Sexual urges

[Au****]

Having been divorced for 8 years now after been cheated on apparently the whole time, went to therapy to let go, went through the worst time in dating anyone or even having ***, eventually though the mud comes the lotus flower and the things that bothered me, frustrated me or held me back is no longer, life is about the journey and sometimes is shit along the way but the bright rare relief of finding a partner that I can be myself with to love and express things, to work on being better communicators to have a better relationship or sex life. I feel like I'm in my 20s again and ive never known *** in my heart or hate for betrayals. And ive never had better orgasms in my life. Wishing you the same sunny patch in your journey!

[Au****]

I think what really helped if finding one person who went through the same, she gave me my life back even if it was a short term thing. So hopefully you find your special person.

[DY****]

36 minutes ago, athens2withyou said:

In my late 20s after my divorce I was very angry with men after finally coming to terms with a date r@pe from my ***s.. and I dated women exclusively for about 6 years … even “coming out” to my close family and friends . But then something started happening… first some attraction grew for a guy at work… then I met a guy and he was handsome, gentle and kind.. even cried with me when I told him about the incident. He was an amazing person and he showed me that there were awesome men out there. They are sometimes hard to find but if you let go of “he’s gotta be over this tall, or this weight, or this income” you’ll find him! I’m with someone now who treats me like a queen. Not with a lot of *** but with actions. He’s not tall or wealthy and at first I almost missed out because of my own shallowness but I’m sooo happy I gave us a chance. He’s a wonderful friend and a fantastic lover. So next time someone pays attention to you that you don’t think is your “type” ask yourself why. Maybe they’re a bit plump, a little thin, a bit nerdy ( in my experience nerds are the BEST LOVERS) or too tall or too short, maybe a different color than you are used to.. think about giving him or her some of your time to get to know them. You may just be pleasantly surprised!

I’m not that shallow to begin with. I don’t have a type, I go off their personality and who they are. Restricting myself hasn’t got me to where I am today, it’s being disgusted by men for who they show that they are

[DY****]

8 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

Is this satire? You've never met a good man? lol, wtf? Definitely choose the bear in the forest. It's destined...

Literally never. I will always choose the bear

[ar****]

Have you ventured outside your "usual ways" of finding men? Maybe go to some event/party/workshop that you'd be hesitatant to go to? Try to re-think any *** or predefined notions, with an open mind focused on examining your own feelings and experience in those moments.

There's this theory that people tend to see parts of themselves reflected back to them in other people. Possibly related to the law of attraction/manifestation: you are what you draw near. So, if you can change the frequency in which you are in the world, the world may attune to you. In ways you may not believe possible.

[ar****]

2 minutes ago, arnhem961 said:

Have you ventured outside your "usual ways" of finding men? Maybe go to some event/party/workshop that you'd be hesitatant to go to? Try to re-think any *** or predefined notions, with an open mind focused on examining your own feelings and experience in those moments.

There's this theory that people tend to see parts of themselves reflected back to them in other people. Possibly related to the law of attraction/manifestation: you are what you draw near. So, if you can change the frequency in which you are in the world, the world may attune to you. In ways you may not believe possible.

Lol the censored word is excessive, I think it should read f34r

[No****]

I feel this is still a season. The desires come and go. As I get older , sometimes I question , well is this it? Reading your post , It sounds like connection is important to you and you have some things to work through to possibly allow that again. Dont give up , it will happen if you want it

[theSir_ObservingU]

I work with many women who have gone through similar to you. I am a healer but work in a different way. My suggestions would be to be in therapy if you aren’t already. Ask your dr to do ***s to see what your iron, b12 and folic acid levels are. Let them know you have no libido. Also ask to get your testosterone checked. ( sound counter intuitive but women’s testosterone levels are also important. Especially around libido). Exercise should be regular and with resistance if possible and monitoring sleep and hydration.

[xX****]

4 hours ago, DYSY26 said:

Thank you for the feedback everyone. I’ve been single over 4 years now so I know what I like/don’t like and who I am now. I think reflecting on my experiences, just sex is so easy to come by that I just don’t want it. I want deep intimacy and connection and, in my heart, I don’t believe that men are capable of it. Men are exactly who they are unfortunately. I’m going to try and distract myself with a large project and come back to the issue in a few months time with a fresh head about it

Honestly I get the frustration, the dating pool is ABYSMAL

So much so that unironically meeting people in person outside of apps has been the only way to to go and even then it’s been a *slog*

But it does help to see if a person wants to foster intimacy or if they’re just looking for a cheap fuck

there are some sweet *and* cute men in lgbt communities and at makers spaces (like community spaces that get together just to create/craft/build stuff)

[St****]

I'd say 90% of men aren't good...and I'm a man..... I think it's gotten worse since the rise of the internet which has caused people to see other people as usernames or faceless accounts...plus on apps...there is the idiot element that thinks ( or doesn't think) that woman online = desperate woman...which anyone with half brain...knows isnt true........ there are goos people out there
.there really are....and hopefully a friendship can find you some excitement and that excitement will relight what I'm sure is a very passionate you......

[DY****]

54 minutes ago, xX_waVey_Xx said:

Honestly I get the frustration, the dating pool is ABYSMAL

So much so that unironically meeting people in person outside of apps has been the only way to to go and even then it’s been a *slog*

But it does help to see if a person wants to foster intimacy or if they’re just looking for a cheap fuck

there are some sweet *and* cute men in lgbt communities and at makers spaces (like community spaces that get together just to create/craft/build stuff)

I love that idea, thank you!

[DY****]

21 minutes ago, StuNW said:

I'd say 90% of men aren't good...and I'm a man..... I think it's gotten worse since the rise of the internet which has caused people to see other people as usernames or faceless accounts...plus on apps...there is the idiot element that thinks ( or doesn't think) that woman online = desperate woman...which anyone with half brain...knows isnt true........ there are goos people out there
.there really are....and hopefully a friendship can find you some excitement and that excitement will relight what I'm sure is a very passionate you......

THIS! Any woman can have almost any man they want at their door within the hour if meaningless sex is all they wanted. And because that’s all men want, they hate women for not wanting it! The things I want to do are 🥵 and there’s only one man that’s come close to doing it with me then he turned out to be a complete twat. I might start reading smut, apparently it’s helped many women in my position

[DY****]

2 hours ago, Notooooldto said:

I feel this is still a season. The desires come and go. As I get older , sometimes I question , well is this it? Reading your post , It sounds like connection is important to you and you have some things to work through to possibly allow that again. Dont give up , it will happen if you want it

Connection is the most important. I honestly don’t want to hate men as much as I do, I just can’t *** myself to like what they’ve taught me to hate if that makes sense

[DY****]

2 hours ago, theSir_ObservingU said:

I work with many women who have gone through similar to you. I am a healer but work in a different way. My suggestions would be to be in therapy if you aren’t already. Ask your dr to do ***s to see what your iron, b12 and folic acid levels are. Let them know you have no libido. Also ask to get your testosterone checked. ( sound counter intuitive but women’s testosterone levels are also important. Especially around libido). Exercise should be regular and with resistance if possible and monitoring sleep and hydration.

I’ve already done all of that. There is nothing wrong with me, it’s men being the disgusting species that they are. Thanks for the victim blaming though 👍🏻

[Ma****]

I typically don’t reply to these because the notifications get me crazy. But I think it’s unfair to say all men are bad.
It’s like a man saying all women are gold diggers, or something to that affect.

I am sorry that the men in your orbit are either bad or not for you. I imagine that is very difficult.

[Sm****]

This touches on something very close to home for me. I have a family member who had the mindset that equivalates to “all men are ***rs, selfish, the problem”, and she doesn’t seem very happy most of the time.
.
I understand why she came to that conclusion (she provided and sacrificed much for her exhusband and family and feels like she was not repaid, feels taken advantage of), but as someone who loves her and who she claims to love, it feels ***ful to me when she projects those hurt feelings onto me. I feel attacked for something I didn’t do. I feel like, even though she’s normally very rational and supportive (in a critical way) and someone I care a lot about, this feels like her lashing out at me and on a subconscious level my instinct is to distance myself, run away.
.
In dating, when I encounter people with that mindset, we rarely go on more than a first date. I’ve learned enough from experience that hurt people hurt people, and I prefer positive people who will cheer me on in turn when I cheer them on, who help me learn and grow as I too try to nurture them, who show me a different perspective on life, even one I don’t always agree with, just as I do the same, and we come to a closer understanding of each other. That’s the ideal I shoot towards and by and large have in my current relationships. I don’t know if there’s anything attainable beyond that.
.
I try to reassure her that some men are good, but I don’t want to alienate her by arguing with her. I don’t want to be seen as a bad guy, in no small part because I see the ways I could be a bad guy if I was unthinking or deliberately decided to choose malice (even some of the time) like I see some men do. I choose “win and help win” for my life.
.
But I could see, from a perspective that sees the potential to cause any hurt (intentionally or unintentionally) as bad or evil, the view that all humans are evil. And I can’t see a way to convince them that they’re wrong, not with logic. Because we live with fundamentally different views on the world—I see the potential to act in harmful and pro-social ways, along with the choice (or habit) of choosing the pro-social ones, as a positive, not a negative. And there are many other (conscious or ***, chosen or post-hoc rationalized) ways that could lead to the negative conclusion.
.
I wish I had an end answer for the original poster, just as I wish I did for my family member, that would lead to more openness instead of more hostility. (My intuition, which could be wrong, is that a combination of bad luck and lack of ability to screen out the wrong people contributed to the current situation, and whole-sale marking all potential for hurt (in this case, men) as bad is easier, psychologically, than learning to identify and think through the positive and negative mix of signals that every messy human emits. It’s a defensive measure, and it works. But it has its drawbacks as well, and you’re encountering those in your real life and on these forums.) You’ve had a lot of hurt. No one can honestly deny that, your words clearly show it. It’s valuable that you’re aware enough to hear that others say “good” men exist, because that’s more than some do. But even if you don’t believe it, there are real humans that exist out there who are not seeking to hurt you intentionally. And you’re facing a hard problem—dating—that even someone who doesn’t have a strong aversion to the opposite sex will usually struggle with for some time. You are in a situation that is difficult to disentangle for most people going through a similar situation, which will take a process that leads to questioning your current assumptions about the world (this is scary!). Your path will be different than every other person’s, but working with someone you can trust who has your positive well being in mind and sometimes challenges your assumptions is almost required.
.
From one human being who has been hurt to another who is hurting even more, and who has seen how ***ful life is to live for someone in a similar situation, I wish you the utter best, and wish you the knowledge that there may be people who want to help you (or at least who love and support you) more than you know, as my family member does.

[Sm****]

*some of the **’d words above made specific words unclear:
1. (people who hurt other people)
2. (the feeling of being hurt)
5. (opposite of conscious)
Last. (the feeling of being hurt)

[M0****]

You just have to fuck the *** away… If you want I can be the who helps you with that😉

[DY****]

10 minutes ago, M00SEKNUCKLE said:

You just have to fuck the *** away… If you want I can be the who helps you with that😉

Gross. Case and point

[DY****]

58 minutes ago, Smore_Cracker said:

This touches on something very close to home for me. I have a family member who had the mindset that equivalates to “all men are ***rs, selfish, the problem”, and she doesn’t seem very happy most of the time.
.
I understand why she came to that conclusion (she provided and sacrificed much for her exhusband and family and feels like she was not repaid, feels taken advantage of), but as someone who loves her and who she claims to love, it feels ***ful to me when she projects those hurt feelings onto me. I feel attacked for something I didn’t do. I feel like, even though she’s normally very rational and supportive (in a critical way) and someone I care a lot about, this feels like her lashing out at me and on a subconscious level my instinct is to distance myself, run away.
.
In dating, when I encounter people with that mindset, we rarely go on more than a first date. I’ve learned enough from experience that hurt people hurt people, and I prefer positive people who will cheer me on in turn when I cheer them on, who help me learn and grow as I too try to nurture them, who show me a different perspective on life, even one I don’t always agree with, just as I do the same, and we come to a closer understanding of each other. That’s the ideal I shoot towards and by and large have in my current relationships. I don’t know if there’s anything attainable beyond that.
.
I try to reassure her that some men are good, but I don’t want to alienate her by arguing with her. I don’t want to be seen as a bad guy, in no small part because I see the ways I could be a bad guy if I was unthinking or deliberately decided to choose malice (even some of the time) like I see some men do. I choose “win and help win” for my life.
.
But I could see, from a perspective that sees the potential to cause any hurt (intentionally or unintentionally) as bad or evil, the view that all humans are evil. And I can’t see a way to convince them that they’re wrong, not with logic. Because we live with fundamentally different views on the world—I see the potential to act in harmful and pro-social ways, along with the choice (or habit) of choosing the pro-social ones, as a positive, not a negative. And there are many other (conscious or ***, chosen or post-hoc rationalized) ways that could lead to the negative conclusion.
.
I wish I had an end answer for the original poster, just as I wish I did for my family member, that would lead to more openness instead of more hostility. (My intuition, which could be wrong, is that a combination of bad luck and lack of ability to screen out the wrong people contributed to the current situation, and whole-sale marking all potential for hurt (in this case, men) as bad is easier, psychologically, than learning to identify and think through the positive and negative mix of signals that every messy human emits. It’s a defensive measure, and it works. But it has its drawbacks as well, and you’re encountering those in your real life and on these forums.) You’ve had a lot of hurt. No one can honestly deny that, your words clearly show it. It’s valuable that you’re aware enough to hear that others say “good” men exist, because that’s more than some do. But even if you don’t believe it, there are real humans that exist out there who are not seeking to hurt you intentionally. And you’re facing a hard problem—dating—that even someone who doesn’t have a strong aversion to the opposite sex will usually struggle with for some time. You are in a situation that is difficult to disentangle for most people going through a similar situation, which will take a process that leads to questioning your current assumptions about the world (this is scary!). Your path will be different than every other person’s, but working with someone you can trust who has your positive well being in mind and sometimes challenges your assumptions is almost required.
.
From one human being who has been hurt to another who is hurting even more, and who has seen how ***ful life is to live for someone in a similar situation, I wish you the utter best, and wish you the knowledge that there may be people who want to help you (or at least who love and support you) more than you know, as my family member does.

You are talking from a very privileged point of view. It’s great that you have never been ab\/$ed by more than one of the same demographic, enough that you’ve never met any that confront your opinion on them. If every time you put your hand in a fire, it gets burned, it’s perfectly reasonable to say that every time you’ve put your hand in a fire you’ve been burned. I don’t want to hate men as much as I do but I’m not going to keep damaging my hand checking fires. The president of the US reckons he’s a good man, I don’t pay attention to words over actions/behaviour because my experience of men of liars.
You are centring yourself in mine and your family members *** and trying to make it about you. If you are truly an ally and genuinely believe what you are saying, stop trying to convince us that we aren’t thinking properly and make the men around you better. Otherwise you are no better than they are

[bi****]

Nearly 17 years we were together and we both had a high sex drive, but it manifested differently. We didn’t fight often but bickered a lot. Felt like we were always making up, which is the best part of an argument. But I didn’t want it to end, she wasn’t completely happy though and she did. So I didn’t get a choice because she wasn’t willing to work on herself. At first, I was devastated, and only wanted sex with her. Eventually I got angry and tried to fuck it away, like others suggested, but I felt worse after that time period. Now, I can’t seem to find any interest in other women whatsoever (nor anyone else) except my ex wife. I have to hide it too when we see each other (we have a kid). Like I was always very attracted to her. And I don’t want her back at all (scorched earth discard) but just seeing her…gotta put a book in front of of me like high school. There are good men out there, bitter women usually ruin us. I refuse to be in another relationship again.

[Ma****]

Id love to do naughty things to you every day and night if you were mine and I'd cuddle with you and also give you lots of affection and kisses

[la****]

Arousal is all in the mind, if you have other things and stressors in your life, your libido will take a major hit. If you are on certain medications, they dramatically suppress libido as well. Men and Women hit their sexual peaks at different points in their age. You likely have a lot going on which is impacting your drive.

[wb****]

theSir_ObservingU I’m assuming, he was giving the suggestion based on your comment “I’ve noticed myself having any sexual urges”, not mansplaining.

Smore_Cracker was trying to connect from a place of empathy and wishing you the best. You choice to attack him and tell him how he should be. You also accuse him of “trying to convince us that we aren’t thinking properly”, he doesn’t do that. “Make the men around you better” no one “can make” anyone do anything.

In response to athens2withyou you say “restricting myself hasn’t got me to where I am today.” I disagree I think restricting yourself has gotten you exactly where you are today. From every response or post you make on this subject there has been one constant, you hate men. You are “disgusted by men for who they show that they are”, “men aren’t good”, and not believing men are capable of having deep intimate connection.

In the OP you talk about never seeing evidence of good men. I fail to believe that, anytime a guy opens a door or holds the elevator are in fact men showing you evidence, albeit in the smallest of ways.

Before you assume I don’t understand, I do. I am a 3 time survivor of SA one of which lasted over a yr. To say there are no good men is prejudicial and discriminatory. I’m not saying it isn’t hard to find guys who will treat you the way you want to be treated it can be. You say “I don’t want to hate men as much as I do…” right now I think maybe you do.

I don’t know if you have been or are in therapy, I strongly recommend doing it. I think there is a lot of anger and r@ge that needs to be addressed.

Best wishes

[DY****]

23 minutes ago, wbl51265 said:

theSir_ObservingU I’m assuming, he was giving the suggestion based on your comment “I’ve noticed myself having any sexual urges”, not mansplaining.

Smore_Cracker was trying to connect from a place of empathy and wishing you the best. You choice to attack him and tell him how he should be. You also accuse him of “trying to convince us that we aren’t thinking properly”, he doesn’t do that. “Make the men around you better” no one “can make” anyone do anything.

In response to athens2withyou you say “restricting myself hasn’t got me to where I am today.” I disagree I think restricting yourself has gotten you exactly where you are today. From every response or post you make on this subject there has been one constant, you hate men. You are “disgusted by men for who they show that they are”, “men aren’t good”, and not believing men are capable of having deep intimate connection.

In the OP you talk about never seeing evidence of good men. I fail to believe that, anytime a guy opens a door or holds the elevator are in fact men showing you evidence, albeit in the smallest of ways.

Before you assume I don’t understand, I do. I am a 3 time survivor of SA one of which lasted over a yr. To say there are no good men is prejudicial and discriminatory. I’m not saying it isn’t hard to find guys who will treat you the way you want to be treated it can be. You say “I don’t want to hate men as much as I do…” right now I think maybe you do.

I don’t know if you have been or are in therapy, I strongly recommend doing it. I think there is a lot of anger and r@ge that needs to be addressed.

Best wishes

Pick me. Gross