How do you normally meet?

[Deleted Member]

Is everything mostly done online? Are there events or meetups in person? I'm fairly green, so sorry for such basic questions at the moment.

I am also trying to... figure myself out? I believe I would enjoy being dom, but I am unsure if I am meant to work with a sub or find a dom mentor.

[ey****]

Some people do things in different ways.

But, in general...

Under normal circumstances there are event such as munches (effectively just a social event, usually in a bar or restaurant), workshops (normally somewhere  a bit more private) and different forms of events (sometimes hosted in a dungeon, sometimes in a hired club)

unfortunately pretty much everything is off due to covid at the moment.

-

It's not uncommon to feel you're figuring yourself out.  There's so many ideas, terms and possibilities thrown around that it can be daunting - a little - you kinda know you're kinky but not entirely sure where you fit.

While having a friend or partner to talk with and work things can have a plus (usually easier if it's someone you make friends with first) ultimately a lot can come from within you.   Like, what ideas turn you on? What appeals to you? What doesn't.

If you read up on what a Dominant does and what is expected of them, does that fit in with what you want to do - like - it's OK to want kinky sexy fun times without being either a sub or a Dominant.

This is something that can take a while to reach.  Improving knowledge and understanding helps.

[Koby]

19 hours ago, Knightmarred said:

 

I am also trying to... figure myself out? I believe I would enjoy being dom, but I am unsure if I am meant to work with a sub or find a dom mentor.

This all part of the process - participate in forums, read around and speak to others - see what resonates with you

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Under normal circumstances there are event such as munches (effectively just a social event, usually in a bar or restaurant), workshops (normally somewhere  a bit more private) and different forms of events (sometimes hosted in a dungeon, sometimes in a hired club)

unfortunately pretty much everything is off due to covid at the moment.

I didn't know there are workshops, and that honestly makes sense -- about things being canceled due to the pandemic.

Quote

It's not uncommon to feel you're figuring yourself out.  There's so many ideas, terms and possibilities thrown around that it can be daunting - a little - you kinda know you're kinky but not entirely sure where you fit.

While having a friend or partner to talk with and work things can have a plus (usually easier if it's someone you make friends with first) ultimately a lot can come from within you.   Like, what ideas turn you on? What appeals to you? What doesn't.

If you read up on what a Dominant does and what is expected of them, does that fit in with what you want to do - like - it's OK to want kinky sexy fun times without being either a sub or a Dominant.

This is something that can take a while to reach.  Improving knowledge and understanding helps.

Thank you so much for this. Really. I guess I have some reflecting to do! After reading this earlier, I did bring some things up with friends/partners and I can tell this is heading in the right direction. I'll keep looking for more resources, but this helped a lot. Thanks again.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Koby said:

This all part of the process - participate in forums, read around and speak to others - see what resonates with you

Thank you. I'll keep searching through this site and talking with others!

[Wo****]

On 9/6/2020 at 2:30 AM, Knightmarred said:

Is everything mostly done online? Are there events or meetups in person? I'm fairly green, so sorry for such basic questions at the moment.

I am also trying to... figure myself out? I believe I would enjoy being dom, but I am unsure if I am meant to work with a sub or find a dom mentor.

A lot is done online due to covid. I prefer meeting people online first, I find it easier communicating like this.

Just chat to people, read profiles. Check out the forums.

Munches and clubs are good too (when they're up and running again)

As for what you're looking for.... explore 😊

 

You're at the beginning of an exciting journey!

[Zy****]

I like to talk online, then text/phone if we are still compatible a public meeting place. If we are still interested at that point then figure it out at that point. Everyone is a bit different but that's what has always worked best for me.

[CowgirlJesse]

September 7, Zyanther said:

I like to talk online, then text/phone if we are still compatible a public meeting place. If we are still interested at that point then figure it out at that point. Everyone is a bit different but that's what has always worked best for me.

I am going for my first meet-up this weekend... we've talked online, moved to SnapChat and we've talked about random and platonic subjects as well as some of my interests (kinkwise). I have asked and discussed some of his preferences as well.
I think we have tried to cover all the safety bases...

Here's my conflict:
He gave me his first name but I didn't tell him about having figured out his real identity or my creeping on him.

Do I tell him this?

I have not provided my own identity beyond the basics of my job.

Should I extend the courtesy of allowing him to do a background check on me ?

Long story short- we have arranged to meet for lunch to get the physical face to face introductions made. He also suggested going to the shooting range for fun before setting up my first ever scene.

[Mz****]

9 hours ago, CowgirlJesse said:

I am going for my first meet-up this weekend... we've talked online, moved to SnapChat and we've talked about random and platonic subjects as well as some of my interests (kinkwise). I have asked and discussed some of his preferences as well.
I think we have tried to cover all the safety bases...

Here's my conflict:
He gave me his first name but I didn't tell him about having figured out his real identity or my creeping on him.

Do I tell him this?

I have not provided my own identity beyond the basics of my job.

Should I extend the courtesy of allowing him to do a background check on me ?

Long story short- we have arranged to meet for lunch to get the physical face to face introductions made. He also suggested going to the shooting range for fun before setting up my first ever scene.
 

You're meeting for lunch, he doesn't need a background check for that, if things move forward after that and your comfortable with him having that info offer it then perhaps..personally I wouldnt give him anything that identifies you real time until you know that the persona you've seen online is the same as the one sitting opposite you, and I don't mean the way he looks, I can't tell you how many awful and in some cases dangerous first meets I've had, punched, grabbed, slapped ..if you haven't already got one set up, I'd recommend a safe call, have someone text or call at a specific time while you're still with him, have a phrase or word you've arranged and if things are dodgy you've a out..make sure the meet is in a public place too, drive yourself, have a friend drive you or take public transport, don't go anywhere alone with him, certainly don't get in his vehicle and go somewhere more remote, don't get tipsy either..not only does it create a bad first impression it could tarnish your judgement, my advice would be Not to rush into your first scene just because you can, make this first date about meeting, reinforcing face to face the things you've talked about, seeing if there's any real time chemistry between you, its very easy to get attached to someone online and the reality can often be very different..and if you do gel, if you do feel this person could be a great match for you, if they feel the same way they'll absolutely be up for a second date, which you could use as a playdate if those red flags aren't waving.

Don't mean to throw any dampners, be excited, look forward to it..but keep yourself safe.

Edited December 17, 2020 by MzJax
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