Consensual and not spoiling the moment

[wo****]

I almost exclusively have 1 on 1 sex and am answering as if that’s the case. More people, more complicated. If it’s an ongoing relationship there’s less chance of a problem arising from something running afoul. In such a circumstance I feel much more comfortable taking risks and introducing surprises. I don’t have a worry about the possibility of an extreme overreaction to anything I say or do.
As a reasonable person I have an interest in consensual sexual activities. I think ‘continually checking in to make sure you have enthusiastic and ongoing consent’ is absurd. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. For a long time I have heard the shouts about “what I do in the bedroom and who I do it with is none of anyone else’s business”. I always agreed with that.
My shout is “who the fuck do you think you are appointing yourself as overseer and director of the way I approach and manage my physical intimacy with others”? So, pushing all the self appointed regulators of my sexual activities…. and am 1 on 1 with someone who I want to have fun with. If she’s not into something I don’t want to do it with her because I get my excitement from exciting her. I may surprise her with any number of things. When I do I pay close attention to her face to gauge her reaction. If it were negative I stop that thing and move in another direction. Simple as that. The most I ever need to do is get close face to face for a second or two to check in that she’s good. I can do it with eye contact and facial gestures alone, I don’t even need words or sounds.
When introducing surprises a rule of thumb is simply be mindful of my partners reactions. If I wanted to stick some weird object up her ass I’m not going to just shove it 8”in deep and then look for a reaction. I’m going to show it to her and gauge her reaction before moving to a next step.
If you’re talking about surprise and consent with someone already bound, gagged, and blindfolded I can still talk and ask questions and as long as she can indicate yes and no with head movements we are good. I’m always open to feedback and suggestions, but not meddling. I’m allz grownz up. Early ***s benefit from learning about how to communicate with each other from responsible adults. When I was young I must have attended 10 or so chaperoned dances which were a great environment to learn and practice. Back then girls, as well as boys, had responsibilities as to how to conduct themselves in all matters connected to sexual dynamics. That’s not the case today. Today boys have all the responsibilities while girls are at liberty to do as they please.

[Ro****]

Agreeing limits and giving consent does not have to mean you have to reveal all in a particular session. Your initial negotiations might establish the ground rules and you might discuss changes in between play but you aren't writing your dominant a script to follow. That list is merely a collection of ideas they may draw from. The sub doesn't have to know what to expect in a particular session other than it will be something they've agreed to earlier. Equally, they don't know how they're going to be used. You're all tied up, hooded, gagged... you're expecting maybe some sensual stroking but, then, bang - violet wand on your penis. Yes, this has happened to me, it was definitely a surprise but a good one...