Men, even Doms can be clueless to your interest in them

[my****]

I can only speak to men in terms of women. But I suspect there’s overlap.

I just found out that I passed up a good session with a woman because I didn’t pick up on the signal of her showing me around her apartment. Apparently once inside that was when I should have gone in, but it was at the beginning of the date, not the end.

Looking back I wonder how many signals I may have missed over the years. Once the dynamic is established I’m fairly confident. It’s that little step of should we meet for coffee, to show me slave pose that has always escaped my less than keen senses.

Dom or sub what signs did you realize after the fact that you may have missed?

[ia****]

Her loss in failure to communicate openly honestly. Showing interest is often similar to giving consent. Do it wrong and it's a massive problem filled with guilt and shame. Do it right and the worst that can happen is a quick rejection at the best- nothing happens at all.

[su****]

*hugs* I'm terrible without direct communication either, don't feel bad. I also hate the assumption that, cuz I'm a guy, that I'm some kind of sexpert.

[sardonicus87]

Some of the problem with trying to "signal" is, not everyone uses the same signals. One person's "I'm flirting, I want you" is another's "no, I was just being friendly".

This is why communication is important, but damn nobody wants to do it. Everyone thinks they're "being obvious", but half the time they're not nearly as "obvious" as they think they are, and even then, no matter how supposedly obvious "the signs" are, you can't ever trust what the signs actually mean (see above).

[sardonicus87]

In other words, it's not always cluelessness, sometimes it's just not knowing, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen people complain that asking directly for clarification "ruins it".

Well, until everyone gets on the same page with using the same signals consistently, I guess have fun hoping that the other person is psychic and dealing with the issues when they aren't?

[TiedKitt3n]

1 hour ago, sardonicus87 said:

In other words, it's not always cluelessness, sometimes it's just not knowing, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen people complain that asking directly for clarification "ruins it".

Well, until everyone gets on the same page with using the same signals consistently, I guess have fun hoping that the other person is psychic and dealing with the issues when they aren't?

I’m guilty of thinking, “moment is ruined now” after having to explain, but maturing and understanding what consent means to me now it’s more like, “wow they respect my comfort and boundaries, that’s even hotter”.
If you’re attracted to someone, you could get back into the mood with them. If you get the “ick” after confirmation of sexual desire, you didnt want them in the first place. Imo.
If intentions aren’t clear between both parties, does consent actually exist?
I know sometimes as a woman, it can also be like, are they paying attention to my body language and tone, but that all comes later with familiarity of dynamic/relationship. Yeah nobody can read minds.

[ey****]

We have probably all had cases where someone has been interested and as they've not expressly spelt it out, we've not picked up

but then there's probably plenty of other times when someone was doing something which was simply being friendly -- unless someone later tells us they were trying to signal their interest we'll not know the difference

Mind - I feel there is somewhat of a risk involved for women that doesn't quite for men.  Like if we openly express interest then the other person is or isn't interested. they're less likely to be "I'm not interested but woooo - sex" even if that's not impossible.  

But equally as well - women have a lot of the same rejection insecurities as men also.  

[Deleted Member]

Likely shows your a nice guy and not pushy, its a positive if anything

[an****]

It is not a red flag that you didn't pick it up. Maybe it is some of the things the person expecting something should discuss before hand so you can act accordingly if you're into it.

[sardonicus87]

Also, it's better to misread a signal and "miss out" than to misread the other way and catch an accusation. Always best to err on the side of caution.

[ho****]

fomo gives some strange ***s, this is going to happen regardless, women seem to think that dropping hints is the most obvious thing to us guys but its not. we are too logical and women are too emotional

[ho****]

apparently the synonymous word for scare is blocked so i cant spell f e a r

[Sk****]

'Guessing' should not be necessary and can be very dangerous when one guesses wrong. Its not that hard to say 'I'm into you.', and makes things so much easier when you relieve the pressure instead of it being some insane 'do or die' game.

[BlueGrace]

I am a female sub with 4 Doms. I do not do signs. I expect people to verbalize their wants and needs with me. I cannot guess or assume.

[Un****]

April 20, houma12242 said:

fomo gives some strange ***s, this is going to happen regardless, women seem to think that dropping hints is the most obvious thing to us guys but its not. we are too logical and women are too emotional

Men are too logical and women are roo emotional? Where did you hear that nonsense? Apologies but, your comment is simply a blanket statement ***ting all women as incapable of logical thought. Unfortunately, both genders are guilty of making the mistake of assuming their partner can or will pick up on the signals they're laying down. Open communication is the key here, no matter your gender.

[jinxed]

On 4/12/2026 at 6:41 PM, mythicalman said:

Dom or sub what signs did you realize after the fact that you may have missed?

And also why might you have missed the signs? 

Since I've come out of the horribly confusing time of puberty, I haven't had many situations in which a potential match didn't know that he was one. For better or worse I'm an open book. However, in one case, the chosen one seemed to ignore my every approach and I was basically chasing him down whenever I caught a glimpse of him and that in the most blatant way I could morally justify. By basically cornering him (metaphorically speaking!), I managed to finally make him see me and we ended up spending more than a decade together. What I learned a year after getting together, was that he had not seen my signals because at that time his self-perception was such that he simply couldn't imagine me wanting him and therefore he had put me on the out-of-my-league shelf. 

I know that he is a different man today and I'm pretty sure that this won't happen to him in the next phase of his life, but he needed to sort out his own issues first to then be able to perceive signals at all. 

Edited May 1 by jinxed