Mindset question. Why this, but not that?

[Deleted Member]

I think I am into kink.

However, I am unsure as to why. For example, why does a plug sliding in feel so amazing? Why do I love it when my partner bites my nipples so hard I writhe away, and why do I want her to gag me before she does? I am not interested in men, but more than wonder about a man's hands on my waist, back and neck as he fucks me? Or pegging? Or flogging? To be with somebody wearing a hood, or to be hooded? Why cannot a 'scene' seem possible e.g I cannot pretend, and when my partner wanted to be spanked and told off, I could find nothing to sound convincing about.

I am not sure if I am simply over thinking this, and I am fairly certain that the opportunity for much of this will never arise, but over the last few months, the 'why' has become important.

Thoughts?

[Deleted Member]

Why ask why. You like what you like and don’t need to explain it to anyone. And not sure why you say the opportunity wil never arise because everything is in your control and what you want to do

[lo****]

some things in life just can’t be traced back to one logical reason. like why do I like pasta? not really something that requires a specific reason, I just like the taste of pasta and that’s the way it is 🤷‍♀️

[lo****]

just comes down to taste, we all have things we just either like or don’t

[Deleted Member]

I think I am, in part wondering why for example, I could not find a reasonable reason to tell my partner off, or why suddenly the feeling of near intense *** from nipple play insomnia appealing with a gag. And I tend to over think some things.

As to why not, I think my partner's approach is simpler, and she is so important to me that I am very unlikely to be in the position to explore fully.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, GentlyBaffled said:

However, I am unsure as to why.

do you need to know why

like - what food do you like?  I dunno, pizza.  Why do you like pizza... no, "it tastes nice" isn't enough, why does it taste nice -- and this is the level of overthinking people unnecessarily get into rather than just enjoying it 

[Sh****]

Maybe a helpful question to consider is what is it about certain acts that get you excited? For instance, regarding being hooded, what about it is so exciting? Is it the visual of one’s facial identity being eradicated? Is it the sensory deprivation? Is it the idea of being humiliated for being “ugly”? Asking these questions can open up new possibilities or pathways to fulfill your fantasies, especially if your partner isn’t as open to participating in certain activities.

To bring it back to food, as others have, rather than asking why one likes pizza, what is it about pizza that I like? The contrast between the crunch of the crust and the soft cheese? If so and I can’t have pizza right now, maybe a grilled cheese would do the trick!

TLDR: getting at the essence of your fantasies may give you more options and ways to fulfill them!

[lu****]

1 hour ago, ShySub271828 said:

Maybe a helpful question to consider is what is it about certain acts that get you excited? For instance, regarding being hooded, what about it is so exciting? Is it the visual of one’s facial identity being eradicated? Is it the sensory deprivation? Is it the idea of being humiliated for being “ugly”? Asking these questions can open up new possibilities or pathways to fulfill your fantasies, especially if your partner isn’t as open to participating in certain activities.

To bring it back to food, as others have, rather than asking why one likes pizza, what is it about pizza that I like? The contrast between the crunch of the crust and the soft cheese? If so and I can’t have pizza right now, maybe a grilled cheese would do the trick!

TLDR: getting at the essence of your fantasies may give you more options and ways to fulfill them!

Totally agree.
Asking why you like something is, like with anything else you enjoy in life, a good question to explore with a therapist maybe... but it's not necessarily what will give you the clearest picture of your actual preferences.
If you turn the “why” into “what exactly”, that's where the real wonders of self‑reflection begin. And yes, there are thousands of ways to bring that to life even with your vanilla partner... so understanding yourself and open conversation are key.

[ma****]

Very simple, very a Dominant or a submissive is a genetic trait. It's just the way you're "wired". The reason I believe so is that myself and others that I've met in the lifestyle have felt such needs and desires from a very young age, even before knowing what sex is

[ma****]

*being a Dominant or sub..

[Hypnocurious]

We all have needs and wants, sometimes we don't know which is which. You overthink, that is conscious thought, when you are enjoying the plug, or gag ,or hood, These are feelings, your *** mind. Those feelings affect your behavior. Your mindset is controlled sub consciously. Go with what feels. Feels good to do, to be, to experience and enjoy it. Why, does not matter. When it feels right. It is. Sometimes therapy needs you to get out of your head. That is not where your feelings are now.........