Bittersweet unrequited feelings towards a senior coworker

[am****]

Feeling sad and sweet at the same time

I’m an intern (F23) and he’s a manager (M32) in the bigger team. He has a son at 3 but is not married. He’s completely my type, mature strong humorous masculine, definitely having a dark and traumatic side but is working on himself. We work together sometimes and have amazing chemistry. We flirt and tease each other and we admire each other’s working style. There’s always this tension between us that never goes away…

He once shared his homemade lunch with me and when I brought my stamppot to work, he called me a “Dutch wife”. Another time, when I was eating slowly, he said he wanted to “feed me”. He also loves to use words like “spicy” and “princess” on me. I often bring him coffee, he knows that my love language is acts of service, and he gave me the title of his “personal assistant”. I really can’t resist enjoying those..

We also hinted at our BDSM identities in a subtle way, like we both knew what we were into but never said it directly

For about a month, we were texting on WhatsApp every day. One time, I sent a more personal message, hinting that I like having my hair played with and that I was lying in bed listening to a song by his favorite singer. He never replied to my WhatsApp message after that and we just…never brought it up again. We still talk, still flirt at work like nothing happened. I know I was probably too much and he was right to not let it go out of control

In person, everything still feels so natural. He will come over to my desk, sit next to me, follow me to the coffee corner to chat, go to the metro station together witte me and even joke to my manager that I would get jealous of the new intern in his team. But at the same time, there’s a clear line he never crosses

Im dying to know if he’ll ask me out after my internship ends in June. But right now what should I do, anything other than wait and see😭

[Kn****]

just be honest with him and tell him you like him instead of beating around the bush.

[SirAES]

Nope... Wait patiently until after your Internship. If either of you jump too soon, it could end careers.

Enjoy the flirting for now, he's probably thinking the same thing.

[rpebrnd]

Being honest is good because it clarifies any doubt in his mind as to what the situation is, but I’d wait a little while.. if he doesn’t feel the way you do, the next few months until your internship is up could be awkward.. if he is into you, the playful banter will continue until then, and then you’ll be free to enjoy each other…

[al****]

Sometimes we have to man up and be honest with what we want. If he wants it he should have to wait and then enjoy you. But remember, you could do a great job and get hired. Which could make things more difficult

[GeorgeTwo]

Definitely worried about your working relationship and doesn’t want to risk anything. Probably career driven as well. Very likely to make a move once your internship finishes. Try to be patient. 👍🏻

[am****]

Thank you for your amazing advice! Really appreciate it ^^

[Ve****]

Patience. Preoccupy yourself with something else so that he’s more motivated to make a move.

[cs****]

Never fish off the company pier as my dad always told me.

[Ta****]

Limerence is way sweeter than the absolute clusterfuck disaster this would definitely end in.
He's testing the waters with someone who relies on this job as his subordinate and 10 years younger - absolutely inappropriate and reckless of him.
If you want to make your mistake, it's your choice. But better have another job in line if you do.
It would be better to try therapy, or get another older bloke for your daddy issues.
But if you want to do this mistake, believing him his groomer words how you are wayyyy more mature than your age - then you will be the one in a few years, the Cassandra warning another young woman from this same mistake.

[FrenchDomLondon]

Is he a single father or still with the mum? Being married has a different sense these days than a few decades ago and you don't have to be married these days to be an "official" couple. It was a good thing to bring it to whatsapp and see his reaction. His reaction can mean that he either realised he played, he crossed a line and that's it for him or he's into you but due to his situation he doesn't know what to do next. I'd think it's wise to finish your internship to preserve your professional future and rhen you can be direct as you'll have other opportunities if it goes wrong or awkward and impact your job there. Enjoy the flirting and see how it goes, if it doesn't turn the way you want there are plenty of opportunities in London 😜🤣🤣

[Dy****]

That's hot, hope it works

[Deleted Member]

I was definitely for it before he said you would get jealous of his new intern. Like is he collecting interns?

[my****]

As someone who has to sit through so many HR sessions this is a future multiple choice question I’ll have to answer.

I wonder if he is actually flirting or if you’re just reading it that way. He is probably as clueless as the rest of us and saying I wonder if she’s flirting with me. I don’t want to do anything about it because if I’m wrong I could be fired.

Wait until your internship is over then let him know your thoughts on the matter. I’m into you, I like my hair pulled, would you like to get together now that I can’t get you fired.

See what happens.

[yr****]

I would honestly advise having better boundaries in a work environment.

[le****]

8 hours ago, SirAES said:

Nope... Wait patiently until after your Internship. If either of you jump too soon, it could end careers.

Enjoy the flirting for now, he's probably thinking the same thing.

How corporate culture takes precedence over basic human interaction and how willingly employees (and even C-level suite!) let their company dictate their private lives is always baffling to the European eye.

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, letsplay said:

How corporate culture takes precedence over basic human interaction and how willingly employees (and even C-level suite!) let their company dictate their private lives is always baffling to the European eye.

Is sexual harassment/creating a hostile workplace environment not a thing over there, or …?

[Deleted Member]

Keep it a secret....it makes it that much more exhilarating.

[le****]

4 hours ago, PaulBDietrich said:

Is sexual harassment/creating a hostile workplace environment not a thing over there, or …?

Of course it is. But consensual relationships between colleagues aren't. Take for example that CEO that was "caught" by a stadium cam some time ago - how is that any one's business but his and his wife's alone?

Business is business. Fucking is fucking. Fucking is not the business' fucking business. 😉

[ar****]

I'm just replying to say I saw your sneak in the stamppot in there, and that hit home to me! Thank you for keeping the Dutch Cultural Food alive! 😁🍲😋

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, letsplay said:

Of course it is. But consensual relationships between colleagues aren't. Take for example that CEO that was "caught" by a stadium cam some time ago - how is that any one's business but his and his wife's alone?

Business is business. Fucking is fucking. Fucking is not the business' fucking business. 😉

Tell me you’ve never worked in HR without telling me you’ve never worked in HR.