to take black and white selfies, and set them as profile pics. But it's not easy for me to consider my body attractive when I could play a zombie with no special make-up. Maybe I'll manage to improve it in the future, and then maybe I'll see myself in a better view.

Edited August 26, 2020 by Deleted Member