DOM DROP, does anyone actually warn you about it?

[Mi****]

Sub drop gets talked about constantly and it should. Nobody warned me about mine.

Doesn't happen often for me, but every so often a few days after a heavy scene it hits. I lose motivation and just want to be a regular person for a bit instead of the one holding everything. First time I figured something was wrong with me, because you're supposed to be the one who's fine.

Doms, do you get this? Subs, did anyone ever tell you it happens on our end?

[Du****]

I've never heard either of these terms, but I can absolutely see both sides of it. We're all human whether we like it or not and performing as a human takes effort even in roles we enjoy. Everyone burns out sometimes and that's okay.

[ki****]

We do drop and it’s not talked about much. It may look different for you then sub drop because when you “drop” it’s falling into the dominate role taking control being the answer. You may not always realize but the drop is there. For me giving aftercare helped by receiving physical touch/ support of I did well they enjoyed it etc

[Po****]

I’ve had serious Dom drop before. Had no idea what was going on. Why I felt like a shit human.

[DK****]

Happened to me about twice I knew it existed of feeling it felt very off. I didn't know it was going to feel so strong

[Be****]

Been there and done that. I can't honestly say that I've ever felt so worthless.

[Du****]

24 minutes ago, kipp1225 said:

We do drop and it’s not talked about much. It may look different for you then sub drop because when you “drop” it’s falling into the dominate role taking control being the answer. You may not always realize but the drop is there. For me giving aftercare helped by receiving physical touch/ support of I did well they enjoyed it etc

So is the solution being nurtured during that period? Or is there something else?

[Be****]

I explained it to the two girls and they were sympathetic. They joked that I don't need to do such a good job next time and maybe scale it back a bit. It was the first time we were all together, so my expectations for satisfaction were ridiculously high.

[ki****]

10 minutes ago, Dustmote_Diamonds said:

So is the solution being nurtured during that period? Or is there something else?

I’ll be honest I don’t really have the answer. It seemed to help for me but I still would get the feeling of worthlessness even if it wasn’t as intense.

[Du****]

9 minutes ago, kipp1225 said:

I’ll be honest I don’t really have the answer. It seemed to help for me but I still would get the feeling of worthlessness even if it wasn’t as intense.

I'm sorry that happens to you. I do hope you find a solution. You give me good vibes, so I'm going to assume you have to be at least a decent person, and therefore I wish you a swift and effective resolution in this.

[ki****]

9 minutes ago, Dustmote_Diamonds said:

I'm sorry that happens to you. I do hope you find a solution. You give me good vibes, so I'm going to assume you have to be at least a decent person, and therefore I wish you a swift and effective resolution in this.

I appreciate that thank you I hopeful I can find out

[ld****]

first of all. this is normal for anyone to want a break from holding it all together. for men it has been taboo. regardless, i’m sorry you’re going thru it but it is ok to have a break and you’re still a worthy person and dom. lean to your ***ps for love and kindness as you’re doing. take care. 😊

[ca****]

Yeah and I learned to deal with it on my own out of necessity.
Personally I used long hot showers, music, a walk and some comfort movies I love.
If your sub's aftercare routine is compatible I suggest you guys talk about your scene. Ask for reassurance, feedback, cuddles, anything that makes both of you feel better!

[Ta****]

This is why aftercare should be discussed & agreed for both Dom & sub. I have with past D's always discussed & prepared aftercare things together for after & whilst it may not always stop Dom or sub drop it was definitely a buffer & did help. So yeah Im a big advocate of discussing each others needs & wants of aftercare & having them in place.
I hope you work through this & remember to be nice to yourself because you are a person first & formost. Take care

[Ch****]

I do think that’s why it’s important to have a mentor or attend munches, classes and research before jumping into these roles. If someone is claiming to be a Dom and not just dominant by nature and never heard of Dom drop means you are maybe lacking one or all of those I mentioned above. It has to be very scary to experience something like this and not have any idea what caused it, how to prevent it or at the very least have someone to talk to that will understand and can be there for you. It’s so disheartening how people men and women, Doms, Dommes and subs are just jumping into these roles not having any idea what they are really in for. There are plenty of resources right here on this website. Sorry for the rant 😟

[re****]

2 minutes ago, ChocBabyGirl said:

I do think that’s why it’s important to have a mentor or attend munches, classes and research before jumping into these roles. If someone is claiming to be a Dom and not just dominant by nature and never heard of Dom drop means you are maybe lacking one or all of those I mentioned above. It has to be very scary to experience something like this and not have any idea what caused it, how to prevent it or at the very least have someone to talk to that will understand and can be there for you. It’s so disheartening how people men and women, Doms, Dommes and subs are just jumping into these roles not having any idea what they are really in for. There are plenty of resources right here on this website. Sorry for the rant 😟

Ageee

[ma****]

Every dommy needs a mommy 😘

[PL****]

As someone who has been in the lifestyle for a long time I have experienced sub drop several times and watched a partner experience dom drop a few times. It is a difficult thing and the experience, plus, what is needed to help it depends on the individuals needs and the emotions they experience as well. In some cases I've needed reassurance, others cuddling, a few times I needed self-care. My partners have also varied on their needs and as such most often we decide directly after a scene what those needs are. Most often I am more experienced then most if my partners have been to start, so I discuss both sub and dom drop during negotiations. I send my partners links and literature to help them understand as well. So if this is new to you, research, research, research...I promise it will be your best friend within this lifestyle, and not just in understanding droos but in everything. Look up every question you have, ask those questions here, at events (munches, clubs, etc.) Here in this lifestyle, knowledge truly is power!

[Mi****]

4 hours ago, kipp1225 said:

I’ll be honest I don’t really have the answer. It seemed to help for me but I still would get the feeling of worthlessness even if it wasn’t as intense.

Mine almost always came after a scene where I pushed a limit. Even with everything negotiated, I'd spend days after wondering if I went too far or if she just went along to please me. Safewords tell you when something's already too much, they don't tell you she was fine the whole way.

What helped was negotiating the exact shape beforehand, how far, where I stop, how I get there. If she agreed to the specifics in advance there's nothing left to second guess

[ey****]

It's one of the things that every now and then it comes up with a, well, "does anyone ever talk about it?" and the answers kinda are yes, but probably not enough

The first most important think is subdrop and Domdrop are both real but somewhat different.   

So during play, especially anything involving ***, the body releases endorphins to help deal with the ***.  As well as endorphins, this can include dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline. That is what can cause subspace and, also, these returning to baseline levels causes the crash or drop.

For the Dominant, their scenes are more likely to release adrenaline and dopamine. Again, these returning to baseline is what causes the crash or drop.

Some of this can be similar to high intensity sports also. And gigs/concerts/festivals and similar.

Anyhow. With there being more going on neurowise for the sub, it's often why dealing with subdrop is somewhat more important - and also other forms of aftercare may be required depending on the context of play. 

Whilst some of this is easier said than done - good scene planning incorporates aftercare / dealing with drop.    The priority should always be the sub, but the Dominant also needs to learn what works for them

As a note as well as the neuroside, of course Domdrop can include reflecting if they took anything too far, or not far enough, or should have done things different - and this kinda process is healthy even if it can suck and discussing with the sub can be good for you both.  The same, mind, is true of the sub - especially if it was an intense scene - maybe they feel bad for safewording, feel they should have safeworded, questioned if they should have communicated differently.... possibly even if there was something they weren't happy with they don't know how to communicate and that is something that can play on minds. 

[To****]

have you tried a switching dynamic where you switch roles so you can understand what they go through and have a bit more empathy for what is happening hopefully to avoid pushing things too far?

[ey****]

35 minutes ago, Toyfest83 said:

have you tried a switching dynamic where you switch roles so you can understand what they go through and have a bit more empathy for what is happening hopefully to avoid pushing things too far?

While there are benefits to switching - if this is what you're into - switching doesn't give a lot of the psyche. That is only through communication

The reason being is that the why's and wants of of people differ greatly - and if your want is "to see what it's like" it does lack a lot of the full picture.

Even the concept of 'too far' differs wildly from people and what they want.

[Le****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

It's one of the things that every now and then it comes up with a, well, "does anyone ever talk about it?" and the answers kinda are yes, but probably not enough

The first most important think is subdrop and Domdrop are both real but somewhat different.   

So during play, especially anything involving ***, the body releases endorphins to help deal with the ***.  As well as endorphins, this can include dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline. That is what can cause subspace and, also, these returning to baseline levels causes the crash or drop.

For the Dominant, their scenes are more likely to release adrenaline and dopamine. Again, these returning to baseline is what causes the crash or drop.

Some of this can be similar to high intensity sports also. And gigs/concerts/festivals and similar.

Anyhow. With there being more going on neurowise for the sub, it's often why dealing with subdrop is somewhat more important - and also other forms of aftercare may be required depending on the context of play. 

Whilst some of this is easier said than done - good scene planning incorporates aftercare / dealing with drop.    The priority should always be the sub, but the Dominant also needs to learn what works for them

As a note as well as the neuroside, of course Domdrop can include reflecting if they took anything too far, or not far enough, or should have done things different - and this kinda process is healthy even if it can suck and discussing with the sub can be good for you both.  The same, mind, is true of the sub - especially if it was an intense scene - maybe they feel bad for safewording, feel they should have safeworded, questioned if they should have communicated differently.... possibly even if there was something they weren't happy with they don't know how to communicate and that is something that can play on minds. 

Perfect and thorough explanation! 🙌 BDSM should be discussed and understood in this wider context and on deeper levels to avoid harm in Subs as well as Doms/Dommes. 🫶