Are you a lonely sub?

[Se****]

Something a sub said to me this week stuck.

Her inbox was full.
Messages everywhere.
Plenty of “Doms” eager to claim her attention.

And yet she felt deeply lonely.

Not unseen in a literal sense - but unmet.

What she was being offered was possession, pressure, and performance. What she was craving was understanding. Someone who wanted to know how she submits, not just that she does. Someone curious about her inner world, not just her availability.

A full inbox doesn’t mean you’re being met at the right level.

Sometimes loneliness comes from being surrounded by people who are talking at you, rather than listening to you. From being desired for what you represent, rather than who you are.

Submission isn’t cured by attention.
It’s eased by attunement.

By being understood before being touched.
By being led, not rushed.

If that resonates, you’re not alone - even if it feels that way.

Do many subs feel this way?

SD

[Ki****]

Yesss. I don't always want to be a fuck toy, most of the time I want the sensual, foreplay, conversations, drawing it out and being more than just some holes to use. Nobody wants to give that much of themselves to a sub these days it seems.

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

Yes. Yes. And more yes. It seems that we are only approached for the holes we can offer.

[Se****]

Yes, I have, many times.
Not just as a sub but as a person in general. I can be surrounded by (well meaning) people and still feel crushing loneliness, I can feel unseen by a thousand eyes because people have a tendency to see the labels one has as opposed to the person underneath those labels.
Being noticed and actually being REALLY seen are two very different things and all the attention in the world cannot replace the feeling of one person seeing, hearing and understanding you. That feeling is precious and rare.

[Deleted Member]

I say this with all honesty and seriousness, write a book for beginners. I would buy the hard copy…. I have a lot to learn, not afraid to admit it.

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

4 minutes ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

Yes, I have, many times.
Not just as a sub but as a person in general. I can be surrounded by (well meaning) people and still feel crushing loneliness, I can feel unseen by a thousand eyes because people have a tendency to see the labels one has as opposed to the person underneath those labels.
Being noticed and actually being REALLY seen are two very different things and all the attention in the world cannot replace the feeling of one person seeing, hearing and understanding you. That feeling is precious and rare.

So so right. On this site or others like it we're not seen as people but more so just a role that can be provided for the fleeting moment.

[Mi****]

This…

There is so much I have to say in regards to this. Unfortunately, the words are coming quickly and chaotically because there is just so much.

I appreciate this

[Mi****]

7 minutes ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

Yes, I have, many times.
Not just as a sub but as a person in general. I can be surrounded by (well meaning) people and still feel crushing loneliness, I can feel unseen by a thousand eyes because people have a tendency to see the labels one has as opposed to the person underneath those labels.
Being noticed and actually being REALLY seen are two very different things and all the attention in the world cannot replace the feeling of one person seeing, hearing and understanding you. That feeling is precious and rare.

To be seen and yet so unnoticed all at the same time… <3

[AKA_Copper]

I think that there is a difference between feeling lonely and a lack of an intimate connection.
.
Am I lonely? No. I have a full life surrounded by people and things I enjoy spending my time with/doing. Equally I can spend time in solitude and feel extremely content in my own company. In fact, this is my preference.
.
Do I crave an intimate connection, one in which i feel seen, understood, safe and can be *** with someone. Yes.
.
For me the difference is quality over quantity.

[Mi****]

14 minutes ago, ChocolateRopeBunny said:

Yes. Yes. And more yes. It seems that we are only approached for the holes we can offer.

Did you know the term ‘broad’ is a butchers term meaning merely a piece of meat with a hole in it? I think what is bothersome to me is the expectation that we listen right away. You might be a Dom, but you are not my Dom.

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, SingleDad179910 said:

I say this with all honesty and seriousness, write a book for beginners. I would buy the hard copy…. I have a lot to learn, not afraid to admit it.

On behalf of idiots like me, sorry ladies. I’m learning a lot from this app!

[AKA_Copper]

2 minutes ago, AKA_Copper said:

I think that there is a difference between feeling lonely and a lack of an intimate connection.
.
Am I lonely? No. I have a full life surrounded by people and things I enjoy spending my time with/doing. Equally I can spend time in solitude and feel extremely content in my own company. In fact, this is my preference.
.
Do I crave an intimate connection, one in which i feel seen, understood, safe and can be *** with someone. Yes.
.
For me the difference is quality over quantity.

The "naughty" blanked out word is "vulner@able"

[Py****]

I get the feeling that most guys (yes specifically guys) seem to forget that someone submitting is a process and needs to be earned instead of ***d. I’ve talked to a few people here (a very little circle) and I get the feeling most women (I can only talk about their point of view respectively) get to many messages demanding submission.

The issue at hand is probably that most men think this is the right thing to do, I get every one changing their will to find somebody in exchange for peace and quiet. Which is actually a very sad thing in my opinion, since this Community is there to forge bonds stronger than most.

So for all the fellow good men out there and to all the submissive people out there, I’m awfully sorry for the disgusting behavior some of us make you endure. But I know it’s just a drop on a hot stone (German saying I’m sorry 😅) but show yourself, don’t hide because some people can’t behave. There are still good men out there that know how to treat a women correctly even if she wants to submit body and soul.

Thanks for reading I hope it gave some hope back to the unseen, you are not unseen 🫶🏻

[mi****]

It’s this. All of this. It’s also being who they claim too.

Then, theres times where you had the perfect dynamic with someone. Then… abruptly gone. But….with an off chance meet up here or there.

and as you say… inbox full… of nothingness. Hollow

[Firepit]

Nice text

[ey****]

not even something limited to subs - that, the majority of received messages are poor - the focus usually being around kink/fetish/sex than the person, their interests, what makes them tick

"lonely" I feel is a deep word, one which I'm not trying to dismiss - but if anyone comes onto dating sites feeling lonely in the hope this will fill that, then I'm sorry, it is more likely to make things worse.  For those genuinely lonely, I urge to find connections outside of kink/sex/relationships and to learn how to be happy in their own company - because seeking online validation only elevates the issue.  

[Mo****]

Exactly what I'm going through too

[Do****]

Same

[Deleted Member]

Am I lonely? Not at all. It took a long time, but I am very comfortable in my singleness. Completely willing and patiently waiting for the right Dom. To date, I’ve only met one who actually saw me as an individual person. Wanted to know my mind, my dreams, my heart. It was beautiful and perfection… Then I found out he was married. 💣 😢 No, I am not lonely. There is absolutely no rush in this quiet space. However, there is guardedness, intense skepticism with online advances, and a very empty chat box and long block list with which I have no problem with. The right one will arrive at the exact moment he needs to, more perfect than the last and truly single.

[Er****]

I think a lot of people misunderstand what it actually takes to be a sub, and they don’t realize that they need to listen and actually understand what the person is asking for. This isn’t universally true, but for a lot of subs, it’s actually more about trust and vulnerability than simply being dominated. Completely giving up control actually requires an extreme amount of trust in your partner. To fully submit to someone means you trust your partner to guide you where you want to go, without input, and without crossing limits. You trust them to take care of you, even through domination and control. This part also isn’t universally true, but it seems that a lot of dominant people don’t understand that, and they think it’s simply about control and power — which is what naturally dominant people thrive on, and they naturally try to TAKE it. But in a healthy dom/sub relationship, I believe it’s more about power and control that’s freely GIVEN by the sub, and it comes with limits that should be respected. Anyone can dominate and assert control; but it takes real strength, courage, trust, and vulnerability to submit yourself to someone. Doms should always act within the boundaries set by the sub. Which means in a way, it’s actually the subs that have the real control, because they have the authority to take it away. That’s my experience at least. I’d be curious to hear what others think.

[Ph****]

I have many that will message me. Everybody always wants to rush things.
They wanna know if I am truly submissive , and when I don't give them the right answer , i'm a fake.
Because I didn't submit to their wish or their demand.

I would rather be lonely than put myself in a situation..

I think all we want is someone to hear our inner thoughts. someone who can get us and understand us. Submission is so much more than power.It's about the willingness to submit to someone who sees your worth.

I took a vow to myself , and I promised to myself. I will stay alone and be loneliness until I find the right person who sees my worth. And I will crawl through the ends to the Earth to find that person. I don't care how long it takes. Or how many people I have to talk to.

[mi****]

57 minutes ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

Yes, I have, many times.
Not just as a sub but as a person in general. I can be surrounded by (well meaning) people and still feel crushing loneliness, I can feel unseen by a thousand eyes because people have a tendency to see the labels one has as opposed to the person underneath those labels.
Being noticed and actually being REALLY seen are two very different things and all the attention in the world cannot replace the feeling of one person seeing, hearing and understanding you. That feeling is precious and rare.

I don’t think I could have said it any better than this. Even to the people closest to me, they only see who they want and expect me to be, not who I actually am.

[GA****]

8 minutes ago, Phoenix13lilly said:

I have many that will message me. Everybody always wants to rush things.
They wanna know if I am truly submissive , and when I don't give them the right answer , i'm a fake.
Because I didn't submit to their wish or their demand.

I would rather be lonely than put myself in a situation..

I think all we want is someone to hear our inner thoughts. someone who can get us and understand us. Submission is so much more than power.It's about the willingness to submit to someone who sees your worth.

I took a vow to myself , and I promised to myself. I will stay alone and be loneliness until I find the right person who sees my worth. And I will crawl through the ends to the Earth to find that person. I don't care how long it takes. Or how many people I have to talk to.

Same 💞

[mi****]

1 hour ago, ChocolateRopeBunny said:

So so right. On this site or others like it we're not seen as people but more so just a role that can be provided for the fleeting moment.

Exactly! It’s amazing to me how many people don’t even truly look at our profiles beyond username and pics before sending a message. I mean if someone can’t even bother with reading what we took the time to write in our bios, why would we think they actually care?

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, mistress_of_ravens said:

Exactly! It’s amazing to me how many people don’t even truly look at our profiles beyond username and pics before sending a message. I mean if someone can’t even bother with reading what we took the time to write in our bios, why would we think they actually care?

I love it when they ask where I’m from. Haha! Dude, really?! *block