FWB vs One night stands

[Ev****]

I see many people around me supporting one night stands and trying to hook up with multiple people. I always felt that something is off for me and one night stands, having sex with people once and forgetting about them - something like ignoring any kind of human interaction. As a kinkster it felt always more natural for me to make relationships or some friends that we share same sexual tastes and enjoy them from time to time. Or even once and over if things turn out that way - but no sleep and ditch without communicating beforehand. It feels much more comfortable sharing and exploring my kinks with people i get to know - and the sex becomes better through communication. Any thoughts on this topic? Preferably from people with different opinions that support one night stands instead - i wish to understand the other view.

[fe****]

I have done both, one night stands and fwb. If it was a one night stand it was just sex, no kinks involved short of some hair pulling. I didn't know nor have the trust to involve kinks. We used each other to get what we want and be done, no attachments. Fwbs were more consistent, able to build trust and put forth the time to learn what both people like and dislike. Both have played a part in my life along with other dynamics.

[ow****]

One night stands have their purpose.
Hopefully the sex is at least decent..
I personally prefer FWB..
Especially if a one nighter actually makes a connection enough to possibly make it to a second time..
Its nice when you actually find great FWB that are drama free
Yet, a occasional one and dones might just be needed..

[Da****]

For me I mess the whole notion of 1 night stand up. I’m having passionate aggressive sex. Which leads to passionate kissing. And once you have passionate kissing that builds to some form of sexual chemistry. That enters the possible fwb. So I think if you limit certain activities 1 night stands are doable .

[Deleted Member]

Imo I prefer fwb because, as other kinksters aluded to, it lets one "learn" your partner.
One night stands are nice but Sex with communication and with more trust is always better.

[Th****]

I feel like if a one night stand is the initial choice if the connection is good enough in all the right ways the possibility exists to turn it into a fwb. If however you seek a fwb and find someone who wishes for the same and the connection isn't as great as you wanted good luck keeping that a one night stand.

[Vi****]

I've done both and prefer FWB or a relationship. One night stands are fun but empty after. Getting to know a partner and how to satisfy them makes each encounter far better in my opinion. Personally I enjoy a good long build up of teasing and playing before the main event. Knowing how my partner likes to play, and more importantly, what they don't like. Really can't be learned properly in a single night.

[Mi****]

I appreciate both. FWBs for what everyone else is saying, that things are usually steamier when you build reporte. Hookups/ons turn me on though cause for me it feels equivalent to a guy hiring a sex worker. Like the idea of a woman being that level of worked up that she is seeking it out wherever she can find it and then choosing me to do it with over other options she has is super hot to me. Makes me feel like a male stripper women can’t help fawning over lol

[jj****]

I won’t do FWB again. Every time I try it, they get super attached to me really fast and I wind up hurting them. It sucks. I’m just not the right kind of person for shallow relationships like that. If I’m not emotionally invested in someone, I can’t always remember their name, even if we’ve seen each other naked. I’ve bumped into people I’ve hooked up with and didnt recognize them even AFTER they remind me that we dated at some point. With an actual partner, I commit everything to memory - the way they breathe, their reactions to different phrases, the way their prepare their coffee, whatever. I am just not good at faking my feelings, even if I really want to spare the other person. And it SUCKS to hurt people. The guilt is crushing.

[Deleted Member]

I like the spontaneous and taboo feeling of being intimate with somebody you've known for less than 24 hours I think that's where people showcase adaptability and having to sometimes be confronted with obstacles they may not have encountered in a long time. This is also where people that are more polished in these areas really stand out and turn a boring old Tuesday into a night you never forget.

[TheForeverKing]

I’ve always enjoyed sex with different people. Everyone’s different, feels different, reacts differently, and I enjoy that variety. Yes, those differences can be explored more fully in FWB or full relationships, but those new experiences are there from the start.

I go to a lot of music festivals, including ones in other countries, and there’s an additional level of, perhaps, intimacy and urgency being with someone when you both know you’ll probably never meet again, and there’s also a more relaxed feel that come from that knowledge.

There’s also a level of freedom with ONS, where you’re not having to worry about the broader impact of starting a longer term relationship, even a casual one, with the broader group around you, or, indeed, your own friendship with the other person.

That doesn’t mean I prefer ONS: as it happens, most of my ONS have turned in FWBs and, sometimes, full relationships, but ONS do have a special place in my heart as wonderfully unique experiences.

[ma****]

I’ve always felt that there tend to be a reason for one night stands. That reason whatever it might be causes one party to not want to experience it again because if it was memorable and pleasurable why wouldn’t you want to experience it again. I’ve only had two one night stands. One was with two older women (in their early thirties while I was only 18) while on a family vacation staying at hotel. We met in the outdoor swimming pool area and letter in the elevator. They invited me up to their room where we had a threesome. I was inexperienced yet they both enjoyed our time. In fact I guess technically it wasn’t a one time thing because I did do it with them two more times that trip but never saw them again. The other was at a yacht party. Where I had sex with many different women that evening. Some at the same time, some individually. Again never seeing them again. The third was at a wedding where I was the photographer. I had sex with two bridesmaids at the same time afterwards in the hotel. Never saw them again as well but those had a reason. Passion and moment. There is something to raw power of two people feeding into it and then never to return. So it’s a difficult question. My initial statement doesn’t apply to myself but I have certainly heard stories of one night stands that seem to have ended poorly. So to me that makes sense to not want to contact them again. When it’s someone you know or someone local that you either met at a bar or between friends. I think it really does come down to how pleasurable it was or wasn’t. I’ve had many that started as a one time thing but it was so memorable that why wouldn’t I give my number and accept her call to do it again?

[pi****]

I don’t really enjoy ons too much or friends with benefits. Most of the time it turns into a relationship anyways. Getting to know someone and dating them is more fun. A fwb seems to be more emotional and intimate right off the bat. And that kind of intensity can be draining when it happens too early. Just my personal experience.

[Ar****]

I've recently decided that FWB isn't actually a real thing. The friend element at least. Let me explain my thinking.

I had a FWB on and off for 13 years. He stepped back when I was in a relationship during that time. I became single again 3 years ago and sent him a happy birthday greeting last April.

He was delighted I'd contacted, as he'd lost my number.
Turned out he was no longer in Germany but in Portugal.

It was then I realised we were NEVER friends. Friends do other stuff, in FWB sex is always the reason for meeting, sex is the currency. So essentially FWB IS ongoing ONS and hookup.

If a ONS is rubbish then it's a ONS and rarely do we know until after the event whether it's going to be repeated.

So for those that say no ONS there is no control over this ... every first encounter is potentially a ONS 🤷🏻‍♀️

So let's be real a FWB is a MONS (multiple ONS 😏)

Funny though that a 'FWB' of mine last year didn't realise that his main benefit was not his cock, but the facilities at his flat that became available to me. One too many drama from him and I was off, he got blocked, and booking into a spa hotel without him. I can afford the benefits he was adding 😁

[Ar****]

1 minute ago, ArseyRagga said:

I've recently decided that FWB isn't actually a real thing. The friend element at least. Let me explain my thinking.

I had a FWB on and off for 13 years. He stepped back when I was in a relationship during that time. I became single again 3 years ago and sent him a happy birthday greeting last April.

He was delighted I'd contacted, as he'd lost my number.
Turned out he was no longer in Germany but in Portugal.

It was then I realised we were NEVER friends. Friends do other stuff, in FWB sex is always the reason for meeting, sex is the currency. So essentially FWB IS ongoing ONS and hookup.

If a ONS is rubbish then it's a ONS and rarely do we know until after the event whether it's going to be repeated.

So for those that say no ONS there is no control over this ... every first encounter is potentially a ONS 🤷🏻‍♀️

So let's be real a FWB is a MONS (multiple ONS 😏)

Funny though that a 'FWB' of mine last year didn't realise that his main benefit was not his cock, but the facilities at his flat that became available to me. One too many drama from him and I was off, he got blocked, and booking into a spa hotel without him. I can afford the benefits he was adding 😁

So be aware. Your 'benefit' to the other person might not be what you think it means 🤣

[Mr****]

There is some latent toxicity and some fair wholesomeness in the comments, but it all seems genuine.

OP, I personally find FWB to be the best mix. ONS are fine for me, but I lose something if I actually enjoyed the person—not ideal, but satisfactory.

LTR are emotionally satisfying but run the risk of profound emotional damage as well, and intimacy often runs slim after a while for me—emotionally, I'm just not build for marathons, better for sprints and dashes.

FWB is a sweet spot. I can stay fairly isolated because, well, I prefer my solitude; but if a FWB wants me and I'm looking to showcase my prowess, I can entertain. I don't need to be with / around the same person constantly, meaning the typical idealized mask most people maintain around new people stays "pristine" and "less difficult to wear" more often; yet, some emotional availability is still there if so willing to offer it. Every interaction becomes "best foot forward" by default, making any interaction an ideal form of itself. I think above all else, it maintains a line of mutual autonomy: we *share* moments, secrets, and delicious entanglements, but we *are* still decidedly individuals with mutually-respected limits on availability in any area.

Just my take.

[Deleted Member]

Let’s be real they are never just getting sex if they are “fwb” lol and personally anytime I’ve tried seeking a fwb and they say.. same! I never hear from them again after they get what they want or I hear from them onlyyyy when they want it it’s not fair.

[Mr****]

4 minutes ago, prettybitch92 said:

Let’s be real they are never just getting sex if they are “fwb” lol and personally anytime I’ve tried seeking a fwb and they say.. same! I never hear from them again after they get what they want or I hear from them onlyyyy when they want it it’s not fair.

Well that's just rude haha what a miserable set of circumstances, especially if you are otherwise open and willing. I do personally consider it a valid belief to understand that the f has meaning in that phrase.

[Deleted Member]

22 minutes ago, MrDDS said:

Well that's just rude haha what a miserable set of circumstances, especially if you are otherwise open and willing. I do personally consider it a valid belief to understand that the f has meaning in that phrase.

Sorry my intent was not to be rude just to express my experience in the situation and opinion

[ey****]

one thing important in the approach is that FWB the friendship tends to come first, ahead of the benefits.

Exceptions can apply, I guess, someone you decide is an occassional hook up could become friends.  But when someone says they're looking for a FWB - a lot of times it's more the benefits being sought

[fl****]

Awesome discussion i’ve only ever been in relationships and never had a friends with benefits if only briefly, but all of my relationship sex has been amazing communication and knowing your partner is definitely more satisfying for me anyway i’ve never had an ONS because I get too excited and my fight or flight kicks and it goes limp lmao but I’m not bummed out about it. I’ve always been very performative once getting to know my partner

[co****]

34 Mark Hamilton.. very confident, dominant, athletic body although hairy chest, beard and a romantic asshole when we're turned on and rdy to go, love a submissive loud drity talker, bonus if ur a white girl or have hairy/trimmed pussy.. i'm THICK and 8 inches down there.. if youre willing to find out what a real man feels like with no strings attached, mssg me.. online or meet up. Let's break the ice.. then we can break the bed-springs 😉

[Mr****]

12 hours ago, prettybitch92 said:

Sorry my intent was not to be rude just to express my experience in the situation and opinion

I was completely unclear, sorry about that; I meant their behavior was rude to you!

[To****]

I get what you’re saying. I’ve never really been into one night stands either( yeah I did but I was young:)

For me, it’s not even about morals, it just feels… empty. There’s no time to understand the person, no build-up, no real connection. Especially in kink, where trust, communication, and reading each other actually matter, that part feels too rushed to be meaningful.

I’m more on your side. I prefer something ongoing, even if it’s casual. FWB, or just a connection where you both know what you’re doing and can explore it properly. Things tend to get better over time when there’s communication and familiarity

I’m not against people who do one night stands, it just doesn’t fit how I experience things. I’d rather have fewer connections that actually go somewhere, even if it’s not serious, than a lot that don’t really mean anything

[Da****]

Keep in mind ONS come in hand for a lot of people . Business trips . Plenty of that happens there. Women will not cheat at home. But when on business trips they will. And when there done they leave it right there. No numbers exchanged or anything.