Don’t Try to “Blow My Mind”

[as****]

21 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

So if a woman’s idea of sex with herself is what goes on in her mind and an electronic device that is how she is going to treat him? Women who have sex like that expect the man to do what crazy electronic devices do because they don’t understand a connection deeper than something surface, fantasies in their own head, and electronic twirls and vibrations?

My dear, men and women inhabit different sexual realities. Mechanically....biologically....socially.... etc. Etc. So to say what a man does is the same as what a woman does and vise versa when it comes to sex lacks a lot of nuance and insight

I'm not going to bother explaining it you because you don't understand the mechanical different of having a rock hard protrusion sitting on the axis of your pubic mons vs having a grounding hole between your Anus and your pubic mons

The difference in placement, function, and "ease of thrust" exist in very different worlds between men and women

So my.dear, trying to equate what a male typically does as the same as what a female counterpart does is pretty willfully ignorant and lacks critical thinking in the real of nuance

I trust from here on out you can contemplate on your own, but quite frankly, if you're going to keep drawing false equivalents and analogies, then I'm going to write you off as willfully ignorant and argumentative as a defense mechanism

[as****]

1 hour ago, woburn169344 said:

I was in agreement with you until the last sentence. And It may be why she is looking forward to the foreplay more, but there could be different reasons. Also, Your claim that “they are not spending enough time on her needs before being concerned about wanting to feel good themselves also” is a negative stereotype of men that you just threw in there, spreading the stereotype for your own reasons. There’s nothing in the OP to suggest that at all.

Dude..
Why are you so defensive? This woman is talking about her real life, not your woman hating group on Facebook.

She's saying the men she is having f sex with keep trying to *** her to cum when she just wants to enjoy foreplay... stereotype or not, she's dealing with men who are going straight to the Dicking and so she's not getting her needs satisfied, so she's probably not going to cum

This is a young woman dealing with pump reliant men who aren't listening to her.

And the irony?! YOURE not listening to her either while basically crying, "NoT sTrRiOtYpE mEn"

This is her LIFE and this is what she's dealing with, and it's because men aren't listening to her! (Including you!"

Be so for real right now.... jesus

[wo****]

The rest of the negative back and forth about men between commenters was also an interesting read.
@awks-andi to respond directly to your OP- men are task oriented, goal oriented. It is the way mother nature made us. We have a burden of performance on us in day to day life. And yes, it’s OK to just want foreplay and “the fantasy” to be the part you enjoy.
About the “probably not cumming”-
I suggest you try communicating things differently. If you emphasize how you really enjoy foreplay and “the fantasy” (I have no idea what that means to you). The men you are with have no idea either unless you communicate this to them so they understand. This may take a lot of back and forth. It’s important to you so the more they understand what this means to you the more likely they will be able to help facilitate it. Keep in mind that if the fantasy you have involves specific details in your mind, those details don’t transfer in a general explanation of your fantasy. I would focus on communicating all of the above, how you really like these things. How you really like and appreciate when a man pays attention to this and spends time with you to help you enjoy the aspects of sex that give you pleasure.
The “probably not going to cum”- Don’t bring it up. If I am with a woman, and I really enjoy the teasing and foreplay part of receiving a blowjob it is in my interest to explain it to her. To give feedback (moans, saying oh yeah, etc) when she does things I really like. Understand that her doing it how I really like will be a learning process for her and the burden is on me to teach. It would be unfair and unrealistic for me to expect that she will know and do my fantasy. The best I can realistically hope for is that she is genuinely invested in pleasing me how I like and that she puts good effort toward it. If I were to tell her “I really like the teasing and foreplay aspects of a blowjob…but I’m probably not going to cum” am I helping her or burdening her?
I’m leaving that shit OUT, regardless of how true it is. Instead I focus on helping her understand what I like.
If I add that last part in there isn’t she liable to think “he doesn’t think I will be as good as his last girlfriend” or dozens of similar variations? If I say it, and she makes it her mission to make me cum from the blowjob even though I already know that I probably won’t… shouldn’t I expect that this is how she will respond?I am definitely leaving that out. Instead I am guiding her to what I like and then guiding the action somewhere else, doing stuff she likes and wants.

[Th****]

Arousal starts in the brain . Foreplay can be a lot of things and does not need to entail physical contact.

Feeling safe, seen and supported is the base line. Resetting the nervous system if you have ptsd is also sometimes crucial .

The question is : do you masturbate? What is arousing to you?

Being able to cum or not with others should not be ranked higher than knowing your own body and needs.

Sometimes hormonal fluctuations and diet can influence our arousal ability.

As someone who has had c ptsd at some point in my life, cuming in presence was for a very long time inaccessible for me .

Through self journey, trauma work and only saying yes when I mean it I learnt what I like and need and that sometimes a bit of consciously taken CBD oil helps .

Do whatever works for you but don’t settle

[Ka****]

2 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

The rest of the negative back and forth about men between commenters was also an interesting read.
@awks-andi to respond directly to your OP- men are task oriented, goal oriented. It is the way mother nature made us. We have a burden of performance on us in day to day life. And yes, it’s OK to just want foreplay and “the fantasy” to be the part you enjoy.
About the “probably not cumming”-
I suggest you try communicating things differently. If you emphasize how you really enjoy foreplay and “the fantasy” (I have no idea what that means to you). The men you are with have no idea either unless you communicate this to them so they understand. This may take a lot of back and forth. It’s important to you so the more they understand what this means to you the more likely they will be able to help facilitate it. Keep in mind that if the fantasy you have involves specific details in your mind, those details don’t transfer in a general explanation of your fantasy. I would focus on communicating all of the above, how you really like these things. How you really like and appreciate when a man pays attention to this and spends time with you to help you enjoy the aspects of sex that give you pleasure.
The “probably not going to cum”- Don’t bring it up. If I am with a woman, and I really enjoy the teasing and foreplay part of receiving a blowjob it is in my interest to explain it to her. To give feedback (moans, saying oh yeah, etc) when she does things I really like. Understand that her doing it how I really like will be a learning process for her and the burden is on me to teach. It would be unfair and unrealistic for me to expect that she will know and do my fantasy. The best I can realistically hope for is that she is genuinely invested in pleasing me how I like and that she puts good effort toward it. If I were to tell her “I really like the teasing and foreplay aspects of a blowjob…but I’m probably not going to cum” am I helping her or burdening her?
I’m leaving that shit OUT, regardless of how true it is. Instead I focus on helping her understand what I like.
If I add that last part in there isn’t she liable to think “he doesn’t think I will be as good as his last girlfriend” or dozens of similar variations? If I say it, and she makes it her mission to make me cum from the blowjob even though I already know that I probably won’t… shouldn’t I expect that this is how she will respond?I am definitely leaving that out. Instead I am guiding her to what I like and then guiding the action somewhere else, doing stuff she likes and wants.

If you tell her you’re probably not going to cum from the blowjob, it helps a lot. Please communicate this to your partners.

Your message is so interesting bc you’re telling her “communicate, communicate, communicate! … but don’t communicate the thing you’ve already communicated”. It’s an interesting fine line you’re drawing for her.

You may not know this, because you probably do not experience a lot of men approaching you as a woman (bc you aren’t one). Many many men start by asserting that they are going to make a woman cum soooo many times and that the woman will be squirting all over the place. Yes, they are clearly very task oriented. But when a woman tells them that the task is different than what they thought it was because our bodies are all different, it’s often pretty difficult to get them to shift to the new task.

In reality, it’s not about the task. It was about the positive reen***ment of their skills by getting the reward they are expecting. Obviously that’s not all men. It’s just a lot of those “task oriented men.”

I’m sure she’s doing her best to communicate her needs. Telling her she’s doing it wrong because some people don’t listen well isn’t going to help her mind relax. Again, not all men choose not to listen, but there are a lot of them out there. You probably don’t experience it, so you probably don’t know what she’s going through. Perhaps you could share times when a woman communicated something very well to you? Tips on what was effective for you specifically. Then she knows if she tries it and it doesn’t work, it’s not that it’s ineffective, it’s that it’s ineffective with this particular partner.

[Ka****]

3 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

The rest of the negative back and forth about men between commenters was also an interesting read.
@awks-andi to respond directly to your OP- men are task oriented, goal oriented. It is the way mother nature made us. We have a burden of performance on us in day to day life. And yes, it’s OK to just want foreplay and “the fantasy” to be the part you enjoy.
About the “probably not cumming”-
I suggest you try communicating things differently. If you emphasize how you really enjoy foreplay and “the fantasy” (I have no idea what that means to you). The men you are with have no idea either unless you communicate this to them so they understand. This may take a lot of back and forth. It’s important to you so the more they understand what this means to you the more likely they will be able to help facilitate it. Keep in mind that if the fantasy you have involves specific details in your mind, those details don’t transfer in a general explanation of your fantasy. I would focus on communicating all of the above, how you really like these things. How you really like and appreciate when a man pays attention to this and spends time with you to help you enjoy the aspects of sex that give you pleasure.
The “probably not going to cum”- Don’t bring it up. If I am with a woman, and I really enjoy the teasing and foreplay part of receiving a blowjob it is in my interest to explain it to her. To give feedback (moans, saying oh yeah, etc) when she does things I really like. Understand that her doing it how I really like will be a learning process for her and the burden is on me to teach. It would be unfair and unrealistic for me to expect that she will know and do my fantasy. The best I can realistically hope for is that she is genuinely invested in pleasing me how I like and that she puts good effort toward it. If I were to tell her “I really like the teasing and foreplay aspects of a blowjob…but I’m probably not going to cum” am I helping her or burdening her?
I’m leaving that shit OUT, regardless of how true it is. Instead I focus on helping her understand what I like.
If I add that last part in there isn’t she liable to think “he doesn’t think I will be as good as his last girlfriend” or dozens of similar variations? If I say it, and she makes it her mission to make me cum from the blowjob even though I already know that I probably won’t… shouldn’t I expect that this is how she will respond?I am definitely leaving that out. Instead I am guiding her to what I like and then guiding the action somewhere else, doing stuff she likes and wants.

And no, you should not assume your partner is going to read into your communication a bunch of insecurities that you’re unaware of or a challenge to prove you wrong. There’s no level of communication that will prevent either of those. That’s a problem on the receiving end, regardless of whether the person is male or female.

[wo****]

6 hours ago, astrafjord said:

My dear, men and women inhabit different sexual realities. Mechanically....biologically....socially.... etc. Etc. So to say what a man does is the same as what a woman does and vise versa when it comes to sex lacks a lot of nuance and insight

I'm not going to bother explaining it you because you don't understand the mechanical different of having a rock hard protrusion sitting on the axis of your pubic mons vs having a grounding hole between your Anus and your pubic mons

The difference in placement, function, and "ease of thrust" exist in very different worlds between men and women

So my.dear, trying to equate what a male typically does as the same as what a female counterpart does is pretty willfully ignorant and lacks critical thinking in the real of nuance

I trust from here on out you can contemplate on your own, but quite frankly, if you're going to keep drawing false equivalents and analogies, then I'm going to write you off as willfully ignorant and argumentative as a defense mechanism

Is my understanding of you addressing me as “my dear” correct? It seems to me that it’s condescension. Am I misunderstanding you here? Assuming for a moment that my understanding is correct, is this the way you address both men and women in similar circumstances, or just men?
The rest of your post is filled with (negative) presumptions about me along with more condescension towards me tied to your presumptions. It’s like you are insulting the ideas you created in your own head about me without any real evidence that I truly and factually see things that way. There are a lot very uncharitable assumptions in there. In the future you might want to check in with people to see what they actually think and believe before you mock your assumptions about them. Unless you dgaf about what they actually think that is. Regardless, I did enjoy your response. Thanks

[wo****]

6 hours ago, astrafjord said:

Dude..
Why are you so defensive? This woman is talking about her real life, not your woman hating group on Facebook.

She's saying the men she is having f sex with keep trying to *** her to cum when she just wants to enjoy foreplay... stereotype or not, she's dealing with men who are going straight to the Dicking and so she's not getting her needs satisfied, so she's probably not going to cum

This is a young woman dealing with pump reliant men who aren't listening to her.

And the irony?! YOURE not listening to her either while basically crying, "NoT sTrRiOtYpE mEn"

This is her LIFE and this is what she's dealing with, and it's because men aren't listening to her! (Including you!"

Be so for real right now.... jesus

Thanks for sharing your take on things. If you ever decide that you want to have an actual conversation that includes listening to understand, I trust you know how to reach me. It’s a lot more work than shooting from the hip though. Assumptions and one’s own previously held beliefs can’t be used/relied upon. Instead, a communication skill known as reflective listening is needed. There’s no shame in not knowing about or not having that skill. There’s was a time when I didn’t. I’m both patient and understanding, especially when someone shows good faith. I’m open to doing it either publicly or privately if you are interested.

[wo****]

4 hours ago, Kali_Baby said:

If you tell her you’re probably not going to cum from the blowjob, it helps a lot. Please communicate this to your partners.

Your message is so interesting bc you’re telling her “communicate, communicate, communicate! … but don’t communicate the thing you’ve already communicated”. It’s an interesting fine line you’re drawing for her.

You may not know this, because you probably do not experience a lot of men approaching you as a woman (bc you aren’t one). Many many men start by asserting that they are going to make a woman cum soooo many times and that the woman will be squirting all over the place. Yes, they are clearly very task oriented. But when a woman tells them that the task is different than what they thought it was because our bodies are all different, it’s often pretty difficult to get them to shift to the new task.

In reality, it’s not about the task. It was about the positive reen***ment of their skills by getting the reward they are expecting. Obviously that’s not all men. It’s just a lot of those “task oriented men.”

I’m sure she’s doing her best to communicate her needs. Telling her she’s doing it wrong because some people don’t listen well isn’t going to help her mind relax. Again, not all men choose not to listen, but there are a lot of them out there. You probably don’t experience it, so you probably don’t know what she’s going through. Perhaps you could share times when a woman communicated something very well to you? Tips on what was effective for you specifically. Then she knows if she tries it and it doesn’t work, it’s not that it’s ineffective, it’s that it’s ineffective with this particular partner.

If I tell her I am probably not going to come from the blowjob it helps a lot when compared to saying nothing while she tries for an extended time period to make me cum when I know it’s unlikely no matter what. I don’t think it’s better than what I suggested though, especially if it’s someone new or someone I don’t know very well. And the time for that conversation isn’t in the moment. It’s away from that when we can both discuss it, ask questions, provide explanations, share perspectives, etc. If you have a strong disagreement with that as a general rule of thumb I would like to understand why. As far as me telling her “…don’t communicate the thing you already communicated” - didn’t happen. If you are saying that is a more accurate way of understanding my message than suggesting how to approach it moving forward please articulate your explanation because I don’t approach things that way.
Your point about men approaching with the “I’m going to make you cum so good, bla, bla”- I already know and understand that loads of men are completely inept in dealing with women, seduction, etc. Some are so bad at it that I have been shocked or burst out laughing when hearing about their specific approaches. Saying it or understanding that doesn’t improve OP’s situation though (unless commiserating is improving).
Task oriented men are extremely valuable to society. And like everything else, there are drawbacks. As far as getting them to shift tasks I have no quarrel about it being difficult. Pretty much the whole burden falls on the man. They must initiate contact, be interesting and carry the conversation, move things along romantically/sexually. The woman just has to show up.
You are “sure she is doing her best to communicate her needs”. I don’t know why you are sure, but you are. Are you also sure the men are doing their best?
She “does her best”- all set. Stamped with full approval. Her responsibilities successfully met. It’s all the men who are the ones who are the inadequate ones who are fuckups. Not helpful. Them doing there best isn’t good enough. Her best- approved. Their best- the peanut gallery disapproves. Some are so contemptuous or misguided that they throw in assumptions about these men they never met and criticize them for that too lol. None of it is helping OP.
I certainly agree that positive rein***ment is useful and a good approach, after all I referred to using it in the scenario I described.
So, instead of making a suggestion as an alternative for her to consider trying it’s better to what? Criticize these men who none of us besides the OP knows?
And everyone knows that women never personalize or negatively judge or doubt themselves when a man doesn’t cum- what the fuck was I thinking there?

[wo****]

4 hours ago, Kali_Baby said:

And no, you should not assume your partner is going to read into your communication a bunch of insecurities that you’re unaware of or a challenge to prove you wrong. There’s no level of communication that will prevent either of those. That’s a problem on the receiving end, regardless of whether the person is male or female.

I don’t assume they will. I assume that it isn’t a far fetched notion that they might. And with a new person I don’t have a lot of reliable information to make me pretty certain either way so I don’t bring it up when initiating sex with them for the first time. I take an approach where we can both be happy, an approach that I know is proven and reliable that I already explained. If I put it out there it’s a role of the dice. I don’t see much upside in doing that when compared to using a two headed coin in my pocket which I am going to flip and call heads as an alternative to the dice.

[Ka****]

48 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

If I tell her I am probably not going to come from the blowjob it helps a lot when compared to saying nothing while she tries for an extended time period to make me cum when I know it’s unlikely no matter what. I don’t think it’s better than what I suggested though, especially if it’s someone new or someone I don’t know very well. And the time for that conversation isn’t in the moment. It’s away from that when we can both discuss it, ask questions, provide explanations, share perspectives, etc. If you have a strong disagreement with that as a general rule of thumb I would like to understand why. As far as me telling her “…don’t communicate the thing you already communicated” - didn’t happen. If you are saying that is a more accurate way of understanding my message than suggesting how to approach it moving forward please articulate your explanation because I don’t approach things that way.
Your point about men approaching with the “I’m going to make you cum so good, bla, bla”- I already know and understand that loads of men are completely inept in dealing with women, seduction, etc. Some are so bad at it that I have been shocked or burst out laughing when hearing about their specific approaches. Saying it or understanding that doesn’t improve OP’s situation though (unless commiserating is improving).
Task oriented men are extremely valuable to society. And like everything else, there are drawbacks. As far as getting them to shift tasks I have no quarrel about it being difficult. Pretty much the whole burden falls on the man. They must initiate contact, be interesting and carry the conversation, move things along romantically/sexually. The woman just has to show up.
You are “sure she is doing her best to communicate her needs”. I don’t know why you are sure, but you are. Are you also sure the men are doing their best?
She “does her best”- all set. Stamped with full approval. Her responsibilities successfully met. It’s all the men who are the ones who are the inadequate ones who are fuckups. Not helpful. Them doing there best isn’t good enough. Her best- approved. Their best- the peanut gallery disapproves. Some are so contemptuous or misguided that they throw in assumptions about these men they never met and criticize them for that too lol. None of it is helping OP.
I certainly agree that positive rein***ment is useful and a good approach, after all I referred to using it in the scenario I described.
So, instead of making a suggestion as an alternative for her to consider trying it’s better to what? Criticize these men who none of us besides the OP knows?
And everyone knows that women never personalize or negatively judge or doubt themselves when a man doesn’t cum- what the fuck was I thinking there?

Cool. So the rules are that everything you say is clear and everything someone else says gets fed through your women-hate-men filter. You get to read into what other people write. You get to make assumptions. You get to decide after the fact that there were additional details to what you said that would have made it more reasonable or make more sense. You get to accuse. And you’re a fantastic communicator and a wonderful lover. I bet.
I was clear repeatedly that it isn’t “all the men.” But that doesn’t fit your narrative and it doesn’t let you play the victim. I’m so sorry that women not responding to “all the men” with a positive review gets your panties in a knot.
Fwiw there are many wonderful task oriented men who are fantastic listeners and who have actually defined the task as pleasing his partner instead of forcing a particular outcome. No one here has said all men except for one very defensive man.

[Ka****]

27 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

I don’t assume they will. I assume that it isn’t a far fetched notion that they might. And with a new person I don’t have a lot of reliable information to make me pretty certain either way so I don’t bring it up when initiating sex with them for the first time. I take an approach where we can both be happy, an approach that I know is proven and reliable that I already explained. If I put it out there it’s a role of the dice. I don’t see much upside in doing that when compared to using a two headed coin in my pocket which I am going to flip and call heads as an alternative to the dice.

lol ok. And you’re such a good listener with an open heart and mind. I’m sure you must be right. Better keep it to yourself instead of sharing because you know what’s best. And if it doesn’t work out, you’re not wrong, it’s just her fault.

[Ka****]

@awks-andi - thank you for posting. I have similar experiences both with my body and with partners not listening or turning it into a competition. I also feel like I’m disappointing them, which really only worsens the problem. So I’ve worked on chilling out and just enjoying the moment. But the best partners for those of us that need more mental stimulation are good listeners and creative thinkers. Yes, kink helps because it keeps the mind busy and aroused - but only with a partner that can keep your mind busy and aroused. So it’s more about finding the right partner. A good partner for you will know that when you say “it’s hard for me to orgasm” that the response is “ok, well we’ll figure it out. In the meantime, are you enjoying this?” They’re out there. Good, patient, thoughtful people are out there. So it’s important not to spend too much time with the ones that show you they aren’t.

[wo****]

Interesting. If you would like additional opportunities to criticize me how about we put the compete thread, the entirety of everyone’s post , including the entirety of the post that is quoted and replied to so that everything can be examined with context? Doing this allow us to clearly see any and all things that are omitted from the replies of the quoters. This is helpful if any patterns can be identified. You can walk me through all of my errors as well as the reasoning you used to arrive at your conclusions. Then I will have the chance to examine your reasoning and make further inquiries and the opportunity to challenge your reasoning. If your assertions are backed with strong evidence and I refuse to acknowledge that I look dumb.
I will also walk you through my reasoning for everything I have said in this thread. You can challenge it as you see fit , using evidence and reasoning to do so. This way you can explain the reasoning used to determine that everything someone else said is run through my women hate men filter. You can lay out all the details of it . If I used a bunch of assumptions , if my reasoning is way off base , you show us how and why. I don’t have any problem admitting when I am wrong, especially when convincing reasons is used to show why. You came to the party late and weren’t part of the back and forth I mentioned but you still get to show the whole world how I was not only wrong, but hateful too…. instead of just saying it.

[Ka****]

1 hour ago, woburn169344 said:

Interesting. If you would like additional opportunities to criticize me how about we put the compete thread, the entirety of everyone’s post , including the entirety of the post that is quoted and replied to so that everything can be examined with context? Doing this allow us to clearly see any and all things that are omitted from the replies of the quoters. This is helpful if any patterns can be identified. You can walk me through all of my errors as well as the reasoning you used to arrive at your conclusions. Then I will have the chance to examine your reasoning and make further inquiries and the opportunity to challenge your reasoning. If your assertions are backed with strong evidence and I refuse to acknowledge that I look dumb.
I will also walk you through my reasoning for everything I have said in this thread. You can challenge it as you see fit , using evidence and reasoning to do so. This way you can explain the reasoning used to determine that everything someone else said is run through my women hate men filter. You can lay out all the details of it . If I used a bunch of assumptions , if my reasoning is way off base , you show us how and why. I don’t have any problem admitting when I am wrong, especially when convincing reasons is used to show why. You came to the party late and weren’t part of the back and forth I mentioned but you still get to show the whole world how I was not only wrong, but hateful too…. instead of just saying it.

Thank you for the offer. I must decline. That sounds extremely unpleasant and insane. Further, you’ve repeatedly demonstrated that you aren’t listening and are conflating reasonable statements with unreasonable complaints in your own head. It would be an unproductive exercise to try to reason with you. Quite frankly, it was poor judgement on my part to respond to you in the first place. I just didn’t like you saying that she was communicating incorrectly because she said something that you could imagine someone could take poorly. It’s not her job or your job or anyone’s job to assume the position of censoring yourself to avoid someone else conflating something you did say with something you didn’t. That’s terrible advice. But given how you’ve communicated today, I get why you want women to tread more carefully. And I don’t need to prove how wrong you are to anyone. But I am happy to have the opportunity to say it so other people can judge for themselves.

[wo****]

@Kali_Baby says: Thank you for the offer. I must decline. That sounds extremely unpleasant and insane.
Further, you’ve repeatedly demonstrated as that you aren’t listening and are conflating reasonable statements with unreasonable complaints in your own head. ———————-
I respond: Your claim is untrue. That might be how YOU see it. Listening doesn’t mean agreeing. What you think are reasonable statements might not be reasonable, especially when taken in full context. Whether or not you think something is reasonable or unreasonable are your opinions. When you are ready to back up these claims with facts and logical arguments that you open up to scrutiny.. oh yeah- it sounds extremely unpleasant [it’s your opinion, it’s subjective-no quarrel ].
If you are saying that it’s also your personal, subjective opinion that it sounds insane to you- sure, no quarrel.
If you’re saying that it IS extremely insane, something other than your own personal subjective opinion you are going to have a tough time having your argument withstand scrutiny. Not surprised you don’t want to go there. I will end here because I don’t think you have a good grasp of logic or much understanding of cognitive biases either. You think you’re right but are unwilling to subject your reasoning to scrutiny, so I’m skipping past the rest. Bye.

[wo****]

16 hours ago, Kali_Baby said:

Thank you for the offer. I must decline. That sounds extremely unpleasant and insane. Further, you’ve repeatedly demonstrated that you aren’t listening and are conflating reasonable statements with unreasonable complaints in your own head. It would be an unproductive exercise to try to reason with you. Quite frankly, it was poor judgement on my part to respond to you in the first place. I just didn’t like you saying that she was communicating incorrectly because she said something that you could imagine someone could take poorly. It’s not her job or your job or anyone’s job to assume the position of censoring yourself to avoid someone else conflating something you did say with something you didn’t. That’s terrible advice. But given how you’ve communicated today, I get why you want women to tread more carefully. And I don’t need to prove how wrong you are to anyone. But I am happy to have the opportunity to say it so other people can judge for themselves.

That’s a really shitty take on what my feedback was. It’s not accurate at all. That’s your narrative, likely because of your worldview and confirmation bias. You gloss by thing that are in conflict with your story , twist and embellish what I said. You are responsible for messages you put out there , misrepresenting what others say is LYING. Omitting key aspects of what I said from your message is lying by omission. Glad you put it all in print.
* Anyone who thinks what I wrote in this thread is wrong or women hating or whatever I am happy to discuss it with you as long as you bring an open mind. Talking past each other, cherry picking, putting negative spin, assumptions, etc leave at the door. If you’re unclear about what I meant by what I said you ASK FOR CLARIFICATION. You don’t assume you know.
* I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what other people *think* I mean. That’s true for everyone.

[Ne****]

Yesterday at 02:50 PM, Kali_Baby said:

If you tell her you’re probably not going to cum from the blowjob, it helps a lot. Please communicate this to your partners.

Your message is so interesting bc you’re telling her “communicate, communicate, communicate! … but don’t communicate the thing you’ve already communicated”. It’s an interesting fine line you’re drawing for her.

You may not know this, because you probably do not experience a lot of men approaching you as a woman (bc you aren’t one). Many many men start by asserting that they are going to make a woman cum soooo many times and that the woman will be squirting all over the place. Yes, they are clearly very task oriented. But when a woman tells them that the task is different than what they thought it was because our bodies are all different, it’s often pretty difficult to get them to shift to the new task.

In reality, it’s not about the task. It was about the positive reen***ment of their skills by getting the reward they are expecting. Obviously that’s not all men. It’s just a lot of those “task oriented men.”

I’m sure she’s doing her best to communicate her needs. Telling her she’s doing it wrong because some people don’t listen well isn’t going to help her mind relax. Again, not all men choose not to listen, but there are a lot of them out there. You probably don’t experience it, so you probably don’t know what she’s going through. Perhaps you could share times when a woman communicated something very well to you? Tips on what was effective for you specifically. Then she knows if she tries it and it doesn’t work, it’s not that it’s ineffective, it’s that it’s ineffective with this particular partner.

"...But when a woman tells them that the task is different.. because our bodies are all different, it's often..difficult to get them to shift to the new task..."

THIS THIS THIS 👌🏽

[da****]

Personally I wouldn’t mention the difficulty cumming until after the sesh is done for I know I have gotten myself all worked up and got overconfident and still failed to do anything about the couple ladies I’ve been with who had similar issues
A lot of sexual issues are entirely caused by mental blocks so as they say
Ignorance is bliss

[Ne****]

24 minutes ago, dachla92 said:

Personally I wouldn’t mention the difficulty cumming until after the sesh is done for I know I have gotten myself all worked up and got overconfident and still failed to do anything about the couple ladies I’ve been with who had similar issues
A lot of sexual issues are entirely caused by mental blocks so as they say
Ignorance is bliss

Some are, NOT ALL. The thing in my experience is, lot of men/people? either think they are inadequate OR their partner is, but with men toward women, it can/has/does turn ugly and even dangerous when the woman Doesn't orgasm.
Sure, insert quality of Partners being super important and vetting right here. Now leave it here.
Knowing that others operate the ways they do, and that some people absolutely see that as the goal and as a direct reflection on their own performance and sexuality etc, I would be remiss to never bring it up with someone(s) with whom I'm about to get down.
If a partner is reliant upon bringing others to fruition, it can be devastating, confusing, and also enraging to have it not happen. I myself would rather inform people who actually care to hear about it and consider my having a pleasurable time even the least bit important, so as to avoid the surprise/threat of it later.

[wo****]

I have never heard of a situation that happened where a man turned dangerous because when the woman doesn’t orgasm. I have heard of the trope saying that happens, never a report or recounting it actually happening though.

I understand that all sorts of wild and crazy things occasionally happen in all sorts of different situations but people usually don’t alter their approach to things because of a rare, one off type of occurrence they hear about. None of us know, but are you thinking it happens 1 out of 1000 times, 1 in 10,000 times a woman doesn’t orgasm the man becomes actually dangerous as a response, ?

What danger have you heard about a man bringing in an actual encounter that took place?

Also, the way I read and understand based upon what she actually states is

-whenever she explains she probably won’t cum
leads directly to
- the men make it their mission to make it happen

another way to state that, based on the way she says with her own words is

Every time (, not sometimes) I explain I probably won’t cum they make it their mission to make it happen.

* We don’t know what might happen, what or how much or how singular of a mission they may or may not see making her cum otherwise and it’s unfair to speculate since we don’t know them or her at all and don’t know the millions of possible tidbits of information they may have exchanged. We only have what she says in the op to go on.

Injecting various negative things men do or might do is every bit as wrong as injecting negative things women do or might do. We have what she says, that’s it.

She goes on to say that when it inevitably doesn’t happen she feels bad and also like her body is broken. We don’t know with any specificity what the various contributing factors may or may not be in stimulating her feeling bad and that her body is broken aside from the fact that it is directly linked to her not orgasming so it would be wrong and irresponsible to suggest it is or isn’t this thing or that thing, etc.

We literally have no idea because we don’t know anything about her. It could be any combination of any number of things. Pretending it is reasonable to lean towards one idea or possibility over another is wrong. It’s especially wrong if others jump in with agreement or claims they are reasonable in leaning in the other direction.

It’s wrong to assume it’s linked to the men and not just the not orgasming also. Because we have almost no information to go on. We have literally no idea whatsoever what is or isn’t involved and it’s quite possible she doesn’t know either. Putting one guess out there and not another is clear evidence that we favor that explanation over another. If the guess seems to make one party look bad and not the other we are starting to creep towards evidence of bigotry. It’s not proof of bigotry but if our posting history shows a clear pattern of putting one sex in a negative light and not the other… the evidence pointing to bigotry becomes stronger.

And if we say it could be A or B or C when all those things speak negatively about men in general or about these men none of us know WHILE OMITTING saying it could be just as likely be due to D or E or F that all speak negatively about women in general or the op in particular, OR the opposite saying ABC that makes women look bad while leaving out DEF that make men look bad and that kind of thing is a pattern for us…

It takes conscious and deliberate effort to become aware of our own biases and dedication to recognize it and refrain from using it or allowing it to influence us.

Biased thinking is a quick and dirty way to understand things. Careful consideration and effort to seek the truth without bias is a skill almost no one naturally develops. No one is perfect at it, but just like other skills, when yours is very well developed it doesn’t take any thought at all to recognize people who don’t have it or are rookies at it, etc.

[Ne****]

41 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

I have never heard of a situation that happened where a man turned dangerous because when the woman doesn’t orgasm. I have heard of the trope saying that happens, never a report or recounting it actually happening though.

I understand that all sorts of wild and crazy things occasionally happen in all sorts of different situations but people usually don’t alter their approach to things because of a rare, one off type of occurrence they hear about. None of us know, but are you thinking it happens 1 out of 1000 times, 1 in 10,000 times a woman doesn’t orgasm the man becomes actually dangerous as a response, ?

What danger have you heard about a man bringing in an actual encounter that took place?

Also, the way I read and understand based upon what she actually states is

-whenever she explains she probably won’t cum
leads directly to
- the men make it their mission to make it happen

another way to state that, based on the way she says with her own words is

Every time (, not sometimes) I explain I probably won’t cum they make it their mission to make it happen.

* We don’t know what might happen, what or how much or how singular of a mission they may or may not see making her cum otherwise and it’s unfair to speculate since we don’t know them or her at all and don’t know the millions of possible tidbits of information they may have exchanged. We only have what she says in the op to go on.

Injecting various negative things men do or might do is every bit as wrong as injecting negative things women do or might do. We have what she says, that’s it.

She goes on to say that when it inevitably doesn’t happen she feels bad and also like her body is broken. We don’t know with any specificity what the various contributing factors may or may not be in stimulating her feeling bad and that her body is broken aside from the fact that it is directly linked to her not orgasming so it would be wrong and irresponsible to suggest it is or isn’t this thing or that thing, etc.

We literally have no idea because we don’t know anything about her. It could be any combination of any number of things. Pretending it is reasonable to lean towards one idea or possibility over another is wrong. It’s especially wrong if others jump in with agreement or claims they are reasonable in leaning in the other direction.

It’s wrong to assume it’s linked to the men and not just the not orgasming also. Because we have almost no information to go on. We have literally no idea whatsoever what is or isn’t involved and it’s quite possible she doesn’t know either. Putting one guess out there and not another is clear evidence that we favor that explanation over another. If the guess seems to make one party look bad and not the other we are starting to creep towards evidence of bigotry. It’s not proof of bigotry but if our posting history shows a clear pattern of putting one sex in a negative light and not the other… the evidence pointing to bigotry becomes stronger.

And if we say it could be A or B or C when all those things speak negatively about men in general or about these men none of us know WHILE OMITTING saying it could be just as likely be due to D or E or F that all speak negatively about women in general or the op in particular, OR the opposite saying ABC that makes women look bad while leaving out DEF that make men look bad and that kind of thing is a pattern for us…

It takes conscious and deliberate effort to become aware of our own biases and dedication to recognize it and refrain from using it or allowing it to influence us.

Biased thinking is a quick and dirty way to understand things. Careful consideration and effort to seek the truth without bias is a skill almost no one naturally develops. No one is perfect at it, but just like other skills, when yours is very well developed it doesn’t take any thought at all to recognize people who don’t have it or are rookies at it, etc.

I was sharing my first-hand experience as well as general possibility. I "love" when a man throws in that he's never heard of [a fact of MY life] and proceeds to write a ridiculously lengthy "explanation" as to why MY OPINION isn't good enough / factual / unbiased and simply reporting MY EXPERIENCE.
And you've done this on several threads now so I feel secure in saying, No thank you and Me being upset by your response isn't me saying any of the things you've accused [SOME ONE?!] of here, nor unwilling to see any specific aspect of it.
You sure can write succinctly yet doing a terrible job of rewriting MY EXPERIENCE, words etc.

[th****]

Send me a message if you’d like to talk.

[wo****]

53 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

I was sharing my first-hand experience as well as general possibility. I "love" when a man throws in that he's never heard of [a fact of MY life] and proceeds to write a ridiculously lengthy "explanation" as to why MY OPINION isn't good enough / factual / unbiased and simply reporting MY EXPERIENCE.
And you've done this on several threads now so I feel secure in saying, No thank you and Me being upset by your response isn't me saying any of the things you've accused [SOME ONE?!] of here, nor unwilling to see any specific aspect of it.
You sure can write succinctly yet doing a terrible job of rewriting MY EXPERIENCE, words etc.

Next time be clear because your post sure doesn’t convey that you were speaking about an encounter you experienced directly.

Saying “the thing in my experience is, a lot of men/people…”

Doesn’t in any way suggest that you were with a man either once or more than once who did something to you along the lines of what you referred to.

“in my experience a lot of men..” is a very vague and not at all a direct recounting of something that happened to you.

Your statement is reasonably understood to include everything and anything you believe to be true about “a lot” of men. That can’t be interpreted as anything other than more than “a little”which of course no one can accurately interpret the meaning of since you didn’t telll us.

Watch
The thing in my experience is, a lot of women don’t even know what they are talking about.

It is my FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE!!!!
You are ridiculous.

[wo****]

Your subjective views are opinions. Opinions are not facts. They are your beliefs based upon whatever you decide to base your beliefs on.

Referring to THAT as “first hand experience” is a very unique and peculiar way of understanding what first hand experience means.


And then you roll out “loving” (I. E you can’t stand it and it drives you crazy when A MAN has the nerve to question you about things you say. You are such a sexist bigot. You should be ashamed