Funny sex stories 😉🤣

[Da****]

Mu ex had been drinking vodka. Spread on the couch as I was going hard inside and within seconds she announces she's got to go and then ***es on me while I'm inside her...

Became a running joke not to let her have vodka before sex after that.

[KT****]

23 minutes ago, N4GUZZ said:

I'm argentine so I tend to like Hispanic food. So me and my ex like the green sauce in a Peruvian restaurant. It's literally mayo with jalapenos, some more condiments but it's blended it up. So i made mayo, chopped the jalapenos and i was cooking everything at the same time. People would say where's the sex in this story. Well after i was done i left the food cooking and it was going to take time to be done. so i went to my room and saw my ex there. So i just grabbed her and threw her on the bed. Well the thing was that i chopped jalapenos and forgot to wash my hands. I got horny so i want to fuck her. But i always play a bit before i go for the main plate. Thing was that i started rubbing my fingers on her pussy that i repeat. I forgot to clean my hands. So in the middle of all actions she opens her eyes real big and ran to the bathroom shouting. IT BURNS, IT BURNS AND SHE STARTED THROWING WATER ON HER PUSSY. So now you know. Wash your hands when you chop andy hot peppers hahahaha.

I feel like you won with this story. My vagina has never been personally victimized by jalapeños, but my eyes have.

[Deleted Member]

The night started off well with some foreplay and then I put her in arm and leg restraints. Then, out of nowhere, it all went wrong. When she climax during sex she suddenly let out a shriek that had nothing to do with pleasure, shouting, "My hamstring is locking up!" I scrambled to release the restraint on her leg, but the moment I did, she reflexively shot her leg out attempting to stretch and accidentally kicked me in the face causing my nose to bleed. It turned out the cramp was the least of her problems; the sudden lurch had resulted in a minor Grade 1 hamstring sprain, giving us both matching injuries. We later laughed at the moment

[te****]

Mine might be a you had to be there to see that this was funny. I'll try. Was banging a fuck buddy I had for a long time, it was a really good long session (we hadn't seen each other for a while). Since she is a prude and seldom, if ever, liked cum on her face.. I thought this may be the perfect opportunity. So as I started to cum I removed the condom as fast as I could and aimed at her face.. but i shot the majority clean over her head and well over the arm of the couch. I believe some ended up in her hair but i don't remember if a single drop ended up where i wanted it to.

We both wondered where it ended up and both of us at the same time got up and looked over the arm of the couch like we're staring off the Empire State Building. I still think about this sometimes and shake my head. It was good load that really launched out like a cannon.

[he****]

One of my exes I pulled out and spurted like a fire hose - and accidentally got it directly in my own face and all over the wall above the bed lol. The funny part is we were doing it with me standing and she was hanging off the foot of the bed.

[Pu****]

Me and an ex were going at it she wanted me to do anal so I went to grab a thing of lube from a sample pack. We start going at it lube starts warming then burning. We rush to shower and fought for shower head to rince lube off my dick and out her ass. Looked at packet We used it was spearmint lube. Moral of story always check the type of lube you use before using it

[lu****]

Me and a friend were going at it, REEEALLY goin at it. All is well , we’re in doggy and we’re having a grand time. Well… one thrust he slipped out, instead of slowing down he thrusted into me. Well he didn’t stick the landing. Actually, he slammed into the wrong run way. Ouch. I screamed and launched myself off the bed. We sat for a minute, I cried, he couldn’t stop laughing, and then he asked to start again. Are you crazy?? I shook my head and left. Couldn’t sit for the rest of the day.

[Sa****]

1 hour ago, Pun_isher said:

Me and an ex were going at it she wanted me to do anal so I went to grab a thing of lube from a sample pack. We start going at it lube starts warming then burning. We rush to shower and fought for shower head to rince lube off my dick and out her ass. Looked at packet We used it was spearmint lube. Moral of story always check the type of lube you use before using it

😂😂😂😂😂

[ki****]

4 hours ago, Countrymudd said:

I once had a cat come underneath me and lick my balls doing my gf doggy style.. instant mood killed 😂

My pit did that once crazy thing the girl guy it i was dead ass lost in thought

[Ons]

We were deep in a wild BDSM romp, her wrists bound, her voice raw, screaming for me to fuck her harder. I was pounding her missionary, hands clamped tight on her shoulders, her moans like gasoline on my fire. She was electric, writhing, begging, driving me to thrust faster, deeper, the room shaking with our heat. Then fuck! my cock slipped, plunging straight into her ass. She let out a gut-wrenching cry, eyes wide with shock, tears streaming as her body tensed. I froze, heart hammering, scrambling to figure out what the hell to do, whispering apologies to calm her down.

It took a long damn time to rebuild that trust hours of soft words, gentle touches, and checking in to get her comfortable again. But when we finally dove back in, we went so hard we snapped her bed frame clean in two. We ended up laughing our asses off, sprawled in the wreckage, high on the chaos.

[ne****]

One time me and my ex were eating g***s while laying naked in bed after first round of sex. I turned hard again and I went down on her with a g*** and accidentally I pushed the g*** in with this thought that it will come out easily. I can tell that it was the most stupid things I did in my life, it was a night mare taking that g*** out of her pussy.

[wu****]

Trying to fuck in the shower and we ended up at a odd angle and how both of us didnt fall before this is a miracle but we finished and as we went to stand up I fell on the faucet and turned the shower off and turned the tub on and somehow didnt break it she helps me to me feet I turn the shower back on not realizing the little snobby bit on top went up my ass

[Ha****]

So it was my turn to be tied up and teased. Leather cuffs with proper solid steel rings attached, with good caribeners, to what I soon would discover, wasn't my best creation.
A wooden dowel spreader bar, with many thru bolted eye bolts. It was the connection of my arms up, blindfolded, standing naked, body to the ceiling attachment points.
After a good hour of intense orgasms for her and edging for me, we needed more wine and ice cubes..
She went into the kitchen leaving me swinging from my cuffed hands standing in front of the leather ottoman .
I needed to stretch my legs and stomach a bit, so I pushed the ottoman back so just my shins were on it and most of my weight was hanging on the contraption above me.
Crash, Bang! My gal comes around the corner and sees me flat on my front, feet on the ottoman, hands still tied to the now broken spreader bar holding my face to the floor .
"Baby, what happened!"
My winded response, " I'm ok, just broke a few ribs.."

[woodyyvr]

First time with my last partner and realized I didn't have any protection so we went to wal mart and grabbed some. Cashier looked at me quizzically and then at my gal and shrugged her shoulders and said "good for you hun"
Later in i am struggling trying to put the condom on and it kept falling off even thou I was hard. I threw that one off next one same thing. My gal burst out laughing threw me the box and said "look closely". I had bought XL condoms without meaning too we laughed for a good 15 mins remembering the cashier and her remark lol

[Vi****]

One time the spouse and I were getting right into it, were talking multiple positions hot and sweaty 🥵, great times, I move to go down on her for the second time and I have zero clue where I am on the bed, I get into position and get maybe a couple of licks in before gauging how she's doing, as soon as I stop and situp, bam! I'm on the floor cackling like a hyena, turns out I was on the edge of the bed most of the time and had no clue lmao, we both laughed like mad hatter's it was great

[su****]

My mom walked in on my ex tossing my salad 🤣

[Ja****]

On a one night stand, I'm full asleep. I rouse awake because she is reaching over me to grab a plate of vegan lasagna. Was that there before we fucked? Was it really lasagna without dairy? Idk. I went back to bed.

Woke up an hour later again to her crying in her living room, cuddling her cat, seemingly because she was turning 30 and "what did she have?"

I hope she's doing ok

[ki****]

First time I showed my dick to a casual hook up friend it essentially went “wait you’ve never seen my dick” she goes nope, I ask “would you like to see it?” She goes yeah and then proceeds I proceed to pull it out but just think the whole time just how overwhelmingly autistic the entire interaction was and how funny it was for me to be like “wait am I actually autistic and if so that would make a lot of sense”

[Li****]

Me, my friend, and this girl we both liked went back to her place for a threesome. Ole boy done fell off the bed, backwards, breaking a potted plant and it cut his back open and I had to call 911 and tell them we had a 3some related ***

[dr****]

Doing a girl's ass when I pulled out I had corn on my cock

[Az****]

One time, when i was 18 or 19, I invited a girl to my parents for a booty call(she drove 30 mins and bought the condoms... what a sweetheart) we were in the basement, which has no door its just stairs by the back door. just had a wild time so sweaty af and as we were finishing up our 3rd round or so, we were gonna take a break for water and such so we were werent in the action but still very obvious what was happening. My mom came half down the stairs and peaked around and saw us. Girl started apologising and freaking out, my mom without batting an eye said and i quote "ehh its normal for people yall age. But you used protection right?" We both said yes immediately, and then my mom said like it was just another tuesday "do you two need any snacks?" I said "not right now but maybe later, i can get them" she said "okiedokie" and left i started laughing and reassuring girl we're a pretty chill house, and told her that for christmas when i turned 16 my stocking had condoms cause the rules were if ya dip ya dick and out pops a kid, you gonna need to grow up fast.

[Do****]

13 hours ago, KT_D said:

This is one of the many ***s I have about buttplugs lol. So thanks 🤣

Mostly just an issue with the small. Medium and large are more substantial and less likely to go anywhere

[Kinkykarma84]

My first time I tried pegging. My girlfriend forgot to put any lube. *** was intense but also pleasurable..

[Ni****]

Went to brunch with a now ex girlfriend. Mimosas, shots, heavy beers, we were trashed and walked back to my place(less than a quarter of a mile away) and when we got back she took her pants off and dove across my bed and said "get in here" so I got comfortable while burying my face between her butt cheeks before pulling her panties down out of the way so they wouldnt interfere with me eating her ass. I was basically making out with her asshole until I woke up hours later with my face still in her ass, lips pressed against her hole covered in drool and I pick my head up and see that she also fell asleep which is hilarious to me that we had to have passed out at the exact same time. I wiped my face off then kissed both of her butt cheeks and she woke up and we had a good laugh about it. I know I snore so its funny to think that she basically had a vibrator in her ass while we slept if my snoring was really bad.

[sw****]

The Gorbachev: after a fabulous session with my partner we were basking in the afterglow when our friends knocked on our door early for dinner. I answered the door and they burst out laughing and would not tell me why. When they came in they started addressing me as Mr. Gorbachev, Russian leader at the time. My partner came in the room and concluded that her period must have started early and my enthusiastic oral skills resulted in some spotting right on my forehead (see Gorbachev photo). For many years the 69 position was rebranded as the Gorbachev and it also became my nickname between the four of us.