Is Kink a Sexual Orientation?

[Pa****]

For a long time, I tried to fit into labels like bi, pan, demi, queer. They each touched a part of me, but none of them really held me. The truth is, my sexuality has never been centred on gender or looks at all. It has always been about kink. BDSM is where attraction comes alive for me.

When someone shows interest in it with me, I light up. I want to talk about it, share everything, info-dump, overshare, because it feels like someone finally sees me and wants to step into the thing that makes me who I am. That excitement can make me come across as too intense. ADHD only fuels it, because when something is my special interest, I go all in. I know I have probably scared people away because of that, but it comes from joy, not pressure.

I have started using words like “kinksexual” or “fetishsexual.” There is research on this, showing that for some of us, kink is not just a hobby, not an add-on, but an orientation in its own right. That really resonates with me. Kink is not decoration, not something I sprinkle on top. It is the core.

So I wanted to put this out here and ask. Do you feel the same? Do you see kink as part of your orientation, maybe even the centre of it? Or is it something you enjoy alongside other desires?

I’d really love to hear how others experience this, and whether ‘kinksexual’ feels true for you too.

[zu****]

The problem with labels is that many of us don’t fit neatly into them, or worse, people start trying to shove themselves into one just for the sake of identity and find out later that they’re not happy.

[Ky****]

That makes a lot of sense. For me it's a sprinkle due to circumstances, but I find that if I don't have a any kink I'm not as happy of a person and I have to "satisfy that itch" or I've noticed I spiral worse than ever... not sure what that says about me but its there

[bo****]

Why do you need a label? It is your world do whatever you like as long as you find consensual partners.

[Ma****]

Hence why those of us who aren't so desperate for recognition or acknowledgement use the word human and accord every other human with that same respect. It takes wisdom and patience to remember that just because you can be described by a word, that doesn't mean you are entitled to all the meanings that word may enfold, in society or otherwise. Nor does it mean that its meaning is all you are with nothing more outside of that. Identity politics is a practice of self congratulations and ultimately a selfish and shortsighted pursuit.
Those of us old enough to have grown up without social media know that your personal self expression and the impression you left others with was what they used to describe you when asked. And that ultimately most of those descriptions had little to do with the clothes we wore, who we were friends with or what music we liked in spite of those being the things we thought described us the most. I hope one day those of you who stress so much about identifying yourself will learn that its not about you, its about what you leave with others in the world that meet you that truly determines your identity.
Remember, your identity is a description of you if it's only you that determines who you are then you are clearly thinking about yourself a whole lot of the time and thus ignoring the rest of the world. Like it or not that behavior is noticed and remembered far better than which ever term you finally choose to surface with.

[Ma****]

1 hour ago, Kyttin13 said:

That makes a lot of sense. For me it's a sprinkle due to circumstances, but I find that if I don't have a any kink I'm not as happy of a person and I have to "satisfy that itch" or I've noticed I spiral worse than ever... not sure what that says about me but its there

It just means your horny and live ina world that doesnt have time to articulate or accept sexual fun much more past the idea of embaressment

[Mayaliya]

42 minutes ago, boatsnbondage said:

何必贴标签？只要找到心甘情愿的伴侣，这世界就是你的，你想干什么就干什么。

Totally agree

[Ky****]

37 minutes ago, MarshallsBest said:

It just means your horny and live ina world that doesnt have time to articulate or accept sexual fun much more past the idea of embaressment

What embarrassment? If I were just horny a dildo or sex with my partner would satisfy. And while I have done that, it's the connection and power exchange that comes with and is often an intricate part of the BDSM community that I also crave. It's not just about sex, oftentimes partners do engage in sex as a form or part of play, I have also seen many dynamics where sex is not part of it at all. One of the reasons labels are created and embraced is for a sense of community or belonging. Of course, there are those of ill will that will put a label on someone but that is a problem within themselves that they should probably look into.

Life is about the connections you make. Whether that is here on social media or in physical form. That journey can be added by finding a label that fits how you feel during whatever stage you are in. Labels and words change.

[Ma****]

43 minutes ago, Kyttin13 said:

What embarrassment? If I were just horny a dildo or sex with my partner would satisfy. And while I have done that, it's the connection and power exchange that comes with and is often an intricate part of the BDSM community that I also crave. It's not just about sex, oftentimes partners do engage in sex as a form or part of play, I have also seen many dynamics where sex is not part of it at all. One of the reasons labels are created and embraced is for a sense of community or belonging. Of course, there are those of ill will that will put a label on someone but that is a problem within themselves that they should probably look into.

Life is about the connections you make. Whether that is here on social media or in physical form. That journey can be added by finding a label that fits how you feel during whatever stage you are in. Labels and words change.

I wasnt referring to you as embarrassed i was referring to the whole of society

[Ma****]

47 minutes ago, Kyttin13 said:

What embarrassment? If I were just horny a dildo or sex with my partner would satisfy. And while I have done that, it's the connection and power exchange that comes with and is often an intricate part of the BDSM community that I also crave. It's not just about sex, oftentimes partners do engage in sex as a form or part of play, I have also seen many dynamics where sex is not part of it at all. One of the reasons labels are created and embraced is for a sense of community or belonging. Of course, there are those of ill will that will put a label on someone but that is a problem within themselves that they should probably look into.

Life is about the connections you make. Whether that is here on social media or in physical form. That journey can be added by finding a label that fits how you feel during whatever stage you are in. Labels and words change.

I disagree on the semantics which i think matter a lot here. A label is a definitive thing. It tells people what they are looking at and confines that to a prescribed set of boundaries. What needs to change isnt the ability to articulate ones current interests but the understanding that you dont have to be one thing or another instead we should be tagging our personas not labelling them. Then you can be a being with many affiliations and interests and not be defined so acutely

[bo****]

What happened to developing a human connection and then conveying you wants and needs in person. In my personal opinion if you cannot connect on a human level and want to spend time with that person your labels are meaningless. The only thing another needs to know is your gender interests. For instance there is no need for me to pursue a woman if she only wants to spend time with women.

[Ma****]

55 minutes ago, MarshallsBest said:

I disagree on the semantics which i think matter a lot here. A label is a definitive thing. It tells people what they are looking at and confines that to a prescribed set of boundaries. What needs to change isnt the ability to articulate ones current interests but the understanding that you dont have to be one thing or another instead we should be tagging our personas not labelling them. Then you can be a being with many affiliations and interests and not be defined so acutely

←tags himself as someone who loves to argue a point so long as its a discussion that offers perspective and wisdom. Though dislikes the idea of leaving another person feeling wrong. Since ive not seen a post from the subject in speaking on i will add that while my tone maybe abrupt i in no way mean to diminish or dismiss your words and opinions. I merely want to offer an avenue of perspective which will hopefully contribute to your journey of growth and learning as i hope your words offer the same to me and others that would listen.

[bo****]

Marshallsbest the young generation is completely different they don’t want to interact in person like we do. When they meet they are ready to consummate the deal when we meet someone in person the process has just begun.

[Pa****]

I can see both sides when it comes to labels. They can feel restrictive, but they can also be really helpful in self-discovery. For some people, it is straightforward, especially if they are neurotypical. However, humans are complex, and not all of us fit into a simple box.

For me, this has been about self-analysis, about finding what is truly me. I do not fit one neat label, and in a way that proves the point that labels cannot hold everyone perfectly. But I have also found that words like kinksexual help me make sense of myself, not just in terms of gender or attraction, but in recognising kink itself as the centre of my orientation.

Kink has always been lived in many ways. Some people found their start in clubs and magazines, while others discovered it online, even back in the 90s, like me. Today, it is forums and apps as well. None of these cancel the others out. They are all part of the same evolving world.

That is why I think this is about more than labels. It is about identity, community, and tribe. We all come at it differently, but we share this same wonderful world of kink together. My hope is that we can accept each other’s ways of naming and framing it, especially in a world that already struggles to accept much of what we stand for.