Rejection sensitivity dysphoria

[ha****]

I’ve just realized that I suffer from this in the last few months. I try to let prospective Doms know about it and it has chased a few off. I tell them about being ghosted and how devastating it is to me & they promise they won’t ever do it. Then they fail to answer messages for 5+ days & come back only to block me.

I just had a really bad experience with my first ever Dom. He & I were both neurodivergent & had a great connection. We understood each other very well & he promised to never hurt me emotionally & to never ghost me. He knew how devastating it was for me. But he neglected to get permission from his so-called poly bi live-in girlfriend in their open relationship to have another sub. She found out when she joined FET and saw our status as being in a D/s relationship. She freaked out & I backed out of the relationship. Then they had a long discussion & she texted me saying she was ok with it. After our first session she insisted on hearing all the details of our session & got jealous. We were constantly having issues after that because she was passive-aggressively blocking us from being together by saying they had plans when they didn’t. He & I tried constantly reassuring her that I was not a threat to their relationship, all the while I’m having panic attacks from my RSD because she kept rejecting me in one way or another & keeping us apart while trying to date & play with other men. He & I were supposed to have another session a few weeks ago & the last thing I ever heard from him was that we were going to chat later & possibly see each other the next day & that they were going to have it out again over the situation. I don’t know what happened except that he ghosted & blocked me & I never heard from him again. Not an explanation, not even a goodbye. We were in constant communication several times a day for over 2 1/2 months & then nothing as if he died suddenly & I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’ve been wrecked for weeks over this. My first Dom betrayed the sacred trust I placed in him & ripped my heart out in the process.

I’ve been working really hard to heal myself & finally was able to delete him from my life like he deleted me. But the *** sneaks up on me at times & knocks the wind out of me. That’s why I have my status as taking a break. I’ve been advised by another, more responsible Pleasure/Daddy Dom that it isn’t fair or wise to get into another D/s relationship before I fully heal from this one. While I understand the “why” of it, I feel cheated. I feel like I’m the one who suffers from the situation while my exDom gets to go back to his girlfriend & gets to carry on the dynamic with her while I’m left holding my ***ied heart & having to miss out on possibly connecting to a good Dom. 😢

[be****]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I know I have this struggle. My rejection/abandonment trauma definitely plays into how I approach any prospective relationships or doms. I have learned how to emotionally detach as needed. Still not the best way to approach things, bc I wear my heart on my sleeve. Knowing my worth and realizing that any rejection isn't necessarily my fault. Open, honest communication with any potential partner early on is essential. If they don't know, how will they be able to lessen the blow or prevent it in the future. I think any genuine dom or partner, if given the advanced knowledge, will be able to make any potential rejection (or letting go) less hurtful.