I feel lost, somewhere in between

[Deleted Member]

I know that I do crave intensity and obsession, but somehow being on apps like this feels wrong to me since everything is based on appearances,
I don’r even know where I belong, where to go and I feels so lost! but I’m not afraid of speaking my truth and I’m not afraid of confessing that my desires are way deeper than just a “kink”
my system can’t stand conditional love.
I’ve tasted shallow love, surface attraction, half efforts, and my soul already knows: that will never feed me.
I want a love that says:
“Even if your beauty fades, I’m chained to you.”
I’m sad because I’m way too fucking deep for shallow love and I can’t be proud of that either since it’s trauma craft!
My heart doesn’t settle for “pretty for now.”
When someone approaches me and wants to be with me because of my appearance it doesn’t feel good at all. It doesn’t make me feel proud of my appearance. It just makes me deeply sad and disappointed.
I want someone to be: “I see every corner of you the good, the ugly, the shameful, the fucked up and I still want you. No, I need you. I’ll ruin myself for you and I want to touch that little heart of yours.”
Then if they comment on my appearance, purely out of love I can feel how innocent it is and then it finally feels good!
I could never fall for someone’s appearance It’s not that I’m blind to attraction or I have no desire for it, but I’ve realized that no matter how good-looking someone is, when it’s empty inside when it’s ugly inside their beauty rots in my eyes.
I crave recognition, not validation.
A man noticing your beauty validates you in the most shallow, replaceable way. But what I crave what my fantasies scream for is recognition:
“I see every part of you. I know you. I know your coffee habits, your medications, your scars, your secrets. I’m obsessed with you, not some mask.”

[je****]

I feel the same I don't know how to use this app don't want to ask kinky questions but would love to see your body

[Deleted Member]

So we come to the crux of the issue with apps, how do you attract a person to your personality and your values when the first thing they see is a picture of you how can you trust that what they like about you is the core of you not the required image of you? And the answer is not an easy one because people do judge first with their eyes so I would say that your pictures should show more than just a pretty face or a sexy curve it should show you without a filter doing something you enjoy something that will always be a part of you. If you like to go to the gym then post pictures of you at the gym. If you like to read show you holding your favorite book or the book you are currently reading. If you are a gamer show yourself gaming. And then look for honest and real conversation find the people and talk to the people who want to know more about you then your appearance find the people who want to know what music you are currently listening to. If they don't ask questions then they don't care. Obsession and craving will come as the connections deepen, so it can be very discouraging when you get your inbox full of people who just want a goon. But there will be people who will say more than a one-liner and will want to know who you are as a person and those are the people that you should give your energy to. I wish you much luck in this endeavor I think that you have the right mindset to find what it is you truly desire.

[cum4meSlowly]

Nicely written. I think that this site is a little bit different from other dating sites. Hopefully people are looking for a bit more than just a pretty face. A TPE would be great if based on complete disclosure from both parties. Such a commitment to a special relationship would be long lasting if based on really getting to know each other.

[Ac****]

Great comment and very insightful. Outer beauty does not accurately reflect the inner beauty. Life is complicated and finding someone who really fulfills that desire for real connection is hard but worth looking for

[Da****]

Wow I feel this on such a deep level.

[hi****]

Yes to all of this. I don’t want to just be seen for pretty or my skills in the bedroom. I want to be seen as a human being as someone worth the time and effort for someone. It’s hard to find and while I love being called pretty. I want more than that. Because I try to pay attention and give that connection.

[AlexinBoston]

I think irl or on apps appearance and attraction are just natural things people will lean into to pick who to spend their time with but you shouldn’t look at it as a negative just as something natural that is very similar to a conversation starter yk

[To****]

Hope you find your person soon and fall madly in love.

[ca****]

What you are looking for is called a soulmate

Good luck finding it I think it’s one in 1 billion or a couple billion

And if you do find the person, it’s OK to let go because you’ll be bound to them forever

[ra****]

Honestly same. It's sad the amount of hoops we gotta go through

[Kl****]

Honestly, you younger generation need to get out of your head, get off the devices and get out and meet each other sometimes. You think way too much about things ruminating and don't socialize enough. Try gettong out a bit more amaze you what it does

[Ch****]

We have what you want. Chrome wrote extensively about how we met and grew on FL...but to be honest, we were lucky in that a mutual friend knew us both, and that we were both weird. We chatted for weeks before ever physically meeting. It's not a bad strategy. Jenna kissed frogs...one really big, evil frog...we're sure you have too. It's okay to be guarded. There are men out there that dont lead with sex. That have character and use it. That use power to protect. Men know that casual sex is a numbers game; women should know that finding a man that has good character is too. Please dont give up faith that among all the mess that is online dating, there are men worthy of you.

[be****]

Relax. There is the right one out there. Heck I’m 65 and a BBW and men continue to inquire. Patience.

[Ca****]

I used to feel this way - as cliche as it sounds, validating myself is what helped temper my emotions, now I'm just looking for that person or experience I want and it doesn't feel as gut wrenching when it's a dud

[Deleted Member]

there's zero real connection and shallow as it gets. it low key makes me feel disgusting.

[Deleted Member]

I understand

[Deleted Member]

I understand what you mean, yet I’m a bit confused by the contradiction.

I totally get the need for a deeper connection, one that transcends the physical, the main profile photo, one that is curious about the real you and comes with love by acceptance, that’s totally me.

I can see and feel your struggle to be seen and to be valued and accepted more than just the surface . That’s been a struggle of mine for the longest time.

What I’m confused about it’s that you mentioned that “when I man is empty inside, when it’s ugly inside their physical beauty toys in your eyes”, isn’t that what that person is and how you should accept them if they are to accept you the way you are?

That’s my perspective since you also might be lost in that too, I think is always positive to not only look at your wants and desires/craves, but also dig deeper into what makes a person a person and what is what chemistry and connection made of.

I find a lot of value in what you said and resonates me to the core, I dislike apps because of this too and barely use them, I’m not looking to be used like a toy for the moment until the next best thing arrives, im not looking for something shallow and just praise someone just to get what I want.

I crave deeper love, strong connection and one that is “you and me against the world no matter what”, one that means that I would do anything for you and that will makes me happy. I haven’t found it but I’m ready for it. Is that you? Maybe it is, if you want deeper connection like me, I think you might be. Send me a message because I’m intrigued and I want to know a lot more about you, and yes! I’m talking about the good, the bad, the bold, the ugly, the nasty, everything of what make you, you.

[Deleted Member]

Youre 24 years old. And youre a cute kid. Just hang out with friends meet people at work or your neighborhood. And youll meet the right person.

[Deleted Member]

Doesn’t this app, with a focus on the “darker” and “shameful” things help you find people who can appreciate that?

[wh****]

The natural selection is based on appearance first. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

[Oldbutgood]

Yeah someone's going to be physically attracted to you, but that physical attraction can turn into so much more than with the right person. Just wait and make certain you find somebody who treats you as you should be treated and makes you feel special.
In my personal opinion when you're with someone it should be somebody that you're best friends with that you want to hang out with and do things with that have nothing to do with sex or how you look. Because if you can't picture yourself with that person in 40 years when they're old and wrinkly and they can't picture themselves with you like that. Then they're not the right one for you.

[Ra****]

This definitely touched my heart ♡

[Co****]

The profound beauty within you shines brilliantly here. In the same way, I yearn for a love that transcends the passage of time, even when I am no longer able to embody it. My heart’s desire is to cherish the love I hold dear. Though I have never found ‘my person’ in life, I hold the faith that she is searching for me just as fervently as I am for her. May we both defy the sands of time and discover each other before our moments are gone, for even a fleeting moment of true love surpasses a lifetime of ordinary compromise. I would cherish more conversations with you; please feel free to reach out to me.

[Deleted Member]

I know we all deserve to be loved, respected, heard, truly seen on the inside and appreciated! I want that more than sex. Because without that you're right the physical appearance no longer matters. The emotional connection is what makes great sex to me!