Funny sex stories 😉🤣

October 18

What's the funniest sex story you have and not like "i bumped my head on the headboard" shit.
I'll go first. One time my husband was using a toy on me (a toy meant for your clit only) and he put it inside my V and it came off his finger...But wait, as I'm trying to get it out, he walks in with a pair of fucking tongs for me to use. I deadass looked at him and said to walk away.
Your turn 🤣

October 18

Once was using a love egg and the string broke off when trying to remove it……We panicked for a short while 🤣

October 18

Me and an ex partner were going at it pretty hot and heavy, the next think there is an almighty bang and the mattress bursts right through the middle of the bed as we broke the wooden slats, needless to say we paused looked at each other and kept going until we finished before addressing the problem 🤣

October 18

I was eating this girl out and she came so hard she farted I mean busted ass oh my god she was so embarrassed

October 18

I once had a cat come underneath me and lick my balls doing my gf doggy style.. instant mood killed 😂

October 18

I was just getting into things with my gf at the time, she had a cold. I thought her nose was running so we stopped kissing, turns out I randomly got the worst nose bleed and our faces were covered in *** 😂🤦‍♂️

October 18

My first time doing anal was fucking awful... lol I don't wanna do this anymore... I pulled out and there was a ***hole shaped cylinder of shit on my dick. It was almost 3 years before I had the courage to try again. I always shower them, first, now..Never had that issue again. I almost gave up on what is now one of my favorite things to do.

October 18

16 minutes ago, Countrymudd said:

I once had a cat come underneath me and lick my balls doing my gf doggy style.. instant mood killed 😂

So the pussy was licking your balls while your dick was fucking the pussy...

October 18

I work in surgery and I had a patient that had two broken legs.And when I asked him how it happened, he told me that he was across the street, having sex with his neighbor's wife when his neighbor came home.And he dropped from a third story window, broke both legs and still had to crawl across the street home naked

October 18

I had this fellow going to town down there, really felt quite good, I will admit. After he was done, and I tell him it felt great. He asked me if I wanted to know how he did such a marvelous job. (I’m thinking, okay…he traced letters, wrote words in cursive…) he goes on and responded very full of himself, “I took out my dentures.” Mind you, he is not old, not a meth head. I have no idea why he doesn’t have teeth but I will say, I could go my entire life and never have known THAT was his secret to good head on a woman! 🤣

October 18

Fucking my sub while she was wearing a buttplug, it was too small and it went all the way in lol, had to drive it out of her ass ehile calling her down and saying we don't have to go hospital incsn get it out haha

October 18

2 minutes ago, Chrispshaxx said:

Fucking my sub while she was wearing a buttplug, it was too small and it went all the way in lol, had to drive it out of her ass ehile calling her down and saying we don't have to go hospital incsn get it out haha

This is one of the many ***s I have about buttplugs lol. So thanks 🤣

October 19

I was having sex doggy style
And the girl dog was biting me leg I needed to get the dog off and fuck at the same time 😂

October 19

Many guys have heard that in order to delay a guy’s orgasm , he should think of baseball. But that never worked for me , cuz I always thought of the 69 METS.

October 19

18 minutes ago, KT_D said:

This is one of the many ***s I have about buttplugs lol. So thanks 🤣

If the base isn’t bigger than you can take, then it stays in the shop. I love how the cute little jewel ones look for wearing them around but you always run the risk of swallowing it.

October 19

20 minutes ago, KT_D said:

This is one of the many ***s I have about buttplugs lol. So thanks 🤣

Ohh good to know

October 19

38 minutes ago, kmcrochetlover said:

I had this fellow going to town down there, really felt quite good, I will admit. After he was done, and I tell him it felt great. He asked me if I wanted to know how he did such a marvelous job. (I’m thinking, okay…he traced letters, wrote words in cursive…) he goes on and responded very full of himself, “I took out my dentures.” Mind you, he is not old, not a meth head. I have no idea why he doesn’t have teeth but I will say, I could go my entire life and never have known THAT was his secret to good head on a woman! 🤣

Either a hockey player or spent time in prison.

October 19

I was playing with a girl who had a cat. Every time I would go over to session the cat would *** in my shoe as soon as I was occupied. I ended up bringing plastic totes for my stuff and leaving them there.

October 19

Pussy farts in the throes of intimacy never get old 😆😂

October 19

I almost bled to death mid bj when her tooth nicked me. I didn't even feel it. She asked if I was ok I said yeah. She turned on the lights. I was covered in *** she was covered in *** I passed out holding myself in a towel.

October 19

Puked on during bj is the tip of the iceberg. Most memorable ill tell you that

October 19

And further thats when she was given the nickname Puke a hantas.

October 19

I went on an incredible date with a woman once. It was magnificent. We went back to my place knowing full well we were gonna do all kinds of fucking. Well, we started downstairs. Well, I wanted to be macho. So, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder with one arm. I could feel said action made her even wetter. As I was carrying her up the stairs, I went to turn and turned to hard and bashed her head into the wall. Straight National Lampoons style. The thud was crazy epic. She yelled. I screamed, "are you okay?" She muttered a yes. I was certain there was a hole in the wall. I got her in my room and laid her in my bed gently. She sat there, holding her head, and laughing. I on the other hand was crushed. I really liked her. She looked at me and said, "We can still have sex." There I was hoping to blow her back out and instead, I damn near concussed her. Talk about embarrassing.

October 19

I'm argentine so I tend to like Hispanic food. So me and my ex like the green sauce in a Peruvian restaurant. It's literally mayo with jalapenos, some more condiments but it's blended it up. So i made mayo, chopped the jalapenos and i was cooking everything at the same time. People would say where's the sex in this story. Well after i was done i left the food cooking and it was going to take time to be done. so i went to my room and saw my ex there. So i just grabbed her and threw her on the bed. Well the thing was that i chopped jalapenos and forgot to wash my hands. I got horny so i want to fuck her. But i always play a bit before i go for the main plate. Thing was that i started rubbing my fingers on her pussy that i repeat. I forgot to clean my hands. So in the middle of all actions she opens her eyes real big and ran to the bathroom shouting. IT BURNS, IT BURNS AND SHE STARTED THROWING WATER ON HER PUSSY. So now you know. Wash your hands when you chop andy hot peppers hahahaha.

October 19

Mines nothing too crazy. A long time friend and I were just settling into a dynamic after adding benefits to the friendship. Anyway, there we are in my bed, she's twisted into a pretzel and im just railing into her.. and keep in mind, shes a bigger girl, but quite flexible considering. So there she is, legs criss-cross, knees to her shoulders, and im holding one of her wrists to her public bone so she can flick her bean, right... when she came, I dropped in with all my body weight, and she farted HARD! So hard it motor boated my balls! We both started laughing so hard that I lost every last bit of gusto my member had left, and she had tears streaming. That's probably my funniest encounter to date. We did continue to have a great fwb relationship as well