Alder Posted October 27 Almost anytime I'm attracted to someone regardless of the reason I find it hard to express that without feeling like so much as sending a message is misogynistic, disrespectful, or objectifying them in some way, Is this just a symptom of how dating apps are structured as it is incredibly distanced from actual emotional intimacy. How do other autistic people navigate this?
Bo**** Posted October 27 Yes, is a symptom of online dating. You cant treat someone that gets 300messages daily as a person. It wont treat you like one, just as another number on the inbox.
Mr-Beard Posted October 27 I am trying… to be open and not afraid of awkwardness and rejection - nothing here is real and will matter. I started looking for people on fet because I realised that kinksters community is very saturated with neurodiversity - a lot of people struggle with the same here. Above is true as well, but this is not necessarily bad - writing and sending messages is also a skill ;)
Ch**** Posted October 27 There are definitely ways to initiate a conversation that won’t objectify or disrespect the person you’re messaging. Complimenting something someone chose to do with their appearance vs their body is a great example. Complimenting someone’s hairstyle/color, or outfit choices shows interest but also says you like something they also like. Just saying you like their body, or their eye color, chest size or whatever comes off as way more objectifying and impersonal.
Si**** Posted October 27 I feel the guilt as well, and I get ghosted as well. I’d have to reckon it has to do with the natural distantness of my intimacy and personality in intimate situations tho. And I think it’s an autistic trait but idk, yet it seems to drive away relationships as well.
ey**** Posted October 27 I probably flirt less often that I could I guess the often question is - is my language appropriate for existing rapport
im**** Posted October 27 So a couple things. First is, maybe it's not what you say but how you say it. Sometimes just a simple rephrase is all that is needed. Second. Start a conversation about something, anything just to get them talking. When you ask questions or make advances, ask a question/ make a comment that doesn't necessarily need an response. This gives them the out if they are looking for one but also can keep them engaged if they don't want an out.
Dr**** Posted October 27 I like to open with something obscure. That has nothing to do with either one of us.. a neutral ground. Then ... Open the conversation. Also ... If you are attracted to someone. . . That's ok. No need to apologize:)
Xa**** Posted October 27 First thing is if you’re going after women it’s a numbers game. When I have like 6 likes and feel popular most women have over 50 ppl in their dms. You just hopefully are attractive and sociable enough to beat the other 49 ppl in their dms that makes you standout. Just gotta be out going and try to make them laugh and be open a little like vulnerability? Idk I’m finding it hard to find a woman due to numbers game and everyone wants some muscular dom. 🤷🏻♂️
ra**** Posted October 27 You just be yourself. It helps to weed out the ones who you probably wouldn’t be compatible with in person VERY early on in a talking stage 🤷🏻♀️😂 We spend way too much time masking in our everyday interactions and interpersonal relationships with coworkers, family members, friends etc. When it comes to finding someone you want to be able to be physically *** with, it’s incredibly hard to do if you’re overthinking or worrying that what you say or how you say it is going to be misunderstood or misinterpreted 😉
ra**** Posted October 27 4 hours ago, Xalstar said: First thing is if you’re going after women it’s a numbers game. When I have like 6 likes and feel popular most women have over 50 ppl in their dms. You just hopefully are attractive and sociable enough to beat the other 49 ppl in their dms that makes you standout. Just gotta be out going and try to make them laugh and be open a little like vulnerability? Idk I’m finding it hard to find a woman due to numbers game and everyone wants some muscular dom. 🤷🏻♂️ You’re spitting facts. I don’t respond to every message I receive, but if it’s something that makes me laugh, I am much more likely to respond and at least see how the conversation goes than I am if it’s one of the canned openers or a compliment. I can admit I’ll post a pic when I’m wanting a little attention, but in person I have a very hard time accepting compliments 🫣😂
DM**** Posted October 27 100%! I wish I could just say "I like you, do you like me?" But that feels like a weird message to send to a total stranger. So writing messages is excruciatingly difficult, especially considering how little anyone actually responds. And the fact that you only get one chance and then you can't write them again unless they reply compounds the pressure to the point where I almost never send messages unless I'm just completely smitten.
Hezzair Posted October 28 Part of it is the online thing, which I think is a huge problem for everyone dating nowadays, not just the ND community. I would just try and be as true to yourself as possible because there is no point in trying to be anyone but you. When you get back to the bedroom and the clothes come off, and the real intimacy happens, is the real you the person you showed them?
su**** Posted October 28 This is off topic but is anyone’s app not letting them see any pictures on you and others profiles
Mr**** Posted October 28 You literally bite your lip and send the thing. It is a social faux-pas and flaw of approach to be lewd out of the gate *typically*; though innuendo and a sense of interested restraint are often welcome and sometimes even desired, as you demonstrate the ability to ignite and keep a conversation. Flirt about a unique aspect of the person. Then just chat: a response is nearly guaranteed since noting something about who they are / what they have / what they may know indicates that you're paying attention.
Hu**** Posted October 28 Sad reality on this app....I be respectful, witty, try complimenting, basically just being nice and NEVER get a response.....send a message saying i have a huge dick and bam. Steady replies ☠️😩 end of the day women are just as horny as men and have 10000x more options. I've found being blunt and direct (not disrespectful) is the way to go on here. Especially since you can only message once
Mi**** Posted October 29 I'm just honest and careful about my wording. I think with this app just like fetlife, you have a bit more room with messaging unless their profile says otherwise. "This picture caught my eye." "You said this on your profile." "Tell me more about your tattoo." "Your BDSM test results seem compatible with mine." From a female perspective. Yes, women can be just as horny as anybody. Being forward and respectful is a game, unfortunately, due to our current culture. I always take it if I never get a response back that they weren't worth my time. Just makes my ocean of fish a little bit smaller. I think what's most hurtful is that you actually meet them things seem great. You have fun, and then they stop talking to you, especially when they never indicated they want no strings attached or one night. Worse if it's an event and you trade contact info same thing occurs.
Deleted Member Posted October 29 23 hours ago, HungConstruction said: Sad reality on this app....I be respectful, witty, try complimenting, basically just being nice and NEVER get a response.....send a message saying i have a huge dick and bam. Steady replies ☠️😩 end of the day women are just as horny as men and have 10000x more options. I've found being blunt and direct (not disrespectful) is the way to go on here. Especially since you can only message once Saying you have a big dick gets you responses ?
Hu**** Posted October 29 In my experience....yes, more often than leaving a compliment or asking a genuine question about the person 😅 it's a fine balance between peaking interest for a fun sexual meet and being respectful about it.
Hu**** Posted October 29 Ofcours this doesn't apply to all women and definitely not outside of a kink based app.but it's something I have to offer that not everyone does so I take advantage of it a bit 😅😁
Mr**** Posted October 29 8 hours ago, MistressM1992 said: I'm just honest and careful about my wording. I think with this app just like fetlife, you have a bit more room with messaging unless their profile says otherwise. "This picture caught my eye." "You said this on your profile." "Tell me more about your tattoo." "Your BDSM test results seem compatible with mine." From a female perspective. Yes, women can be just as horny as anybody. Being forward and respectful is a game, unfortunately, due to our current culture. I always take it if I never get a response back that they weren't worth my time. Just makes my ocean of fish a little bit smaller. I think what's most hurtful is that you actually meet them things seem great. You have fun, and then they stop talking to you, especially when they never indicated they want no strings attached or one night. Worse if it's an event and you trade contact info same thing occurs. That is particularly ***ful, and it seems like the sweetest people are the ones who most often do it (though, that may be a negative confirmation bias).
Mr**** Posted October 29 7 hours ago, LostBailey said: Saying you have a big dick gets you responses ? It isn't my approach, but it's one that I used a fair bit in my younger years. HungConstruction isn't bluffing, it can actually be that simple depending on the person you're chatting with. People come in all flavors and, well, some people are truly very horny always lol
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