Starting a D/s relationship even though we are both married

[Sparky0513]

Does anyone have experience in a D/s relationship when both D & s are married to other people? How did it turn out? Was it

successful? Was there a lot of guilt? 

[Sh****]

If all parties/husbands/wives know about it & are all consenting then why feel guilty? 😊 As long as all are happy with your situation go for it. X x

[ey****]

I know people who have, but couldn't write their experiences.

As there is a Mistress I'm exploring with this year - I'll see how I get on in a few months time...

[Deleted Member]

I am in a kind of Ds relationship and we are both married to others. Its working so far, as we both want the same things. The only difficult part is hiding bruises! 

[ey****]

I suppose further to my above.  I have spent a lot of the last couple of years (especially the last year) playing with others on a casual basis.

What is important is communication - both letting my wife where I'm going, with who, what is likely to happen... and then telling her what did happen when I come back.

Keeps things open and honest.   My wife has met most of those I've spent time with : so, knows they're decent enough people she's happy I spend time with.

[Deleted Member]

You must have a very strong relationship with your wife, that is very admirable.

Both our partners have no idea we are together, both are not into kinky stuff but we are very careful as to not want to hurt each others marriage. I would say we were more like playmates but with a D/s aspect. Anyway we are enjoying learning together 

[ey****]

we do have a strong relationship - I think I would recommend it before trying to do anything else.

 

ah, so if you're playing without your respective partners consent, many would regard that as cheating :  and of course, it limits what you can do.   Honesty really is a good policy.

[Sparky0513]

Neither of our partners will ever know. His wife would definitely not be happy about it and I don’t think my husband would either. We have been talking for a couple of months about it and recently met for coffee. We are both interested in moving forward with things. We kind of stumbled into this by accident. Neither of us knowing the other were into anything kinky until a conversation took a turn into that direction. My marriage is basically a life partnership at this point with little to no physical affection. But the sub side of myself is something I miss having a way to express.  

[ey****]

be cautious.

as well as having to explain away any marks (and, for example - a lot of people do foot caning to avoid leaving marks, someone caught me awkwardly and it swelled up like a pudding - had a limp for a week) there's also risk of things like sub drop which can hit hours or days later and last for a while.  

[Sparky0513]

I’m not really concerned about marks. For the most part I don’t think that would be an issue. I hadn’t thought about sub drop. Thanks for pointing that out. 

[Br****]

It could end really badly Sparky secrets come out eventually. Plus watch out and don't catch feelings for each other it makes it worse. Take it from someone with experience :'( 

[Deleted Member]

Yes. It can be hard work. Much depends on if your availability marries up (pun intended). The guilt if any only lasts a few minutes. I don't hold with the whole infidelity rubbish for 2 reasons. 1) if you were happy you wouldn't do it and if you've tried your best to get your partner to satisfy your needs you've done your bit. 2) it's your body you do with it as you please. NOBODY has the right to tell you what you can and can not do with another consenting adult. I'm sure that comment will attract some hate but there it is. You're a long time dead. Do what makes you happy.

[Deleted Member]

Well said Bomomaster.  I have realised there are a lot of married people on here, so a lot of dissatisfied people, both male and female. Like you say if you were happy in a marriage and getting what you want from your partner, then you would  not be seeing anyone else. In an ideal world we would be able to be honest with them and have a open relationship but sadly it is often not the case, so we cheat, yes there are people who think its wrong, but then again there are people who think it actually saves a marriage.

Sparky - I would say go for it.  if you want to message me and chat I do not mind,  its working for me and my Dom

 

[ey****]

If you're not happy in your marriage, then, end your marriage.

Other than it not really being fair on your marital partner, whether we argue it to be infidelity or not - the courts for any settlement would put it down to infidelity.

I agree that nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can't do with a consenting adult, but if your existing partner doesn't consent - you're breaching those

[Deleted Member]

Well thank you for your advice but life isn't that simple. 

This is supposedly a positive site where we help each other. You are coming across as arrogant and judgemental so I shall just ignore you. 

 

[Re****]

My wife and I are just starting out on a D/s relationship within our marriage. Very early days but things are looking good.

[Deleted Member]

The main issue is honesty.. if both are being deceitful to there partners how can you ever be sure of honesty between each other after all the only way Ds works is with total honesty and communication between each other. So this can create a unhealthy lifestyle and metal conflict. The stress of constantly hiding your tracks and secrets is very hard .

Edited April 30, 2019 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

I remember an interview with a Pro Domme who said she was really disappointed by subs who'd start to see her and then go to someone else; "we keep your secrets from your wife - the least you could do is show us some loyalty" - but... he's already shown he's not loyal.  Why are you surprised?

It's something to always consider that when you're engaging with someone who is "cheating" - it's already in their nature to be deceitful.