No Aftercare

[Deleted Member]

I've never received any aftercare in the past. I’m starting to think it really repulsed me from the idea of ever playing with someone again. How bad could it possibly be that I've never received aftercare in the past? I’m still new to BDSM and Kink and really excited to try a lot of things, until I go down a spiral of thoughts, worrying about if I wont be taken care of after, just feeling used in a bad way. How do I go about myself and making new connections?

[Ma****]

Very bad aftercare should always be provided. Anyone that dosent is either clueless or just a a fake pretender who is only after self gratification

[Se****]

Gotta look for it or shoot for a soft dom. I enjoy playing, but ultimately this stuff is abt trust and bonding and if youre with someone who doesnt look out for you then its all abt them getting off.

[Deleted Member]

That’s insane. I always give my partner aftercare

[Hy****]

I think personally when you meet someone new it's best to simply go over your boundaries and what you need for a healthy relationship right off the bat and talk about aftercare and that you need it before you attempt to play with someone

[Co****]

Aftercare is a must

[Deleted Member]

Has it been mentioned before the shaggin-ing? I believe people by default wouldnt jump on to doing that for the other without given consent/instruction.

[Deleted Member]

Aftercare is for when a sub goes into subspace. It pulls the sub out and comfort them. Somehow lately Aftercare became the norm After any sexual or session. Not a lot of people know or understand it truly.

[Bi****]

It’s very hard to tell, as it depends on your feelings.
Some people are fine wirhout aftercare, most need some reassurance and some people need plenty of aftercare.

One thing I can tell. When you say, you never received aftercare, I guess you mean you were never offered aftercare. Which would mean that the „doms“ have acted very irresponsible. To practice BDSM without aftercare can cause serious and lasting mental damage. CAN! Doesn‘t have to.

[Gy****]

Aftercare is subjective to the person. Some people don't need any, some need all the after care after a single play session. This is where good communication is important. Haveing that discussion and figuring what works and what doesn't work for you.

Sadly you get plenty of people who don't think about aftercare or what impact the play session will have. So im sorry to hear you had play partners that didnt tend to that side of you, and hopefully in future youll have play partners/romantic partners who will understand it's important and make sure you get looked after in the way you want.

[Sp****]

Ridiculous! Sex is the foreplay of aftercare...

[Ve****]

I always give aftercare and if it’s important to you, require it. Ask for what you want.

[Deleted Member]

Also aftercare can be anything. You can cuddle after. You can get them something to eat. I had a little that wanted fruit snacks and juice afterwards. That is a form of aftercare. Everyone has they own feelings about it. Comfort can be many different things.

[theSir_ObservingU]

One of my subs needed to be left alone to stew in her sub space for a good hour as her after care. I’d just keep an eye on her.

[Sn****]

Oh my goodness I'm sorry you had to deal with that aftercare is so important
It's to help to make sure your play partner is OK to cuddle with them and keep them warm and make sure they have food and liquids
If anyone never does that, it shows they are all only there for themselves

[Ar****]

The BDSM scene is full of evil people looking for victims. Be careful and protect yourself.  Being submissive can make you an easy target for sociopaths. 

 

[Vi****]

Make aftercare and the definition of what it means AT A MINIMUM to you a prerequisite to any BDSM play. A real dom will absolutely be fine with that if he/she has not asked the question himself/herself

[Ni****]

Hugs! This is where negotiation really needs to be more forefront in our culture.

Clear and thorough negotiations can help keep these things from happening due to lack of information.

I would suggest learning about effective scene negotiation. Spelling out what is and is not ok goes beyond just knowing if penetration is OK or not.

[Ja****]

You should DEFINITELY receive aftercare! Every time!!! Make sure its discussed upfront with your next partner, because it is absolutely necessary!!!

[lo****]

Aftercare is very important, if your partner or dom or whatever isn’t even open to doing it you need to run.

[Da****]

Aftercare is a necessity and should be non-negotiable if discussed ahead of time. During especially intense scenes sub drop can be severe and I have had subs in the past that said they wanted to be left alone after the scene. However, once I provided after care and held them etc..they relaxed into me and new that they would be cared for. That is what you should expect from any play partner you are with.
You need to be cared for afterwards so you know that you are not just a plaything. Unless that is your chosen dynamic of course.
I am sorry that happened to you.

[Si****]

Aftercare should be one if the pillars in any dynamic and at times is more important and essential than a scene.

[DirtyDaddyx]

Don’t let the past ruin the future x

[Do****]

To make new contacts and to go on your way, it is first important to create trust when you make contact with someone new, give yourself time to trust your decision and then also to express your wishes.... and to see how the wishes of your counterpart are. Only when you feel that can fit and I get caught up the way I imagine it will go in the direction you imagine it. But also here be careful if your idea is the same... I know you are afraid that old will repeat itself... but with the right one it will not happen. Don’t let yourself be guided by promises but by actions that follow from the other side....then it will also be easier to trust. If you want to talk about it, feel free to contact me to exchange and talk about it.

[Gy****]

23 minutes ago, AriadneDenied said:

The BDSM scene is full of evil people looking for victims. Be careful and protect yourself.  Being submissive can make you an easy target for sociopaths. 

 

Far to true sadly