Funny sex stories 😉🤣

[Be****]

Not directly sec, but during a session snack break one time, I was craving pickled jalapeño slices. Went back to the bedroom and kissed my partner after eating a few. Definitely caught her off guard. 🤣

[sw****]

I can post photo here but google his pic and trade make red spot on forehead to see the connection.

[Deleted Member]

Back in University I was banging one of the cheerleaders who was super bendy. She was pretzled up pretty good and taking it like a champ. Something got a little over extended and mid orgasm there was a gigantic, wet/muffled “pop” and she squeals. Her pussy went loose, she went limp and it turns out she dislocated her hip!! Called 911 and tried to get her as cleaned up and dressed in some normal (not fetish) clothes. Didn’t take long for the whole team and squad to find out.

[Deleted Member]

My girlfriend and I had a roommate for a year and one night we were having sex. She would become exceptionally loud and apparently while she was moaning our roommate came home. When it became my turn to be gagged and pegged we could hear her vibrator and her muffled Moab’s through the wall. The funny part is whenever my girlfriend began to degrade me she would start again, when my girlfriend would slow down and we were basically silent she would stop. The next day when she was out we heard a strange noise coming from her room, when we investigated we found her vibrator moving around her room circling like a shark.

[lo****]

So, there I was, standing in my living room, pounding my woman in the ass. This was not your normal butt sex. I was doing everything I could to break her hip. I had her hair wrapped around my fist and she had to brace herself from getting knocked over. On one of the strokes, I heard a pop. And knew right away. I pulled all the way out and ran to the bathroom. She had shat all over me, frosted me like a cake. I had it running down my legs, balls, everywhere. I had to cup my hand under my balls to keep it from dripping on the floor. I got in the shower and washed myself several times. I even had to get a q tip and get a bit out of my *** hole. After about 30 minutes of washing I got out and she was all like, "Did I poo on you?" I replied with, "Yeah, a little." I didn't have the heart to tell her that she fertilized my crotch enough that she could have planted corn in my balls and harvested it that coming fall.

[Sa****]

22 hours ago, neomiami said:

One time me and my ex were eating g***s while laying naked in bed after first round of sex. I turned hard again and I went down on her with a g*** and accidentally I pushed the g*** in with this thought that it will come out easily. I can tell that it was the most stupid things I did in my life, it was a night mare taking that g*** out of her pussy.

😂😂😂😂 This happened to me with a comdom… matter of fact, that’s why I have my son… 😂 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Sa****]

1 hour ago, logicaltwist said:

So, there I was, standing in my living room, pounding my woman in the ass. This was not your normal butt sex. I was doing everything I could to break her hip. I had her hair wrapped around my fist and she had to brace herself from getting knocked over. On one of the strokes, I heard a pop. And knew right away. I pulled all the way out and ran to the bathroom. She had shat all over me, frosted me like a cake. I had it running down my legs, balls, everywhere. I had to cup my hand under my balls to keep it from dripping on the floor. I got in the shower and washed myself several times. I even had to get a q tip and get a bit out of my *** hole. After about 30 minutes of washing I got out and she was all like, "Did I poo on you?" I replied with, "Yeah, a little." I didn't have the heart to tell her that she fertilized my crotch enough that she could have planted corn in my balls and harvested it that coming fall.

You’re hilarious 😂

[fi****]

So I think this'll count but it was from a solo wank session, I was in need of a release, laid on my back, came. The issue? I shoot far and there's a lot.
Anyway, hit myself in the eye, my face, headboard etc.

My eye started getting irritated and I started to panic.
Called 111 to explain the situation. Nurse asked if she's okay, I said I got it in my own eye 😭 the nurse laughed! 😂

[Ty****]

I pulled her O ring out. Called it my Ds new chain. Asked if she liked my ice.

[sw****]

I once tried to dusch with the shower head hose so i unscrewed they head and put the hose in my ass and turned it on completely forgetting that the hose has psi pressure… long story short i damn near pressure washed my ass and had to sit on the toilet and fart water for a whole 1 1/2 hrs

[Wi****]

While Fucking my wifey she squirted all over me, this drove me wild, I kept trusting deep, hard pushing her to explode. We go to switch positions, my feet go over my head. I blacked out for a f second, then I noticed I’m laid out on the floor with a hard on.

[Sc****]

I was bottoming for my then boyfriend and after we finished, we noticed something was missing… he had to reach up in me and pull the condom out because I REFUSED to have to explain that to a doctor.

We’re married now.