Is a Dom a Sub?

[Coupleforplay]

What is a Dom?
I have been giving this some thought and I believe that the perfect Dom is in reality a Sub.

The Dom get’s their pleasure from teasing the Sub to the point of becoming a quivering wreck, begging for relief, begging to be satisfied. At the point of teetering on frustration the Dom gives the Sub their reward, their pleasure.

So in reality, the Dom is pleasing the Sub with the build up and then further pleasing the Sub with the relief.

Of course it should be a two way street, whereby both are getting equal pleasure and relief, but that’s another discussion.

This one is about whether you agree with me, that a Dom is in effect actually a Sub or not.

[sn****]

I wouldn't say a Dom is a sub. A dominant seeks or desires, control, authority, responsibility. A sub is someone that wants to give those things to someone else, what you're describing sounds like a pleasure Dom/top.

[Di****]

Interesting point of view

[Ni****]

I know exactly what you mean!

[Deleted Member]

I don't think a Dom is a sub. I think a sub enjoys submission. Craves it. A Dom craves their submission. And because we are a civilized society, we first negotiate that shit and obtain and give consent. And yes, Doms need to give consent as well.

[Deleted Member]

So is a sub then a Dom? Because that's the logical conclusion if you play with the words enough.
No. A Dom is not a sub.

[Daddy4You01]

The only DOM that ends up being turned into a sub is a pay pig. Otherwise absolutely not, a dom has control over their sub. And the sub, submits to the doms authority. The OP just sounds like what’s called a power bottom and enjoys questioning the doms authority. Which I would handle promptly by exiting them out of my life and looking for the next sub!

[Pa****]

I get what you're saying, but I think you're describing a "pleasure dom", such as myself.

The traditional "dom" is more sadistic in their play. It's truly about them, and the traditional "sub" gets off on the dom getting off.

But much like drama is the other side of comedy, it's true that there is a bit of vulnerability on the dom side if you're doing it right, because you have to play the give and take to find the buttons to push.

[Deleted Member]

A Dom and a sub both serve each other within their individual roles – by leading or by yielding. Doing something for your partner, caring, does not make you submissive!
It all comes down to intent.
Does your BDSM revolve around shared relational dynamics – or is it just a means to fulfill your own desires?

[Bl****]

No. This is just wrong in every way

[Or****]

This is why I like the yin yang thing. No matter how much of one side a person is, there is always a little bit of the other

[obedientlab4u]

I feel the best Dom's have been in the sub role at some point

[WLondonGirl]

What you've described is just one type of play.  Would you say the dom was a sub if they had you cleaning the kitchen?  Or had you kneeling on rice until you begged for it to stop?  Or made you swallow their urine?  

[Ar****]

No.

For starters there is a wealth of different types of Dom/mes; what you describe can only be attributed to a relatively small proportion of all these interactions and dynamics.

For seconds, this may not be the intended case but I've inferred that the post might be blurring the Dom-Sub and Top-Bottom axes (which are very much not the same thing).

[hot-springs206194]

Is a Dom the sadist who doesn’t like ***? Maybe!

[Fi****]

As much as a Dom loves the control of a sub, The sub is still ALWAYS the one who is in full control, the Dom may do his thing, but without the subs Consent even to consent non consent games, the sub is still the one in control, and can say stop or go at any time . So who's really in control.?.

[ey****]

11 hours ago, Coupleforplay said:

I have been giving this some thought and I believe that the perfect Dom is in reality a Sub.

The perfect Dom... for you... might be a sub, effectively as a service top.

There are a lot of different Dominant styles, all of which are valid.   And some are shades of service top however much the other person might disagree. Ha.  But, ultimately no.  Dominants are not submissives. 

[ey****]

42 minutes ago, SubVanilla said:

As much as a Dom loves the control of a sub, The sub is still ALWAYS the one who is in full control, the Dom may do his thing, but without the subs Consent even to consent non consent games, the sub is still the one in control, and can say stop or go at any time . So who's really in control.?.

I mean, the sub has NOTHING without the Dominants consent either. And can stop or go at any time.   

[ho****]

this is a rather closed view on what a dom is and does, in my opinion. there are so many different types and styles. pleasing doesn't decide who's dominant and who's submissive, it's the intricacies of the persons involved, the lead up, how control comes into play, who's being told what to do, how they interact with each other.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, SubVanilla said:

As much as a Dom loves the control of a sub, The sub is still ALWAYS the one who is in full control, the Dom may do his thing, but without the subs Consent even to consent non consent games, the sub is still the one in control, and can say stop or go at any time . So who's really in control.?.

this! this is the answer. there is no greater power than being a submissive. i might be biased tho bc im an alpha submissive, but your comment us what many Doms fail to even understand. 👏👏

[Qu****]

What you're describing might be considered a submissive service top. The mix and match between tops/bottoms/doms/subs is vast and what you desire from a dynamic is unique to you and those involved in your dynamic. Let's take it from somewhat of a vanilla angle. If a guy goes down on some one who's dominant? I've eaten out people in a very dominant way, I've also been in the position of being submissive in the exact same scenario. Context of the dynamic determines the roles, not the activity or who's doing what to someone.

[Ja****]

For me no.
Because Dom is...Dom ; - )
.
But im a Dominant and Devote Bottom.
I Love to be submissive but i can Lead if she wish or on order to fix life and get back on track, thats it.
.
Greatz from Germany

[Coupleforplay]

4 hours ago, SubVanilla said:

As much as a Dom loves the control of a sub, The sub is still ALWAYS the one who is in full control, the Dom may do his thing, but without the subs Consent even to consent non consent games, the sub is still the one in control, and can say stop or go at any time . So who's really in control.?.

Quite right. You’ve hit my point directly on the head with a better example too 😊

[Coupleforplay]

5 hours ago, Utility2 said:

What you've described is just one type of play.  Would you say the dom was a sub if they had you cleaning the kitchen?  Or had you kneeling on rice until you begged for it to stop?  Or made you swallow their urine?  

Even in your examples, there would have been prior agreement and safe words. So again the Dom can only Dom because the Sub has agreed to that level.

[lu****]

3 hours ago, lilwilogurl said:

this! this is the answer. there is no greater power than being a submissive. i might be biased tho bc im an alpha submissive, but your comment us what many Doms fail to even understand. 👏👏

That's a good point and now I'm questioning it lol .