Right to reply?

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Aries_65 said:

In my opinion it's rude not just the rudeness itself

But how is it rude not to reply? That is where the "entitlement" comes in. These ladies owe you zero, not a thing and to think you are entitled to a reply is half of the problem. As mentiomed already on this thread no reply is a reply all in itself, and should be plenty response to let that one go, and move on. 

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 08:15 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess even more apt.  If you ever get a phonecall and it's from someone cold selling

you tell them "No, I'm not interested" and sometimes they go "OK, have a good day - goodbye" but more often than not, they don't.  They'll keep going, they'll argue, they'll want you to listen to them.  *Eventually* they might get the hint, but often you're going to end up hanging up
So, the next time you get an obvious sales call that you're pretty sure you won't be interested in - you can hang up without even listening to the pitch.  

That's when one should hit the block button, if they persist.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/5/2021 at 10:25 PM, DaddyDomDenim27 said:

For some, it is to only have a response to show you are not interested. After all, no one is psychic.

But no response is a message in itself, it's a clear no thanks, and you need no psychic powers to see that.

 

If you were in a bar and offered to a get a lass a drink, she did not reply but walked off without a word is that easy enough to understand? It's exactly the same principal. The lass in the bar is not obligated to explain why she does not wish to share a drink with you, it's her right to walk away without a word said, and the message she sends with no reaction at all is as clear as a bell. 

Edited February 8, 2021 by Deleted Member
Better choice of words

[ey****]

3 hours ago, DaddyDomDenim27 said:

That's when one should hit the block button, if they persist.

or you can pre-empt and just not reply.

 

[Ar****]

Entitlement culture is very bizarre. There have been occasions where I've felt physically nauseated when I've scrolled down my news feed and seen the same names over and over again commenting on users statuses, pushing for their messages to be replied to or stating what a great shame it is that they haven't been acknowledged. When clearly it isn't that much of a shame since they aren't being especially choosy about where they cast their line. And yet, would you believe it, I have never once seen a female user behave this way - fancy that! Not a single comment on a guy's profile trying to manipulate, guilt-trip, or bully their way into a conversation...

 

What is so hard to get? You send a message, you don't get a reply, you shrug your shoulders and walk away 🤷‍♂️

 

I will openly admit to not always doing that myself, but then I'm hardly sending many introductory messages out anyway. The exceptions where I might send a follow-up message when I haven't received a reply are either in instances where interest has been reciprocated - for instance the person has visited my profile and "liked" some of my photos/sent me a spank - or if I've been enjoying an upgraded membership and seen that, after a few months, a first message I sent is unopened (rather than unread). In that instance, recognising that many inboxes get flooded, I sometimes will send a follow-up/re-introduction if I feel there is authentic purpose or I am simply especially intrigued by somebody. I don't think that is unreasonable, and would never pursue the matter further after that.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/7/2021 at 1:26 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

But, nobody owes you an education.

But - here is one.

Guy : Makes a message approaching someone
Lady : Sorry I'm not interested.
Guy : OK, thank you. Goodbye.
-- so, that's how you think it works.   

How it actually works.

Guy : So, well.  I'm struggling to meet people - can you explain to me what I could do to improve?

or

Guy a-few-weeks-later : Hey, it's been a while.... blah
or
Guy : Can we be friends, which I'm totally not going to use to continually try to change your mind.

-

And you could be, "Yes, but *I* wouldn't be like that"

But she doesn't know that. And doesn't have to go through a dance to find out.  Her non response is enough to say, "Sorry, not interested" so any demand on time beyond that isn't as reasonable as you first thought.

Have you been inside my inbox? 👀 I have genuinely lost track of how many of these guys I’ve conversed with. I finally blocked someone last week who’d followed me from FL to be friendly. 18 months on. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

I try to respond to everyone that reaches out to me. Am I trying to be polite? Maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I have messaged a few men and have not gotten a reply. Like Aranhis said, I shrug my shoulders and don’t feel like they need to respond. I guess, I don’t take it personally...they didn’t know me in the first place.
I like to respond to people because you never know when you will find someone fascinating or someone that does click.
For those that send nasty messages or even just ignorant ones, I let them know I’m not interested and that’s usually the end. If it’s not the end, I block but luckily my block list is pretty short.

Why do some guys feel entitled to a reply? I think only they can answer that and it may be tied in with other toxic behaviours?

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Primal*** said:

But no response is a message in itself, it's a clear no thanks, and you need no psychic powers to see that.

 

If you were in a bar and offered to a get a lass a drink, she did not reply but walked off without a word is that easy enough to understand? It's exactly the same principal. The lass in the bar is not obligated to explain why she does not wish to share a drink with you, it's her right to walk away without a word said, and the message she sends with no reaction at all is as clear as a bell. 

I can’t imagine ever blanking someone in person though! Just hit my politeness limit with that example. 😆

[ey****]

To tie a couple of comments together, I often get reminded of a scene in Inglorious Basterds.

 

Guy : I am only trying to be friendly

Lady : I do not wish to be your friend

 

[Deleted Member]

That makes me wince. I said it the other week to a guy who was doing exactly what you describe. I felt like a prize bitch. He clearly thought I was one. Yet he was insincere, and trod over my boundaries. I’m no pushover yet still found it hard to not be polite. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

23 hours ago, Primal*** said:

But no response is a message in itself, it's a clear no thanks, and you need no psychic powers to see that.

 

If you were in a bar and offered to a get a lass a drink, she did not reply but walked off without a word is that easy enough to understand? It's exactly the same principal. The lass in the bar is not obligated to explain why she does not wish to share a drink with you, it's her right to walk away without a word said, and the message she sends with no reaction at all is as clear as a bell. 

That would be the case, but if they keep visiting your profile, setting off your notification, shouldn't one give a response, so it does not send a conflicting message?

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, DaddyDomDenim27 said:

That would be the case, but if they keep visiting your profile, setting off your notification, shouldn't one give a response, so it does not send a conflicting message?

I can understand that, I've had one visit multiple times yet her filters prevent me from contacting, so yeah it can be a little confusing.

 

Have you ever been shopping with a lass, for clothes(nightmare.) She may drag one back to the same shop, to look through the same window, at the same dress 10 times yet then decide that dress is not for her. Yet 4 weeks later she may then decide age wants that dress. Surely that's her right to choose as and when she buys. She may try other dresses first, they may initially look a better fit but after wearing then decide nope, that dress is not for her and is hidden at the back of the wardrobe never to be worn again.

 

Also one thing I believe now as its hapoened to me is some may choose to ignore, to test, to see the which reaction that elicits. To see if you have patience and understand boundaries. And then 4 weeks later you may then receive your reply, having passed her test of control.  No reply is a clear no or at least a no, for now. How can she trust you to keep her safe when she is strapped down and at your mercy if you can't even respect her choice through a message? Just a thought.

 

There for me is zero difference in kink and vanilla, the rules are exactly the same. Believe me, be a gent, be kind, respect boundaries and in time doors do open. 

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I can’t imagine ever blanking someone in person though! Just hit my politeness limit with that example. 😆

So the same girl, the one in the bar. What you don't know is 3 months ago her world fell apart, her relationship ended, and she Is now in the healing phase. Her friends are dragging her out, making her mix in the world again but she has zero interest in men, no interest in a reltionship/dynamic but we are not to know that. Maybe her tuening her back and refusing the drink is not because she's not interested, but more about protecting herself as she heals. The fact is we just don't know do we, we don't know what she has been through or where her head is. Turning her back may not be rudeness as some think, but merely her giving herself space to breath and time to heal 😊.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, DaddyDomDenim27 said:

That would be the case, but if they keep visiting your profile, setting off your notification, shouldn't one give a response, so it does not send a conflicting message?

That is your response

they looked at your profile. Read it. Not interested.

It's also really easy to click someone's profile to view it by accident.  "She looked at my profile" is meaningless.

[Ar****]

4 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

It's also really easy to click someone's profile to view it by accident.  "She looked at my profile" is meaningless.

Agreed. Especially using a touchscreen phone I couldn't count the number of times I've accidentally visited/revisited somebody's profile I didn't want to because my finger caught an image when I was scrolling. Or perhaps I've pressed to visit somebody's profile on purpose but didn't realise it was somebody I already knew I wasn't interested in (or whom I had previously reached out to and nothing had come of it) because they had changed their profile picture and I didn't recognise the username.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Primal*** said:

So the same girl, the one in the bar. What you don't know is 3 months ago her world fell apart, her relationship ended, and she Is now in the healing phase. Her friends are dragging her out, making her mix in the world again but she has zero interest in men, no interest in a reltionship/dynamic but we are not to know that. Maybe her tuening her back and refusing the drink is not because she's not interested, but more about protecting herself as she heals. The fact is we just don't know do we, we don't know what she has been through or where her head is. Turning her back may not be rudeness as some think, but merely her giving herself space to breath and time to heal 😊.

I could be that girl now. I get what you’re saying. I’d still be polite damn myself! It’s like being sent those virtual flowers on some of the dating apps - it’s impossible not to say thank you - and then they’ve got me! 🤯🤦🏻‍♀️

[Mz****]

For me if the message is polite I'll check out the profile, and I don't just mean the bio I mean the whole profile..what posts they respond to, how they respond, what pictures they have, others they've liked or commented on, how they interact with others, I then check the profile again, re read the message and if I'm not interested I'll send a short reply saying so, if the profile is bare ditto..if they question my polite no thanks, the next one is more along the lines of " when I said no thank you, what I meant was NO, this is NOT open to negotiation", very often followed by a block because of the offensive and threatening language they respond with.. hence my poor mail rating.

If the message is rude, entitled, offensive, crude or contains dick or gaping arse pics..so many of those have been through my inbox..I delete with no reply as far as I'm concerned they haven't earned one.

I may not get 100s of messages a day anymore..thank goodness for message filters..but I can get enough when I'm visible online that my thorough profile checking  means what I consider lazy messages..hi for example, or blatantly ignoring what my profile says and focusing on what they want.. unworthy of the effort I put in..if that makes me rude, so be it, in my opinion, (and as I'm talking about my interactions the only one that matters to me) it's certainly no less rude than the lazy attempt to attract my attention..the comment creepers can be very irritating, I suspect many are free members just trying to work around the can't send messages for 90 days thing, pushy at best..I always delete those from my wall or pictures as soon as I see them, if they do it twice I block..I'm certainly not going to message them, I don't reward bad behaviour. 

 

[Th****]

I'm still new here so still working out some of the etiquette. I have had a few messages and so far managed to reply to them all. I've now made it very clear on my profile that I'm not looking for another sub as I don't want people asking me to be their Mistress. I think the fact I have made it clear on my profile that I am married and already have a sub has reduced the number of messages I have received.

I'm quite happy just to chat to people though as my subby hubby and I are here to meet likeminded folk 😊.

I've messaged a couple of people as I'd like to know a few more Dommes (having been introduced to Femdom by my hubby I still have a lot to learn). I have found that when I tried to send a couple of people a message it said their messages are filtered and to send a gift. I don't understand what all that is about so I have left it for now.

I am a polite person so feel I should reply to a message but at the same time I haven't been offended if someone hasn't replied to my initial message 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[Mz****]

3 hours ago, TheLilacMistress said:

I've messaged a couple of people as I'd like to know a few more Dommes (having been introduced to Femdom by my hubby I still have a lot to learn). I have found that when I tried to send a couple of people a message it said their messages are filtered and to send a gift. I don't understand what all that is about so I have left it for now.

 

Some of us here have set filters to prevent certain messages, or senders making contact, for example I won't accept mail from unverified profiles, you can stop messages with less than your preferred amount of characters, so hi for instance wouldn't get through if you find that annoying, I didn't know you could set gifts as a prerequisite but I'd find that uncomfortable and wouldn't use it, perhaps that's for Pro or Fin profiles or I just haven't noticed it..anyway  filters can be found under settings, then messages if you'd like to set any.

[Charl-5017]

On 2/6/2021 at 8:48 AM, Aries_65 said:

Mostly it would be just polite education, not everyone has a rude approach. A simple "no thanks, I'm not interested" would be more than enough. Is that too much to ask?

Yes, it is too much to ask for in some cases. 

I've had messages from men who have deliberately ignored things in my profile about what I'm looking for (literally in capitals on the first line at some points, not any more). 

 

I even had one case where I guy asked me for the exact opposite of what I wanted (clearly a case of not reading my profile), I replied to say no and he blocked me. He then unblocked me a month later and sent me the same copy and paste message. Turns out when he'd blocked me the site had deleted all the messages between us for him, so he had no idea.

 

I'm not going to waste my time anymore replying to people who make it obvious they haven't read my profile. 

[qu****]

I've noticed several of you lovely ladies now have a word or phrase buried in your profiles saying repeat this if you have read profile and want to message, a very good idea ☺️

[qu****]

On 2/9/2021 at 12:59 PM, Curvykate said:

I could be that girl now. I get what you’re saying. I’d still be polite damn myself! It’s like being sent those virtual flowers on some of the dating apps - it’s impossible not to say thank you - and then they’ve got me! 🤯🤦🏻‍♀️

So you like flowers a????? 💐💐💐💐

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

So you like flowers a????? 💐💐💐💐

I think it’s just acknowledging people - I find it really rude to not do that. Argh.