Your message is too short

[ey****]

3 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Ahhh Eyem, I love that you didn't choose the diplomatic path of phrasing it that I did 😂

It's like, 60 charecters.  "Hi, how are you?" is 16 so they're 1/4 of the way there. 

[ey****]

1 hour ago, vvhitelie said:

 

Idk… “Hello” is an acceptable start to a conversation.

then set a minimum charecter message of 5 (or fewer) and deal with anyone who sends a Hello

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, vvhitelie said:

Idk… “Hello” is an acceptable start to a conversation.

From a stranger trying to catch my attention? I've had a good few of these one-word intro messages over the years - not a fraction as many as most women do I'll venture - and without exception they don't get a reply. My time is worth something, if somebody isn't going to tell me why they're messaging and immediately put the onus onto me to create dialogue then they've missed their shot before they fired it.

[ey****]

39 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

 

Did you suddenly experience intense *** when you were half way through typing your message? Smooth sailing in the beginning… then it’s a promo for you to… [a beast on crack with Tourette Syndrome takes over briefly] bleep bleepidy bleep bleep… lol

It genuinely frustrates me just how lazy some men are. Like, we're talking about someone having a message filter (which is a boundary, so he's complaining about someone setting boundaries - if he doesn't like boundaries he's right to get the fuck off a kink site) and it's what, 60 charecters.

That is fucking nothing

if someone is too lazy to write a couple of sentences now and then, sorry, but they deserve to die single. 

[Sa****]

You guys are making me laugh. I'm sorry

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Bidude_69 said:

 

Nothing more fun than writing a long paragraph just to be left on unread or no response.

There's this kinda weird issue. That men expect a return on their investment.  "I wrote you a few lines - you owe me a response" which is entitlement.  So THEN what the guy does is ok - so this person DIDN'T reply - therefore I'm going to punish someone else by just not putting in any effort at all.

It's batshit.  It's like. If you go for a job interview and don't get the job you don't write your next cover letter in crayon and turn up wearing the contents of your laundry basket.  I mean, you could. But you aint getting the job.

Like, the person the OP moans about wants 60 charecters. Hardly war and peas.

"Hi, How are you?" is 16, so there's quarter of it written for him.  And if he genuinely cannot thing up another 12 words, maybe online dating isn't for him.

[Sa****]

I can't see most of the responses to my questions.

[Ar****]

57 minutes ago, woburn169344 said:

Why aren’t they going to listen ?

Precedent, running all the way through Fet's history, tells us they won't. The men who need to hear advice the most - who indeed often solicit it in the first instance - will then disregard and even argue against it, particularly if it comes from women or from men who support/understand a woman's perspective. 

[Th****]

From a female perspective: yes, we get bombarded. No, it isn’t our obligation to sift through hundreds of messages (with significant amount of rude comments and messages), to get to the ones that actually are capable and willing to string more than 3 words together.

I am very amused that everyone here wants to get laid but most of you are not willing to read a profile text or come up with a message that is not generic and still expect each of us to just be ok with opening our legs for zero effort and also trust you enough, given this is a fetish site and there might be other factors at play for us women to be safe .

God forbid some of us want to actually talk before we sit on your face 🤣🙄🤷🏽‍♀️

[Ne****]

34 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Ahhh Eyem, I love that you didn't choose the diplomatic path of phrasing it that I did 😂

Even I took note!! Almost clutched my non-existent pearls! LOL Dig you Both 🔥

[Ne****]

33 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

From a stranger trying to catch my attention? I've had a good few of these one-word intro messages over the years - not a fraction as many as most women do I'll venture - and without exception they don't get a reply. My time is worth something, if somebody isn't going to tell me why they're messaging and immediately put the onus onto me to create dialogue then they've missed their shot before they fired it.

YES! The WHY for their message is what I want to know before even engaging. It needn't be a life story or tome dedicated to me or some such nonsense, BUT, I myself am very tired having the same superficial-gimme gimme gimme (access/sex/ego boost) right now, same cycle of minimalist words over and over ad nauseum.

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

 

Even I took note!! Almost clutched my non-existent pearls! LOL Dig you Both 🔥

there's days when I'm like... it's tough, and I try to refrain cos - online dating can be hard, meeting people can be hard, so on.  Though, there are folk who sometimes creep into entitlement or moaning for the sake of it kinda thing (like there's guys been here for months but swear it's crap and doesn't work... yet keep coming back?!)  and it's like... 12-15 words. Come on.  It doesn't take that much effort.  "Hi there, I saw your profile I'm also in a similar area to you, would you like to chat?" is extremely low effort yet clocks up 87 charecters. 

To feel that THAT is too much effort is just... come on. The bar is low. 

[wo****]

To the men criticizing the guys who have complained- to be completely fair I think that it should be taken into account that the expectation is on men to initiate contact. If they don’t most won’t get any play. Women who put up hurdles (regardless of height) do it because they can afford to. Twenty guys messaging? Add in another screening tool, it will be easier and I still have options coming to me.
A guy who hasn’t had a woman send a first message to him in 2 years, has sent them to 100 women and got 3 responses all saying “thanks but no thanks “… telling that guy to “set his minimum to 5 characters”?
If someone uses that kind of messaging/energy is directed towards one sex while lots of empathy, understanding, support, etc is directed towards the other sex with consistency it makes me question motives and is a huge red flag. It doesn’t make any difference to me what their immutable characteristics are or how they identify about gender or other things. I don’t care why they show bias, the reason doesn’t change the results.
It strongly suggests bias

[ey****]

30 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Precedent, running all the way through Fet's history, tells us they won't. The men who need to hear advice the most - who indeed often solicit it in the first instance - will then disregard and even argue against it, particularly if it comes from women or from men who support/understand a woman's perspective. 

So, there is a tiny bit I disagree with you on. And if I explain you'll understand.

Now obviously there are guys with assorted negative traits who - you're right - probably won't listen. They're interested in a relationship but not interested in what the women have to say. They're also not interested in what the men who are... happy enough... have to say.  

But those are rarely my concern.

Every person, every guy, who comes into the kink scene, the fetish community, online dating, munches, etc. who DOES become on to become someone who gets into play and relationships and positive experiences probably got some information from somewhere which helped them out and THAT is often the person who does need it the most.   So they go down the path that leads to happy fun times, rather than the path of entitlement and bitterness.

Like... when I started on online forums and stuff, I think it was like 4-5 months before I posted anything (granted, I haven't shut the fuck up since) and I spent that time reading and understanding. Observing what wasn't working. What frustrated women. What frustrated men. What I could kinda learn from that. And, I dunno.  It's worked out ok.  And, honestly. I try, within reason, to help others - particularly where info is public to kinda share (and also cos I don't have the time to micromanage people and the last person I agreed to mentor disappeared without so much as a ta-ra) and sometimes that is... being bitter doesn't help, this is my experience

and sometimes it's... complaining about 12-15 words is absolutely weak (as is complaining about someone's boundary) 

[La****]

The entitlement is baffling. It’s a simple common rule; if someone is meant for you, all will sail. If you actually put effort and get no desired response, then its not meant to be. What does it tell about your character that you think just bcs you put effort, that means you deserve to get whatever you wish for? Life is not evolve around you and people have as much rights for their own preferences. Move along. Then now, what does it tell about your character if you feel you’re too good to put even very basic efforts?

[Wy****]

It’s a great way to filter out all the Hey’s, Hi’s, and Hello’s

[wo****]

55 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

From a stranger trying to catch my attention? I've had a good few of these one-word intro messages over the years - not a fraction as many as most women do I'll venture - and without exception they don't get a reply. My time is worth something, if somebody isn't going to tell me why they're messaging and immediately put the onus onto me to create dialogue then they've missed their shot before they fired it.

How long do you think you would keep that policy for if you had no relationship, no partner, no replies to messages you send, and no people contacting you?
Don’t explain or elaborate what you would do without answering my question first. It’s simple and straightforward.

[Bi****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

There's this kinda weird issue. That men expect a return on their investment.  "I wrote you a few lines - you owe me a response" which is entitlement.  So THEN what the guy does is ok - so this person DIDN'T reply - therefore I'm going to punish someone else by just not putting in any effort at all.

It's batshit.  It's like. If you go for a job interview and don't get the job you don't write your next cover letter in crayon and turn up wearing the contents of your laundry basket.  I mean, you could. But you aint getting the job.

Like, the person the OP moans about wants 60 charecters. Hardly war and peas.

"Hi, How are you?" is 16, so there's quarter of it written for him.  And if he genuinely cannot thing up another 12 words, maybe online dating isn't for him.

I wouldn't call it entitlement but common curiosity to say thanks but no thanks. Something has seem to be a long forgotten thing these days.

[PresentisPeculiar]

I've had contact purely kyecause I took the time on my bio. It's part one of s two part strategy....active and conversational in messages, and if that is intriguing, the bio will fill in the blanks. Even women who aren't interested for whatever our incompatibility q and dropped in to say hey nice bio. I do the same thing whenever I see you a well developed byio. It's a lot of complaining for complaining sake that people who never seem to get that they have some stake in their success and failure. Failure is almost guaranteed when you start complaining about everything. It's not the app...everyone is dealing with the same glitchy app.

[PresentisPeculiar]

1 hour ago, woburn169344 said:

How long do you think you would keep that policy for if you had no relationship, no partner, no replies to messages you send, and no people contacting you?
Don’t explain or elaborate what you would do without answering my question first. It’s simple and straightforward.

First... what with the demanding tone and aggressive approach? , That would make me do anything but..

2nd. The answer is in your framed question. They're in that situation so they don't need to accept baseline and subpar material. In scenario that you describe, desperation has set in and you're willing to accept anything. But forcing someone to answer what would they do and that situation is pretty funny when the answer is "doesn't matter. I'm not. Do better."

[ho****]

2 hours ago, woburn169344 said:

How long do you think you would keep that policy for if you had no relationship, no partner, no replies to messages you send, and no people contacting you?
Don’t explain or elaborate what you would do without answering my question first. It’s simple and straightforward.

standards can still exist.

[So****]

No it doesn’t make any sense at all my messages are hello I’m a mature older male that lives and I put where I live then say if you like my profile go ahead and hit me up if not have a nice day and the shit says message too short 🤦🏼‍♀️

[wo****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

It genuinely frustrates me just how lazy some men are. Like, we're talking about someone having a message filter (which is a boundary, so he's complaining about someone setting boundaries - if he doesn't like boundaries he's right to get the fuck off a kink site) and it's what, 60 charecters.

That is fucking nothing

if someone is too lazy to write a couple of sentences now and then, sorry, but they deserve to die single. 

OK, lots of things frustrate lots of people. Things frustrate me too. Frustration is a feeling. We are responsible for our own feelings. It’s not an excuse to come at someone though.
I don’t like prejudice or unfairness. I notice in posts many times and skip it. I’m not perfect and have faults and shortcomings too so I don’t look for that in others. It’s usually when I perceive a pattern of sexism from someone before I say something.
If I see a man blaming women in general for something, especially if they are using a caustic tone, or make ridiculous claims I typically will say something. I don’t have to see them only doing it towards women and defending and empathizing with men at all before I do. The dude with the Italian lesbian bullshit is a case in point. I think I might have been the first one to criticize him too. I am not that critical the other way. I don’t do it unless I have noticed a pattern of double standards from a woman generally speaking. I think a lot of deference, understanding is given there, not really for the men. Men blaming women, the only support they get is from men who agree with blaming women. They are wrong for blaming and wrong for agreeing. I don’t even believe in the concept of blame. I see it as only harmful and not helpful. Responsibility and accountability are different.
I think fairness and accountability for oneself is great, blame keeps people angry and prevents healing and recovery. It also can destroy people when done as a method of arguing, used as a weapon.
I called you and the other guy out in the thread. Nothing personal. I might do it again but I don’t want to look like a dick so don’t want for there to be any reasonable accusations of me being one. I am very selective. If I call someone out in a long and detailed manner my arguments need to be well formed and I will be prepared to defend my claims. If I do it with the same person many times I will not just be able to defend all I said with reasonable arguments supported by specific evidence I will also be able to show why the follow up are fair and reasonable-Personal attacks thrown at me they can’t back up, none by me towards the other person, and a lot more. Doesn’t apply to you, highly doubt it will. I am long winded , go on tangents , and over explain myself discussing similar matters that don’t directly pertain. I like to explain myself because I am not mean. Sometimes mistaken, never cruel or mean spirited.

[de****]

Idk, I’m always messaging women trying to get to know them but then never get a response back or they send a not interested message. I feel like with this app there’s a lot of hit and Miss. and in my case all miss. But I’m still here and hopeful I’ll catch someone’s eye. I mean I can’t be that ugly can I?

[wo****]

5 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

There's this kinda weird issue. That men expect a return on their investment.  "I wrote you a few lines - you owe me a response" which is entitlement.  So THEN what the guy does is ok - so this person DIDN'T reply - therefore I'm going to punish someone else by just not putting in any effort at all.

It's batshit.  It's like. If you go for a job interview and don't get the job you don't write your next cover letter in crayon and turn up wearing the contents of your laundry basket.  I mean, you could. But you aint getting the job.

Like, the person the OP moans about wants 60 charecters. Hardly war and peas.

"Hi, How are you?" is 16, so there's quarter of it written for him.  And if he genuinely cannot thing up another 12 words, maybe online dating isn't for him.

Eye- There's this kinda weird issue. That men expect a return on their investment.
Me- You just made a broad sweeping generalization that you pulled out of your ass. You insulted me when you did. Take some fucking accountability for being accurate when you open your mouth. When you have a bit of information about a few individual men seeming to fit that description and drag all men under the umbrella you are showing your ass. I don’t give a shit if you can cite other anecdotal examples. I don’t give a shit if you think it’s true. Even in the thread only SOME of the men showed evidence of that. The reality is that the op is what is at issue. You see several men responding, some show it fits them to some degree, others don’t. And you want to drag in all men because you don’t agree with the sentiments of a few of the men who show the “expectation of entitlement” within the extremely small scope of online messages with women? You presume to broaden it out to also encompass every single facet of life?
A few men think x in this particular area of life = all men think x in all facets of life?
Eye- “I wrote you a few lines - you owe me a response" which is entitlement.
Me- yeah that is an accurate way to say it. One guy showed that mindset.
Eye- So THEN what the guy does is ok
Me- what did he do eye?-
Eye- so this person DIDN'T reply - therefore I'm going to punish someone else by just not putting in any effort at all.
Me- Are you insane? Your take on that is absurd. He is “punishing” someone by not putting in any effort at all? What did I miss in the op ? Who has the “entitlement” to his time, energy, and labor? And why the fuck do you claim it’s punishing someone when this guy doesn’t give people things they have no right to? The man gets shat on both ways by you. He’s damned if he does and he’s damned if he doesn’t. He’s bad for “expecting” a reply or being able to spend less time sending one, and he’s also punishing people by having bodily autonomy. The expectations he has with online messaging doesn’t even hold a candle to the expectations YOU have on him. Talk about hypocrisy and entitlement and punishment.
You punish me by dragging me into your douchery claim about return on investment and punish everyone who reads your post with your absurd ideas and the hypocrisy it’s packaged in. And we have more to go through in your post. I hope you learn something because I’m donating a lot of time and energy to help you understand the error of your ways.