How (in practice, not theory) is trust built for NSA/ONS?

[Sk****]

I understand basics of trust. I understand basics of NSA. (Or at least believe I do). Ive had vanilla ONS.

Trust takes time, ONS is temporary. Trust requires getting to know someone, NSA avoids emotional connections. I'm seeing a lot of friction here.

In theory: sure...a few short messages full of (easy to fake) green flag verbiage...and then what? Hope for the best? maybe keep a tazer nearby if safe words arent respected? Seems sketch af and not real trust at all.

specifically asking people who have had multiple NSA bdsm/kink encounters in real life (respectfully, no armchair quarterbacks on this one)...is this what NSA culture looks like in the real world of hotel rooms and strangers hosting strangers? is that all people do? Do they even do that or just skip it in an unhealthy/toxic/dangerous way?

im wondering how many people have NSA on their profile, but never done it, never would do it, but check it just to blend in or get more messages, then are sketched out if someone contacts them with NSA intent.

I come from a vanilla first LTR, kink added later, background...new to this app and 'kink dating' in general. Been out of the game for 5-10 years and even vanilla dating norms seem alien to me. poly/enm is no longer niche/weird. Its a huge slice of the dating pool. society seems less hostile to age gaps. (It used to be 'half you age plus seven' was an unwritten rule...idk what is now, if there even is one). everyone "casually looking for something intentional". Wtf is that? Is that mixed signals or am i crazy?

Its a lot. I can learn and adapt to new things, i do it all the time, but gosh whats a randy sailor gotta do these days to find a cute girl who wants to do some butt stuff?

Any advice appreciated.

Fair Winds and Following Seas. Skipper out.

[al****]

The last paragraph literally had me laughing out loud. Thanks for that. Good luck and happy sailing!

[ia****]

Lol in bdsm and swinging sometimee trust is something that can be borrowed with a series of good recommendations or a really great performance. Have you ever seen a dom flogging a sub at a party. And were so impressed that you thought to yourself "I would let them do that to me" or "that looks like fun". Sometimes a good dicking at an orgy or gangbang earns a lot of street credit and an invite back. Sometimes a well discussed contract can bring confidence. A random 1:1 with vulnerability and ass play 😂 not usually free 💰

[Sk****]

1 hour ago, aligurl80 said:

The last paragraph literally had me laughing out loud. Thanks for that. Good luck and happy sailing!

I'll be here all week, don't forget to tip the bartender!

TBH, i got sitewide banned from reddit by AI filter for a joke comment, and decided not to fight it as I spent too much time in that toxic hole. I might just just settle in here and become part of the furniture, this seems like a good crowd.

[JW****]

NSA does not mean that there is no relationship. I havenhad several NSA relationships and it is much more like FWB than ONS. You just have to have the agreement that -once you're apart- your connection must end. But NSA in my experience allows you and your partner(s) to know each other and express your care for each other without any limit. For that time, you know each other and are in it together. And also in my experience, NSA didn't mean once and never again. In a ONS, once is a limit.

Everybody's different. But I suppose you should imbue your associations with care or love in the Eastern sense. And in that Eastern sense, be deeply prepared to let them go.

[Sk****]

1 hour ago, iamqueenoswords said:

Lol in bdsm and swinging sometimee trust is something that can be borrowed with a series of good recommendations or a really great performance. Have you ever seen a dom flogging a sub at a party. And were so impressed that you thought to yourself "I would let them do that to me" or "that looks like fun". Sometimes a good dicking at an orgy or gangbang earns a lot of street credit and an invite back. Sometimes a well discussed contract can bring confidence. A random 1:1 with vulnerability and ass play 😂 not usually free 💰

I super appreciate the insight, thank you!

I dont do events, public, or group play. Definitely not into paying for anything. plus im antisocial as fuck, mainly due to the boat sucking my free time and *** lately.

Maybe I should seek LTR/Short term again, and be open to NSA/ONS but have low expectations? Idk. Maybe start there and keep them coming until its an LTR they didnt want, lmao.

I miss the days when we had 200 friends and just dated from that pool of people that already knew us. I'm confident I'm awesome, but I find it so hard these days to get a chance to show it.

[PL****]

I have done FWB/ONS and honestly I haven't had enough safe environments. Therefore I now do FWB we have to become friends, then we can play and remain friends...I stopped the NSA/ONS because I myself couldn't find a safe way for vetting if they just want to jump into a scene.

[lo****]

What everyone has said so far is good advice and comments. For me it starts with the chat. Talk to them more than a couple messages. Get a feel for what you think they are like and if your ok with that and the chat goes well do what you think is right. In my experience I’ve meet up with strangers quite a few times not to sound bad but it’s always the woman that’s more worried about it than me(for good reason) I’m laid back and love to cut up and have fun and I don’t like to rush into it so it makes them feel more. Comfortable. So don’t be afraid to talk to em a sec before anything sexual happens. She should feel comfortable just as you should. Don’t matter if it’s a one time thing or an ongoing FWB type thing. Y’all can get as freaky as you like but always be respectful and treat her how she wants to be treated. I’ve meet up with gals before and it was a one time thing but afterwards it turned into an ongoing. I don’t like to put labels on anything so if she hits me back up then I just run with it. Just be you and act like a human being and you’ll be good. If I am questioning if she’s really someone I would feel safe around or worried about anything about her then do the smart thing and don’t meet up with her if at anytime she seems like something is off then make up a excuse and dip cause if she feels that way she will too

[tr****]

Ive done it, and its nice, but i will be much more open to msa versis ons. Ons comes with a littany of risk factors, whereas nsa could mean you just have a legit fuck buddy and keep it uncomplicated and impersonal. I have had women who have brought me home, fed me, we did our thing, and brought me back to my place, and ita really great if you know you can trust this person and if you can successfully compartmentalize them outside of your emotional realm. If you cant or they cant, or if you or they have a tendency to be a brag and blow up the spot. I feel like it takes a level of being low key to avoid uncomfortable questions and to preserve privacy, esp if your dead square set on not taking it anywhere to a relationship direction

[ey****]

so, a lot of pick-up play is effectively NSA - whether you know the other person, or not.  But in theory what you then might do and where could vary on mutual interests and where/when you want to do it.  Like, if you're playing with friends for example there likely already is some form of trust and understanding - and if playing at an event then there's, ahem, always someone to hear you scream

Likewise, I guess - most of the private meets I've had have rarely been jump straight into something with a total stranger in a high risk setting 

[ta****]

I must admit it's part of the reason I don't really do NSA/ons, I have people I have been talking to for a year and not met, the trust is still not there for me

[Deleted Member]

I just put myself in her shoes, Ain't no way i would want tied up on a ONS lol, a long term fwb is the way

[cr****]

I’m not for a ONS nor a quick stranger hook up in general- too much risk for immediate danger or even long term health risk
But, I do think that making sure all participants are aware of the FWB or NSA definition and boundaries are throughly established.
Group dynamics (dungeon, play place, or party) may make the safety aspect more incorporated.

[Laycette]

That's the trouble with random plays. You just can't know. And because I play at an advanced hardcore level you just cannot do that with strangers. It is foolhardy and very few people have the requisite knowledge or skill.