Right to reply?

[qu****]

Why do so many predominately males think that just because they've sent a message or commented think they're entitled to a reply, I send friendly hello messages occassionaly but don't expect a reply ( yes, a rarity), usually dumbfounded when I do get one, and for those who have to post a comment about it on someone's profile wall, hmmmm, maybe that's why...…

[Da****]

For some, it is to only have a response to show you are not interested. After all, no one is psychic.

[SammyB]

I think for me is that they think they are entitled to a reply when their initial comments are inappropriate demanding and crash ,they also presume because you are submissive you should reply in a certain way or respond to them in a certain way

[LanceH]

I think a reply is nice, showing respect for another. It is not required though.

[Pl****]

Once upon a time, I was seeing a lot of guys complain about that kind of thing while I was getting well over a 90% reply rate, and I would have said at the time that if you're upset about not getting replies, write better messages. Now, women are getting so bombarded that even good messages aren't necessarily going to get replies. I know a girl that once got over 200 messages in one hour. Of course she can't reply to everyone. Most guys get very few messages and aren't always so cognizant of that situation. For women, the quantity of messages is high and the quality is low. If you're not willing to play that game, try meeting women in person. 

[sk****]

1 hour ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

Once upon a time, I was seeing a lot of guys complain about that kind of thing while I was getting well over a 90% reply rate, and I would have said at the time that if you're upset about not getting replies, write better messages. Now, women are getting so bombarded that even good messages aren't necessarily going to get replies. I know a girl that once got over 200 messages in one hour. Of course she can't reply to everyone. Most guys get very few messages and aren't always so cognizant of that situation. For women, the quantity of messages is high and the quality is low. If you're not willing to play that game, try meeting women in person. 

Exactly this 🙂

[Deleted Member]

Because their fragile male ego can't handle the fact that no reply is forthcoming. Because they struggle to accept that anothers interest was not piqued in any way, as many seem to think one message should elicit compliance and for some even gratitude that interest was shown in the first place. Some I think believe because they title themselves D all submissives owe them something from the very start. All entitlement and all wrong 😊

[qu****]

Whether someone is Domme, switch, babygirl,sub, slave, slut, one important thing to remember is they are women, the same hopes and ***s all women have, they are no different and should be respected as such, why the hell should they respect someone who is unable to show it themselves, as others have said women receive far more messages than men, so it's really no surprise if they don't always reply, no point plastering she's fake everywhere just because of no reply. Perhaps it's you who's fake...

[Deleted Member]

Mostly it would be just polite education, not everyone has a rude approach. A simple "no thanks, I'm not interested" would be more than enough. Is that too much to ask?

[Carnelian2]

2 hours ago, Primal*** said:

Because their fragile male ego can't handle the fact that no reply is forthcoming. Because they struggle to accept that anothers interest was not piqued in any way, as many seem to think one message should elicit compliance and for some even gratitude that interest was shown in the first place. Some I think believe because they title themselves D all submissives owe them something from the very start. All entitlement and all wrong 😊

That might come back to what I touched on in an earlier forum discussion about men being emotionally binary 😂

[qu****]

Whether it's polite to reply or not is one thing, it still doesn't call for name calling or message shaming, it takes a man to think okay so I've politely messaged and had no reply, so she's not interested in me, oh well never mind, or even thinking it's her loss is ok, this doesn't merit posting things on her wall...

[ey****]

A friend of mine has a very good analogy

messages are little more than junk mail.  you didn't ask for it, you don't have to reply it.  It's not 'polite' to phone the pizza shop to thank them for the pizza leaflet but you're not interested.

mind, granted - if you get a noticeably bad piece of junk mail, you might use it as an example of what not to do....

[Deleted Member]

I was about to reply that yes, I try to reply to be polite and then eyem’s junk mail analogy reminded me I am culturally conditioned to be polite. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[ey****]

I guess even more apt.  If you ever get a phonecall and it's from someone cold selling

you tell them "No, I'm not interested" and sometimes they go "OK, have a good day - goodbye" but more often than not, they don't.  They'll keep going, they'll argue, they'll want you to listen to them.  *Eventually* they might get the hint, but often you're going to end up hanging up
So, the next time you get an obvious sales call that you're pretty sure you won't be interested in - you can hang up without even listening to the pitch.  

[sm****]

It's been an age old problem since the scene went online decades ago, there is no given right to reply, i can understand why some don't when they get hundreds of messages per week to trawl through.  Yes it's curtesy to reply with even a polite no, but when their message in tray is so full i don't expect any replies.

It can be frustrating sending a message and getting no reply, but we are supposed to be adults. move on.  It shows a lot about am individuals character if they hound someone and then spit their dummy out.  Also publicly shaming people for sending messages, which i have seen far to often in the past is the same, just ignore and move on.  Remember it is a fet dating site/app, people tend to forget this.

 

 

 

[Wo****]

6 minutes ago, smeagol said:

Remember it is a fet dating site/app, people tend to forget this.

I agree but part of the problem is the type of message received. No one should have to read a message saying how someone needs to destroy your ass.... and that's one of the "better" ones.

 

I now just block and/or report.

 

I try and respond to every message, even if it's just to say no thanks but sometimes it's a *** the backside with the sheer volume.

[Da****]

I just get blank witch makes me think there something wrong with me like thay could just say I'm not interested or something but at the same time thous kinda messages getting bounty are out of line especially if you don't know them that could quite easily trigger someone and corz them to have a panic attack so people need to be careful when fist messaging someone get to know if thay like that kinda thing first and then go on from there

[Phoenyx]

7 hours ago, Aries_65 said:

Mostly it would be just polite education, not everyone has a rude approach. A simple "no thanks, I'm not interested" would be more than enough. Is that too much to ask?

Therein lies the quandary.  I get my fair share of cold-call messages.  I hesitate to simply say, "No thanks, I'm not interested."  Even that can seem rude, as the other party may take it personally, when it was not meant that way.  In fact, my lack-of-interest is almost always due to the distance---a daunting 10+ hour drive, just to meet this person.  But then, I am not actively looking.  At the moment, I am happy with just casual discussion of kink topics.  Sure, if an online friendship develops into more, I will be more than happy.  But, I am not in chasing mode.

It also gets into the question of whether a particular message is one of genuine interest, or just cut-and-paste junk mail.  With a simple one-line message, it is impossible to tell.  Definitely, a uniquely-tailored message, stating why I had been chosen, would help.  I understand that a lot of subs don't want to seem "too forward".  OK, I am one of those Doms who tends to scare folks.  That other person may be tongue-tied.  I do try to check profiles.  Unfortunately, most profiles prove to be a veritable  cornucopia of nothing.  So, I am at a loss, as to how to respond.

[ol****]

Given that anybody who has been here for a while knows that most women get bombarded with messages then I can well understand that most don't even get read, much less replied to.

Frankly if you don't like the dynamic of this site then best to leave. You know what they say about pissing into the wind...

[ey****]

On 2/6/2021 at 8:48 AM, Aries_65 said:

Mostly it would be just polite education, not everyone has a rude approach. A simple "no thanks, I'm not interested" would be more than enough. Is that too much to ask?

But, nobody owes you an education.

But - here is one.

Guy : Makes a message approaching someone
Lady : Sorry I'm not interested.
Guy : OK, thank you. Goodbye.
-- so, that's how you think it works.   

How it actually works.

Guy : So, well.  I'm struggling to meet people - can you explain to me what I could do to improve?

or

Guy a-few-weeks-later : Hey, it's been a while.... blah
or
Guy : Can we be friends, which I'm totally not going to use to continually try to change your mind.

-

And you could be, "Yes, but *I* wouldn't be like that"

But she doesn't know that. And doesn't have to go through a dance to find out.  Her non response is enough to say, "Sorry, not interested" so any demand on time beyond that isn't as reasonable as you first thought.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But, nobody owes you an education.

But - here is one.

Guy : Makes a message approaching someone
Lady : Sorry I'm not interested.
Guy : OK, thank you. Goodbye.
-- so, that's how you think it works.   

How it actually works.

Guy : So, well.  I'm struggling to meet people - can you explain to me what I could do to improve?

or

Guy a-few-weeks-later : Hey, it's been a while.... blah
or
Guy : Can we be friends, which I'm totally not going to use to continually try to change your mind.

-

And you could be, "Yes, but *I* wouldn't be like that"

But she doesn't know that. And doesn't have to go through a dance to find out.  Her non response is enough to say, "Sorry, not interested" so any demand on time beyond that isn't as reasonable as you first thought.

In my opinion it's rude not just the rudeness itself, but to be pushy, doing copy and paste, being generic. 

If the message is not necessarily a poem but it's a genuine personal message, in my opinion it deserves an answer.  A "fuck you idiot" is better than nothing, at least you took the time to giving an answer. 

[Pl****]

4 minutes ago, Aries_65 said:

In my opinion it's rude not just the rudeness itself, but to be pushy, doing copy and paste, being generic. 

If the message is not necessarily a poem but it's a genuine personal message, in my opinion it deserves an answer.  A "fuck you idiot" is better than nothing, at least you took the time to giving an answer. 

Like I mentioned earlier, I know a girl that got over 200 messages in an hour. We're talking over 2000 messages per day. Many of those are copypasta, but there's also hundreds of genuine personal messages in there. She already has a full time job, and it's not replying to random dudes on the internet. Does she "deserve" to waste a huge amount of her life replying to messages? 

I think the best way to simplify the issue is by realizing that not responding IS a response. It means "No thank you" and now everyone can go about their day without getting butthurt about it. 

[dorion]

50 minutes ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

the best way to simplify the issue is by realizing that not responding IS a response. It means "No thank you"

We can criticize those who don't clue in, but it won't fix the problem. Maybe it would be helpful if the site either a) told users this up front when they join, or b) provided a quick or automated way to say "no thank you" (e.g. a message hide/delete button that does it, or a configurable automated reply that kicks in if the recipient has logged in but not replied after a set amount of time).

[ey****]

1 minute ago, dorion said:

a quick or automated way to say "no thank you" (e.g. a message hide/delete button that does it,

There is one.  If the receiver hits 'no thanks' then the sender gets that and can no longer message them.

Men moan about that as well. 

[Pl****]

44 minutes ago, dorion said:

We can criticize those who don't clue in, but it won't fix the problem. Maybe it would be helpful if the site either a) told users this up front when they join, or b) provided a quick or automated way to say "no thank you" (e.g. a message hide/delete button that does it, or a configurable automated reply that kicks in if the recipient has logged in but not replied after a set amount of time).

It's a nice idea, but I don't know that an auto-response is really any different than a non-response.

If I could put an up-front message to people when they join, it would be "Please keep in mind that none of the other members owe you anything, and neither do non-members." The idea that men are entitled to things from women isn't just about message replies. It's also guys that think they deserve sex because they paid for dinner, think they deserve dates/girlfriends because they're such a nice guy, etc. There's a pervasive sense of entitlement that many people have, and I don't think making it easier for other people to acquiesce is a real solution.