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New interest advice please


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Hello, I’m new, in the closet. I need to explain exactly what I’m asking which could possibly take a while. 

I was reading a ddlg book on Wattpad. I fell in love with the concept and then started doing research. I’m now at the point where I need actual person help.

My husband and family are 100% against any bdsm,hence my closet status. I see many daddy qualities in my husband. He cares for me, cooks cleans, and cares for me in any way he can. However we haven’t had sex in 4 years and never I never had an orgasm. 

I truly love my husband. 12 years of marriage and we have only had one fight and he is never late and I can at any time call him any time, his phone or wherever he’s at and he’s there. I have no fear of him cheating. His father did on his mom and he hates it. 

I guess my real question is..... How do I get my husband to be more dominant and possibly daddy? Or at least get him interested in sex again?

Im asking here because no one in my circle speaks of sex.  Can anyone help me?


I'd suggest talking to him and telling him this is something you would be interested in trying with him.  If he has reservations, pass him some of the research that's applicable to what you want - possibly even suggest going to a munch (if there's one in your area) to chat with other couples and people in the lifestyle (online is great, but only a small facet)

Communicate my lovely otherwise this will eat you up and that gap your feeling will get further apart I’m saying this with a similar experience my ex husband never gave me an orgasm and we we’re married for 15 years and now looking back I wish i had spoken up and actually showed him what I liked where the actual bloody clit was lol unfortunately we are now divorced because that communication just wasn’t there you have all this love and respect for him don’t let that go maybe cook a nice meal get dressed uplook really hot and sexy stockings a must 😉😉😉 flirt with him eye to eye contact and tell him how you feel get him to really listen you don’t have to go full on with the kink baby steps play with ice get the champagne out candle wax progress on from there if he truly loves you which by the sounds he does then he will listen fight for it my lovely wish you all the luck

Okay, from what I’ve read so far. Communicate. I didn’t mention. My fault. I did communicate. Nothings changed.


did he communicate back?

if this is the first time you mentioning anything then he's going to need time to think, probably about a lot of things (i don't want to speculate as i don't know either of you but if he's against something but loves you and knows you have an interest in what he is against then i would think he has a lot of thoughts to process about that).

forgetting about the BDSM for the minute i do think it's normal to want sex, especially in a relationship where you used to have sex. do you have any idea why this stopped? you don't need to publicly reply, but can you figure out what happened there and maybe be able to work out a way to get your sex life back? even your GP could help or some kind of therapy outside your relationship, ask him to seek help outside of your relationship if you can't help him. if he doesn't see sex as important then he's going to be reluctant to seek that help but i would just emphasise how you miss that part of your relationship and want it back.


as for the BDSM stuff itself, that will be harder. it's not something you can push onto someone. i'm sure many people keep that side of themselves to themselves because their partner is not interested and they don't want to lose their partner. in an ideal world we would grow with our partners and remain compatible forever but this doesn't always happen, and so compromises occur.






  • 2 weeks later...
I agree that communication is key. Is there a reason that he doesn’t want/ hasn’t had sex in that time? I think you will need to focus on getting the sex life at least starting to build back up before introducing the more kink side. It may well take time. Another option is to discuss opening the relationship to satisfy your sexual desires. This would not be considered cheating as it would be consensual. Anyone reading this can tell that you care and love him very much but you need to be happy in the relationship as well.
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