Rejection sensitivity dysphoria

[Se****]

Does anyone have any experience of rejection sensitivity dysphoria either as being the person in the relationship who has it or being the partner of someone who has it?

I’ve recently come to realise that it’s highly likely something I have - I could reel off a list of why I think I have it but I won’t.

Looking for resources to help me understand myself a little better but also things I can share with my partner so they better understand it. Wholly appreciate that there’s going to need to be a lot of communication regarding the subject and my/their emotions and needs etc and that resources will be generic. Right now I’m simply looking for information,  understanding and to hear from anyone else who’s been affected by it in any way.

Thanks in advance.

Love,

X

[ho****]

The struggle is real! I have anxiety and am rejection sensitive. I have just been trying to stay present and use affirmations.. it definitely affects me and my dating.

[HC****]

Timing is key to anything in life and having patience is a virtue as lame as it sounds. You should listen to john Hartford’s song called Joseph’s Dream… “seems like all the good things come at once, yes they do”. Be patient and communicate the best you can and good things will happen

[Mr****]

yeah its differ a little per person and also make sure you are being honest with your partner, also no matter how much the little demon talks just ignore him using music or setting a tasks, also note random crying for no reason may happen with sudden anger, also if you get a hollow feeling, fill it with happiness of your life together or cuddle something you shared together, and even if you feel like chopped liver and onions in the back of the fridge that no body wants to touch with a 10ft pole, and sometimes just cuddling with out word and music playing helps

[WindowsToEroticism]

I suffer from this badly. It affects my emotions enormously and I have trouble holding on to my anger for a couple of weeks afterwards.
What works for me is a complete shutdown (no TV, no phone, no social media) and reset yourself, lots of walks, lots of fresh air and keep it basic with food and drink.
Get back to loving yourself first.

Hope this helps, x

[ra****]

Its pretty common. Especially if your someone whoever emotionally attuned

[Sh****]

Ironically, instagram has some good stuff in bite sized pieces that are easy to share and discuss with partners or others. Just use common sense when evaluating the quality of the videos. Try searching RSD or ADHD & autism reels as they are highly co-morbid.

[Ms****]

A really good book with affirmations that are simple and connect to the issue, is Heal Your Body by Louise L. Hay. I tend to be the opposite with rejection, completely numb - but thats just because I was closed off for so long. When I started my emotional healing journey, I would read these affirmations (which I didnt think would make much of a difference- more like putting good intentions into the universe) and often it would cause me to cry or feel like I was reading lies about about myself. I had to keep going back to them, telling myself first "I can believe these good things for me, about me, and my mind is shifting ". Its taken me years of work and therapy. Im now in a place that I can feel my emotions and not just identify them. You'd think being numb to negative emotions would be good, but as with all balance, it meant it couldnt fully feel the positive emotions either.

[Mo****]

Hmm I struggle with some version or similarities.
Usually leaning towards doubt and insecurities sometimes. Understanding the core can be difficult. But identifying triggers and symptoms may be easier.
Over the past few months I have started to counter the small voices that have been apart of my every day ***.
Mental health is under rated.
It's important to take small steps and guce yourself small thoughts of encouragement regularly. It takes time. Exercise helps boost moods, but I even have to approach that delicately and intentionally. Reminding myself to push negative thoughts out and just get on the treadmill. Self esteem and care takes small steps to build. Give yourself first, the type of love you want to give others.

[jj****]

Do you also have ADHD? It’s common for ADHDers to have rejection dysphoria. That’s a great way to get started learning about it.
I also live with it and it’s a matter of just looking for evidence to the contrary. If a person is making an effort to understand me, I sort of keep a running list of all the things they do that show they care.

It helps when I feel rejected because I can pause and ask myself - are they actually rejecting me right now or could it be something else? If they haven’t shown me that they care and we don’t have any kind of relationship, then I dismiss them.

It’s not a perfect system and I’m still learning, but we’re all figuring things out as we go along.

[Se****]

23 minutes ago, jjbeanbun said:

Do you also have ADHD? It’s common for ADHDers to have rejection dysphoria. That’s a great way to get started learning about it.
I also live with it and it’s a matter of just looking for evidence to the contrary. If a person is making an effort to understand me, I sort of keep a running list of all the things they do that show they care.

It helps when I feel rejected because I can pause and ask myself - are they actually rejecting me right now or could it be something else? If they haven’t shown me that they care and we don’t have any kind of relationship, then I dismiss them.

It’s not a perfect system and I’m still learning, but we’re all figuring things out as we go along.

I think there’s a strong chance I do but I’ve not had an official diagnosis and likely not worthwhile pursuing a diagnosis because it won’t change anything. Likewise with the RSD. 

[jj****]

1 minute ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

I think there’s a strong chance I do but I’ve not had an official diagnosis and likely not worthwhile pursuing a diagnosis because it won’t change anything. Likewise with the RSD. 

A diagnosis is worth pursuing. There is a great deal of comfort in understanding the source of troublesome symptoms and it offers concrete guidance for handling it. Rejection dysphoria is typically comorbid with something else.

[Co****]

One of my previous partners had it and it was a struggle at first to create a support system for her where she felt safe enough to communicate her feelings. It took work from both of us to identify triggering instances and effective affirmations and working with her therapist to create a game plan but it is manageable.

I wish you the best in your journey, its not an easy thing to deal with and you deserve support as much as anyone else. I am open to discussing it in DMs if you would like to discuss it more individually.

[Oh****]

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is a term used to describe extreme emotional *** triggered by the perception (real or imagined) of rejection, criticism, or failure.

It’s not an official psychiatric diagnosis on its own, but it’s commonly discussed in connection with ADHD and sometimes other conditions.

What it feels like

People who experience RSD often report that even small things—like a neutral comment, delayed reply, or mild criticism—can feel overwhelming. The reaction can include:

Intense shame or embarrassment

Sudden sadness or anger

Feeling like you’ve deeply disappointed others

A strong urge to withdraw or avoid people

Rumination (“I messed everything up,” “they hate me”)


The key feature is that the emotional response is much stronger and faster than the situation would typically warrant.

Why it happens

RSD is thought to be linked to:

Emotional regulation differences, especially in ADHD

Heightened sensitivity to social cues

Past experiences of rejection or criticism


In ADHD, the brain can have a harder time filtering emotional reactions, so perceived rejection hits harder and sticks longer.

Two common patterns

People with RSD often lean toward one of these coping styles:

Avoidance: staying away from situations where rejection could happen

People-pleasing/perfectionism: trying to prevent any chance of disapproval

[Deleted Member]

I got it

[Th****]

RSD is the worst 🙁 I struggle with it in so many ways. I try to accept that it's my brain working against me and ride out the feeling when it hits (doesnt always work 🙃). It makes me isolate and withdraw from things. It's hard because you can know logically something isn't a threat, rejection or criticism but your emotions tell you otherwise. I think a diagnosis would help in the way of being kind to and understanding yourself more. I'm currently awaiting an assessment.

[Deleted Member]

I liked that breakdown. I deal with this currently and thought I just had to mind myself outta it and I’ve not diagnosed with ADHD, but it feels it applys so thank you

[dt****]

Oh man, it took me like 20 years to figure it out too. For me it was a combination of early childhood trauma, abusive management during early 20s, working in a trade for 23 years that is visual and visual interpretations are subjective so I was always defending my work. Dating a neurodivergent in my late 30s opened my eyes to not only my neurodivergency but others as well.

[Fi****]

17 hours ago, ThriftPhase said:

RSD is the worst 🙁 I struggle with it in so many ways. I try to accept that it's my brain working against me and ride out the feeling when it hits (doesnt always work 🙃). It makes me isolate and withdraw from things. It's hard because you can know logically something isn't a threat, rejection or criticism but your emotions tell you otherwise. I think a diagnosis would help in the way of being kind to and understanding yourself more. I'm currently awaiting an assessment.

I have something similar (if not the same)

Like many days like it, I woke up one time to get ready for work, and I could immediately tell it was going to be "one of those days" because I had brain fog, my thoughts were disorganized, I was forgetting and misplacing things, walking back and forth between multiple things but not advancing. The whole thing making me hate myself.

I get to work and for somw reason that day I communicated how I felt to a co-worker that I was getting along with, and said something like:

"I don't feel right today, I feel like everyone secretely hates me, and I know it's my brain playing a trick on me but being aware of it still doesn't make me not feel what I'm feeling."

To which he was kind enough to respond with something like: "No man, no one here hates or dislikes you, we all like you, value what you bring to work, and how you treat everyone. Be assured that it's definitely just in your head."

I also shared this feeling with another guy from the crew and he immediately related, telling me that he also feels that way some times, and that he has to take meds for depression and such.

I'm rawdoggin' ADHD and intermittent depression but I'm very self aware and work(ed) on it hard every day of my life since I was around 11 years old.

I don't know where I was going with this but I just wanted to share that.

[To****]

I was diagnosed relatively recently and now looking back my entire life has been dictated by severe RSD. Even realizing what it is now still doesn't help significantly. One of the reasons why I got into kink and of course I believe most people get into Kink is to find a way to live with certain sensitivities. In my case being dominant and having a submissive ensures the lowest rejection pattern.

[Cl****]

Try not caring, as dumb as that sounds, it’s the only way I can describe it, like of course I still care but i have to think of it like this. They don’t care , like meaning I know that they’re not intentionally trying make me feel a certain way and so when I care it’s hard for them even to understand it and even when they are being mindful they care bc cause they want to help which is nice but what I’m trying to say is that they the meaning of their words or the thought of hearing something that’s makes me want to hide under my blanket and cry is my own insecurities and issues and when I’m able to not care and push through i realize that they don’t care like they’re just don’t even know I pushed through it and in a weird way it makes it’s easier to manage the feelings and let them go.

But sometimes I disappear and sleep for days and don’t look at my phone and just stay away from everyone and that also helps me.

Or doing art or writing music anything creative seems to help.

Hope this helps <3

[Ma****]

I have never heard of this before reading this post. It really made me stop and think. To ask myself if this is why I over-react in certain situations.

I don't have ADHD or any of the other mental health things that I saw as I was reading about what this is. What I do have is a ton of emotional trauma. I'm very good and negative self-talk, though I've been trying to catch myself when I start it and try to take my mind in other directions. Sometimes I'm successful and sometimes I'm not.

One thing I have noticed lately when I'm chatting with someone on any app, and we start talking about meeting, my brain goes haywire when communication stops. That's when I'm most likely to tell myself I screwed up somehow. And from that point my brain just spirals downward.

I'm definitely going to be looking into this more and figure out coping mechanisms for it.

Thank you for bringing this up, simply because maybe I can stop the negative spiral that my brain does. And maybe it will help with the negative self-talk I'm so very good at!

[To****]

I’ve dealt with people who had it and honestly it can be rough on both sides if nobody really understands whats happening

From what I’ve seen, the hardest part is small things can feel massive to the person experiencing it. Delayed replies, change in tone, needing space… stuff that might be neutral to someone else can hit like rejection or abandonment. And most the time it’s not them being dramatic on purpose, their nervous system genuinely reacts like somethings wrong

What helped most in my experience wasnt trying to “fix” it fast. It was awareness, communication, consistency. Reassurance helps, but also learning that not every mood shift or quiet moment means loss of interest or love

That said, I also dont think RSD should get mixed up with agreed structure inside a dynamic. If you both agreed on routines, check ins, communication etc, those things still matter. Keeping your word matters. Letting someone know whats going on matters. Understanding sensitivity doesnt mean structure suddenly stops mattering

As a Dom I’ll say this too, predictability matters way more than people realise. Calm communication and consistency can help someone regulate alot. But accountability still has to exist alongside that

And honestly, recognising it in yourself already puts you ahead of alot of people. Some go their whole life reacting to it without ever understanding why…

[Bi****]

Ive always had this problem to the point of if im rejected or turned down once I never ask, try, or initiate again in certain aspects (especially relationships) it's really terrible actually...

[Deleted Member]

Whilst I haven't been diagnosed, I'm absolutely certain that I have this. Every unanswered message, every denial, rejection etc. just feels like physical *** and makes me retrace and re-evaluate every thing I've said, done etc. as I desperately try to figure out what I did wrong.

Ironically, I'm finding that even being on this app does the same thing. I reach out to people, in the hopes of making a single friend who's open minded enough to chat and perhaps indulge in my kinks. Instead, I'm left on unread. Sometimes a message is read but instead of a polite "thanks but no thanks", it's just deleted or blocked.

Like Fetlife and other sites, it's not the friendly, welcoming place it makes itself out to be. If your face doesn't fit, you're not welcome. And as for all that "be patient and don't take it personally" nonsense, it's easier said than done. How can you not take it personally when people shun you, ignore you, overlook you and reject you when you're just trying to find a friend?

I suffer from anxiety and low self confidence as it is, without other people kicking me while I'm down. The other issue I've had is greedy little nobodies that feign interest before asking for *** to indulge. If I wanted that, I'd just head to a street corner. I'm not THAT desperate.

I'm just so damn tired of having my hopes and emotions screwed with because people won't give guys like me a chance. It's no wonder society is the way it is people just generally suck.