Legal protection in the lifestyle

[Ta****]

So I am trying to leave the abusive Dom I posted about. However, he is saying that if we end then he is going vanilla and will no longer be in the lifestyle. That being said he threatened that he would put in the coparenting agreement that I cannot live the lifestyle either because he doesn't want it around our daughter. I know that a judge will laugh him out of court but my question is what are the legal protections for those in the lifestyle? How do we protect ourselves from these situations?

[fl****]

You don’t need to worry about legal protections regarding these kinds of things. First of all, this manipulative piece of garbage is full of shit and only saying these things to scare you into giving in. This loser is not going to stop engaging in the activities that bring him pleasure and I’m sure he’d never have the balls to bring any of it up in court. Furthermore, even if he does, by your own admission, a judge would laugh him out of court. If he has half a brain, he won’t bring it up because that opens the door for you to explain all the abusive, manipulative shit he’s done under the guise of “kink”. Who would be the bad guy in that scenario? Not you. Lastly, if he did have the audacity to air your kinky laundry in a court of law, all you really have to do is explain the fact that anything 2 consenting adults do behind closed doors has nothing to do with your ability to be a good parent. Just as you and this loser have been able to engage in your kinky pursuits without it impacting the upbringing of your child, so could you and a HEALTHY relationship. In fact, even more so. In short, fuck this guy…. And not in the fun way lol

[Sp****]

In child custody matters, a parent's participation in the BDSM community is legally protected and generally not relevant to the proceedings, unless the activity poses a direct risk of harm or neglect to the child. The central focus of any custody decision is the "best interests of the child".

Courts do not consider a parents sexual practices when determining custody as long as the behavior does not negatively affect the child’s welfare.

Hope this helps 😊

[Mo****]

You protect yourself by having a good lawyer that you can be honest with about your concerns

[ey****]

for legal protections, I'm sorry. The forum is not the answer - you need a lawyer for your territory. 

[cl****]

There are none and a judge would rule on your favor

[Se****]

I don’t know the answer to this and I’m not legally qualified to give an answer. But I would suggest that looking for legal advice from fellow kinksters is not the best idea. Even well meaning advice can be wrong or dangerous. Seek proper legal advice relating to the country you live in.

[Ta****]

Not looking for legal advice but wanting to hear the experience of others in the lifestyle. Just an in general what people have learned from living the lifestyle.

[Je****]

I just want to say that, as much as it doesn't affect your ability to parent, that doesn't mean it won't/can't be weaponized against you. It happened to me.

[al****]

1 hour ago, SparklesMcTitty said:

In child custody matters, a parent's participation in the BDSM community is legally protected and generally not relevant to the proceedings, unless the activity poses a direct risk of harm or neglect to the child. The central focus of any custody decision is the "best interests of the child".

Courts do not consider a parents sexual practices when determining custody as long as the behavior does not negatively affect the child’s welfare.

Hope this helps 😊

It depends what state and area you live in. I know technically they aren’t supposed to take your sexual practices into account but in a traditional marriage location a kinky lifestyle can be taken as “ not in the best interest of the child”. I had a friend who had her custody taken away because her ex husband said in court that her lifestyle was lewd and would be a bad influence on their ***.

[In****]

From my experience, I am not a lawyet, but if you file first you have better chance of the outcome in your favor. If he wants to weaponize the lifestyle. Then use it against him first. Take a break from the lifestyle, it will hopefully pay off in the end. But definitely talk to custody lawyers in your area before your ex does and blocks ypu from getting competent representation.

[Ka****]

Personally, these are your *** your talking about. I wouldn't risk losing them. I lost custody of my daughter and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. Your are worth far more than your lifestyle.

[4R****]

I only have a general understanding of UK law which may not help as you’re in the US. But, as was said to me in a similar situation, “you are entitled to a private life, you are entitled to a sex life” your participation in this lifestyle is irrelevant to any family court proceedings and certainly couldn’t be refered to in any CAO or Coparenting agreement endorsed by a court. No JOH is going to sign off on that.
 

As for legal protections, we live a lifestyle that is essentially one person having control over another, and often beating them into submission, so effectively consensual coercive control alongside *** and battery there’s not much you can do to protect yourself legally. 

[Ne****]

1 hour ago, JenJen84 said:

I just want to say that, as much as it doesn't affect your ability to parent, that doesn't mean it won't/can't be weaponized against you. It happened to me.

I am sorry you've experienced that.

[Deleted Member]

What??? Let’s get real. That’s not a DOM. That’s an ***r. Too many men claim to be DOM but really just want to control an *** and more thank likely hate women. Why’s this even a question? You have been steered in the wrong direction I’m sorry to say.

[Mi****]

I think for the us it's going to be a tricky battle when it comes to D/s relationships its frowned upon and not understand more then taboo. In the co-parenting plan he might be able to restrict you from having company over but that doesn't mean that you can't put a child in a safe space with babysitting and plan and do your best business elsewhere just not in the house I don't think he can keep you from the lifestyle entirely not the way that he's trying to manipulate and control. I don't think you can lose your child over as long as you convince the judge to understand that you won't have it in the household it has nothing to do with your child it is your private sexual life.

[Ro****]

Do not take anything here as legal advice. While they may be worthy to consider some. Unless they are a family or divorce lawyer do not take too seriously. With that said him shining the light on the kink factor in your desired relationship would also open up his *** of you in that situation. Only a lawyer can actually give you proper advice.

[Co****]

Your primary protection is that judges don’t really want to hear about who you sleep with or how. So long as you aren’t doing it in front of the ***, most judges have heard far worse and don’t care. The judge does not want to be pushed to police your sex life.

[CopperKnob]

I have a difficult observation/ question, one which you may not like.
Regardless of whether there are legal protections or not, there seems to a theme across all of your posts, one where you prioritise your ability to remain in the 'lifestyle' above everything else, your safety, your reputations, your k1d/s etc and I'm wondering why?

[ey****]

12 hours ago, Tazbaby75 said:

Not looking for legal advice but wanting to hear the experience of others in the lifestyle. Just an in general what people have learned from living the lifestyle.

my learnings

kink is not a protected characteristic - however a right to a sex life, isn't something would be held against you.  Providing it's not affecting your daughter either directly or in your ability to care for her.

From there a lot then gets into arguments and contexts.    I've been aware of cases where a claim by a man has been laughed out of court, and cases where it has resulted in custardy. It is basically, as above, what arguments could/would be used to state this interferes with your ability to care and vice/versa. 

[Ta****]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

I have a difficult observation/ question, one which you may not like.
Regardless of whether there are legal protections or not, there seems to a theme across all of your posts, one where you prioritise your ability to remain in the 'lifestyle' above everything else, your safety, your reputations, your k1d/s etc and I'm wondering why?

This lifestyle makes me a better mother to my daughter. It is my release of stress and control in order to recharge my mind, body and soul. Without this I would have to be heavily medicated.

[Da****]

There are some very good answers on here, but again be open and honest with your lawyer. Your lawyer is the only one who can guide you on this matter..it is very important to seek the legal advice on your attorney on this.

[Stewarttannoc20]

Seek a lawyer thsts your best option, people can give advice but legally they aren’t qualified. A lawyer will be able to tell you the ins and outs of how you can fight it. Although if you have evidence of the *** from said DOM. Then why not report it to authorities it’s clear it wasn’t consensual or you wouldn’t be looking to get away from this guy. Or calling him out either. That’s the best advice I can give you on the matter and could stop him getting access to the kid also if it’s took place while the child has been in the premises.

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, Tazbaby75 said:

This lifestyle makes me a better mother to my daughter. It is my release of stress and control in order to recharge my mind, body and soul. Without this I would have to be heavily medicated.

Whilst I agree that we all require outlets to improve well-being, resilience etc, none of us would typically rely on just one.
If the argument (for want of a better word) is that you would need to be 'heavily medicated' then I would suggest that there is too great a reliance on kink to maintain your mental health and that there are alternatives. With that said, medications are sometimes the answer for some. Likewise, how good a parent is, is subjective. No parent is perfect by any stretch of the imagination.
I guess we make our own choices

[Je****]

22 hours ago, NexumSange said:

I am sorry you've experienced that.

Thank you. I appreciate your kindness ☺️