Rejection sensitivity dysphoria

[ha****]

I’ve just realized that I suffer from this in the last few months. I try to let prospective Doms know about it and it has chased a few off. I tell them about being ghosted and how devastating it is to me & they promise they won’t ever do it. Then they fail to answer messages for 5+ days & come back only to block me.

I just had a really bad experience with my first ever Dom. He & I were both neurodivergent & had a great connection. We understood each other very well & he promised to never hurt me emotionally & to never ghost me. He knew how devastating it was for me. But he neglected to get permission from his so-called poly bi live-in girlfriend in their open relationship to have another sub. She found out when she joined FET and saw our status as being in a D/s relationship. She freaked out & I backed out of the relationship. Then they had a long discussion & she texted me saying she was ok with it. After our first session she insisted on hearing all the details of our session & got jealous. We were constantly having issues after that because she was passive-aggressively blocking us from being together by saying they had plans when they didn’t. He & I tried constantly reassuring her that I was not a threat to their relationship, all the while I’m having panic attacks from my RSD because she kept rejecting me in one way or another & keeping us apart while trying to date & play with other men. He & I were supposed to have another session a few weeks ago & the last thing I ever heard from him was that we were going to chat later & possibly see each other the next day & that they were going to have it out again over the situation. I don’t know what happened except that he ghosted & blocked me & I never heard from him again. Not an explanation, not even a goodbye. We were in constant communication several times a day for over 2 1/2 months & then nothing as if he died suddenly & I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’ve been wrecked for weeks over this. My first Dom betrayed the sacred trust I placed in him & ripped my heart out in the process.

I’ve been working really hard to heal myself & finally was able to delete him from my life like he deleted me. But the *** sneaks up on me at times & knocks the wind out of me. That’s why I have my status as taking a break. I’ve been advised by another, more responsible Pleasure/Daddy Dom that it isn’t fair or wise to get into another D/s relationship before I fully heal from this one. While I understand the “why” of it, I feel cheated. I feel like I’m the one who suffers from the situation while my exDom gets to go back to his girlfriend & gets to carry on the dynamic with her while I’m left holding my ***ied heart & having to miss out on possibly connecting to a good Dom. 😢