Popular Post Ki**** Posted December 5 Popular Post Misogyny is unfortunately rampant even in femdom spaces. Many men are quick to make it all about their fantasies with no regards to what women actually want. And women are afraid to address their true needs since society tells women to be meek and have none. I apologize for my clickbait title, but I really want people to think about this: if we want to make room for femdom, how do we make space for women to feel confident enougj to be honest about what they want and ensure men actually listen?
Deleted Member Posted December 6 This is an important point, thank you for bringing it up! Many are enticed by the idea, the fantasy, with no real respect or admiration. Healthy dynamics in this scene depend on give and take, there is an art to it! Too many entitled people with no willingness to learn or cultivate a trusting and safe space echoes the grander struggles of modern women! If men aren't willing to listen - why should we accomodate for there desires? Its rude, ugly and unsafe practice! Communication is key and one of the most intimate and somewhat sacred parts of developing a dynamic in kink is developing boundaries and witnessing the comfort in vulnerability that you and your partner/s may achieve through consentual play!
Ja**** Posted December 6 Imo femdom as a kink has faced the same consequences a sex did with porn. There is a fetishization of femdom consisting of the porn version of it. And a lot of men want their femdom partner to be as they are shown in porn. And everything outside of that fantasy is not "true" femdom. The bigger question is do we, as a society, view women as humans capable of making their own sexual decisions? even if these decisions contradict the stereotypical femdom as shown in the media. If you are in a typical relationship both partners have to listen to their partners needs and wishes.
Ge**** Posted December 6 I am a dominant man i will say an advice for my dom female friends out there look the problem is alot of women that claim to be dominant act so narcissistic and all they want is to humuliate or something i advise to listen to the sub and what their limits then you tell them what you like and what you don't build a trust relationship before anything then go to the sexual things because trust is the key for any sub/dom relationship and of course alot of men and women too think that what they see in porn is the same way as reality so just be patient and if they are not experienced teach them
si**** Posted December 6 I am really hoping femdom is a possibility. But from my experience on this app, starting it from an online aspect will not work. Either because there are more men and then women on these apps, what people expect from these apps is unrealistic, there loads of scammers, or if you do start chatting with people they ask for a tribute before anything was even established, claiming it is a way to not waste time (those people are probably scammers as well)
La**** Posted December 6 This has always been part of the biggest problem that caused the so called: femdom shortage. There are NEVER too many male subs. But too little quality subs. Most hetero men just want to bottom or to feel ‘what it’s like’ to be a sub. So it’s not genuine. And even when we try to tell them to listen to what we want and need, suddenly they turned deaf. Most male subs never want to actually submit and be devoted in the first place. They want the porn version which almost never about the female dom.
Ge**** Posted December 6 @lady_king i think because alot of men are like not submissive in general in their lives but like to give charge in bed i don't know if my words are making sense because look it's really hard for a man to go to his soft side because men learnt to hide emotions since their childhood so he could be a very dominant man in life but he likes to give charge only in bedroom and he need to trust you first before doing that women are more emotional that's reality every is special in a thing all am saying it needs to start with building trust and both partners ask each other and know more about each other then make like an agreement on what thy are both comfortable to do and like to do
Al**** Posted December 6 IMO it can work, I've personally been in these types of relationships. And with all relationships it starts with communication and healthy boundaries. I think in my personal case it helps that I'm not meek. I do believe however female sexuality as a whole has been suppressed and if that societal pressure was removed, we'd see more women on sites like these.
Ir**** Posted December 6 I actually attend events at a club in Southern California that specifically hosts FemDomme events. The women have full control of the situation and are the ones who make the final choice on whether or not to engage in fantasy play with a bottom or submissive male. Their needs are put first. I would agree with @Lady_King, there is a shortage of quality male subs or those willing to learn how to submit gracefully. But I think that also reflects a lack of education from quality dommes. It’s a trickle down effect that needs to be remedied by people willing to educate as well as be worshipped. Communication begets quality imo.
Fr**** Posted December 6 I think all type of BDSM relationships are possible, as long as both parties are willing to communicate about what they want, need and absolutely don't accept. Just like in a normal relationship.
mo**** Posted December 6 Well I may not be a Submissive Man a matter of fact Submissive men make me ill. But I believe no matter who the Sub is communication is key. I believe that in ay type of relationship. So yes when I have a Sub or a Slave I don't focus purely on my needs I talk to her and figure out what her needs are what she likes and dislikes. I mean I may be out of place here but maybe sit down and have that conversation before moving on. Yes I know there not many men that will actually listen but it's worth a shot. I wish you luck on your journey. God bless.
la**** Posted December 6 I'm a masculine man for the most part. I have a feminine side that I don't starve. I've never been with a femdom, but I really, really want to. In my experience with women, I feel like they like to be dominated. In a 50 shades type of way. I would be extremely upset to find out any of them wanted to be dom and, not said so. I would submit so fast it would blow her mind. I hope to find a strong confident woman, with a big strap-on hiding away somewhere, that says "no, you get on your knees". Someday soon.
Sa**** Posted December 6 It really requires the FemDom to have her head on right and screen her subs well. I love the Domme in me and the power I have over my subs - being able to embrace that in a female body is the first step. It can be challenging with men because am I extremely fem and petite in my physique - it cannot be masked with costumes. But true subs don’t need might - they know the real power is not worn on the body, but in the eyes, in the mind, in my calm confidence and unrelenting consistency and confidence as I draw them gradually into unknown terrain, places they would never be able to go without me. They have to be bright and open enough to see beyond the boring archetypes and really willing to explore their vulnerability in submission. Otherwise it’s just a bore.
la**** Posted December 6 I think this is a general problem in bdsm. A lot of it stems from a lack of communication or immaturity around the subject. I think a lot of men being weird or demanding is also just an extension of what women already face in the regular dating scene, I don't really think it goes away even jn these niche spaces
li**** Posted December 6 It's not our responsibility to make men listen. You cannot change them. The only option we have is to set filters that won't allow everyone to access us, write a profile where we clearly stay what we want (and that most of the time won't be read) and use our discernment to find good male subs. We can immediately block anyone that makes us feel uncomfortable and be patient for the right one to come. That's all. We can't educate anyone on how to behave properly.
Lo**** Posted December 6 Leadership is not always about being the loudest or most powerful. It can also mean consistency, and presence. I believe that’s a huge misconception with what some people want from their DOM. I feel that (as a SUB in my case) when a DOM is confident, reliable, and emotionally intelligent. It creates a sense of security and trust that is very important when the SUB is opening up and following DOM orders.
li**** Posted December 6 2 hours ago, JackOfSubTraits said: Imo femdom as a kink has faced the same consequences a sex did with porn. There is a fetishization of femdom consisting of the porn version of it. And a lot of men want their femdom partner to be as they are shown in porn. And everything outside of that fantasy is not "true" femdom. The bigger question is do we, as a society, view women as humans capable of making their own sexual decisions? even if these decisions contradict the stereotypical femdom as shown in the media. If you are in a typical relationship both partners have to listen to their partners needs and wishes. Correct. I don't think femdom is much more difficult than regular vanilla sex. It's the same thing, the same problems that pornography culture has created. The same entitlement, the same disregard for women's wants and needs.
li**** Posted December 6 57 minutes ago, lansing770411 said: I'm a masculine man for the most part. I have a feminine side that I don't starve. I've never been with a femdom, but I really, really want to. In my experience with women, I feel like they like to be dominated. In a 50 shades type of way. I would be extremely upset to find out any of them wanted to be dom and, not said so. I would submit so fast it would blow her mind. I hope to find a strong confident woman, with a big strap-on hiding away somewhere, that says "no, you get on your knees". Someday soon. Being penetrated has nothing to do with being submissive.
In**** Posted December 6 Interesting debate. I take this from a different discussion a few days ago here from another user. He stated: If you're a Dom(me) and your playmate does not see him/herself in the tole of the Sub, you just don't fit together. It says nothing about your dominant identity. I know a female Sub, she is the most extreme Sub I have ever seen. She is extremely dominant and strong outside of bdsm / sexual context. Because she simply is strong and choose to do what she wants. So I guess all variations exist. What I personally find very difficult: Connect a fetish/ bdsm sexual context with a sociological problem. I think that won't work.
Jo**** Posted December 6 48 minutes ago, liliththedivine said: Correct. I don't think femdom is much more difficult than regular vanilla sex. It's the same thing, the same problems that pornography culture has created. The same entitlement, the same disregard for women's wants and needs. I agree… Every FemDom has her own style… Its not a mold, Its not like porn… Finding the right submisive is the key for a nice relationship
PussyPleaser690 Posted December 6 A lot of men on these sites seem over entitled. Either saying they are dom and making it all about them or saying they are sub and shoving a shopping list of fetishes they want over to a Domme. A true submissive man should want one thing only; to please their Domme. Keep reiterating the message and maybe women can feel more confident to be honest. Not sure if it will ever change considerably though :(
Gulfcoastdays Posted December 6 This is just my opinion. Everyone always avoids and ignores the Switches. And I get it.. this lifestyle doesn’t have room for the wishy-washy so avoid the switches and let them intermingle amongst themselves. Well, guess what switches don’t have this problem as a switch, if I put myself under a femdom while I’m there. It’s already about me because I’m a switch. That’s all I need is the switch and it’s pretty simple. You hear the click and that’s in the center. When that click happens your brain switches there’s no writing the center line because we are already there as switches everyone else in the Dom sub world is either Dom, or sub, or maybe today they want to be sub, or they want to be dumb, or they said they want to be sub but as we all know a lot of times it’s all about the sub so they end up becoming the dog and then the Dom ends up becoming the sub because all their test to do by the sub is to pleased them by being a Dom over the sub and… Yes, it’s a very confusing place especially with femdom. Then there’s finDom don’t let me go there. I’ve been told that it’s now part of the femdom lifestyle. I don’t believe that and again I think that is people just changing things around to shoot them. That’s why there’s 35,000 Christian religions and that’s why there’s 50 types of homosexual. What you guys are doing is now noticing what’s happening out in society it’s now even affecting alt lifestyle. Alt is not alt anymore, so income, the problems that have happened in society and it all becomes muddled up and no one can find out how to work it in soon this lifestyle will be ruined as well. It will be invaded by the self-serving newbie ministers looking to just placed themselves and that changes daily depending on what they want, but trust me… It’s all about them. However, there’s been someone who’s had this figured out for years and in politics we call it the three party system. You have the left, and you have the right, then you have the independent who’s really got all the answers but not when left in the right tell you that they have the answers and ultimately they don’t Because income the newbies and change the whole dynamic. But when I switch here’s or decides with the partner that the switch happens it is understood that you have given up 100% control if you switch to the sub, and when you switched to the Dom, you have now taken 100% control. It’s the way That the lifestyle was. Everything changes and everything evolves in this lifestyle is going to evolve in order to evolve with it the only way is to find a way to evolve with it and in my mind that is the switch. Do I want to be under a femdom… You damn right I do you know 100% underneath her as a heterosexual male 100% zero doubt. And it’s not about me because it already is about me because we’ve already decided that when that happens it was about me before I walked into the room but when that happens hundred percent, but we decide that together before we start just like Dom/sub used to be. Does anyone understand that? I do, because I’m a switch. But the unfortunate part is that now all of us are switch so just like to be dumb the entire time and it was like to be the entire time. There’s a hard people to find these days because the world has put everything in our fingertips even this lifestyle because we can enter it by going to a webpage and all of a sudden we can just say we’re dumb and we can say we’re a subwe can be lying. You know who doesn’t lie… The switch
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