Verification before meeting someone

[Deleted Member]

This is aimed mainly at the women on here (though I’m sure some men will also have careful vetting procedures before they meet someone new).
 

What is the minimum proof you will accept before you agree to meet someone at a neutral location? Will this vary if you have to travel some distance?

 

What additional safety measures would you ensure before a later meeting at someone’s home?

[qu****]

More controversial than it appears , spam bots use this aim to get you to join other sites, you chat away for a bit, here for example, then move to email off site, you immediately get a photo and message saying for more pics and arrange a meet click here, it's totally free and will verify you so I know you're genuine. It's not, it's just another link to a different site and yes, you have to pay to join, I find it best to spend time chatting here for a while first

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

More controversial than it appears , spam bots use this aim to get you to join other sites, you chat away for a bit, here for example, then move to email off site, you immediately get a photo and message saying for more pics and arrange a meet click here, it's totally free and will verify you so I know you're genuine. It's not, it's just another link to a different site and yes, you have to pay to join, I find it best to spend time chatting here for a while first

This isn’t really the topic I am looking to discuss. Let’s assume that we’re  talking about a real person and you want to be safe. 

[Larris100]

Usually a face-time call and meet n greet before any either transaction is made (if it’s for a dom or something of that nature) or before any agreement is made.. after - as quietlysure mentioned above - a lengthy conversation. If they’re resistant to any of these that could be aired flag... at least in my opinion / experience

[Wo****]

53 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

This is aimed mainly at the women on here (though I’m sure some men will also have careful vetting procedures before they meet someone new).
 

What is the minimum proof you will accept before you agree to meet someone at a neutral location? Will this vary if you have to travel some distance?

 

What additional safety measures would you ensure before a later meeting at someone’s home?

In the past it's been after chatting, swapping pics, talking on the phone. Location has varied.

I've flown to America to meet someone I met in a chatroom. I let a friend know where I was going, who I was seeing. Sent him details of address, arranged to call him on arrival. Email him, with a coded phrase, video call. 

 

Let a friend know of a meet, giving her the guys name, number and car registration. Arranged to call her when there and when leaving.

 

 

Now....

I'd just ask Boldbald for a lift.

[Deleted Member]

I always prove my id before a meet whether asked to or not First real life meet always give the lass the option of the place, somewhere she is comfortable. Another good thing is maybe to have a good friend who knows exactly where you are, whom you are with and an agreed timeline of contact. Say a message to be sent at certain times etc. A lot is on gut and if you get to a point where a private meet is arranged, home or hotel all the same apply BUT get to know them really well first. At any meet im always even as a  man risk aware, my surroundings etc, it just makes sense 😊.

[ey****]

I guess I'm slightly lucky that as a male there's often less to worry about.

If I'm filming then I can usually find someone to vouch for the person or I can see other of their clips.

For things like Pro sessions - it's been 5 years since I met anyone who I'd not previously met and couldn't otherwise vouch for (and, to be fair, my wife was there at the time)

For others... it's usually been people I've had ongoing rapport with and often we've met with a view to not play first. (Whether play did or didn't happen is moot)

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Primal*** said:

I always prove my id before a meet whether asked to or not  

Would this be something like a photo of a driving license or passport?

[Deleted Member]

I use my driving licence but hide my address, until im sure they are sane(ish) 😂

Edited February 7, 2021 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, Bounty said:

In the past it's been after chatting, swapping pics, talking on the phone. Location has varied.

I've flown to America to meet someone I met in a chatroom.

Now that's a commited lass 😊

[je****]

I run phone numbers on a couple different websites. If I can’t verify name or address, I won’t meet. If they won’t give a phone number, I won’t meet.

If they can be verified, I screenshot it and send it to my BFF before meeting.

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, Bounty said:

In the past it's been after chatting, swapping pics, talking on the phone. Location has varied.

I've flown to America to meet someone I met in a chatroom. I let a friend know where I was going, who I was seeing. Sent him details of address, arranged to call him on arrival. Email him, with a coded phrase, video call. 

 

Let a friend know of a meet, giving her the guys name, number and car registration. Arranged to call her when there and when leaving.

 

 

Now....

I'd just ask Boldbald for a lift

How would you verify that someone’s address and car registration were correct?

[Wo****]

49 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

How would you verify that someone’s address and car registration were correct?

I gave a friend the reg number. He was waiting in a public car park. I had the choice of getting in his car, or not. Looking back, it was insane... but then I wasn't thinking safely then.

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I gave a friend the reg number. He was waiting in a public car park. I had the choice of getting in his car, or not. Looking back, it was insane... but then I wasn't thinking safely then.

I’ve done the same in the past. We’re lucky we get away with it.

[ol****]

My best advice is slowly, one step at a time. 

Lots of online comms first. Chancers will get bored.

Look at what you know from the profile. Not much detail, forget it.

Then perhaps a phone call or two. Does it sound right, no pressure etc?

As to a meet. My rule. First meet vanilla, on turf the sub decides. No plan to play. Daylight, public, like a bistro or coffee shop. For the sub, tell a friend the where and when, arrange a phone call to confirm all is ok. Feel free to walk away at any moment. 

I Identify as D and this is what I'd do to put a potential sub at ease. If that means I have had to travel, incur expense etc, then that's just how it is. Have I been stood up, yes sometimes, goes with the turf. I always have a plan B so my trip is not wasted. ( like a museum, art gallery etc).

OK, I'm a little old fashioned but this has worked for me for close on 50 years.

[MrWillo]

My last sub that I had we spoke to each other for 4 months about anything and everything, from just her regular life to dynamic situations. We had regular calls and face time calls too. We watched movies together over face time before we eventually met. The meet was on her terms in a location she was happy with. She new my address and saw my driving licence and on the same score I knew her address too. I would never be offended to prove who I was to help put a sub at ease and feel safe

[CH****]

We need this, thanks

[so****]

Yes, men deal with just as much of this bullshit. I'd say AT LEAST 50% of the women's profiles on here are frauds, fakes, & *** grubbing lowlifes. It's a very serious problem the mods should really do more about. This place is absolutely infested with fraudulent female profiles. So to all the newbies to the site: proceed with caution.

[Mi****]

Like what some others have said on here, take time. Video calls are important verification tool and just help you get to know someone, those would be a must before meeting in a public neutral location. I would steer clear of going to someone's home in general, but if you do I would suggest always having someone know where you are with scheduled check-ins. 

Good luck and stay safe out there!

 

[Bo****]

I'm reminded of the Donald Glover standup routine:

"Every man in this room has a crazy woman story. Like, every man in here is just like: 'Oh, you remember Christine? Christine was crazy!' Every dude in here has that story. And I was like 'Why don't women have crazy man stories?' Why don't women have crazy man stories? I don't really hear them. And then I was like 'Oh.' It's because if you got a crazy boyfriend... You gon' die."

As a man, I've done all sorts of foolish things when meeting women. I let a stranger "break" into my house while I was sleeping and wake me up with sex. I gave a woman my house keys without knowing her name or anything about her. These are not things I would ever suggest a woman do.

When you are meeting a man, you are to some degree, risking your life. Any man who doesn't understand that and offer every assurance possible -- IDs, photographs, credit scores, notarized endorsements from exes -- probably needs to be considered highly suspect.

[Deleted Member]

I know you said women but..
All the potential subs I met was in a vanilla setting first, for them to assess physically what type of man I was. Only two I visit straight to their home, after a month of communication. One went from the cafe place to her home after a coffee chat and play straight away. The other varied from another meeting to more comms and finally into a Ds. None of them asked me for some identification or finger prints, their guts play a part, as probably reading my profile and forums comments. I am
Also on a different site, and consistency show more about a person. Only one sub told me she took a picture of my car and sent it to her friend before going to the hotel meeting.
You can never be safe 100%, maybe that person give you all his details then could break your arm during a rough session because he’s not experienced or not respecting your safe word etc... and at the opposite someone more mysterious could end with a great long Ds relationship.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/8/2021 at 7:11 AM, BoulderDom said:

I'm reminded of the Donald Glover standup routine:

"Every man in this room has a crazy woman story. Like, every man in here is just like: 'Oh, you remember Christine? Christine was crazy!' Every dude in here has that story. And I was like 'Why don't women have crazy man stories?' Why don't women have crazy man stories? I don't really hear them. And then I was like 'Oh.' It's because if you got a crazy boyfriend... You gon' die."

As a man, I've done all sorts of foolish things when meeting women. I let a stranger "break" into my house while I was sleeping and wake me up with sex. I gave a woman my house keys without knowing her name or anything about her. These are not things I would ever suggest a woman do.

When you are meeting a man, you are to some degree, risking your life. Any man who doesn't understand that and offer every assurance possible -- IDs, photographs, credit scores, notarized endorsements from exes -- probably needs to be considered highly suspect.

You are brave!!! 
 

your last paragraph is very true and this frightens me so much.   I always seem to attract the impatient doms who don’t really want to spend a lot of time chatting online first and are so eager to get me away from the site and expect to tie me up on the first meet.   I’m glad I’m not the only one to feel these concerns 

[Bo****]

4 hours ago, blondeLG said:

I always seem to attract the impatient doms who don’t really want to spend a lot of time chatting online first and are so eager to get me away from the site and expect to tie me up on the first meet. 

I admit that I hate chatting on FET because the messaging system sucks. I often try to move to the moment I find them interesting, but it's always with the caveat "we can also chat here as long as you want."

I'd like to think that men sending signals like that shows that we are safe. Sadly, I think for some guys, it's just showing that they're better predators. Women, be safe out there. Guys, remember that your primary job isn't to appear trustworthy, it's to fucking BE trustworthy.

[Eve1919]

I really appreciate the men here who recognize how risky meeting can be for women.   For me, it a huge red flag when a man immediately want to jump off the site.  I always tell them that I want to stay on site for bit.  About 75% of them just stop responding.  I always figured I dodged a bullet.  I don't know what kind of bullet I dodged, but I pretty sure I dodged one.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/8/2021 at 7:11 AM, BoulderDom said:

When you are meeting a man, you are to some degree, risking your life. Any man who doesn't understand that and offer every assurance possible -- IDs, photographs, credit scores, notarized endorsements from exes -- probably needs to be considered highly suspect.

Thank you.The Donald Glover story and this paragraph really sum up the risk women take. Every man on this site should really be aware of and make allowances for this when arranging meet-ups.