Dating

[ra****]

8 hours ago, jaws711 said:

If you don’t accept the plans what does it matter…….thats what a lot of women don’t understand cuz like everybody keeps saying “the dating pool has changed” women want 5 🌟 treatment on the first date: restaurant concerts etc a bunch of dumb shit that doesn’t even matter and it’s like…..”bitch I don’t even know you like that” but then when you say no or take em to a fast food spot it’s like “oh well you broke” and blah blah blah………naw bitch you just not worth my time………I’ll never spend over $100 while dating and even that’s a stretch because like I said “we’re just DATINGand I don’t even know you” 🤦🏽‍♂️

Wow… wow… one honey unless you are broke fast food is not how i would even start a date.. two your attitude says you are not ready to date.

I accept a coffee joint as a first date… and to be totally honest for me to take someone out on a date. It is totally unacceptable for me to take them for coffee. I take them on an adventure for food and then another adventure. I’m trying to date them. I’m trying to show them who I am or what I like. You might want to have a talk with yourself about how much you’re willing to spend on a date and then pick from that dating pool.

[Gy****]

1 hour ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

Wow… wow… one honey unless you are broke fast food is not how i would even start a date.. two your attitude says you are not ready to date.

I accept a coffee joint as a first date… and to be totally honest for me to take someone out on a date. It is totally unacceptable for me to take them for coffee. I take them on an adventure for food and then another adventure. I’m trying to date them. I’m trying to show them who I am or what I like. You might want to have a talk with yourself about how much you’re willing to spend on a date and then pick from that dating pool.

I like to show them your personality part you are gonna be spending a lot of time with them after all.

[sz****]

Surely before a date is arranged, conversations over likes and preferences would happen, and the asker shoukd have an idea where to go

[ra****]

9 minutes ago, szar1973 said:

Surely before a date is arranged, conversations over likes and preferences would happen, and the asker shoukd have an idea where to go

I mean… my profile is pretty straightforward… across all dating profiles… even the sanitized version… at the very least gives pretty good direction without even talking to me… but in two days 4different guys said the same thing and I am questioning if people know how to date anymore or if I am expecting too much?

[Ba****]

22 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

Content creation?? the question is legit mostly in hopes of getting insight into what is wrong with men thinking we want to plan the date they just asked you out on… i immediately block them after telling them i am not planning…

Wait
Does that happen enough to be a problem??
Reading the original post i assumed you asked people out who insisted on being in charge and come with conflicting plans

Ps fast food itself is rarely the problem, spending the date sitting at the fast food place often is, also cheap food and fast food haven’t been synonymous for a while where i’m from

[Ro****]

I'd would like them to have plans if they ask. Often, though, I am asked what I'd like to do and end up deciding where to go. Depends on the conversation. If they are putting in low effort to make plans, then I'll let it die out. I prefer someone that can take the initiative enough without being pushy.

[Sa****]

As a guy, I feel that I should be making the plans.
However, I’ve worked most of my life if not at an actual job when I get home repairing things or taken care of my family. i’m not out looking for places to take somebody.
I find myself alone now, and attempting to date again.
The thing is most women I’m finding online are not in my area, and I don’t know the area they live in at all.
It’s enough for me not to ask somebody out in an area that I don’t know because I want to be the one making plans. When I have not been good at making in the first place.
And the experiences that I’ve had , have taught me that if I ask a woman what’s decent to do in her area? Where could we meet ?, and to show me around they often just die out right there. And I’m looking at driving two hours to get to them.
It really seems that the expectations are skewed a bit.

[Mr****]

I feel as anyone who ask other person on the date should already know what that person may or may not like so the plans should be easy

[ja****]

On 2/27/2026 at 8:34 AM, rainbowcataclysm said:

Wow… wow… one honey unless you are broke fast food is not how i would even start a date.. two your attitude says you are not ready to date.

I accept a coffee joint as a first date… and to be totally honest for me to take someone out on a date. It is totally unacceptable for me to take them for coffee. I take them on an adventure for food and then another adventure. I’m trying to date them. I’m trying to show them who I am or what I like. You might want to have a talk with yourself about how much you’re willing to spend on a date and then pick from that dating pool.

See and that’s why the dating pool is screwed I was with you on the coffee date because primarily a DATE is supposed to be centered around getting to know a person not showing off how much *** you have how good you look or how generous you can be because you have to remember for men the more *** he spends the more he’s gonna ask for towards the end of the date nothing is free or cheap in life and i guarantee you no man is going to spend top dollar on a DATE and not wanna f**k………now depending on the level of dating we’re speaking about there are changes: how long have the couple been dating are they comfortable with each other is there a level of trust and security……..again a real man doesn’t lead with his pockets he leads with intention and for the most part the intent is long term (if not marriage) so again if you expect anything above a 2 star date on the first date you must be willing to f**k or you just violated that man as a man…………nothing is wrong with my dating expectation I just expect more reasonable women to be real women and not hoes 🙄 because at the end of the day who cares about what you did or what you ate you’ll sleep better at night knowing someone is genuinely interested in getting to know you than just trying to f**k you

[ja****]

On 2/27/2026 at 8:34 AM, rainbowcataclysm said:

Wow… wow… one honey unless you are broke fast food is not how i would even start a date.. two your attitude says you are not ready to date.

I accept a coffee joint as a first date… and to be totally honest for me to take someone out on a date. It is totally unacceptable for me to take them for coffee. I take them on an adventure for food and then another adventure. I’m trying to date them. I’m trying to show them who I am or what I like. You might want to have a talk with yourself about how much you’re willing to spend on a date and then pick from that dating pool.

And see the “first date adventure” you’re talking about is a little over board because you’re taking the focus off of each other and putting it on what you’re doing the only adventure that’s supposed to be happening in a first date is the adventure of exploration into getting to know someone you find appealing……..but that’s just me and how I think………again the dating pool is screwed in my opinion and that’s why we have so many get communities because little do people know it opens the door to make dating non existent anymore and you just go straight to f**king but that’s just my personal thoughts

[ja****]

Thursday at 02:03 PM, rainbowcataclysm said:

Context dependent??? i have my vanilla likes and my food preferences out there on purpose so people don’t have to think if they don’t want to be spontaneous.

And let’s be clear I’m 36 yrs old if you want me to want you for more that just your body you need to come to that first day with more than an appetite for food and fun what are we toddlers

[Wy****]

And I do believe that was a mic drop lol I feel u on every point except it's a double edge sword.....it goes both ways cuz im tired of just meeting people that all they wanna do is f**k then ur stuck in a situationship/fwb and if u understand that someone isn't really gonna drop tht kinda $ on a "first date" it's just a string of people saying they wanna get to know u but it never progresses i always say go Dutch first time n hang out for about an hr go walking in nature or go to a festival or something that's inexpensive

[ja****]

6 hours ago, WyldMoonChyld said:

And I do believe that was a mic drop lol I feel u on every point except it's a double edge sword.....it goes both ways cuz im tired of just meeting people that all they wanna do is f**k then ur stuck in a situationship/fwb and if u understand that someone isn't really gonna drop tht kinda $ on a "first date" it's just a string of people saying they wanna get to know u but it never progresses i always say go Dutch first time n hang out for about an hr go walking in nature or go to a festival or something that's inexpensive

It does go both ways but at some point domes desires has to be denied and a standard has to be set again this is dating if you want a legitimate date you have to sometimes say no to sex (depending on the person) or even demand something simple cuz me will TRY every single woman and take what they get sometimes but women don’t realize that men can only do what a woman says or allows and at the end of the day if that “date” ended in sex it’s cuz the woman allowed it so again I still say the standard has changed and the dating pool is screwed but I’m with you on keeping it simple I.e. doing something free or less expensive because again you’re dating to get to know the person not to spend *** and just have fun……..it’s about focus and what’s the agenda of each individual

[ra****]

8 hours ago, jaws711 said:

And let’s be clear I’m 36 yrs old if you want me to want you for more that just your body you need to come to that first day with more than an appetite for food and fun what are we toddlers

I don’t eat much… as my profile says i had stomach surgery… so not the goal at all and if you can’t walk in a botanical garden and find out about me… then you are lazy on that adventure… i am not interested in sitting around… i like to do… if you can’t keep up day one you are not keeping up in the future.

[ra****]

Yesterday at 12:06 PM, Barthold said:

Wait
Does that happen enough to be a problem??
Reading the original post i assumed you asked people out who insisted on being in charge and come with conflicting plans

Ps fast food itself is rarely the problem, spending the date sitting at the fast food place often is, also cheap food and fast food haven’t been synonymous for a while where i’m from

Yes. I rarely ask someone out… i will be asked out and then they ask me what I want to do they are open to anything…

Fast food i am not going to Mccy D’s as a first date. Cheap food yes… Mccy D’s no… coffee is good enough. Most men now have Taco Bell as their fave place to eat on dating apps under lets be on the same page… honey we are not on the same page if Taco Bell is your go to.

I also don’t like sitting inside getting to know someone.

[ra****]

22 hours ago, SamsonIII said:

As a guy, I feel that I should be making the plans.
However, I’ve worked most of my life if not at an actual job when I get home repairing things or taken care of my family. i’m not out looking for places to take somebody.
I find myself alone now, and attempting to date again.
The thing is most women I’m finding online are not in my area, and I don’t know the area they live in at all.
It’s enough for me not to ask somebody out in an area that I don’t know because I want to be the one making plans. When I have not been good at making in the first place.
And the experiences that I’ve had , have taught me that if I ask a woman what’s decent to do in her area? Where could we meet ?, and to show me around they often just die out right there. And I’m looking at driving two hours to get to them.
It really seems that the expectations are skewed a bit.

Take five mins and borrow St. Google and find a few places to suggest that you might like or somewhere in the middle… so it isn’t their area and you both might be on an adventure. Don’t ask us… considering the age i am assuming you are asking out is tired of being asked that… tbh when we are asked that we are in charge of the process… what is the point of you asking? We plan it, we execute… we get nothing out of it.. there is no excitement in getting to know you at least for me at this point.

[ra****]

6 hours ago, jaws711 said:

It does go both ways but at some point domes desires has to be denied and a standard has to be set again this is dating if you want a legitimate date you have to sometimes say no to sex (depending on the person) or even demand something simple cuz me will TRY every single woman and take what they get sometimes but women don’t realize that men can only do what a woman says or allows and at the end of the day if that “date” ended in sex it’s cuz the woman allowed it so again I still say the standard has changed and the dating pool is screwed but I’m with you on keeping it simple I.e. doing something free or less expensive because again you’re dating to get to know the person not to spend *** and just have fun……..it’s about focus and what’s the agenda of each individual

Who cares if it ends in sex it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to date you fu@king ridiculous to base it on that. Did you want sex too? Yes what does that have to do with dating sex and dating can go hand-in-hand. Nobody wants to spend their life fu@king horny it sounds like you think that if you get free sex, it’s not dating so if they have sex on the first date, they’re not worth dating. You just had sex on the first date you must not be worth dating. I think I might need to think about men that way for now on if they have sex on the first date, they’re not worth dating because why would I let you into my mind before finding out whether or not you can satisfy me in bed because you can be in my mind. Great things be happening in there, but if you can’t satisfy me in bed, why are we doing this?

[Sl****]

Typically in my experience, the person asking either already knows what they want to do or will come up with something. Or it can be a discussion, like a joint plan. I met someone at an arcade once, one of those with a bar and such. They asked me and they picked what we did. They picked up the drink tab, I paid for the games. It was pretty fun.

[Ba****]

4 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

Yes. I rarely ask someone out… i will be asked out and then they ask me what I want to do they are open to anything…

Fast food i am not going to Mccy D’s as a first date. Cheap food yes… Mccy D’s no… coffee is good enough. Most men now have Taco Bell as their fave place to eat on dating apps under lets be on the same page… honey we are not on the same page if Taco Bell is your go to.

I also don’t like sitting inside getting to know someone.

Ah ok that’s reasonable
I wouldn’t do the fast food chain places either(never seen a taco bell in person, don’t even know if there is one in berlin^^)

When i think “fast food” it’ll be more currywurst or if i want to be a bit of a dick döner, you know something you can pick up in under 5minutes and be on your way
As in actually “fast” food

If i want to eat at the place i pick a “good” place but that is more of a third date kind of thing for me, like a sort of display of what i’d be willing to do on special occasions

And while i’m not the type to make strict plans and would ask for preferences or objection i usually tend to be the one directing the general flow of the date if i’m the one who asked for it

Ps if i ask for the first date then i make it a point that the second will be on her, from the decision if i was “impressive” enough for her to be interested to the opportunity to display how much of a active participant she would intend to be in a potential relationship

[ra****]

2 hours ago, Barthold said:

Ah ok that’s reasonable
I wouldn’t do the fast food chain places either(never seen a taco bell in person, don’t even know if there is one in berlin^^)

When i think “fast food” it’ll be more currywurst or if i want to be a bit of a dick döner, you know something you can pick up in under 5minutes and be on your way
As in actually “fast” food

If i want to eat at the place i pick a “good” place but that is more of a third date kind of thing for me, like a sort of display of what i’d be willing to do on special occasions

And while i’m not the type to make strict plans and would ask for preferences or objection i usually tend to be the one directing the general flow of the date if i’m the one who asked for it

Ps if i ask for the first date then i make it a point that the second will be on her, from the decision if i was “impressive” enough for her to be interested to the opportunity to display how much of a active participant she would intend to be in a potential relationship

I want to know how often the first cheap date leads to a second date of the woman being impressed by your first date or how much she wants to participate in your relationship see the last guy that took me out, started with margaritas and a Mexican restaurant for conversation. I meant that with similar, I did not follow up or better him. I followed him up with similar of what he gave me. Effort for effort.

[ja****]

12 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

I don’t eat much… as my profile says i had stomach surgery… so not the goal at all and if you can’t walk in a botanical garden and find out about me… then you are lazy on that adventure… i am not interested in sitting around… i like to do… if you can’t keep up day one you are not keeping up in the future.

🤦🏽‍♂️ you’re missing my point……..my initial statement was to spend less than $100 on a date you just said walk through a botanical garden……..that’s a perfect date walking and talking through a setting that has little distractions so you can focus on the person you’re with……..I think you’re trying to be right by trying to discredit my claim but you’re proving my point……..you can spend less than $100 on a date and still fulfil the purpose of the date

[ja****]

9 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

Who cares if it ends in sex it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to date you fu@king ridiculous to base it on that. Did you want sex too? Yes what does that have to do with dating sex and dating can go hand-in-hand. Nobody wants to spend their life fu@king horny it sounds like you think that if you get free sex, it’s not dating so if they have sex on the first date, they’re not worth dating. You just had sex on the first date you must not be worth dating. I think I might need to think about men that way for now on if they have sex on the first date, they’re not worth dating because why would I let you into my mind before finding out whether or not you can satisfy me in bed because you can be in my mind. Great things be happening in there, but if you can’t satisfy me in bed, why are we doing this?

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️and that’s the prime example of why the dating pool is trash: according you to women are more worried about a man’s performance in bed than his actual character and personality and women wonder why they call themselves battered or find themselves in abusive situations………because like you said you’re more worried about what a man can do for you and not who he is 🤦🏽‍♂️ I digress you just proved my point……..the dating pool is trash and so are these dating/sex communities

[ja****]

9 hours ago, rainbowcataclysm said:

Who cares if it ends in sex it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to date you fu@king ridiculous to base it on that. Did you want sex too? Yes what does that have to do with dating sex and dating can go hand-in-hand. Nobody wants to spend their life fu@king horny it sounds like you think that if you get free sex, it’s not dating so if they have sex on the first date, they’re not worth dating. You just had sex on the first date you must not be worth dating. I think I might need to think about men that way for now on if they have sex on the first date, they’re not worth dating because why would I let you into my mind before finding out whether or not you can satisfy me in bed because you can be in my mind. Great things be happening in there, but if you can’t satisfy me in bed, why are we doing this?

It used to be marriage before sex that’s where the values and real commitment came from…….you get to see if a person is really there for the longevity and not just the pussy but I digress everybody just wants to f**k obviously

[ey****]

8 hours ago, jaws711 said:

It used to be marriage before sex that’s where the values and real commitment came from

there was never really a time of "No sex before marriage" - like this was something sometimes post in puritan groups but also a way to try to discourage ***agers into having sex (it didn't work) - but also particularly used to shame women.

Mind, some of the 'times' that this was more common in was when people got married at **.  So....

And there were some cultures where sex was not meant for pleasure but for reproducing, so it wasn't really even about values or commitment it was about - more transactional expectancy. Marriages of convenience.

[ey****]

Generally also

I guess a point also - different people will have different ideas on what a good first (or subsequent) date looks like - and that boils down to compatability.  And so I don't think anyones ideas are necessarily wrong - just if one person thinks Fast Food is a good first date, and someone else does not then there's compatability issues anyway.

For me... I think Fast Food is bad, not cos of the price, but because it's often in a noisy, busy and sometimes grubby environment you're expected to eat up and leave.  Not a good place for chat.   It's why the kinda whole "coffee and see how it goes" cliche somewhat works, as coffee shops tend to be more relaxed and while you are supposed to drink up and go... there's less harm in staying for another one.

Ditto on stuff like restaurant dates, a proper experience will be a good chunk of time 

But yeah, stuff like the whole walk in a park, on the beach, so on so forth also work without spending ***, buy then sometimes do hang over a question of, are you doing this cos it's something you like doing, or through being cheap?

(I also don't think cinema and concerts are great first dates - cinema partially on the cost and partially cos sure you're with someone for 2 hours but can't talk in that time, though maybe can talk about the film afterwards as a topic.   Concerts less so in the sense they're loud and difficult to chat, and the later finishes makes less time to chat about how great it was.    Depending on the gig also, that can be an expensive do.  Mind, both cases work in subsequent dates...)