Sexual urges

[wb****]

16 minutes ago, DYSY26 said:

Pick me. Gross

Point made.

None of what I said alluded to a pick me scenario.

“Pick me is a slang term for a person usually a young woman seen as behaving in a contemptible way for attention and approval, usually from male ***rs. It is most often used in the expression pick-me girl, which disparages a young woman who is seen as faking interest in stereotypically male activities or conforming to traditional values at the expense of other women.” Webster dictionary.

Again I say best wishes.

[DY****]

4 minutes ago, wbl51265 said:

Point made.

None of what I said alluded to a pick me scenario.

“Pick me is a slang term for a person usually a young woman seen as behaving in a contemptible way for attention and approval, usually from male ***rs. It is most often used in the expression pick-me girl, which disparages a young woman who is seen as faking interest in stereotypically male activities or conforming to traditional values at the expense of other women.” Webster dictionary.

Again I say best wishes.

Pick me. Gross

[Go****]

Hi dysy 26. I have a thought for you about what you're talking about. My baby girl has been going through the same thing. So make sure to read this whole thing. I might be right and I might be wrong but it's definitely worth getting on chat GPT and learning about. But before I go into it I want to say something on a more general thought process. There are a lot of good men out there just like there are a lot of good women. So many people go through life feeling like they're never finding that person. Or they find that person for a brief moment and then they change. These are mismatches. They will find someone that matches with them and they will be happy with each other. And so will you 😘. I have a whole theory on that, but I want bore you with that instead let me tell you what I think is going on based upon my experience with my baby girl and having researched this more I now look back and see that my ex-wife was struggling horribly with many of these things that I'm going to bring up. My baby girl is 42 years old. She and I were boyfriend and girlfriend for about 7 years. A few months ago we decided that it was best if we didn't see each other for right now. Let me explain. When we got together she was 35 years old. Almost 36. Everything was perfect between us. She always looked after me and I always looked after her. We didn't need to ask for anything because we were listening to each other and we automatically got and did what the other needed. Sounds like paradise right? It was. But about 4 years ago when she was about 38, she started having unexplained bouts of sadness. Sometimes she would say that she was feeling kind of numb. Things weren't exciting her. Previous to this we had sex probably 3 to 5 times per day. Anywhere and everywhere. She was excited to try anything and encouraged CNC. But these feelings that she was having were beginning to cut into that. Initially we thought maybe she was having some depression, but everything in our life was going good. We were going good. Then other things began to happen. Not only was she having these shifting moods and less and less libido, but sometimes now she would get angry for no reason. Once it was over she would apologize and say she didn't know why she acted that way. She could literally flip from happy to angry and back to Happy in a 30 minute period of time. Once she was feeling everything was right again, she was happy but would start crying because of how she had acted. Then the hot flashes started to come. I literally took a 4x8 air conditioning event that was in the middle of the living room and turned it into a 14 * 14 register. Completely redid the air conditioning up in the attic to allow for bigger flexible conduit and used every trick to make sure I was getting as much air out as the air conditioner could produce. We call them air showers. Suddenly she's sweating, it doesn't matter what the temperature is, if she has a hot flash it takes over everything. So when I see her just beginning to get agitated I know she's having a hot flash and I turn that air conditioning on at 60° and tell her get under the register baby girl, take an air shower. Things have gotten worse. Her libido is down now to zero. She also cannot get off when she masturbates most of the time. And when I say that, perhaps once a month twice a month at most after having serviced me in one way or another which normally would make her come multiple times, now maybe once a month it does a little tingling and she'll say daddy will you play with me. And she'll lay back and play with herself while daddy Services his little girl. She used to be able to orgasm within the first minute and a half and I'm not lying to you when I tell you that over couple of hours she could orgasm more than 100 times. Now maybe once or twice a month. I tell her all the time what she knows in her heart and what is true. She is safe, she is valued and she is loved. A lot of other things are beginning to change and as I said at the beginning we made the decision that it was best if she did not live here right now. Some of the situations got quite bad. Are concern is not for the moment, or concern is for the future. I have promised her that I will be there and that she'll be in the top of my priorities for the rest of her life whether we're together or not. She has made that commitment to me as well. Some of those crazy episodes that she was going through we're causing so much damage that it was threatening our commitment. So now she has her own apartment just down the street. About 5 minutes away. We still take very good care of each other. Oftentimes she'll make some dinner and bring it over. We try to have her leave by about 8:00 because it's like some werewolf horror story that after 8:00 p.m., all of a sudden in the last 2 years she gets so tired, she gets so tired that she can't stay awake it's almost like narcolepsy. And if she tries to stay awake for example to finish a movie, then these are when the episodes most likely happen. So we've learned and we've adapted our lives to make sure that she's in bed when she needs to be. We still spend a lot of time together, having learned what's happening really has made a difference. Using chat GPT to learn about perimenopause. I don't know whether to say that I hope that this is what's happening to you, because then at least you would know. But it's so horrible and it lasts so long. Or hope that you don't have it and even though you don't have the answers of what's going on, he wouldn't be going through this. But I guess it's something that all women go through right about your age. Anyway, if I'm way off base please be kind and don't bash me. I read your post and had some experience with a person who is going through something similar and just wanted to share with you and wish you the best of luck

[Sm****]

14 hours ago, DYSY26 said:

You are talking from a very privileged point of view. It’s great that you have never been ab\/$ed by more than one of the same demographic, enough that you’ve never met any that confront your opinion on them. If every time you put your hand in a fire, it gets burned, it’s perfectly reasonable to say that every time you’ve put your hand in a fire you’ve been burned. I don’t want to hate men as much as I do but I’m not going to keep damaging my hand checking fires. The president of the US reckons he’s a good man, I don’t pay attention to words over actions/behaviour because my experience of men of liars.
You are centring yourself in mine and your family members *** and trying to make it about you. If you are truly an ally and genuinely believe what you are saying, stop trying to convince us that we aren’t thinking properly and make the men around you better. Otherwise you are no better than they are

I’m not surprised that that’s your reaction. It seems almost predictable for someone in your position to skip the intended message and focus on the fact that I was relating the situation (to any degree) to my own experiences and pa!n, and that of someone close to me, instead of just on you. I acknowledged your pa!n, and you downplayed mine and made yourself more of a victim. I now imagine that only if I were a woman and had similar experiences would you be able to empathize, which is a little sad from the pov of someone who tries to see the potential in people until proven wrong.
.
In other words, you are letting your confirmation bias get the best of you.
.
I have to fight confirmation bias too. Like the bias to predict a jaded woman who holds an opinion similar to yours will be too self centered to acknowledge a fellow human’s ***. It’s out of the realm of possibility for you. But I said my previous comment and kept from assuming it would turn out this way, because I value giving people chances to prove me wrong. The possibility crossed my mind, but I didn’t expect it until you proved it with action.
.
An astute reader would point out that no, giving people infinite chances to prove your expectations wrong is how you (and my family member) got hurt in the first place. And said reader would be right. I also agree with the reader and think that putting yourself in harms way is asking for trouble, asking for hurt. Instead, use judgement and wisdom from your years. Nuance is key:
.
Extending an olive branch while taking precautions to avoid opening yourself up completely to hurt, slowly testing the waters and only allowing more potential r!sk once someone has proven themselves of not mishandling the previous smaller r!sk, is a nuanced and more usable model of the world, dating, etc.
.
I feel your frustration at the world and while my imagination is vivid, I cannot fully comprehend what you personally went through. That I too can feel pa!n or want to offer solace and advice to someone hurting, **neither of those make me a villain from an objective sense**—even if I disagree with your worldview and hope you can find something that makes your life (even a little) more tolerable.

[DY****]

17 minutes ago, Smore_Cracker said:

I’m not surprised that that’s your reaction. It seems almost predictable for someone in your position to skip the intended message and focus on the fact that I was relating the situation (to any degree) to my own experiences and pa!n, and that of someone close to me, instead of just on you. I acknowledged your pa!n, and you downplayed mine and made yourself more of a victim. I now imagine that only if I were a woman and had similar experiences would you be able to empathize, which is a little sad from the pov of someone who tries to see the potential in people until proven wrong.
.
In other words, you are letting your confirmation bias get the best of you.
.
I have to fight confirmation bias too. Like the bias to predict a jaded woman who holds an opinion similar to yours will be too self centered to acknowledge a fellow human’s ***. It’s out of the realm of possibility for you. But I said my previous comment and kept from assuming it would turn out this way, because I value giving people chances to prove me wrong. The possibility crossed my mind, but I didn’t expect it until you proved it with action.
.
An astute reader would point out that no, giving people infinite chances to prove your expectations wrong is how you (and my family member) got hurt in the first place. And said reader would be right. I also agree with the reader and think that putting yourself in harms way is asking for trouble, asking for hurt. Instead, use judgement and wisdom from your years. Nuance is key:
.
Extending an olive branch while taking precautions to avoid opening yourself up completely to hurt, slowly testing the waters and only allowing more potential r!sk once someone has proven themselves of not mishandling the previous smaller r!sk, is a nuanced and more usable model of the world, dating, etc.
.
I feel your frustration at the world and while my imagination is vivid, I cannot fully comprehend what you personally went through. That I too can feel pa!n or want to offer solace and advice to someone hurting, **neither of those make me a villain from an objective sense**—even if I disagree with your worldview and hope you can find something that makes your life (even a little) more tolerable.

I’m not reading past your second paragraph. I see through it. Have you heard of DARVO? Women get used to spotting it quickly when having to deal with insufferable men. Also I’d have to respect you or value your opinion for any of what you say to land, which I don’t so thanks anyway

[DY****]

5 hours ago, GoodDaddy4GoodGirl said:

Hi dysy 26. I have a thought for you about what you're talking about. My baby girl has been going through the same thing. So make sure to read this whole thing. I might be right and I might be wrong but it's definitely worth getting on chat GPT and learning about. But before I go into it I want to say something on a more general thought process. There are a lot of good men out there just like there are a lot of good women. So many people go through life feeling like they're never finding that person. Or they find that person for a brief moment and then they change. These are mismatches. They will find someone that matches with them and they will be happy with each other. And so will you 😘. I have a whole theory on that, but I want bore you with that instead let me tell you what I think is going on based upon my experience with my baby girl and having researched this more I now look back and see that my ex-wife was struggling horribly with many of these things that I'm going to bring up. My baby girl is 42 years old. She and I were boyfriend and girlfriend for about 7 years. A few months ago we decided that it was best if we didn't see each other for right now. Let me explain. When we got together she was 35 years old. Almost 36. Everything was perfect between us. She always looked after me and I always looked after her. We didn't need to ask for anything because we were listening to each other and we automatically got and did what the other needed. Sounds like paradise right? It was. But about 4 years ago when she was about 38, she started having unexplained bouts of sadness. Sometimes she would say that she was feeling kind of numb. Things weren't exciting her. Previous to this we had sex probably 3 to 5 times per day. Anywhere and everywhere. She was excited to try anything and encouraged CNC. But these feelings that she was having were beginning to cut into that. Initially we thought maybe she was having some depression, but everything in our life was going good. We were going good. Then other things began to happen. Not only was she having these shifting moods and less and less libido, but sometimes now she would get angry for no reason. Once it was over she would apologize and say she didn't know why she acted that way. She could literally flip from happy to angry and back to Happy in a 30 minute period of time. Once she was feeling everything was right again, she was happy but would start crying because of how she had acted. Then the hot flashes started to come. I literally took a 4x8 air conditioning event that was in the middle of the living room and turned it into a 14 * 14 register. Completely redid the air conditioning up in the attic to allow for bigger flexible conduit and used every trick to make sure I was getting as much air out as the air conditioner could produce. We call them air showers. Suddenly she's sweating, it doesn't matter what the temperature is, if she has a hot flash it takes over everything. So when I see her just beginning to get agitated I know she's having a hot flash and I turn that air conditioning on at 60° and tell her get under the register baby girl, take an air shower. Things have gotten worse. Her libido is down now to zero. She also cannot get off when she masturbates most of the time. And when I say that, perhaps once a month twice a month at most after having serviced me in one way or another which normally would make her come multiple times, now maybe once a month it does a little tingling and she'll say daddy will you play with me. And she'll lay back and play with herself while daddy Services his little girl. She used to be able to orgasm within the first minute and a half and I'm not lying to you when I tell you that over couple of hours she could orgasm more than 100 times. Now maybe once or twice a month. I tell her all the time what she knows in her heart and what is true. She is safe, she is valued and she is loved. A lot of other things are beginning to change and as I said at the beginning we made the decision that it was best if she did not live here right now. Some of the situations got quite bad. Are concern is not for the moment, or concern is for the future. I have promised her that I will be there and that she'll be in the top of my priorities for the rest of her life whether we're together or not. She has made that commitment to me as well. Some of those crazy episodes that she was going through we're causing so much damage that it was threatening our commitment. So now she has her own apartment just down the street. About 5 minutes away. We still take very good care of each other. Oftentimes she'll make some dinner and bring it over. We try to have her leave by about 8:00 because it's like some werewolf horror story that after 8:00 p.m., all of a sudden in the last 2 years she gets so tired, she gets so tired that she can't stay awake it's almost like narcolepsy. And if she tries to stay awake for example to finish a movie, then these are when the episodes most likely happen. So we've learned and we've adapted our lives to make sure that she's in bed when she needs to be. We still spend a lot of time together, having learned what's happening really has made a difference. Using chat GPT to learn about perimenopause. I don't know whether to say that I hope that this is what's happening to you, because then at least you would know. But it's so horrible and it lasts so long. Or hope that you don't have it and even though you don't have the answers of what's going on, he wouldn't be going through this. But I guess it's something that all women go through right about your age. Anyway, if I'm way off base please be kind and don't bash me. I read your post and had some experience with a person who is going through something similar and just wanted to share with you and wish you the best of luck

Hi thanks for the comment. I’ve had many tests and I’m not even close to perimenopause levels, which is unfortunate because then I would have had a reason. I tried HRT anyway and reacted very poorly. I know a lot of my views come from trauma, learning about attachment, personal experiences and probably the type of men that were around me growing up and then the kind of place I live in. Also the internet/manosphere. All of that given, I cannot confront my views and opinions with more of the same and expect them to change.
There are HRT options for your partner that, if she is experiencing perimenopause, will help immensely so she doesn’t have to suffer as much. It hurt my heart to read that you did so much in the house and to support her then she is the one that has to leave and suffer likes she’s doing something wrong. I hope she’s able to access the support that she needs to thrive through this season of her life

[jinxed]

First of all, I am a bit shocked that what is being discussed a lot here is your personal perception of the men around you and I'm sorry you have to read all of these opinions on you. It is your perception. Full stop. As you said yourself, there are reasons for it being like this. End off.                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Similarly to you, I was in a mad urge after divorcing my former best friend instead of lover some years ago. It was a wild-goose chase and like you I kept running into smug men, ice-cold men, dumb men, but yeah, mainly immature men without a lot of intuition. (And to placate the rage-baiters: read the words "I kept running into" again, please.. ). I then went through phases where I simply couldn't be asked to even think about sex. And instead, I found amazing friendships! As in amazing! With both men and women. Most of those male friends are themselves on the "smug <----> immature" scale, but listening to it while not being the woman who is on the receiving end of being lied to, cheated on, treated as a commodity etc. is a nice change. And once we're done with this topic, we have actually brilliant conversations. Once women aren't the focus, men are just ridiculously entertaining, fun to be around.                                                                                                                                                                                        So here come my tips: sing in a rock band (best guys for good jokes and to drink with), find a male friend on a yoga retreat (best guy to talk about personal development), find a friend to smoke with (best let's talk for hours about politics, society, life guy), stay in touch with uni friends (best guys to help out when you need a new car or move)... you get the gist. Simply create a male friend network, so you still have male energy in your life without the shit. If that's what you want. Or go for women circles, let the most beautiful energy develop with other women as you embrace your femininity and create the most inspiring bond you will ever experience! So that's my two cents. Wish you all the best, and f... the haters! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=LMsBHDoC51c&list=RDAMPLOLAK5uy_lU9H3nLReY49IaePdb_A3-NWXrH6OGGoY 

[DY****]

1 hour ago, jinxed said:

First of all, I am a bit shocked that what is being discussed a lot here is your personal perception of the men around you and I'm sorry you have to read all of these opinions on you. It is your perception. Full stop. As you said yourself, there are reasons for it being like this. End off.                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Similarly to you, I was in a mad urge after divorcing my former best friend instead of lover some years ago. It was a wild-goose chase and like you I kept running into smug men, ice-cold men, dumb men, but yeah, mainly immature men without a lot of intuition. (And to placate the rage-baiters: read the words "I kept running into" again, please.. ). I then went through phases where I simply couldn't be asked to even think about sex. And instead, I found amazing friendships! As in amazing! With both men and women. Most of those male friends are themselves on the "smug <----> immature" scale, but listening to it while not being the woman who is on the receiving end of being lied to, cheated on, treated as a commodity etc. is a nice change. And once we're done with this topic, we have actually brilliant conversations. Once women aren't the focus, men are just ridiculously entertaining, fun to be around.                                                                                                                                                                                        So here come my tips: sing in a rock band (best guys for good jokes and to drink with), find a male friend on a yoga retreat (best guy to talk about personal development), find a friend to smoke with (best let's talk for hours about politics, society, life guy), stay in touch with uni friends (best guys to help out when you need a new car or move)... you get the gist. Simply create a male friend network, so you still have male energy in your life without the shit. If that's what you want. Or go for women circles, let the most beautiful energy develop with other women as you embrace your femininity and create the most inspiring bond you will ever experience! So that's my two cents. Wish you all the best, and f... the haters! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=LMsBHDoC51c&list=RDAMPLOLAK5uy_lU9H3nLReY49IaePdb_A3-NWXrH6OGGoY 

Thank you!!

[Sk****]

You have my sympathy for experiencing so many bad partners. I totally understand at some point you must create boundaries based on experience rather than principles. You arent alone, many women (and men) go through the same, and take the view "men/women are good for one thing only", and seek ONS, or FWB type arrangements with strictly en***d boundaries about not catching feelings. While i dont agree with the statement, there are plenty of men, and some women willing to be useful in that way only. I cant say what is the best solution for you, maybe its one of those, or take a break, or get machines/robots, or meet very different men or something else...but live your best life!