Monogamy… Polyamory

[ra****]

20 hours ago, Thegoddamnmuffinman said:

I poly people don’t deserve a place in my life, one of my exes tried to f@rce me to be poly and after several conversations with her that I DONT SHARE we eventually broke up after a year of bullshit, so no, poly people don’t deserve my time or respect….PERIOD

One person and they don’t deserve your respect. Wow please stay away from the entire population more of us are poly than you know… if you cut off the entire population for one person that is you being petty.

[ra****]

17 hours ago, BashfulBones00 said:

I get confused when monogamous people are interested in my poly self. Seems like I'm just someone to play with until someone better comes along. I'm not a swinger, I'm poly, I want relationships, not just quick sex. I prefer other poly people because they understand that they aren't the only one and that times have to be divided for everybody.

Exactly we don’t want to be a placeholder. We want to be a permanent part of somebody’s life and for us that means multiple people.

[ra****]

20 hours ago, farmerguy83 said:

I dont trust poly ppl anymore..my ex asked me if we cud once with another woman.....turns out that woman had another man..amd she was sharing naked pics of my girl with her man and I wasn't getting to see anyone of the other girl....so nope never again...I mean if they just wanna talk...uea that's fine...but relationship..nooe..unless they are willing to not be poly

You’re being petulant due to the fact that they shared the pictures with somebody that wasn’t you their parameters might be different from your wife’s parameters or your girlfriend‘s parameters unless they shared the pictures without getting consent now if they shared the pictures with consent from your girlfriend, that means that they had that consent each group is different from the other. I can consent to my pictures being shared which I don’t generally, but if somebody else shares their pictures with me and not you, that is their option that is their consent. You not getting to see the pictures of the other woman was not your “ God-given” right.

[ra****]

Yesterday at 12:39 PM, SleepyScares said:

Poly, I approach whoever. Regardless of whether they say they're mono or not. Everyone starts out as mono until they're not. It's just about proper communication. I list that I'm poly, with one partner and that it's mainly just open on my end. My partner is mono but is fine with me exploring being poly and bringing others in. At times it's sort of like one big family.

Wow… that is like saying people are not gay until they try it and it is ***d on them… wow.

[ra****]

Yesterday at 07:58 AM, UK_Knight said:

How is this a behaviour encouraged by the apps?  As messages are limited, surely saving messages for the people who fit what you are looking for seems a sensible move.  

Ask them… i literally get gay guy in my rotation men over 50 in my rotation and a ton of monogamous people… less poly less my age range and apparently i changed sexs and have a dick… because gay guys… they have to be wondering if i am lurking… i feel bad when i open one and it is a gay guy they don’t want women looking at them. At least not on a dating app i assume.

[ra****]

Yesterday at 07:32 AM, DaddyOmen86 said:

Honestly, it should depend on what you're looking for if you mono, than seek another mono, but if your mono just not settling down, then I personally don't mind a poly

Thats not poly thats using a poly person until you find your person. Making you a user. We have feelings. We want relationships if you goal is to use someone until you find someone stick monogamous people that feel the way you do. Poly people have feelings and don’t need to be used until you find your “one and only”

[ra****]

I really love how monogamous people (mostly men) in this thread think that poly people are good for being used until they find their one and only…

[UK****]

15 minutes ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

 

Ask them… i literally get gay guy in my rotation men over 50 in my rotation and a ton of monogamous people… less poly less my age range and apparently i changed sexs and have a dick… because gay guys… they have to be wondering if i am lurking… i feel bad when i open one and it is a gay guy they don’t want women looking at them. At least not on a dating app i assume.

But it's not the people coming into your PMs that you said were an issue, you said 

"The apps actually do this to veer you to pay for it."

How is this above behaviour being encouraged by the apps to make you pay?  By limiting the number of messages a user can send, the app is doing the opposite of encouraging a message anybody approach surely?

[ra****]

2 minutes ago, UK_Knight said:

But it's not the people coming into your PMs that you said were an issue, you said 

"The apps actually do this to veer you to pay for it."

How is this above behaviour being encouraged by the apps to make you pay?  By limiting the number of messages a user can send, the app is doing the opposite of encouraging a message anybody approach surely?

So they purposely set the algorithm up so that you end up with people that you’re not interested in so that you will pay for the app and then put in extra parameters because when you have paid for their site, you get to actually put more parameters in that keep the people that you don’t want to see out they’re going to push the opposite of what you are looking for into your preferences until you pay for it.

[Deleted Member]

Ive been in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships.

[Deleted Member]

what does ONS and placeholder mean?

[Ev****]

I’m poly but most of the women I’ve dated have been mono. By their choice

[Ba****]

4 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

I wanted the opinions of both sides. I stand firm that I don’t want to be bothered by monogamous people. I came here for a specific thing. I did not come here to become friends and I definitely did not come here to be in a monogamous relationship so I wanted other people‘s opinions on monogamous people coming into their DM‘s talking to them sexually or polyamorous people coming into their DM’s the monogamous people’s DM’s and talking to them sexually how do you feel about that? I definitely wanted both sides.

Well there are people with a sort of harem kink and other monogamous people open to having a non-monogamous partner so it’s possible that you cut yourself off from a variety of potentially interesting dynamics, i’m not trying to convert you thou and if you only deal with people in you DMs that do or you have on your profile that you need everyone to be involved with each other feel free disregard this comment entirely
If not it may be worth some consideration

[ha****]

I am someone who's interested in non-monogamous relationships due to me having some experience to it but never really have tried it out myself except for navigating the dynamics of it without me actually trying it out myself. I've always been a bit shy at trying to connect on this app or even at my local munches. But taking it one step at a time is the best I can try to do

[ed****]

Look in the mirror then stop crying for attention

[be****]

I’m poly and will only msg back poly ppl. Nothing against monogamous ppl. Been poly over 20 years. Know what I want and don’t want by now.

[em****]

As a poly person, I don't mind DMs from monogamous people, however, I'm usually a bit more guarded when they do message me. By that I mean, if someone iz looking for a monogamous relationship, then I am not the right fit for you. And the last thing I want to do is lead someone on when they could be seeking someone who wants what they want.

[ra****]

Wednesday at 04:30 AM, edwardsville506 said:

Look in the mirror then stop crying for attention

Have you looked in the mirror??? I prefer attention from the right type… also i see i blocked you so definitely not the right type.

[ra****]

1 hour ago, emberrain said:

As a poly person, I don't mind DMs from monogamous people, however, I'm usually a bit more guarded when they do message me. By that I mean, if someone iz looking for a monogamous relationship, then I am not the right fit for you. And the last thing I want to do is lead someone on when they could be seeking someone who wants what they want.

You are not leading them on. Right there if they make it to BDSM ROLES is your life choice of non-monogamy… the fact that they can’t read doesn’t put the ball in your court… they put it there by being LAZY.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, emberrain said:

As a poly person, I don't mind DMs from monogamous people, however, I'm usually a bit more guarded when they do message me. By that I mean, if someone iz looking for a monogamous relationship, then I am not the right fit for you. And the last thing I want to do is lead someone on when they could be seeking someone who wants what they want.

if they contacted you... then you wouldn't be leading them on.  

Though, I generally feel that a lot of mono guys have a couple of misconceptions about poly/NM - first being that people who are NM are 'easy' and therefore would do something with them - second being that they'd be "ok with it" - when there is the challenges that (a) you (or the NM person) may already have existing relationships and so that is already going to impact things (b) may get additional relationships in the future. Which will impact things.

[ZA****]

I would very much prefer not to hear from people who want that monogamous lifestyle. It is just not for me. I would feel, well I guess trapped is the best word for it.
I CAN be content with one partner romantically, but only up to a degree. There are times when I happen to bump into someone that just... fits. My nesting partner knows this and though she is more the ENM type, accepts that I just have more love to give than I can contain to 1 person.
That being said I am cautious with whom I pursue exactly because they might not be okay with that lifestyle.

[El****]

I prefer not to be contacted by monogamous people. My brain works completely differently! I was poly before I knew it had a name. I don't understand the monogamous brain and I'm not going to pretend that I can. Nor do I want to talk to someone that is vanilla! I wish people would just read and consider people for who they are!... Rant over lol

[ra****]

Hate to say that this but when you consider how many people have been married or in long term monogamous relationships where one or both people have cheated, it’s hard not to wonder why monogamy is still the norm.

I genuinely can’t wrap my head around how a poly relationship would work for me considering the circumstances of my personal situation, but it basically just makes more sense to assume if you’re on any kind of daring or kink app that the you’re not the only person someone is talking to, dating, or sleeping with.

One thing about the poly community or people who are in ENM relationships is that, in theory at least, they value transparency far more than you will find in most people who have no interest in understanding what ethical non monogamous means.

There are plenty of people who can make it work for them and I have mad respect for that because I’ve personally known people who are trying to make it work, but there always seems to be one toxic individual who expects everyone to prioritize their inability to regulate their own emotions to the point where everyone else is tiptoeing around them to keep the peace.

It’s not for the faint of heart, and the amount of open and honest communication required to find a healthy balance when there are just two people in a dynamic seems to be a challenge for most people, and the commitment to prioritize that level of communication when there are more than two people is something that people don’t appreciate as much as they probably should 😂

Personally, I barely have the capacity to entertain one person at time, but it’s because I am realistic about that, I had sit long and hard with myself to readjust my expectations to be more realistic at my big age after my divorce.

My personal preference for not choosing to entertain the idea of being included in an already established poly relationship is knowing that I’d spend way too much time constantly worrying about prioritizing the respect of another woman over anything else, but that’s my unhealed betrayal trauma from what I assumed was a monogamous marriage 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I’m ok knowing that most people will need or want more in a relationship than I can realistically offer right now and for the foreseeable future. More often than not, I find that if I don’t initiate a conversation about the expectations about seeing or sleeping with other people, that conversation doesn’t happen because people aren’t exactly comfortable having uncomfortable conversations.

I have my own set of personal beliefs and expectations when it comes to the amount of transparency I feel comfortable saying I need from someone else. If you’re out here just assuming everyone is looking for a monogamous relationship or is going to be open about the fact that they’re entertaining multiple opinions until they find someone they want to commit to, exclusively, you’re probably setting yourself up for disappointment these days 🤷🏻‍♀️

[pe****]

I found my ex partner was not willing to be honest but made little attempt to hide it, we both knew but was never spoken about and if I did it was denied
I think it has more to do with how someone wants to be perceived the like the fact they are seen as a loyal loving family member but behind closed doors it was completely opposite
I even told her I was ok with her extra marital activities but the only response was either denial or a love reaction to a message but still deny when talking about it

[CG****]

I am poly and I have no problem with Mono people reaching out. I can have mono or poly friends. It is when they want something more thn friendship that things get odd. I have an explanation on how poly works, and feels, for me, to a few people who have come to embrace the lifestyle. So if you are poly curious, I'm ok with it. But if you are mono, or try poly and are no longer interested, don't expect me to change who I am to meet your wants. I wouldn't flirt with a straight man in hopes to change him to be gay, same is true of poly to mono. If a mono person tries to "change" how I work, that's not going to go well for them.

However, I am still open to dialogs with people who have other values, interests, relationships styles, and sexualities.