Trying to get hubby into being a dom

[Pa****]

As others have said, could be worthwhile exploring the possibility of “switch”. If you lead with the dominant energy over him, he may get an idea of what it is you’re looking for.
I personally haven’t heard of sub space. Would you mind explaining it to me please?

[ra****]

Have you considered looking for a Dom to take care of that for you? It isn’t something people just turn on… so many subs see me and go ohhh Domme Mommy and want me to be something I am not… i can sort if play at it for a hard second but it is work and not for me and they don’t get what they are looking for. You are asking him to be something he isn’t as a sub you should probably respect that and look for a secondary relationship that fulfills that part of you. It really isn’t fair to put that on them.

[ey****]

my advice is - *** is not consent.  If he isn't interested in being a Dominant, or putting on a Dominant act - then don't push him into it

 

[Do****]

My suggestion is you should start with where he is not where you want him to be. It has to grow out of him if it is to happen. Why not try getting into role plays - Doctor/patient, teacher/student, boss/secretary etc. (find pics or vids to show him and tempt him if he’s not right away up for that)

just enjoy play and watch carefully for any tiny inkling that sparks his interest , then nurture and fuel those tiny shoots which like the power dynamic…

[bi****]

You dont get someone into being a dom. Either they are or they arent.

[Do****]

True, but there could be undiscovered potential. Kinks can emerge and grow

[Deleted Member]

Get his testosterone level tested. When they are low get him those shots. Feed him steak and chicken all the time. Make sure he starts to work out daily. Just doing 25 push-ups and a walk daily will kick start some test. You have to train him into what you want and need. Sounds like he will be easy to train. Edging may help. Make him work for sex more than usual. Watch some videos or tell him what to say and how to act in order to get sex and reward him when he does.
It will take some time but I’m sure he will learn what he needs to do so you are fulfilled. Basically you have to get his anger feelings going again so he uses those during sex to dominate you and sex you so you feel safe and secure and put into the submissive place you enjoy.
I’d also make it clear to him that it’s likely you would find another man to dominate you if he refuses to do it. Now that is higher risk and would lead to conflict but maybe that is just the exact spark of anger he needs to light that fire. 🔥

[Th****]

If and only if he has a curiosity to go there than take him on a journey. It’s not about doing this or that it’s about a frame of mind and heart and embodying that . He can’t pretend to be a dom, that probably will not get you what you want .

I have the opinion that one person cannot be everything to you . And yet in love we sometimes try. It does not work that way . You may have to seek that notion elsewhere if that’s what is in your realm of possibilities. Sometimes that can lead to more happiness and satisfaction inbetween you guys as the pressure to be something you are not can be hurtful, pressuring and erode the relationship over time .

If he is a good man keep him and get what you need from somewhere else .

Or also consider the thought that you maybe need someone else entirely. Love is sometimes not enough if values don’t align .

[Deleted Member]

Can't really make someone into something their not

[Ku****]

I agree with TheFoodGirl_

This is coming from my life experience.

Was married to a vanilla person

They were not kink. They tried to be kinky but I could tell they were not enjoying it.

We tried to open the marriage, but they became withdrawn and jealous.

We finally had to sit down and evaluate our life's. Eather I was going to be not happy or she was.

We eventually parted ways.

I am now poly and don't expect any of my partners to be into everything I am into. Not do I expect then to change for me.

[Bl****]

Either he has it in him or not. I think the fact that he loves you for you is sweet. But I guess the best way to get him to understand where you’re coming from is to play games where your kink can be activated based off his actions.boosting his confidence through play will give him an idea of your sexual needs more without the pressure of being something he doesn’t get

[Tallguy001]

Am i the only one who thinks you should probably prioritise your relationship if hes a really good guy. Yiu cant *** a dynamic on someone when that was never part of the initial deal when you two got together . Hes just not that kind of person clearly. So youve gotta weigh up what you want more . Cos i dont see this going any other way than infidelity

[Th****]

4 minutes ago, Tallguy001 said:

Am i the only one who thinks you should probably prioritise your relationship if hes a really good guy. Yiu cant *** a dynamic on someone when that was never part of the initial deal when you two got together . Hes just not that kind of person clearly. So youve gotta weigh up what you want more . Cos i dont see this going any other way than infidelity

Or open the relationship.

Some people are ethically non-monogamous 🙃

[Ad****]

You cant make someone something there not...now you can bring in toys and ask him to do things but overall if he don't have it in him he just doesn't. It could also take him a while to build up to it. Don't mess up a 80 for 20

[Na****]

Agreeing with everyone’s comments in here, you either “are” or your not simple as that, but your yearning to be dominated with become more and more of a thing for you, would your partner let you play elsewhere, either online or otherwise, think you really need to explain how you feel before it becomes a major relationship problem

[Ya****]

Why not suggest you both take the classic BDSM test?
https://bdsmtest.org/select-language

And both educate yourselves a bit more? There are plenty of educators on YouTube. Kinky Sam Jones - The Duchy come to mind... but there are plenty depending on your own preferences and likings. Some people need a theoretical framework first - others approach it from experience first an pick up along the way... There is no right way - only what suits the both of you - in a safe and consensual way.

Why not attend a seminar together? Your local community will probably provide for classes and educational venues on topics of interest to both of you. It might improve your connection and communication. And plenty of fun.

[Na****]

It’s not like learning to ride a bike, your either made that way or your not, you either relish it or dont

[Tallguy001]

Yoi can only open ot of hes okay with it though, or you break up they are the only two options really

[my****]

I’ve talked to a lot of kinky girls with nilla husbands. It’s an uphill battle often doomed to failure. My suggestion is talk to the husband. Explain how you feel and ask for one session a week. Even if it’s only an hour a week you become all the sub you can be. Kneeling, dressed how he likes you or not at all. You answer questions with yes sir or no sir and you let him lead you. If he starts to laugh, or gets uncomfortable you hold your ground. You are his sub for that period of time. He might laugh, he might walk away. You might just end up sucking a lot of cock. If you can coax a Dom out of him, he’ll get interested. After your session you can ask him if he has any questions. You will have to give aftercare for a while. Once you developed a dialogue you can work out when to flip it back to you. Nobody ever said being a sub was easy, so if you want this you’re going to have to work at it because he’s probably six kinds of in his head about what to do, what it means, and why you want things to change.

Good luck, if you want any more ideas feel free to message me.

[li****]

I highly doubt the kind of non-sexual dom energy you'd like to see is something that can be achieved artificially.

[So****]

If there‘s the slightest spark in him which is Dom, you might get the chance to develop with him your own top-bottom love game. Otherwise, he‘ll stay vanilla, but maybe communication, sessions and aftercare can open his mind to the possibilities of beyond.

[Sa****]

I would recommend trying to talk together about what you crave from him in a Mentally way, which can be Verbally or Physically expressed in small ways.
You want to build a deeper Intimacy beyond sex. Him helping you achieve that will make you more Happy. He can listen to you telling him during acts or lead up.
Treat each other like the valued partners with Eye contact while sharing intimacy, which can be cuddles.

[ra****]

I mean above all talking to him is gonna help the most. If hes into trying, think from his perspective of what part/parts hed find most appealing/comfortable? Maybe point out to him the vanilla things he already does that are like, heading in the right direction (positive rein***ment!) Even lil stuff like making the first move, flipping you over, pulling you towards him, pulling your hair, etc. So like "i like when you do x, thats actually an example of what im looking for" or like "i like when you do x, x+b would be even better" it might be easier for him to get your perspective if you focus on little moments/examples so he can giflve it a go a little at a time rather than big concepts/end goal/totally changing at once

Another idea is maybe he can get around it more if you treat it like role play, esp for experimenting purposes. "Treat me like you feel xyz" that kinda thing, give your power bottom era a go 🤣 but also maybe role play the dom yourself with him. Show him how youd like to be treated, negotiated with, etc (with permission obviously) because 1. You might like that more than you think 2. Sometimes stuff sounds really artificial till you experiance it. The perspective switch may help him understand your perspective better and articulate his own.

It also might just not be for him, which would suck, but i think theres probably still a lot of ways to play around rather than just kinda seeing it in black and white. Wish you luck.

[Ma****]

Sorry, but you cannot turn someone into something they are not. If he is the love of your life you would need to accept that may not be who or what he is. The trick is talking it out and seeing if there is a middle ground

[kn****]

Lots to say but he must feel the protector spirit in him to truly be allowed to fall in to the dominant its a tough one bringing out that monster most men have insecurities around letting that beast out