Brat taming

[ry****]

For all doms and daddy doms question

I have a self identified brat/little

And I’m having hard time with choosing either to be a soft dom or an actually dominate. My brat seems to never want to communicate what she truly wants with me. As she was the one that got me into fet. So question is how do you balance your self to take care of your subs needs? Seems like both sides are kinda contradiction

[as****]

I'm not a Dom but I have a question. Is it that she doesn't want to communicate what she wants or that she can't? I only ask because I have a hard time communicating what I want partially because I don't know and partially because I've never really been allowed that even in my vanilla life

[da****]

If you are not used to brats I’d recommend getting to know other Doms who have brats and ask them but no two brats are the same

[ra****]

I would recommend munches that focus on teaching.

[Ju****]

If you truly both cannot match each other's needs and desires, then you're not meant to be with each other. I can be a dominant dome or a soft dome. And just in general I need great communication especially if I'm going to have a future with someone.
So here's what you do, you try to talk to her and say this is how I'm feeling and what I want and need. If she does not listen to you make sure she hears you. And then you say if you cannot communicate with me I might have to move on in life! And then you don't say nothing at all and you go sit down with a look like disappointment on your face. And if you're going to let her treat you like this and you don't want to leave, then just accept the fact that you're never going to be happy the way you really want. It's not 50/50 it's 100/100. A person cannot bring half of themselves to the relationship and has to become 200% try and put your foot down and stick to it and I wish you the best of luck 😇👍

[Ar****]

There is no fixed right or wrong answer to this - but you don't need to choose one or the other.

Focus on being yourself rather than overthinking what she wants. It's great that you're considering it but if she isn't communicating that then perhaps she is looking for you to take the lead? You don't need to rush, you can learn and find out what is right for you as you go, evolving together. 

And don't worry about any contradiction. Relationships, even vanilla ones, are often amorphous and adaptable; you don't need to be the same thing all the time, rather if you aren't then you may find that helps keep things fresh and interesting. 

[be****]

You have to know when to actually be a dom/when to be a daddy and you cannot allow that line to become blurred in the slightest. Rein*** communication at all times, even if that means allowing her to go to you when she’s ready. Another thing is, is she a little, middle or big? This is going to make a big difference in how you need to approach the situation.

[Pa****]

You shouldn’t put a label on your relationship with a little. Every woman wants to be dominated to an extent. The trick is using your actions- not your words. Push your own wants onto her- you will know your in which direction to go. Never let her - or give her the feeling you are not completely sure of how to handle her. I like to give them (yes I have 3 different littles) positions. Which has helped me to take my time and send her the message that I will always be supportive while making her squirm. (Home) is laying on a table with her hand spread grasping the edges/sides. Or (Assume the Position) which is her kneeing sitting on her legs head down and waiting for the next instruction-this works best with her naked wearing a hooded housecoat hood up.

[Daddybrains]

You need to help her communicate, first. How you do that depends on her.

If you have a punishment dynamic it could be, “Every time I fail to properly read your mind, I am going to punish you, and not in a fun way.”

And if you have a more nurturing dynamic it could be, “You’re completely safe with me. The more I know about what’s on your mind, the closer we can be. Don’t let things build up inside - just tell me.”

If she compartmentalizes, try ritual. For example, a candle either of you can light that means, “Permission to speak freely.” And when you put the candle out, the dynamic is back.

Strangers on the internet can’t tell you how she is or what she needs. See if these, or any other suggestions you get, would work for the two of you.

[ry****]

Thank you everyone for the words of wisdom I will try all that was suggested much love ❤️

[da****]

My daddy Dom said communication is key, she's not willing to communicate it aint gonna work. She has to communicate wants and needs. Sametime she has to know your wants and needs they have to align

[Sa****]

First and foremost, you need iron clad boundaries established and explicitly communicated regarding all relevant areas. That should happen prior to any dynamic.

[Mr****]

Poor communication on anyone's part in any dynamic vanilla or otherwise is definitely a problem. As long as you continue to communicate your feelings, needs and desires then you are doing your part. sounds like its time you sat them down. You are the Dom. You need to act like it and lead them

[Ed****]

No disrespect, sir. But if you're dominant, then be dominant. You set the boundaries and consequences for the brat. If they don't like it, that sounds like a "them problem"to figure out. While you have some ice cream or something. Or dismiss them! Take the flogger by the paddle end and enjoy life.

[Mr****]

You’re doing too much wondering about what they want. That’s not secure dominance. And it makes the sub feel insecure and uncertain.

What do you want? Are they pleasing you? If not, what behaviors do you expect and what consequences do you think would be best to teach them the lesson they need?

[Me****]

If your sub is not communicating what you do is you sit down and you have a conversation about how it is important for your self care. Communication in all forms is a form of checking in. If they are not doing that it can be mentally draining. The other thing is be the dom you want to be that feels good for you. Yeah you can change your style up but remember you are who you want to be and you can make adjustments for others but the baseline remains. Also don’t feel like you have to put yourself in a box make sure to explore safely I would suggest reading the new topping book and having your sub read the new bottoming book and have discussions on it

[Vi****]

1 hour ago, MelancholyGhost said:

If your sub is not communicating what you do is you sit down and you have a conversation about how it is important for your self care. Communication in all forms is a form of checking in. If they are not doing that it can be mentally draining. The other thing is be the dom you want to be that feels good for you. Yeah you can change your style up but remember you are who you want to be and you can make adjustments for others but the baseline remains. Also don’t feel like you have to put yourself in a box make sure to explore safely I would suggest reading the new topping book and having your sub read the new bottoming book and have discussions on it

I really liked how you you focused on communication. It really is the key to success in all walks of life.
It really gets under my skin how everyone is delusionally obsessed with "hooking up".
Slow down ppl. My ultimate goal is to have an incredibly hot 🥵 session, right? The thought of engaging in some mediocre, basic, casual quicky is straight up CRINGE.
Basically you just f**ked an attitude into me... At least for me...
The other side of communicating that is just as important as what we want or need from the other person visa-versa. Is prevention of an awkward or uncomfortable session with a new partner. As open minded as I am... There's are some things I simply won't or do not enjoy.
I think it's cute and brave for the writer to reach out with questions.
Questions and research is sexy ASF to me...
Great advice.

[Da****]

As everyone else has said, communication is key. That said, you have a Brat little. They may find it difficult to communicate in a traditional way, get creative and try to engage with that Little side of their brain. You may need to resort to getting home early, decorating in bright colors and have some flash cards ready to go. Get Uno or a Lego set, some stuffed ***s to play pretend with and engage in conversation you are playing (non-sexually) with them.

I dont know what your dynamic is like, this is just an idea based on my personal past experience.

[Da****]

T-o-y-s

[An****]

It's trust. You need to show you'll be there when it all falls and you are not going anywhere. A brat need to feel secure to communicate. Work on your active listening skills. Start communicating using "I" statements. Take choices and options and narrow it down to just a few to stop over thinking and becoming overwhelmed. Watch what she does and learn from her actions. Side note, you have to want the roll you play. Make sure it's one that is suited for you or you will fail.

[Ma****]

I agree with making sure that you have good active listening skills. What does your after care look like? Make sure you have good after care that caters to her.

[Ta****]

Nah, your brat’s refusal to communicate her true needs is the real problem, not whether you’re “soft” or “strict.” Without explicit, ongoing communication (outside of scenes), no dom, soft or hard, can read her mind or meet her needs safely.

Many brats crave exactly what you’re hesitant to give: a strong, unshakeable dom who en***s rules, delivers firm consequences without hesitation, and puts her back in her place when she pushes. They brat hardest when they sense weakness or inconsistency. If that’s what she truly wants, softness will only make her push more.

If she won’t communicate, walk away. You cannot “tame” someone who refuses to meet you halfway.