Relationships - guys experience

[ab****]

For the guys this time.
Whats your experince been of trying to find a relationship on a bdsm forum?
Not asking whos the problem but what has been a problem during the process.
"NSA" "swingers" "couples" this is not for you to reply on.

[Ch****]

Trying to find that spark with out having trust established already to feel comfortable.

[ed****]

Honestly it's the bots for me. Deciphering who is real and who is not

[Mr****]

Not really much luck mostly fake scammers on here

[Sirssub]

It’s difficult enough to find someone in vanilla life. Finding someone that has the similar kinks as you, that you click with and that is a reasonable distance away is hard. I hold out hope still though 🤣

[breakmeplz]

Scammers everywhere, least of all because I'm a submissive guy

[he****]

So far it’s been a 10 to 1 ratio of scammers to real people

[at****]

I’ve met few people on here had a few dates not horrible but nothing like really long term

[Si****]

I would say it's tough to find legit profiles for people that actually want relationships versus trying to sell something

[ab****]

Im seeing a pattern already

[ey****]

I guess a small skew is that - anyone who is both monogamous and succesful is less likely to respond since there's less reason for them to be here.

Experience has largely to use online sites as a tool, and never the whole kit, and that helps a lot.

I've found a better success rate in things going somewhere (even if it's just more than a brief chat) by being very selective - so well written profiles are appreciate for what people want and/or do not want

I guess, of course, it would be nicer if sometimes others made the first move more often. But I understand why folk don't. 

[JB****]

Lmao good one

[Li****]

It's more of a like minded community than a useful dating tool.

Like any online platform, the women are likely bombarded with an unholy volume of messages and when they try and filter for distance and preferences, maybe a tiny percentage of those would hold any interest at all, assuming she lives in a large city with a decent member base there.

And even then, BDSM is often deeply intimate and requires massive trust - so it's not going to spark in a healthy way solely online.

And ultimately, it often takes effort and connection - how many Doms does a Sub need? Typically one - because it takes a lot to build and maintain the trust and connection.

The odds are statistically tiny to even get a hook-up in a place like this, let alone a dynamic or relationship. Hopefully you can enjoy the conversations and what people share though, that's what it's really for - practically speaking.

[Bl****]

Like tiptoeing through a room where the most disgusting and criminal things are going on in full view, but I will be arrested the moment I drop a pin lmao

[Ra****]

Yeah, more nonsense than anything.

[dr****]

It’s hard I can’t even try to start out and find someone

[Wi****]

Not so good I feel a lot of women nowadays just want femboys

[Be****]

20+ years, off an on. 2 relationships, both decent. I’ll take it.
Also yeah, lots of fake profiles

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, absurdist said:

"NSA" "swingers" "couples" this is not for you to reply on.

Why not? Who is to say that a male in one of these situations now is unable to offer valuable, constructive insight? You might be missing on the most perfect gem of an answer to top all other answers from a guy with a wealth of relevant experience just because he doesn't fit your criteria now. Women, men's partners, members of polycules and so on may have directly witnessed some of these struggles and/or have appropriate anecdotes the community might benefit from.

 

I'm not actually interested in the answer (or any thread which gatekeeps relevant, respectful responses), but I hope the point has given food for thought.

[BallpointBen]

Hopeless lol! Paywalls… so many who just want ***, and sometimes quite a closed community

[Ca****]

Not found a partner on a BDSM forum, but I found a girlfriend interested in a cuckold relationship on a regular dating site

[wh****]

This entire app is trash. I don’t understand why it doesn’t make someone get verified before completing or even showing their profile. 10:1 ratio of scammers to real people is probably accurate. In the 1/100 scenario someone is real, not a scammer, and even remotely subjectively attractive it doesn’t let you message them without upgrading and paying. If they cleaned up the verification process and significantly cut down scammers, I’d have no problem upgrading but never would I even consider paying for this dumpster fire in its current state. Guess whoever runs this app has single digit brain cells.

[ey****]

54 minutes ago, Life86 said:

The odds are statistically tiny to even get a hook-up in a place like this, let alone a dynamic or relationship. Hopefully you can enjoy the conversations and what people share though, that's what it's really for - practically speaking.

I feel this is a very good approach.   Like if your only stock is that you hope to find someone and nothing else matters - then there is a good chance for things to end in disappointment.   But if you use it through enjoyment, either enjoyable conversation. Learning from others. Knowledge share.  Things which in themselves contribute to both the online and wider community - then success has different measurables. 

[Co****]

Look, most of my friends are at least kink friendly, most found through this and other sites. I've gotten into a few relationships from them, but it comes from making friends, that then want benifets, then relationships. Given the "extreme nature" of these sites and what one can be into, can't blame people if they want to be a bit careful, even if they're open about what they want.

It can be easy to get a good reaction discussing good things, but those either don't go anywhere or don't turn into lasting relationships because the "people" part often gets forgotten about. See "kink dispensers" its unfulfilling, or just gross to be treated as such and can be dangerous either way if not treated seriously

The problem during the process is essentially, the kind of thinking that conflates sex/ kink/ attention as all that's needed for a relationship. Compatibility in life, wants, needs, freedom, goals and careers, as well as the ability to talk openly, reserve judgement and work together for what's wanted that leads to relationships, not just how good the fucking is.

I'd rather have a good personal relationship to anyone I'm being intimate with, if not an intertwined relationship as it leads to the want to have more contact, repeat enjoyments etc. things may or may not develop from there.

Sorry though, I'm a poly, ENM practicioner who dabbles in swinging and is in a relationship so my opinion does not count I guess. But maybe it's not you that needs to hear what I have to say, so said it gets.

[BallpointBen]

20 minutes ago, BallpointBen said:

Hopeless lol! Paywalls… so many who just want ***, and sometimes quite a closed community

Oh! Hard to put your point across too! Because this app censors words lol