co**** Posted September 21 Ideally how often should a sub unicorn be allowed to spend the whole night in the bed with the 2 primary’s ?
St**** Posted September 21 as someone that’s been pursued as a unicorn, this language is triggering. hard to control emotions and attachment. Unicorn/Dragon hunting is pretty unethical but if the third is knowingly entering this dynamic, maybe include them on the convo. otherwise it’s going to go down a bad road of *** and anguish.
Je**** Posted September 21 There is no set how often, instead you should all communicate & discuss together and do what you are all comfortable and wanting to do without pressure.
polycouple_69 Posted September 21 If you continue to think of them as an outsider its wrong - It’s a three way conversation otherwise it’s unethical , talk about routines, having things they like / need shows you value them as a person not an object to be used . they have wants and needs, respect that - doesn’t matter if it’s short term or long term - it’s not a hotel where they have to check out by 11am - all things have a season; we have been with our partner three years, in the beginning have options and be flexible - we provided a guest room for our partner to have personal space, even though she never used it , made sure she had things she wanted /needed for next day, things she liked to eat or drink. - you would not flog or spank someone without proper aftercare this is no different .
co**** Posted September 21 Author 1 hour ago, StregaNona said: as someone that’s been pursued as a unicorn, this language is triggering. hard to control emotions and attachment. Unicorn/Dragon hunting is pretty unethical but if the third is knowingly entering this dynamic, maybe include them on the convo. otherwise it’s going to go down a bad road of *** and anguish. Not sure how a simple question could possibly trigger anyone, especially when it’s on a site geared toward fetishes. Creating boundaries is a necessary part of safe play. We also have a power play dynamic with all of our play partners. Don’t kink shame others who don’t fit into your mold.
om**** Posted September 21 What you like to share her body, but don't think to share your bed with her??? Unbelievable.
co**** Posted September 21 Author 13 minutes ago, omaha175789 said: What you like to share her body, but don't think to share your bed with her??? Unbelievable. Is that what was said? NO
Ti**** Posted September 21 This is such a weird question. How often should a unicorn be ALLOWED to spend a whole night? Gives a vibe of not being welcomed and sounds like you are searching for the minimum requirement, which has absolutely nothing to do with anybody outside of the couple and their 3rd. You are asking the public’s preference instead of your unicorn’s preference? There is no public normal amount. This should be negotiated before going in. What kind of dynamic and frequency are you looking for? What kind of dynamic and frequency are they looking for? Neither party should be judged for wanting more or less. It’s based on personal needs, and may or may not match up. If it doesn’t match, agree to compromise, or agree to part ways due to differing needs.
Ch**** Posted September 21 I think as long as all 3 involved are happy with the arrangement then it doesn't matter how often or indeed if all the unicorn even sleeps in the bed.
pn**** Posted September 21 i think it comes naturally and depends on what kind of polyamory the two primaries partake in, if there is lots of chemistry and no one wants the night to be obvious, if the unicorn or couple wants the night to maybe not go on much longer that will also be very apparent, bdsm is psychological and it effects our body language lots , focus on the body language of eachother and if no signs of discomfort just read the room
co**** Posted September 21 Author 24 minutes ago, Tiggyburgy said: This is such a weird question. How often should a unicorn be ALLOWED to spend a whole night? Gives a vibe of not being welcomed and sounds like you are searching for the minimum requirement, which has absolutely nothing to do with anybody outside of the couple and their 3rd. You are asking the public’s preference instead of your unicorn’s preference? There is no public normal amount. This should be negotiated before going in. What kind of dynamic and frequency are you looking for? What kind of dynamic and frequency are they looking for? Neither party should be judged for wanting more or less. It’s based on personal needs, and may or may not match up. If it doesn’t match, agree to compromise, or agree to part ways due to differing needs. Yes ALLOWED some kinks have a power dynamic. We’ve had unicorns we’ve taken on vacation with us and spoiled and some are out the door before the sun comes up. Calling it “a weird question “ sounds very judgmental. Us posting a question that spurs conversation shouldn’t lead to judgement. We have a unicorn that asked what is the “ normal” arrangements in these types of situations and was seeking information. No one should shame women for asking questions before exploring their sexuality. Limiting conversation and communication is the only weird thing here.
Ki**** Posted September 21 14 minutes ago, couple614 said: Yes ALLOWED some kinks have a power dynamic. We’ve had unicorns we’ve taken on vacation with us and spoiled and some are out the door before the sun comes up. Calling it “a weird question “ sounds very judgmental. Us posting a question that spurs conversation shouldn’t lead to judgement. We have a unicorn that asked what is the “ normal” arrangements in these types of situations and was seeking information. No one should shame women for asking questions before exploring their sexuality. Limiting conversation and communication is the only weird thing here. It's weird you are asking on their behalf, it's weird you use language like "aloud to spend the night with you", there are many parts of this post and your responses that feel hierarchical; if that is the power dynamic of what your third wants to play, GREAT. But it feels very one-sided and that your other partner has no say which is not great. Again none of us know more than what you have communicated and the light that you have shed feels like the power dynamic is lacking.
Ti**** Posted September 21 1 hour ago, couple614 said: Yes ALLOWED some kinks have a power dynamic. We’ve had unicorns we’ve taken on vacation with us and spoiled and some are out the door before the sun comes up. Calling it “a weird question “ sounds very judgmental. Us posting a question that spurs conversation shouldn’t lead to judgement. We have a unicorn that asked what is the “ normal” arrangements in these types of situations and was seeking information. No one should shame women for asking questions before exploring their sexuality. Limiting conversation and communication is the only weird thing here. Judging isn’t ALWAYS a bad thing. I explained pretty well why I judged it as a weird question. If you are looking for an honest and clear answer, there is no “normal.” It very honestly sounds like a lack of education on how to properly negotiate a dynamic. Asking the public about what’s fair is not an efficient way to find what’s fair. We can’t take into account either party’s circumstances, personal preferences, other lifestyle choices that could allow or restrict time…… There are many resources out there, including books and online social events, such as munches, that can help educate on finding these kinds of answers for yourselves.
Ar**** Posted September 21 They should, "ideally", be allowed an amount which all parties are consensually happy, positive, and satisfied about. Or, how long is a piece of string?
Pr**** Posted September 21 That entirely falls on the unicorns boundaries, needs, and expectations. It isn't something you can dictate unless you've earned that kind of pull and if you did, you probably wouldn't be asking here. Until then, you don't really have a say on their schedule and if you give them grief over it, you won't have one for long.
co**** Posted September 21 Author 3 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said: I think as long as all 3 involved are happy with the arrangement then it doesn't matter how often or indeed if all the unicorn even sleeps in the bed. Agreed. We’ve been with several unicorns over the years and it’s always been fine as long as we as the 2 primary’s know what “our rules” for each other are and we respect them. The woman who may be our next unicorn is new to the life style so we are asking pretty much so we can show her responses. She said she’s not ready to jump onto a site yet.
Pr**** Posted September 21 Maybe they should dive in for themselves instead of getting biased information. The fact they won't dive in is good and makes me wonder.
co**** Posted September 21 Author 3 hours ago, pnwki said: i think it comes naturally and depends on what kind of polyamory the two primaries partake in, if there is lots of chemistry and no one wants the night to be obvious, if the unicorn or couple wants the night to maybe not go on much longer that will also be very apparent, bdsm is psychological and it effects our body language lots , focus on the body language of eachother and if no signs of discomfort just read the room To start with you are very pretty! We agree 💯. As the 2 primary’s we are solid. The woman who may be our unicorn is very knew to the life style so she was wanting to hear what others had to say. Thanks for the input.
co**** Posted September 21 Author 8 hours ago, Jedi_K said: There is no set how often, instead you should all communicate & discuss together and do what you are all comfortable and wanting to do without pressure. Thanks or the input. The woman we are speaking with is totally new to the life style so she was just wanting to hear what people say.
ey**** Posted September 21 The first question is - how often do you wish to allow her? How does this fit into your plans? The second is - how often does she wish to? How do your preferences fit into her plans? Like, the first answer someone plucked from the air was "once a month" - that could be the correct answer - but when you say to the unicorn, hey so you'll get to and/or be expected to share our bed all night once per month - if this is too uncommon or too frequent for her then this is the wrong arrangement. If of course you are flexible, and perhaps not wish to let a potential relationship go for something which could be discussed - then discuss, with her. Because you all together are the only people who know what you want, expect and can offer.
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