When did “Pleasure Dom” start sounding soft and why do so many women want one?

[mr****]

I keep hearing women say they want a pleasure Dom. I used to assume that meant all pleasure and no edge. The more I look at it, the less that holds up. Dominance isn’t excess it’s controlling power . knowing when to give, when to deny, and when *** actually serves the dynamic. *** isn’t the point but neither is comfort. From a woman’s perspective, what does pleasure Dom really mean?

[Deleted Member]

It means she gets someone who will swat her on the ass and call her a good girl without her having to actually exude much effort.

[ps****]

it seems to continually be more and more about bottoming from the top. it seems to be for subs who don’t want to claim being subs because of their ego. ‘just tell me what you like and i’ll do it but it’s for me because i like to give pleasure and you don’t stop until i say because i love to see you orgasm a million times in a row ’. despite there being a safe word.. make it make sense?

inverted, as a dominant, i could still hand a sub a cane and tell them to use it on me. it might be pleasurable for me. it might be uncomfortable for them. they may feel weak exploring it, whilst i feel powerful. who’s the pleasure dom here?

women equate pleasure dom with respect i think. and getting beat up is getting more dangerous as the community grows more mainstream. and i’m just not all that sure that majority of this type are actually all that focused on the woman’s pleasure. i wonder how they respond if they can’t get an orgasm out of her? (spoiler - it’s often an emasculated tantrum) 🤭

[Deleted Member]

Because who wants *** all the time? Pleasure doms look for the pleasure they give with gratification.

[ey****]

Pleasure Dom only really entered the lexicon in recent years (some will swear it was "a thing" however long ago - and it was, but not widely called pleasure Dom)

 

But, like.  We know there are guys who are not necessarily into being subs but have specific fantasies around women doing things to them, or wearing certain things (and that's fine, just don't message people telling them you're a 'unique sub') 

and, hey - guess what - there are some women who have fantasies about what they'd like men to do to them.  It's not an alien concept.

This said, of course, there is a rise in men calling themselves 'Pleasure Doms' but it is, really, just a repackage of 'Service Top' - but 'Pleasure Dom' sounds more sexy and many. Or something. 

[wy****]

For me its a dom who can give the kisses, cuddles and aftercare. not all ... and spankings ect. A caress can/could stimulate pleasure as much as a paddle. For me it's not about a dom switching because if I gave a command or instruction id turn off instantly. The Dom still has full control/power.

[li****]

Thank you for this post! I decided to watch Evie Lupine's video on pleasure doms, who usually does great research on BDSM topics. It seems it's a man that gets his satisfaction through his partner's orgasm. I agree with her take that this definition is closer to her definition (as well as my definition) of a male sub.
To me pleaser=sub.
And yes the expression was invented only a few years ago, as eyemblacksheep said.
In my humble opinion, I think there are two things going on here:
1) Women who want their partner to focus on them in bed have come up with a title that does not sound emasculating
2) The orgasm gap between the sexes is so bad that women are reflecting their unmet need in this way

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

Thank you for this post! I decided to watch Evie Lupine's video on pleasure doms, who usually does great research on BDSM topics. It seems it's a man that gets his satisfaction through his partner's orgasm. I agree with her take that this definition is closer to her definition (as well as my definition) of a male sub.
To me pleaser=sub.
And yes the expression was invented only a few years ago, as eyemblacksheep said.
In my humble opinion, I think there are two things going on here:
1) Women who want their partner to focus on them in bed have come up with a title that does not sound emasculating
2) The orgasm gap between the sexes is so bad that women are reflecting their unmet need in this way

If a man is dominant, but then also gets extra enjoyment and satisfaction from making his partner orgasm multiple times what would that make him? Because we have all gotten some level of satisfaction after giving our partner such a good orgasm that they lay there shaking with that brain dead look like they can't function anymore. And then to go back using them as your personal toy because you aren't finished yet. So is that just a dom enjoying themselves or what?

[ey****]

2 minutes ago, ApolloCross said:

If a man is dominant, but then also gets extra enjoyment and satisfaction from making his partner orgasm multiple times what would that make him?

A lot comes down to the overall context.

A Pleasure Dom is acting out specific scenarios for their partners enjoyment. 

A Dominant who enjoys partners orgasms doesn't give or take away from this.   

[li****]

11 minutes ago, ApolloCross said:

If a man is dominant, but then also gets extra enjoyment and satisfaction from making his partner orgasm multiple times what would that make him? Because we have all gotten some level of satisfaction after giving our partner such a good orgasm that they lay there shaking with that brain dead look like they can't function anymore. And then to go back using them as your personal toy because you aren't finished yet. So is that just a dom enjoying themselves or what?

It all depends on who's issuing the instructions, I believe.
Also, according to what I've researched women who want pleasure doms only like the vanillaish aspects of BDSM like orgasm control, edging, etc. Nothing like being whipped and chained. So if you're into that, then you're not the pleasure dom she's looking for.

[uk****]

Words and descriptions are down to individual interpretations. The connection is what matters.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, liliththedivine said:

Thank you for this post! I decided to watch Evie Lupine's video on pleasure doms, who usually does great research on BDSM topics. It seems it's a man that gets his satisfaction through his partner's orgasm. I agree with her take that this definition is closer to her definition (as well as my definition) of a male sub.
To me pleaser=sub.
And yes the expression was invented only a few years ago, as eyemblacksheep said.
In my humble opinion, I think there are two things going on here:
1) Women who want their partner to focus on them in bed have come up with a title that does not sound emasculating
2) The orgasm gap between the sexes is so bad that women are reflecting their unmet need in this way

So, going with the definition that Pleasure Doms are those who derive theirs from their partners' orgasms, where might that leave those of us who don't actually climax? In my experience, this myopic view of how, in particular, a woman should respond/women's bodies *should* respond.. is harmful and incomplete.
.....

[li****]

9 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

So, going with the definition that Pleasure Doms are those who derive theirs from their partners' orgasms, where might that leave those of us who don't actually climax? In my experience, this myopic view of how, in particular, a woman should respond/women's bodies *should* respond.. is harmful and incomplete.
.....

Absolutely no idea where it leaves those who don't orgasm. I was just paraphrasing what I've seen that pleasure dom is, not creating an inclusive definition.

[wy****]

At the end of the day every couple has their own dynamic, so like with all kink its personal taste. No one fits into the exact same mold so to speak.

[ps****]

2 hours ago, liliththedivine said:

Thank you for this post! I decided to watch Evie Lupine's video on pleasure doms, who usually does great research on BDSM topics. It seems it's a man that gets his satisfaction through his partner's orgasm. I agree with her take that this definition is closer to her definition (as well as my definition) of a male sub.
To me pleaser=sub.
And yes the expression was invented only a few years ago, as eyemblacksheep said.
In my humble opinion, I think there are two things going on here:
1) Women who want their partner to focus on them in bed have come up with a title that does not sound emasculating
2) The orgasm gap between the sexes is so bad that women are reflecting their unmet need in this way

i’m in agreement with this. it’s more of a bandaid solution using language to a societal problem rather than a true role in dominance. perhaps because orgasm isn’t the goal for all this is a way to communicate that it very much is the goal in these dynamics and i’m not necessarily mad at that rebrand. low key tired of orgasm being the focus of women’s pleasure, or any humans pleasure. i wonder if our capitalistic goal driven completist society has contributed to that desire to ‘get the job done’ and not only get it done, but do it over and over again, and efficiently. 🙃

[ps****]

2 hours ago, ApolloCross said:

If a man is dominant, but then also gets extra enjoyment and satisfaction from making his partner orgasm multiple times what would that make him? Because we have all gotten some level of satisfaction after giving our partner such a good orgasm that they lay there shaking with that brain dead look like they can't function anymore. And then to go back using them as your personal toy because you aren't finished yet. So is that just a dom enjoying themselves or what?

so it needs to be communicated as though it’s his pleasure, not hers maybe? why do you feel satisfaction after their orgasm, have you questioned that?

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

Absolutely no idea where it leaves those who don't orgasm. I was just paraphrasing what I've seen that pleasure dom is, not creating an inclusive definition.

For sure - I quoted you to reference my query but wasn't necessarily asking You to provide an answer! Just bringing it up as part of this discussion as I think it important to consider such, even if seen as a small minority. 😊

[PresentisPeculiar]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Pleasure Dom only really entered the lexicon in recent years (some will swear it was "a thing" however long ago - and it was, but not widely called pleasure Dom)

 

But, like.  We know there are guys who are not necessarily into being subs but have specific fantasies around women doing things to them, or wearing certain things (and that's fine, just don't message people telling them you're a 'unique sub') 

and, hey - guess what - there are some women who have fantasies about what they'd like men to do to them.  It's not an alien concept.

This said, of course, there is a rise in men calling themselves 'Pleasure Doms' but it is, really, just a repackage of 'Service Top' - but 'Pleasure Dom' sounds more sexy and many. Or something. 

Session Dom is a phrase i use and have heard . It covers pros at the local dungeon and non-paid ones who are fulfilling the entire experience with specific modalities. But are not partner it lifestyle is

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, psybermamii said:

so it needs to be communicated as though it’s his pleasure, not hers maybe? why do you feel satisfaction after their orgasm, have you questioned that?

Oh I know exactly why

[li****]

4 hours ago, psybermamii said:

it seems to continually be more and more about bottoming from the top. it seems to be for subs who don’t want to claim being subs because of their ego. ‘just tell me what you like and i’ll do it but it’s for me because i like to give pleasure and you don’t stop until i say because i love to see you orgasm a million times in a row ’. despite there being a safe word.. make it make sense?

inverted, as a dominant, i could still hand a sub a cane and tell them to use it on me. it might be pleasurable for me. it might be uncomfortable for them. they may feel weak exploring it, whilst i feel powerful. who’s the pleasure dom here?

women equate pleasure dom with respect i think. and getting beat up is getting more dangerous as the community grows more mainstream. and i’m just not all that sure that majority of this type are actually all that focused on the woman’s pleasure. i wonder how they respond if they can’t get an orgasm out of her? (spoiler - it’s often an emasculated tantrum) 🤭

Bit off topic, but this reminded me of dark romance. I don't think these stories are truly about female submission, but more about a woman dominating a stereotypically masculine man from the bottom. At the end of the story she succeeds at controlling the scary beast, therefore becoming more powerful than he is.

[Deleted Member]

40 minutes ago, ApolloCross said:

Oh I know exactly why

Be cool if you shared but that's your business, of course.
I'm very curious in general why men in particular *need* to have women orgasm..

[Deleted Member]

17 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

Be cool if you shared but that's your business, of course.
I'm very curious in general why men in particular *need* to have women orgasm..

Ego. It is all ego

[ey****]

I feel it's also interesting that... there is a large issue, particularly in the past, that men can be selfish lovers.  Not helped of course that once we've cum, it is usually over. We can't typically continue (well, we can - but with hands, vibrator, mouth, etc or helping our partner climax) 

Obviously this is less of an issue if the woman doesn't want to climax, or knows that she has her own limitations on ability to.

The main kinda issue is that too many men have placed their own climax over the value of their partners.

I guess this leads to two kinda lines.  The first is of course women who themselves could be happy to be selfish (you focus on my climax, and then you only get a release if we both want it) which, to be honest - is also common in some sexual Femdom - or who are making it clear they have fantasies, likes, wants that will lead them to climax and they want men to prioritise it.   Perhaps done in whatever way makes a man feel happy about himself, I dunno.

And maybe men calling themselves Pleasure Doms is very "I care about you orgasm" - which to be honest, is the bare fucking minimum in a sexual relationship.  (exclusions aside) or "I get off on your orgasm" (implying it wouldn't be important if not for his own interests) and it is in a way to make them feel special for doing the minimum.    

I guess the kinda caveat is that women seeking or interested in 'Pleasure Doms' specifically have fantasies around being Dominated which would help them climax.   And, yeah, if you do this sort of thing, I will orgasm - and the man acting it out, is very Service Top - but Pleasure Dom sounds sexier.

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, ApolloCross said:

Ego. It is all ego

Thank You for replying. 🔥

[Deleted Member]

As a pleasure Dom and having been with a woman who struggles to orgasm it can have two outcomes both are good. Firstly telling someone they aren't allowed to orgasm no matter what can have the effect of pushing them over the edge. The second is giving them permission to relax and just enjoy the sensations no pressure. The dynamic is more important than an orgasm, you have to build the connection and for some woman they can't orgasm if there isn't a connection. For me it's about getting the woman I'm with into a kind of mediative state sometimes call sub state where they can relax and just experience the pleasure and sensations, if orgasm is the goal then it's no different to sex. If we reach the end without orgasm but with her tingling all over and fully relaxed then I'm happy. For me exploring and finding what a person likes or doesn't, activating every nerve so any small touch brings pleasure is what brings me joy. To me a true pleasure Dom uses control and dominance to enhance the experience, rewarding with pleasure and punishing by removing it. That's my perspective I'm sure everyone has their own opinion.